Looking for advice after weight loss

[willngrace]

Girlfriend wasn’t losing post baby belly after 7 months and and then one day decided to go on a secret diet. She told her best friend who had a baby 3 weeks before her and had recently lost the baby weight as well as her mother. The friend in question had always been flat chested and had small backside. Her mother has sometimes made comments about her hips and how she’d look better if they were a bit smaller. Not in a mean way, but always hinting that smaller is better when it comes to her body.

After a few days, the topic came up because it was obvious something had changed since we weren’t eating together.

For the record, she has never been huge (5’7, no more than 180 lbs post baby) and I look very fit(apparently, at almost 6’ and under 190 lbs). So our eating habits are decent (no extremes).

We never spoke about my preference of her having a curvier body but she knew it since that’s why she said she hid the diet from me, thinking I might discourage her.

She set a target of losing a minimum of 20 pounds which she did in about 6 weeks. After a week or two her belly was already mostly flat. 

Flash forward another 3 months and now she has lost even more it seems. Not on the scale but her breasts have shrunk (lost a few bra sizes). She no longer has thick thighs and her hips while still wide, don’t have the same look to them that gave her killer curves.

Of course, this has resulted in my attraction going down and she’s noticed. I never said anything because I didn’t want to be a jerk. She suspected it and finally made me admit it now she’s disappointed about me not liking her changes.

Again, since I don’t want to be a jerk I don’t want to tell her to change. So we’re kind of stuck.

I know on here a lot of people are FAs and will see this as nothing since it’s light weight but like I had told her, it’s not the number of the scale, it’s the way her weight is distributed. Her body simply isn’t the same. I can see some bones in places I couldn’t before, doesn’t feel the same to touch. Seeing her clothes loose on her and old pics is almost depressing to me considering how things were before.

Anyone ever been in a situation like this before? What advice would you have for me? Obviously, I don’t want to ruin her confidence or give her body issues and end up having her resent me over this (although it was her decision..) I am just confused about how to talk to her about this.

Thanks (and sorry for the long read)

 

edit: I should probably add that we get along great and don’t fight about anything really (generally speaking) so I feel like this matter makes me somewhat superficial 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[oatmeal]

Well i dont know if this is good advice but it got results. My wife lost the baby weight pretty fast with our first kid. It was disapointing. Then we got pregnant again seven months later. She didnt lose much after the second birth and is bigger now than she has ever been.  

If you admit you like her bigger she is more likely to feel comfortable at a higher weight. Now if you have some sort of catalyst like a pregnancy or honeymoon period after marrage then maybe she might grow some of those curves back and keep them.

[Guest ssbbwlove]

I agree with @oatmeal. She needs to know your preferences. My significant other was mortified when I told her I was into BBWs and SSBBWs, and while she still isn’t 100% in love with her body, she’s admitted that it’s nice that I like it since it makes her feel wanted and I may even be close to getting her to like her body. 

[willngrace]

35 minutes ago, oatmeal said:

 Well i dont know if this is good advice but it got results. My wife lost the baby weight pretty fast with our first kid. It was disapointing. Then we got pregnant again seven months later. She didnt lose much after the second birth and is bigger now than she has ever been.  

If you admit you like her bigger she is more likely to feel comfortable at a higher weight. Now if you have some sort of catalyst like a pregnancy or honeymoon period after marrage then maybe she might grow some of those curves back and keep them.

Thanks for your replies @oatmeal and @ssbbwlove

 

This is after our second kid and most likely her final pregnancy.

She knew of this preference as she tried to hide it at first but now she feels unattractive to me. Although she feels good and everyone seems to compliment her for her weight loss. (Again if she had health issues or anything I would have an easier time with it but then again I can’t force her to like herself at a certain size)

So I just don’t know what to make of it.. I won’t ask her to regain but ultimately the relationship will suffer since intimacy is becoming an issue... feels a bit selfish from my side of things because again I shouldn’t have a say in how she feels about herself and how she wants to look in the end. I also don’t control what attracts me.

I know looks change over time. Illness, pregnancy, accidents, normal aging process.. but this was a voluntary change and feels like one of those ‘’just learn to accept it’’ type of situations.

 

 

 

[oatmeal]

How long have y'all been together? Are you planning on sticking around long term? 

[willngrace]

Over 6 years

Want to stick around..

would be terrible to split over something like this 

[Guest MX8XV93]

On 11/19/2019 at 1:05 PM, willngrace said:

Thanks for your replies @oatmeal and @ssbbwlove

 

This is after our second kid and most likely her final pregnancy.

She knew of this preference as she tried to hide it at first but now she feels unattractive to me. Although she feels good and everyone seems to compliment her for her weight loss. (Again if she had health issues or anything I would have an easier time with it but then again I can’t force her to like herself at a certain size)

So I just don’t know what to make of it.. I won’t ask her to regain but ultimately the relationship will suffer since intimacy is becoming an issue... feels a bit selfish from my side of things because again I shouldn’t have a say in how she feels about herself and how she wants to look in the end. I also don’t control what attracts me.

I know looks change over time. Illness, pregnancy, accidents, normal aging process.. but this was a voluntary change and feels like one of those ‘’just learn to accept it’’ type of situations.

I'd say being honest and straightforward is the best policy here, particularly if she approaches you with regard to intimacy, and it seems that you've already done that.

Now that you've told her directly and she's sure of what your preferences are, there's a chance she'll lose motivation to workout and just naturally get bigger over time whether she wants to or not.  Or a possibility that she indulges you a bit. 

If not, she still gave you two kids, so there's something to be said for that regardless of her body size.

With that said, I do feel for you, though, and I do hope she comes around and puts the weight back on.

[empee]

I know exactly what you’re going through. My wife went from 158 when we dated to 201 after three kids and a hectic life. She hated the extra pounds, i on the other hand was in heaven and dreaming of 225. So she started to diet and almost went back to first base. She shrunk like a snowman on the beach. We were in the same situation as you now. We had many talks about it and I made my preferences clear but always respecting her side.

I think it was important for her to know that I wouldn’t mind that her weight would go up. It gave her a certain peace of mind. I knew of course that she had a tendency to gain weight and that the force to resist treats was weak.

Slowly the pounds creeped back on her hourglass frame. Not all, but she just hit 184 this morning. That’s a 15 pound gain in a year. She still doesn’t embrace it but she knows it’s a big turn on for me and she teases me with. Sexting about her belly and thighs. Bloating when I ask for pictures.

Anyway, my advice would be to give it a rest, survive on memories for now respecting her choice but be clear about your preferences. Let time do it’s work. Keep in mind that there’s so much more in a relationship than the package. Luckily there’s curvage and a lot of other great stuff out there to ease the pain.


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