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How did you come out about your fetish to others?


finalhazardark

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It's possible a thread like this already exists and I apologies if it does but I've had this on my mind recently:

'If you have come out about your fetish to someone how did you go about it? What did you/ they say?'

I'm hyper aware that my fetish can be considered unusual and weird by some to the point where I am extremely private about it and don't talk about it to anyone irl. 

The only time I found I was able to reveal it (through great difficulty mind you) was when I was at a small party of friends and we all got drunk and went around the circle to share our fetishes and kinks. I was the last person to reveal mine which helped as someone else had a much crazier fetish that brought the attention away from me. But that was a really specific example.

I'm just interested in hearing your stories about it, when did you decide to reveal it to them, what was their reaction, were you nervous? If I ever find myself in a long term relationship I want my desires to be known early on but I have no idea about how I would go about that.

It's kinda funny how private I am about it and how much anxiety it gives me to reveal that part of my sexuality, to the point where it was actually easier to come out of the closet lol.

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It can slip under the radar when done casually (like Clark Kent saying he's Superman to Lois in a sarcastic way nobody believes him; known as a cassandra truth) and not needing dozens/hundreds of pounds.  Women like money anyway and sponsoring a bit to their food budget usually garners thanks.

 

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Well the way I "came out" about it wasn't at all my choice and was in the worst possible way imaginable...

Think it was a couple of years ago now, I was scrolling through Curvage on my laptop (Carmen Lafox's thread). It was an incognito tab that I opened in the background while also listening to music on youtube, and I guess at some point I went onto YouTube and completely forgot I had the thread open in the background.

Couple of hours later my sister asked if she can borrow my laptop for something and I, not even thinking twice about it, said yes. I handed it to her and watched as she closed the browser and before I could do anything Carmen Lafox was on the screen, belly and all...

She was pretty stunned. Ended up telling my parents about it too which led to quite a few jokes centred around me whenever a fat woman came up on TV or something similar. I'm honestly not sure if it's better or worse they found it more funny than anything lol. I tried spinning it by saying it was a pop-up ad that must've come up while I was watching porn but idk if it worked. All in all, probably one of the most embarrassing moments of my life :mellow:

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I am quite a compulsively ostentatious man, whenever it comes about my preferences.

 

Every single person who make the effort to know a little about me know my preferences toward women varies greatly in personality, hobbying, appareance and most especially size: a keen eye or would-be buddy of mine could note than some women close to me have an odd tendency to pack on pounds, than the number of women amid in my contact or following list varies greatly in bodyweight, that I might share some tribute to a Plus-Size model every once and than when I'm sporting on the flirting field, I albeit have no qualms to confidently woo and prey seductively after the big game.

Some people amid my entourage, most especially men from non-African or mixed cultural background as well as an handful of Afro-European women of the seemingly thinner side of the spectrum, has clear-and-loudly reitered but utter contempt toward my all-round heterosexuality. Sometimes quite hypocritally: I cannot count how many of my male acquaintances taunted anywho who dared to woo after overweight women while overtly stanning on Facebook all those Ashley Grahams and Rosie Mercardos prior each one's respective conversion into diet-culture paladins, or one of those keyboard alpha b**ches obsequiously disclaims obese women on a regular basis while telling to anyone of close enough she's trying to develop one of those Nicki-Minaj-esque silhouettes and pridefully busted a few buttoned jeans in the meantime because of anything but her lower body frame.

Even my family kins hold my preferability range with a whiff of revulsion in their demeanor... in spite coming from a cultural background that locates itself poles apart from the Western world's thin-centered dogma, having one-third of my female relatives who are/were either (once or still) overweight or clinically obese, a soon-to-be-stepsister who veers from being fully portly to bordeline superheavy every three years, many other older brothers and collateral siblings who dated or have children with women whose bodily appareances ranges/ed from being quite heftily bottle-shaped to floor-quavering (literally) , my older brother's ex-flame and mother of my niece who were still perceived as physically healthy by my female relatives despite waddling around now at her waking middle-age with a distended girth and a devouring doublechin, two or three female cousins in their fully-grown age who are just a few boxes of Timbits and rice-fueled treats close from jamming their whole bottom halves into their armchairs during our occassional family weddings and I'm not even talking about our oral traditions and tales recollecting about one or fewer far-much heavier matriarch/es looming in the farthest reaches of our antiquated genealogical tree. But well, holding a recollection self-conflicting ideals and views is nothing new within families.

 

Regardless. The gap between being publically confident about my own sexuality and hollering on the roof about the tenuous aspects of my lipophiliac proclitivities are, however, a whole another account.

Very few people inside my everyday life have been confided about those and even there, a lot of those same people are either way no longer involving in that said life of mine. A booze-induced gathering of would-be buddies might have even hear me speak about that website in a short pang of half-consciousness in between two long-lapsed blankouts. A horrifed ex-coworker and "friend" have been equally confided about it, scornfully taunting me about it ebery once and a while between the moment of the initial shock and the one he merely confided to I and a female friend of him that he held the fantasy to get laid overnight with a girl in a cemetery someday (just prior to try convincing me that his fetish is far less devious than mine) .

