swahilimonkfish Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 First chapter of a story I'm writing on my DA for a WG writing group. We had to use characters created by other writers. The two characters here are by the brilliant Polaris and our very very own >_< 0_0 Hope you enjoy it Chapter 1 Hey Hey you Yeah, you. Lookin’ right at ya. Yeah, no, don’t look around, pretend I’m talkin’ to somebody else, like “who, me?” I mean you. You don’t belong here. Nuh-uh, no, you from outta town. You tryin’ this out. We your experiment. Chica please! This here is a G-A-Y club, not some come-out-and-play club. I see you right. I know what you are. I see through you. Past your girl-next-door looks. Oh I bet you just flash those pearly whites at any white boy you choose and you know he come a-hollerin’. He be crawlin’ round yo crib like “daaaammnnn girl” and you be all like “oh sure Chad, I suppose I could open these long white legs of mine for you and oooops, in you pop”. We have a word for girls like you. We call you a tourist. “A tourist?” Yeah, I mean, who you kiddin’, with your… what is that? A cosmo? Oh come on chica! What do you think this is, Sex and the City. Oh, I bet you do them quizzes don’t ya? Them online ones. And then you’re like “O.M.G. Tracy, you will never guess what. Apparently I’m a Carrie!” “Tourists like Sex and the City?” Tourists like the opposing gender, bitch. In your case, they like men. You’re here, and yeah, you a fine lookin’ girl, oh man I ain’t never been with a girl as pretty as you, but you here trying this out. You just visitin’. Like a tourist. Cos for you, none of this real. Just a bit o’ fun until you hook up with some guy from a sports team called Steve or some shit. Yeah, that’s right isn’t it? You just listened to that Katy Perry song and thought it sounded fun. One for the scrapbook. Tick it off the bucket list. I kissed a girl and I liked it. Didn’t taste like cherry chapstick though. 4 out of 10. You a straight girl and you just wanna know what it feel like to be with a woman. Yeah? No. To nearly be with a woman. That’s enough for you isn’t it? You don’t wanna get with a woman, that’s crazy. You ain’t a lesbian. Nah, you a, whaddya-call-it, you just don’t wanna be straight. You watch them youtube and be like “Hey, maybe I’m bi”. So you just want a close call. The rush of knowing that you’re nearly making out with a girl. It titillates you, doesn’t it? I bet you’re gonna rush back home to Chad or Brad or whatever your boyfriend is called and you gonna giggle and tell him and he’s gonna say “Oh babe, that’s so hot” and you gonna be like “Like soooo hot”. Any of this sounding familiar? “Maybe. Yeah, I mean, I don’t know. Why are you being so mean?” Why? Because you treatin’ us like guinea pigs. Doin’ yo sexual experiments on us like we guinea pigs. Do I look like a guinea pig to you? Do I have like big Steve Buscemi teeth and cheeks like a fat girl? “I think that’s hamsters?” No mames! You really think that is the main takeaway from this story? You think that’s what we do here in gay clubs, discuss zoology. No manches! I’m sayin’ it’s disrespectful, you see? “Oh god, I’m so sorry. You’re right, I’ll go, I’ll go. This was a stupid idea” . . Hey, shit man, hey! I said hey! Yeah you Look, I’m sorry. Okay, I’m sorry. It’s just… look, you just look outta place you know. And it weirds me out man. But whatever, you know. You do you. So, I’m sorry. “No, this is stupid. I’m sorry. I’m… I don’t want to be a… um… tourist? Was it?” Yeah, and no, I was, I was rude. I’m sorry. But don’t tell anybody I apologised cos Ace doesn’t do apologies, ya hear? This is strictly between me and you, okay? “Yeah, yeah, I’ll not tell a soul” Yeah, now she shows them. Them pearly whites. No wonder you got boys like Chad trippin’ over to get to you. You are seriously pretty girl when you smile. “You think?” Oh, c’mon. Don’t play coy. Don’t be like “Who? Me? Pretty? Well I never!” like blue-eyed boys ain’t always tellin’ you, you pretty. That’s just fishin’ for compliments, chica. “Yeah, I mean my boyfriend says it but…” Oh so you do have a boy friend? “Yeah, I