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How do you deal with a lack of chance for love?


lavisso

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Hi, my name is Robert and it's my first post.

 

I met my first girlfriend when she looked like Sophie Turner. She weighed 100 kg at 170 cm. She loved eating and I I taught her that fat girls are very sexy and beautiful and she gained 20 kilograms within 2 years. She was ideal and she felt sexy with obese belly and thighs, full od cellulite and double chin. After another year she weighted 125 kg and looked like Ruby Roxx. She's not gaining intentionally and she got scared about this and lost weight for health reason. When she weighted 70 kg I lost my sexual interest in her... Second girl was 165 cm and 95 kg for 3 years and I didn't confess I like girls like her. Now she started slimming down and her goal is 60 kg. I feel like I'm losing love forever. Taking care on health is a key issue in life and universal ethical principle. I know that my relationships with girls are short and it's not love because valuable relationship requires mutual concern and this is against my sexual preferences. Fat girls are beautiful but unhealthy and they're must slimming down to start a family.

Informing the girl about my preferences is fair but bad for her but concealment is even worse. How are you dealing with this? Ifeel that I lost my ability to love and human feelings but ethical principles are most important for me. I'm trying to believe that love is not important and life is beautiful without this.

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Guest ssbbwlove

I’m with a 350 lb (158 kg) and we’re in love. We met on just a normal dating app, and maybe that’s just the way to go since fetish won’t be the main focus. Unfortunately, she is a little self conscious about her weight, and a part of me does wish she was fatter, but I think the fact that fetish not being the main focus has helped, and with some effort, she’s come to accept her weight a little. And I’m not saying don’t do fetish dating sites; if sexual compatibility is that important to you, I’d probably encourage it, I’m just saying if you’re looking for love sometimes it’s better to deemphasize sex a little. 

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Robert you sound like a young guy with a very common fetish for fat grls there is a name for it in fact...  You're an alvinolagmaniac, so am I, and probably at least 20 percent of guys share this kink.

It certainly isn't healthy to be like 100 lbs overweight, and you might die at 70 instead of 90, but I'd rather enjoy life and not worry about trying to live forever.

 

If you lose interest in a girl because she slimmed down, that's fine !

Here is something to consider, it's not all that difficult to lose 100 lbs when you're a fat girl and quickly lose 40+ kilos/ 100 or so lbs or whatever unit of measurement you prefer, she will almost certainly regain that weight and  20 lbs more within 2-3 years, very few chicks can manage to drop massive amounts of weight quickly and keep it off long term, it's called rebound weight loss.

You most likely will see these gals at some point in the future, and you'll see the weight has returned, you may even reconnect with them in the future, young man !

Best wishes to you and happy New Year !

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Nope. 40 pounds overweight is unhealthy. 100 is very very unhealthy. Obesity is the most common reason of diseases. A lot of people lose weight and do not return to the previous weight. Just like getting out of addiction. Nutritional awareness is important. Causes are usually in the psyche. Problems can start before 40. I'm not very young. 30 years old. I haven't dreamed of love anymore for 5 years.  Foro this reason I am stable and I don't have to take drugs all the time.

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2 hours ago, lavisso said:

How do you understand love? I think it's being with somebody for good and bad. I can't be with a girl when she loses so I can be in a relationship but it's not love.

Sounds to me like you aren't anywhere near ready for marriage/ children, and all that jive.

You seem to be more interested in a girl that fits what you desire now and that involves a young lady that weighs in at 300 or so lbs, perhaps even more ? and you don't like it when she drops weight and dips down to like 200 or less. I totally get it and prefer a woman that has some serious Luvvies on her tummy and big boobs, but in my adult life I very often wound up with much smaller women even downright skinny, I think a lot of skinny women have a secret fat fetish and are attracted to fat guys like me.

It really shouldn't be too hard to find a fat basically morbidly obese woman as your girlfriend they aren't exactly rare wherever you live, UK, Canada, Western Europe, wherever !