A few closeted female feedees either deduced it, based on a hunch and some scrupulous attention - like did my ex-familiar long ago, the attention-craving reluctant one - or unexplainably get drawn by that aspect of me prior even being self-aware themselves about it, unless I was the one to deduce in first. Only one girl has outwardly heard some hints from me and vice versa. Even them no longer involves in my life for all manners of reasons or out of being simply much jerkasses than I am.

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One night I had a few too many drinks, and confessed to my now wife my fetish. Said I'd love to see her gain weight etc. Unfortunately it didn't go over too well with her and she's not interested in any of it.

We've since moved past it, however if we are out and about and see someone with the body type she knows I like, she'll get her digs in 😂 

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Think it was around two year together with my girlfriend now wife fetishs came up some how she asked if I had any and I very nervously told her. She was way more understanding and went way better then I thought it would have. Not only was she ok with it she’s super in to it, 10 years and a few pounds later still loves it and loves to flaunt and tease me with it pretty much daily 

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10 minutes ago, Johnny88 said:

Think it was around two year together with my girlfriend now wife fetishs came up some how she asked if I had any and I very nervously told her. She was way more understanding and went way better then I thought it would have. Not only was she ok with it she’s super in to it, 10 years and a few pounds later still loves it and loves to flaunt and tease me with it pretty much daily 

I won't  lie, I'm jealous! 

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Guest ssbbwlove

Very early in our relationship (I’m talking like 2nd or 3rd date), my current significant other asked about what porn I watched. I was honest and said BBW/SSBBW. At first she was mortified, thinking the reason I liked her so much so far was because she was fat (around 300 lb at the time) and while it admittedly was a big perk in my eye and definitely helped with a good first impression, I liked her personality and she made me laugh which were the real reasons I like her. It was an uncomfortable topic for a while since she hated her body, but we’ve become more open to talking about it recently. She admits a couple things. 1. Since she knew I had this fetish, she didn’t feel the need to try hard to lose weight for me and put on upwards of 50 lb without trying to and 2. That my fetish makes her feel wanted in a way she never really has been before. She says it may take a little more time to be 100% comfortable with her body, but I think she will be soon as I think she’s trying to work on herself in that regard. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

It's not something I generally discuss much with male friends but I have hinted at it and they can see by the women I associate with.

I don't want my woman to get fatter and fatter, if she's 225-285, that's perfect !

A gal at that weight knows she is obese and knows you're fine with it and has a license to let herself go and not worry about her weight, I won't ask her to get fatter on purpose but if she does, then okay.

A plump woman, especially an older one most likely will also have a really nice rack and a full (__*__), plus some nice thick thighs and some Luvvies, everything most guys want, even if they won't admit it to themselves !

They usually aren't high maintenance either and aren't the stuck up snobbish type.

Give me the full size real maturebwoman Everytime instead of some skinny little girl !

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We should be honest but i don't talk about it while somebody ask me about my cold and indifference. I don't like pitying. I have not talked to people in real life since I stopped drugging, and in conversation with my friends I limit myself to jokes and conversations about the world and their private lives. Mine is not important.

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It's fine to confide to your lover that you like the BBW type or something specific like big tits,belly,ass,thighs or whatever as long as you don't try to force into gaining weight she doesn't want just to satisfy your kinky fetish, she must have met your requirements in the first place to have hooked up with her to begin with, if I was a woman I'd be glad to know my man has this preference and I effectively have free reign to not worry about gaining 20-30 lbs because he won't care and actually would like that extra chub on my tummy even if I'd rather not have it.

Weight naturally increases as a woman ages and having kids is a virtual guarantee of at least 10 lbs per pregnancy.

A woman with Luvvies is so much sexier to so many men that quite often also have large bellies as well.

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I told the first girl and she got fat because of me, although I don't urge her to do it. She allowed herself more freedom and it was negative for her. She lost weight for health and there was the end of this relationship. My actual girlfriend is on a diet and she don't know my preferences but she could guess because I love touching her belly and fat bum. These are the last moments of this relationship. I won't tell her the truth because she would be ready to gain weight for me.

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It really is impossible to not show the fact that you prefer your lady to have a big belly, boobs,ass,etc. 

Your delight in her fat body and just the fact that you started dating her in the first place prove that, a man won't start seeing/ dating a fat woman unless he likes fat women to begin with, so she already knows that's why you're with her !

What country are you in, can't be the USA because people here rarely use kgs to describe body weight . Probably not the UK because they use that weird system of stones as a weight unit.

Canada, eh ?, That's my best guess

It will all come together one day in the near future for you Robert, just be patient.