know, yeah, I’m sorry, but…” Did you guys meet watching polo? “What? No...” And he was on one side and you were on the other and your eyes locked, and your mom and his mom knew each other from bridge club anyway… “No! It’s not like that… It’s different… It was a running club. We met at a running club at college” Oh sister, that is even worse! I swear that shit is the most white-picket-fences thing I have ever heard. You really are a Carrie! So, what is this then? An itch, a curiosity, research for college theatre… no, wait… lemme guess… research for improv class? “Hahaha, no. I just needed to know if I was… so I came here” And then… “I got a drink” And then… “I went and stood in the corner…” And then… “Oh wait, is that an improv joke?” Oh you better believe it’s an improv joke chica! A damn funny one too. But continue, Lady Bicurious, regale us with your tale. “Oh, um, I just, like I’ve only ever been with boys. Well, one boy actually but… anyway, I dunno, I just, when I see other girls and… I dunno, I feel things, like… you know that Chanel advert with Kristen Stewart?” Oh, the vampire? Oh, yeah, I know the advert you mean. She is a seriously attractive lady, no wonder she gots you wonderin’ “Yeah, no, I don’t think she’s an actual vampire...” You pendejo, I know she’s not an actual vampire. Though she seriously pale, like she has one of them… whaddaya-call-it, vitamin D deficiencies. But no, I mean she played that vampire or she was in that vampire thing… Twilight or some shit. With the sparkly English dude and the sexy werewolf guy? Wait, you seriously don’t know what Twilight is? Wait, for real? “No, I mean, I mainly know her from her indie work...” Oh, of course you do. Of course you do. “And anyway, I just wanted to come here and find out if it was real. If I was… y’know… That way inclined?” That way inclined! The word I think you’re looking for is gay. Homosexual if your feelin’ like a scientist. Maybe queer, but not in your case. You definitely ain’t queer. Lady-smasher perhaps. But gay. Use the words gay. Gaaaaay. I wanted to find out if I was gay. Say after me, I wanted to find out if I was gay. “I wanted to find out...” Yeah, keep goin’ “If I was...” You’re nearly there, come on, one more push. “Umm...” Oh don’t flake on me now sister. “Gay” Yes! You did it. You said the ‘g’ word. Y’know that’s basically first base, right? We’ve basically hooked up now. We’re lovers now. We should move in together. What are you views on adoption? “Oh stop making fun of me please!” Fine. Okay. Anyway… what did you find? “What?” You said you wanted to find out if you were gay. Were you? Are you? “Yeah. Yes. I mean, I think so. I think I’m gay” Well, in that case, maybe I should buy you a drink. Cosmopolitan? 20 minutes later What abooouuut Tessa Thompson? “Who?” What do you mean “who?”. Tessa Thompson? Sorry To Bother You? Creed? Oh come on, she was Valkyrie in that Thor movie. The good one, with Jeff Goldblum. “Sorry, I don’t know who she is” You never watched Thor? With Chris Hemsworth? Man, I’d go straight for that guapo. What about Captain Marvel? Surely you’ve seen that. Do you fancy Brie Larson? “Wait, the girl from The Room? Short Term 12?” I don’t know. Maybe. Captain freakin’ Marvel. Blond hair, dark eyebrows. Could kick your ass but you’d kinda like it. “Yeah, I know who she is, she’s a really good actress, and maybe. Yeah, I mean, I can see she’s pretty, but...” But what? If you’re gay, you fancy Brie Larson. That’s the rule. You’re a fake lesbian if you don’t fancy Brie Larson. “I mean, she’s a talented actress...” Oh there you go again. Gettin’ yo Roger Ebert on. “I mean, she was cute in Short Term 12. Oh god, I think I like her in that cos she had darker coloured hair and…. Oh my god, I think I like brunettes!” Haha, yes sister! Oh, I’m proud of you chica. Your first ever gay revelation. Oh my, they grow up so fast. Well, I can think of another girl with dark hair. Buy me another drink and maybe we can see if you have another girl crush. Erica. Pffftttt…. I’m sorry, I try to keep a straight face, but it’s so hard with that name. Erica! Oh man, what’s your