I'm more tolerant and can accept a skinny woman even though I prefer a mature women with Luvvies bigger boobs

 

Robert you kind of confused me.

On the one hand you dump girls because they dieted and lost lots of weight and don't satisfy your fetish for a fat/ actually morbidly obese girlfriend.

Then you disagree with me about women being 40 or 100 lbs overweight. I never claimed being obese was good for a woman's health, or a man's either, you certainly seem to like a girl that's quite fat and have no problem whatsoever at 125 kilos and presumably even more when that is near the upper limit of where I like a woman to be. We certainly share the same tastes in women, but I'm old enough to be your father and like women close to my age or even 5-8-10 years older than me, but that's my petsonal kink which I'll address in another thread

It really sounds to me like you aren't really truly seeking a lover/ wife sort of permanent relationship, more like a nice plump woman to have regular relations with maybe even to be live together lovers or a possible future wife ?

Don't rush things or try to force things. You don't sound like your ready for marriage and such, it's far better to take it slow and be certain before making a decision you may well regret in 5-10 years.

I know so many people that got married and are now divorced, most in fact

I totally disagree about people that lose weight, almost all will gain it back and quickly !

It sounds to me you're doing just fine at the present pace and I advise you to not make any hasty decisions and just be happy with your current plump girlfriend and figure out where you'd like to be in 5 years or so, you may feel a little empty or something now, but it seems to me you've got what you need for now and that should work okay in the short-term

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11 hours ago, lavisso said:

Hi, my name is Robert and it's my first post.

 

I met my first girlfriend when she looked like Sophie Turner. She weighed 100 kg at 170 cm.

I assume you're actually talking about Sophie Turner the Plus Size model, not about her much-famous namesake... because this latter one was perhaps podgy at her heaviest, but in a bulky-thicc fashion. She was far from tipping up the scale at 100 kg.

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She loved eating and I I taught her that fat girls are very sexy and beautiful and she gained 20 kilograms within 2 years. She was ideal and she felt sexy with obese belly and thighs, full od cellulite and double chin. After another year she weighted 125 kg and looked like Ruby Roxx. She's not gaining intentionally and she got scared about this and lost weight for health reason. When she weighted 70 kg I lost my sexual interest in her... Second girl was 165 cm and 95 kg for 3 years and I didn't confess I like girls like her. Now she started slimming down and her goal is 60 kg. I feel like I'm losing love forever. Taking care on health is a key issue in life and universal ethical principle. I know that my relationships with girls are short and it's not love because valuable relationship requires mutual concern and this is against my sexual preferences. Fat girls are beautiful but unhealthy and they're must slimming down to start a family.

Informing the girl about my preferences is fair but bad for her but concealment is even worse. How are you dealing with this? Ifeel that I lost my ability to love and human feelings but ethical principles are most important for me. I'm trying to believe that love is not important and life is beautiful without this.

You're not unlucky in "love" at all, you're simply unhorny about your partner losing weight. This is not some abstract law who transcends the very trappings of possibility nor any higher force whatsover who keep fooling you, but you who lost interest to these women once they no longer fit your preferability criterias. 

 

This topic is terribly mistitled.

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  • 3 weeks later...

It's me, lavisso. I forgot my password.

 