Don't ask a woman to gain weight just for your fetish, that's almost like giving her an engagement ring , it's cool to show that you're totally fine with her fatness and it makes no difference to you what she weighs, then she knows it doesn't matter if she gains some more weight or gosh forbid loses some, you didn't commit to anything, keep it that way  for now !, This girl doesn't sound like the one you want for life, you'll know it when you find her, but a plump chick to bang in the meantime should suffice. You know what you want, just a matter of finding the right girl now.she/ you will find each other and you'll be happy...or divorced in a few years ?

That's kind of a 50/50 thing even in Canada which is where I'm betting you reside.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest skinnygirlwantstogrow

I cant come out to anyone irl as an intentional skinny girl gainer who sexually enjoys watching my body change.

There is no point; I just have too much to lose and no one would believe me anyway.

My weight gain is slow and gradual which is easy to explain because of huge bulimia binges after anorexic starvings.

People know I struggle with both eating disorders which is public knowledge.

 

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I have a thread about this where I explain how I told my wife once and for all that I prefer bigger women than she currently is.

I decided after 10 years of being together and hopefully many more that I couldn’t hold it any longer as was affecting my mental health more and more each year.

Part of the reason for this is that after marriage but before kids she got up to about 150lbs (She’s only 5’3”) so she was definitely overweight and verging on obese range although she carried a lot of muscle From her sporty days. She’s Latino so very curvy.
But since having our second child she lost a lot of weight down to 115-120 lbs which is the lightest she’s been since we’ve been together. However, she has lost a lot of muscle and is soft all over. It’s really weird but I know that her composition has changed.

So therefore I longed for her larger body again so just had to come out and tell her or face being miserable. She hates exercise and loves to eat so I get if I did this and she truly knew how I felt she would be able to indulge and not feel guilty and know I love it.

Do far it has worked a treat and she has upped her food intake and the results are starting to show. It’s exciting for me and she’s enjoying the extra food and wine and it seems to have revitalised our marriage after having kids.

not the outcome I expected at all but one I am truly grateful for, so point is I think you are better off being honest in most cases and the results may surprise you too.

good luck all!

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I've stated my story before. I came out to my wife almost 10 years into my marriage purely to share something that was a part of me, I had no intention or expectation for her to gain weight. She had an instant negative reaction; disgusting, gross, "Well I will NEVER become fat, got it?"

5 years later she's 120lbs heavier.

She was always a foodie and self-proclaimed food addict. All it took was a little age, quit working out and allowed Netflix to become her primary hobby. She started letting herself go and it snowballed, added weight leading to more slothfulness, more eating out. I think the seed planted that it was OK with me really had a major impact on her.

As a couple, we've told a few of our closest friends about me being an FA. So they have context to put my wife's weight gain and gluttony in. When stoned old drunk, when we have friends over, she'll make a point to take playful jabs at me when she's hungry: "HEY FEEDER.  Can you turn on the oven for me and get out the pizza rolls."

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I haven’t told many people at all about my fetish/kink/sexuality. I probably should make sure I’m distinguishing that from just my preferences, because a few more people know that I prefer plus sized women than do know about me being a feedist. I have had a long and painful road with feedism and I’m trying to relate to it in a healthier way and to be more open about it. More on that further down. First, the most likely reason I have kept it so secret.

My parents were the first people to find out about me being a feedist and it wasn’t pretty. It was the old days of dial-up internet and me being a young teenager, I didn’t really know how to keep my browsing very secret. So inevitably my parents discovered what I was looking into and they essentially kink shamed me. Badly. I was a freak. I felt huge amounts of shame and just kept all of my feedism locked tightly in the closet from then on. Add on some not so nice comments from friends through my teenage years whenever feedism stuff would be on tv and I had even more reason to be tight-lipped about it.

Jump to college when I met my now wife. To be honest, I don’t remember how it was brought up now, but early on in our relationship she learned about my feedism. She is a bbw but not a feedist, so she wasn’t willing to gain, and I have never pressured her to. I don’t want her to ever do anything for me that she doesn’t want for herself.

More recently, I have been trying to slowly be more open about being a feedist and to try to heal myself in that area. A couple of coworkers at my previous job learned about it one day when we somehow managed to begin talking about kinks and such. Probably not the most HR appropriate conversation, but the three of us had developed a good rapport and knew we could trust one another. They both took it in stride and would occasionally make a good natured comment or two about it with me. One of the two of them was actually very interested and asked me a lot about it. She said she was fascinated and that while she wasn’t into it herself that it made her feel a lot better because she just always assumed that being thin was the only way to be beautiful. That was a good thing for both of us, I think.

As for where I am now, I am still looking to open up more about being a feedist. I’m still very nervous and carry a lot of that former shame with me, but I also don’t like having to hide myself. I am a very open person despite being kind of quiet, and having a “secret shame” is not good for me to put it plainly. I’m finding more and more that just being able to express my preferences and my sexuality helps me tremendously, without me ever actually having to be in a feedist relationship. Kinda thinking about getting a feedist pride glad button for myself [emoji846].


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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