surname? “Butler” Erica Butler? “Yup” Hahahaha! Erica Butler! Oh chica, that sounds like the name of a character from Get Out. Or… or… a correspondent for CNN. “Over to our White House correspondent Erica Butler, Erica? What’s the mood down in the White House?” “Well, I think it’s safe to say that the mood is tempestuous down here Donna, possibly rising to rambunctious.” Pffffttt… oh I think you’re wonderful Erica, I really do. “You do?” Yeah, ahem, I mean, yeah. I mean, look at you. You’re, like, ridiculously pretty. In fact, you look a bit like Brie Larson. “But didn’t you say that if you’re gay, you fancy Brie Larson?” Yeah. Yeah, I did. . . . How was that? The first time you’ve kissed a girl, did you like it? “Yeah, I liked it” Did it taste like cherry chapstick? “No. It tasted like you” . . . “What about you? Did you like it?” Oh chica, you have no idea. To kiss a girl like you. Yes. Yes, I liked it. . . “Oh shit, I gotta go. It’s late and my boyfriend is gonna be worrying” Hey, don’t go. Who gives a fuck about your boyfriend? You’re one of us now. Team L. “I know, but he’ll be worried and...” Wait, you are going to dump him when you see him next? Right? Erica, you are going to dump him? You’re going to come out to him, admit who you really are. Not some tourist, but someone who belongs here, and you’re going to dump him. “Umm… yeah, I… it’s complicated. I can’t. It’s… look, I’m sorry, I just don’t, I’m not sure this was a good idea. Maybe you were right. Maybe this was all some stupid fantasy. Maybe I’m not gay” Hey, Erica. I kissed you, and, trust me, you’re gay. I’ve kissed straight girls and gay girls and you, chica, you are a gay girl. Look, I know it’s hard. I know. You think you have it hard, my parents are so Christian that they think the devil has taken their child from me. My papá won’t even talk to me now. But you have to be honest. To yourself and to them. Because the next girl you kiss might not be so understanding. Hey Hey, stop it. Stop crying. Seriously. Stop it, it’s embarrassing. You’re embarrassing me. Ace has a reputation, okay? So just… just, stop crying everywhere. Please. Like, you’re a lot less attractive when you cry, you know that? You go from like Brie Larson to like Kevin Bacom, and that’s supposed to be a food joke but I don’t think it worked, so just stop crying. Please. Look. Just think about it okay. There’s no rush. But you’ll know. Maybe not straight away, maybe it’ll take a few days, maybe a week or so, but you’ll know. Okay? So you’ll promise me you’ll think about it. Because, I tell you, you are so pretty all the cute lesbians gonna wanna get with you. Trust me, you are going to be, oh so attractive to so many pretty women. “What about you?” Yeah, I’m gonna be attractive to a lot of pretty women too. I mean, I may be small, but I’m hot, right? Look at these sexy latina curves. “Sorry, I mean, will you find me attractive?” Hey chica, this here, this is just you exploring. This is part of your journey, I doesn’t have to be your destination. “But it could be?” I mean, look. I wanna say yes. I wanna say yes all day long. But I’m the first girl you’ve ever kissed. It would be unfair of me to be anything other than a stepping stone. There’s a whole world out here, a whole culture, a whole community. You can be with any woman you like, chica, don’t just crush on the first one you kiss. “But it could be?” But yes. If it makes your decision making easier, I would quite happily be your destination. Look, I’ll give you my card, as a WASP I’m sure you’re used to people handing you their card, and it has my number on it. If you ever break up with your boyfriend, if you ever feel ready to explore what we had here again, call me. “But… this is a playing card?” Yeah, it’s an ace. Because I’m Ace. Ace of hearts too, cos I’m a romantic “You’re actually Ace?” Yeah. Lexy Acevedo, but everyone calls me Ace. In this club full of queens, I’m the only Ace. “I bet that line works a lot” Haha, yeah, it works every time. Now don’t make a liar of me, so give me a call once you’ve dumped that hombre of yours. And the card actually does have my number