You don't understand... My preferences are unhealthy. Caring for health is the most important thing in live. It's our moral duty, especially in love. Love is taking care on partner and healthy person wants healthy partner. When she's fat I may taking drugs without guilty and we can't have children because we can't teach them moral values and habits. If I accept it, I would have to give up being myself. She has a problem with obese so she must solve it. There are a lot of ways to this. If she doesn't, she's not worth being with her with love relationship. It's only sex contract but not love. This preferences prevent a true love relationship. I still love her and that's why it's so difficult. In this case, love is excluded from sex. If you have this fetish, you can be i  sex relationship without personal development and higher spirituality. Once I dreamed of love, and I probably accepted the lack of chance. For this reason, I also have no friendship because I don't want to talk about myself with my friends anymore. Nothing will help, and I have reconciled with other adversities before because they are trivial. I'm cold because of that. It's good for me but I have no arguments to stop taking unhealthy substances (world without love and lack of opportunities for joint development it's awful if you don't have drugs). That way, I don't hurt anyone and it's just my business. Being in a relationship where I would have sexually fulfilled, I would have to hurt a girl and lie to myself (it's not possible because I already know it). I don't have dreams anymore and that's good for me. Mind and values overwhelm primitive drives.

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First of all, it’s not immoral to be unhealthy. I don’t OWE anyone health. Someone who has health issues is not a bad person and not even necessarily a bad parent. And Visa versa — plenty of bad people and bad parents who are in healthy bodies. 
 

Secondly, there are plenty of people in fat bodies leading perfectly great lives and would be perfectly wonderful to fall in love with. The fact that you might be that person, isn’t at all wrong. Most of us are going to be fat either way—the fact that you like it doesn’t change anything. As you’ve learned, you don’t control women’s bodies. Liking someone’s fat isn’t what determines its existence. 
 

Be a little humbler and go date a great fat person. 

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Nope.

 

"It's not immoral to by unhealthy" = "It's not immoral to be an alcoholic/drugger"

 

It's not bad? I think that this type of thinking is civilization disease and real cause of 70%-90% cases obese and other addictions.

In Poland it's better to  drink alcohol and eat amphetamine than to be fat.  Some of these people conflict with the law, but there are also those who are calm. I like mdma and similar substances but I don't do it everyday because it's unhealthy and expensive (like a lot of good food). If I started a family I would eliminate it completely. I want my children to have good authorities in their parents.

We can think independently and plan life. That would be against my principles so I supported her in being healthy and it's not difficult when somebody have healthy mind.

When you're alone, your health it's only your business. When you have family it's moral issue. You should take care of your health for most important people in your life and for you if your life is important for you and you love yourself. I am interested in science and psychology, I care about the health of loved ones, and it is impossible to reconcile this with preferences which I don't want to identify and can't change them. I don't want any more relationship or fall in love, but if I could change my preferences to healthy, I would dream of love.

 

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Most of us are going to be fat either way—the fact that you like it doesn’t change anything

 

NO! If you think that, you lost your life. Most people appreciate health when they lose it and obese it's a simple way to make yourself a hell of your own. You can change your life if you really want it. Slimming begins with a psychologist, leads through a diet, and ends with caring for movement and fitness.

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All science is bullshit and all doctors are idiots? All people who are planning their life? Nope. It's just the opposite. Conscious people who are overweight are trying to change that. Sick people are seeking recovery, not justification. I want conscious, smart and fat girlfriend but it's possible only for a short time. Supporting her in this is love, and not relegating unnecessary primitive fetishes is strength. Your thinking is controlled by your cock, so you can't help me. I wrote this topic because I want to meet somebody who has similar problem. I found calmness instead of fulfillment but it's ok. I'm looking for a way to further improve. You advise me to step back. I am glad that I am myself and I value the quality of my beloved's life higher than the primitive fetish and the torment that results from it. You must thinking deeper and deeper. There is still a lot of learning for you, young soul.

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What actions are you taking to actively deal with this problem you have?

Because this thread reads as a whole lot of 'woe is me and my life' and not lot of actual intention to really take ownership of your issues and improve anything.

For example, you seem to insist that women must lose weight to be healthy to be a suitable partner and parent, but seem to have made no effort to expand your own sexual horizon to be able to maintain sexual arousal for these women when they do and improve your own happiness in the process. Or alternatively take active steps to change your world view to the idea that maybe they don't need to be slimmer in the first place.

