Being fetishised vs being admired. Female opinions required.

[asdf1010]

Hi all, new member here with something I'm curious to hear a woman's opinion on.

What is the distinction between being fetishised vs being admired to you? Because this seems really nuanced and a real minefield a life long FA such as myself. *accidentally posted too early! Editing to expand on this*

Edited November 20, 2019 by asdf1010
posted too soon by accident

[Pancakes]

I obviously can't speak for how the women interpret this, but having been in several relationships now where this comes up: in practice there is likely some degree of both in every relationship. Ultimately this most likely comes down to "what is your primary cause of attraction" and to what degree does your fetish disrupt or override other aspects of your relationship. Our fetish is unique in that it's not isolated to the bedroom, and so is more likely to be disruptive to other aspects of the relationship. The same goes hand in hand with objectification.

[extra_m13]

no female opinion here... but i can tell you this. i have been in a position when my mood towards the lady is directly related to her eating that day or to her weight and that is not cool because it is treating her as an object, as a fetish... admiration can come from different sides, professional, intellectual or else... being fetishised i think is... that, i need you to be fatter every month so i can be happy and be nice to you

[CherryPi]

Hi! My opinion may be a bit skewed because I'm an FFA as well as a fat woman, but I'll try. I think the line between admiration and fetishisation is a difficult one to walk, and problems arise when we get too excited about a bbw's body, when she wants to be loved for her personality too, like @extra_m13 said. You might feel like you've won the lottery and want to touch her and gush over how big/soft/shapely she is all the time, but that makes her feel like she's just a body to you, and like her mind doesn't matter. It also adds that pressure of "will they still want me if I lose some weight?" - not meaning dieting necessarily, but unintentional weight loss can happen for many reasons, such as illness or bereavement, and she needs to be confident that you'll stick around if that happens. It is really easy to get wrapped up in this fetish and not look at the bigger picture, but for people on the outside it just looks like we're obsessed with their bodies rather than loving them as a whole person. I hope that makes sense! 

[Chevalier]

14 hours ago, CherryPi said:

It is really easy to get wrapped up in this fetish and not look at the bigger picture, but for people on the outside it just looks like we're obsessed with their bodies rather than loving them as a whole person.

Nice words and thanks. Just helps when people know what they want. I don't really try to bother seeing how well someone can adapt as I have that in spades, and it's difficult to observe adjustments being made.

On the other hand, we're conditioned that its wrong to fetishize someone, when usually the only thing that's wrong is being dismissive and using words poorly.

I can wake up feeling I just want to jiggle some fat or pounce on the next opportunity, but of course after I get what I desire I can always take things down a notch. If something happens I can make a raincheck or tone things down but not if it's a habit.

On 11/20/2019 at 4:44 PM, asdf1010 said:

What is the distinction between being fetishised vs being admired to you?

Admiring someone means getting stuck in things and not treating it like an operation/scheme to get in there. Thus many get friend zoned and don't even play their cards right to inch up to the show girls and play for the long term with the tell girls. Best case scenario is a standoff with hand in wallet vs wandering hands. Just have to fulfill a contract imo.

[John Smith]

@Brenda ...

[GayGayButch]

Honestly? I have little to no idea and i don't know how i could contribute to this discussion because i had many conversations with people of the same sex about it and their opinions seem to diverge.

Well, perhaps if i try to explain in which situation i'd feel fetishized...

I'm polyamorous and i pretty much always have many relationships going on at the same time, but some of them are purely sexual and some of them are also emotional. On a purely sexual or kinky-based relationship, being sexualized/fetishized is obviously expected.

BUT when i'm in a relationship which also involves emotional bonds and daily interactions, i don't like feeling verbally sexualized when i'm not into that, like if i'm stressed over something, and the person comes and starts to make comments about my weight or these things, you know... that tends to make me feel like a sex toy.

Well maybe what i said doesn't mean anything at all to you guys, i tried. =P

[John Smith]

That matter lead to query you about a question: are you into feederism, @Brenda ? 🤔