on it. So, when it’s done, give me a call Erica. Honestly, I can’t keep calling you that, that name is too much. So, when it’s done, give me a call Marvel. Hey, there’s that smile again… yeah, you so need to give me a call when you’re single. “Maybe. If you play your cards right, Ace” jimmyjogg, John Smith, dania201 and 1 other 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dania201 Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 LOVE IT swahilimonkfish 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 7, 2019 Author Share Posted June 7, 2019 2 hours ago, dania201 said: LOVE IT Thanks Dania, wasn't sure if it was a bit confusing or not, but glad you liked it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
>_< 0_0 Posted June 7, 2019 Share Posted June 7, 2019 2 hours ago, swahilimonkfish said: Thanks Dania, wasn't sure if it was a bit confusing or not, but glad you liked it It is rather confusing for now, but it looks like this will go somewhere pretty fast 🤔 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 7, 2019 Author Share Posted June 7, 2019 23 minutes ago, >_< 0_0 said: It is rather confusing for now, but it looks like this will go somewhere pretty fast 🤔 Yeah, sorry about that. I've gone back now and italicised all of Erica's dialogue so it should be clearer which one is talking, so hopefully that will help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dania201 Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 That helps; I could follow though. Nothing about fatness, but still a really sweet vignette between them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 8, 2019 Author Share Posted June 8, 2019 1 hour ago, dania201 said: That helps; I could follow though. Nothing about fatness, but still a really sweet vignette between them. Thanks, and the next stage sets up the potential for fatness berserker1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 8, 2019 Author Share Posted June 8, 2019 Meeting #2 “Hey” Hey you “Thanks for coming” Don’t thank me chica, when a pretty girl calls and asks to meet up, Ace always says yes I just can’t believed you dumped your boyfriend Honestly, I didn’t think you’d have it in you . . You did dump your boyfriend, Danvers Didn’t you? Oh come on! You did dump him, right? “No” No manches! You are unbelievable! I said, “call me when you’ve dumped him”, and you called me. So why haven’t you dumped him? “Sorry, I...” I took the afternoon off work to meet you here. I thought this might be like a first date. I’m even wearing heels. Bitch, I hate wearing heels. I hate wearing heels but I hate being short so I am wearing heels cos I thought this was a date with that really pretty girl from the club last week. “I’m so sorry...” No. Nuh-huh. I am not being played for a fool. I am going. This is not what I signed up for. Ace is not the help, she ain’t yo butler, you don’t just get to ring a bell and along she come. A la verga, I cannot be putting up with this shit right now. Look, I wish you the best and everything but I have my own life so fuck you and best of luck in the future. “I need your help Ace” . . Don’t. Don’t, oh no, don’t be flashing them anime eyes at me. No, that’s not fair. Stop it. Stop crying! Oh bitch, your face is all Renee Zellweger when you cry and c’mon! And now she’s even blowing her nose. Danvers! Uggh, Erica! Look Okay, what… what help? What help we talkin’? “How do I tell my boyfriend I’m gay?” . . And you’re not just stringing me along? You’ll actually do it? Cos this is real chica, whether you close your eyes and pretend it ain’t or not. If I tell you how to come out to this culero, you have to do it. Not for me, cos I think you’re cute but it’s not like I’m fightin’ for scraps out there, if you know what I mean. No, for you. You have to do this, for you. “Okay” Okay? “Yeah, I can do this” Alright sister, you need to listen to me, yeah? Just listen, and then do as I say. You need to walk up to this hermano “Please don’t call him that Ace” Call him what? “Y’know, that Mexican thing, ermino or whatever” Wait, hold up! Hermano? That literally just means brother. “It’s