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17 hours ago, Expanditor said:

Because this thread reads as a whole lot of 'woe is me and my life'

Nope. I don't feel sorry for myself. I just asked how others deal with it. Maybe it's possible without drugs.

 

17 hours ago, Expanditor said:

What actions are you taking to actively deal with this problem you have?

The first step is acknowledging that the truth is not what I would like. It takes automatically. I was looking for a solution but therapists say that changing preferences is not possibleYou can accept the lack of love if you know you can't do anything about it. Honesty is the most important thing.

17 hours ago, Expanditor said:

but seem to have made no effort to expand your own sexual horizon to be able to maintain sexual arousal for these women when they do and improve your own happiness in the process

It's not possible. Please inform yourself in scientific sources before you write such nonsense a second time.

17 hours ago, Expanditor said:

Or alternatively take active steps to change your world view to the idea that maybe they don't need to be slimmer in the first place.

I have already answered this nonsense above. I won't take a step back. It's not possible. I am glad that I am myself and I value the quality of my beloved's life higher than the primitive fetish and the torment that results from it.

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7 hours ago, dania201 said:

You asked how people dealt with it. People told you and you don’t like the answers. 

Which people? When? Where? No one answered my question. If you want to answer me, please take into account the content of my posts. Psychology calls this displacement, denial and rationalization. Try to deny what I write by answering the arguments.

5 hours ago, Expanditor said:

EDIT - Deleted original response, because why bother?

What? I didn't delete anything.

5 hours ago, Expanditor said:

Go wank to some fat porn and be sad...

Pathetic. You must be an unfortunate person, if you wrote so. I have girlfriend and don't watch porn. I'm only sad at hangover. Never sober. You write back to your halucinations and imaginations. Please reply to my post or not at all.

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Let me lay it out for you, since you like science. There are numerous studies out there that show that it is possible to be fat and healthy, and that most of the so-called obesity related illnesses are actually due to a sedentary lifestyle. Correlation does not equal causation, and the correlation between being fat and being unhealthy is because most fat people are sedentary. But active fat people are as healthy as active thin people, and sedentary thin people are as unhealthy as sedentary fat people. 
 

So find yourself a fat chick who is into hiking and other active outdoorsy stuff, and you can be satisfied both in your sexual drive and in your desire for your partner to be healthy. 

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On 1/22/2020 at 5:01 PM, bluetech said:

There are numerous studies out there that show that it is possible to be fat and healthy

You haven't read them. It's possible but unlikely. It's roulette. It's similar like drinking large amounts of vodka or smoking. Most will get sick but there are some exceptions. Statistic law, man. Some has resistant organisms, but we find out it after the fact and you can't count on it.

On 1/22/2020 at 5:01 PM, bluetech said:

and that most of the so-called obesity related illnesses are actually due to a sedentary lifestyle

Not completely. Obesity is one factor of risk and sedentary lifestyle is another factor and there are more factors: diet, psyche, gens. We can control most of them.

 

On 1/22/2020 at 5:01 PM, bluetech said:

Correlation does not equal causation, and the correlation between being fat and being unhealthy is because most fat people are sedentary.

Nope. This correlation has a lot of causes. Obesity is unhealthy and their causes and effects are unhealthy too.

On 1/22/2020 at 5:01 PM, bluetech said:

But active fat people are as healthy as active thin people, and sedentary thin people are as unhealthy as sedentary fat people. 

Creepy crap. Healthy people are thin and active but rest are unhealthy. The worst is being fat and sitting all the time.

On 1/22/2020 at 5:01 PM, bluetech said:

So find yourself a fat chick who is into hiking and other active outdoorsy stuff, and you can be satisfied both in your sexual drive and in your desire for your partner to be healthy. 

You're naive.

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These studies in comparison with the others confirm what I wrote. Obesity must have causes and they are unhealthy. Obesity causes over 150 diseases. Food is healthy in small quantities. Anyway, most girls lose weight if they really start to move.

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