not rude?” No mames! Where the fuck were you raised? In the Hamptons? When the rest of us were, I dunno, playing with kids in the street, what were you doin’? Playin’ lawn tennis? “I mean, I did play a bit actually. I was one of the better players in our tennis club” Oh chica! You need to live in the real world girl. Hermano. Is Spanish. For brother. It’s not rude. When I called him a culero, that was rude. Fuck, when I called him Chad, that was rude. But hermano? No sister, you need to brush up on your Spanish. Spa-nish. You hear of it. It’s what we speak beyond that wall that your Cheeto president keeps insisting we’ll pay for. “Wait, are you actually Mexican?” Do I have to answer that? “No, I mean, sorry, I mean… I thought you were, like, American but with, I dunno, Mexican parents. Or, like, South America, cos I know they don’t just speak Spanish in Mexico” Oh you do? Well, that’s a start. Actually, I was born in America. My mom was from Mexico, my dad was from Puerto Rico but… he's an asshole so I don’t speak to him any more. But I identify as Mexican for my blood family, and American for my military family. “You were in the military?” Hey, sister! You wanna know how to come out to your boyfriend or not? Yeah? Well, maybe stop asking about my backstory cos Ace don’t tell people unless Ace is seeing them people. And I can’t see you because the world thinks you’re straighter a dad that says “hey pal, watch what you’re doing there buddy” when he angry that someone disruptin’ his game of mini-golf. Jesus, give me strength. “So, how do I do it then?” So, you walk up to him, okay? You okay with that so far? You walk up to him and you look him in the eyes and say “I prefer pussy to penis” “Ace! I’m being serious!” I’m being serious. You just tell him, chica. Don’t make a song and a dance about it. No grand announcement, no banners and confetti. It’s not a gender reveal party or whatever you white people do for fun. No, you just tell him the truth. Cos if you ain’t tellin’ the truth, then you tellin’ him lies. And do you really wanna be that woman? “No, I guess not. But it’ll upset him” Yeah, no doubt. You basically tellin’ him that he was so bad that you now prefer women or he was so bad that you never liked him in the first place. So yeah, it’s gonna sting, but you gotta pull the band-aid off. “I don’t know if I can. He’s going through so much at the moment, we’re having to pick our majors at college and he’s got a lot on his plate...” So what, you gonna stay until that’s done? But then he’ll have a lot on his plate with coursework or exams, and then finals, and then he'll have a lot on his plate lookin’ for a job, and then startin’ a job, and then lookin’ for a house, and then thinkin’ about marriage, and then thinkin’ about kids. And them kids will be starting school, and then college, and then they’ll be picking which major and you still won’t have told him your gay cos he has so much on his plate. “Is there another way?” What? Like not tell him? You gonna ghost him, chica? I had you done as Little Miss Virtue over here, I don’t see you ghostin’ Chad. I don't see you ghostin' nobody. “His name isn’t actually Chad, you know It’s… it’s something else. . Promise not to laugh? Promise? Cos you keep laughing at me every time I share a bit of myself. Promise me Ace Cross your heart and hope to die? I’m being serious Ace, cross your heart and hope to die. Thanks. ‘Kay, his name is… Oh, you’re just going to laugh at me. Fine, okay, I’ll tell you, but no laughing! His name isn’t Chad. . . It’s Brad.” HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh that is priceless. His name is actually Brad. Lemma guess, he has blond hair and he’s 6ft2… “You said you wouldn’t laugh! . But yeah, he’s blond and 6ft2” Oh, I can’t tell you how much that makes me laugh. You really have no idea. Oh, please break up with him, I wanna show you so much about the world. The real world. “Yeah?” Hell yeah. But, I’m no skank-ass whore, you gotta break up with him first chica. I ain’t wreckin’ no relationship like some cabrona. It’s gotta be all you. “Maybe I could get fat?” What? “Get fat. And then he might break up with me instead, and I don’t have to hurt his feelings” No. No. No, you don’t get to do that. You tell Brad or Chad or whatever properly or not at all. But you don’t put those games on him. Don’t make him feel guilty. This is on you, sister. “But, I don’t think I’d have to gain much...” That’s a coward’s way out... “Well, maybe I am a coward, Ace. Not everyone is as brave and strong as you! I’m scared. I’m scared, okay! And everyone is going to hate me when I come out” Aww hey, hey That’s not true. I’m here. I’m here for you, chica. I won’t hate you. Ace got your back. Come here, come get some Latin love, come have a hug Yeah, no, you listen Danvers, and you listen good. You are brave. I know you are. Because you walked into that gay club. That took nerve, sister. You made it real. By walkin’ in that club, it stopped being just somethin’ in yo mind, somethin’ you can ignore. By walkin’ in there, you showed strength cos you made it real. And now, here you are, makin’ it real all over again. You kissed a girl, you got a girl’s number, and you takin’ her on a date. “Well, I mean, it’s just coffee...” Coffee date? Like, I’m pretty sure that’s a real thing. “Yeah, I suppose.” So, you can do this! “Maybe” Yes, you can! “Yeah Yeah I can” You got this! “Yeah, I got this!” You jus’ gonna tell him, just gonna lay it out straight and tell him “Yeah” And say “It’s nothing personal, I prefer woman”, and then it’s done “Yeah, I can do that” You can do that? “Yes, I can do that!” One more time sister “I can do that!” Aww, that’s my girl Danvers there! “Or I could just get fat, and get him to break up with me” Oh Erica! I thought we made a breakthrough! 10 minutes later “I mean, he’s always liked skinny girls. Girls who go running. That sort of thing. I’m sure if I just gained, even 20lbs, he’d drop me” If this culero is so shallow, why do you worry about him so much? He ain’t worth your worry. If he found out he was gay, I bet he would tell you in a moment. “I know, you’re right, it’s just… I wanna be better than that” Haha! Danvers got one of them messiah complexes. Not so Little Miss Perfect now. I feel better now, knowin' you as flawed as the rest of us. I felt like some cheap skank next to a trust fund baby like you. But ain’t you all goody-two-shoes, cos you think you better than people. Like “Practically perfect in every way” Miss Poppins. You know, I could never stand that bitch. It’s like, bitch, you ain’t even mastered modesty. “No, no, I’m sorry, that came out wrong” No you’re not. You say sorry a lot, but I don’t think you mean it. You do think you’re better than everyone else. And that’s okay. I think I’m better than everyone else too. But, difference is, I admit it. And I don’t try to trick people into breakin’ up with me with some loco plan to get fat and then call myself virtuous afterwards “Oh god, you must think I’m such an asshole” Well, a little bit. But you’re a pretty asshole, so I’ll help you out. So, 20lbs you say? How much are you now? “Okay, so I’m 127lbs at the minute, which is a couple more than normal anyway, normally around 124-125lbs. And I’m 5ft9, so that gives me a BMI of 18.75, so technically healthy, even though at 124lbs I was technically underweight. So, I’m thinking, if I aim for 150lbs, my BMI will be 22.14, so I’ll still be healthy, but I think Brad might lose interest” Wow. So, you’ve been thinking about this a bit, haven’t you? “Uh, I mean, I guess. Was it a bit much?” Oh chica, it was a lot much. A hella lot much. “I’m sorry. Mom says I do this. That if I put half as much effort into being a good person as I do into appearing to be a good person, I’d never have to put effort into appearing to be a good person at all, because I’d already be perfect.” A bit rude “Yeah, but she’s right, isn’t she? I’m being a bitch, aren’t I. This is deceitful, isn’t it?” Yes, and you should just be honest and tell him straight. But you don’t have it in you, do you? “No” So, deceitful it is. And deceitful ain’t the end of the world. You been lyin’ to yourself all your life. You just wanna be honest to yourself, and to do that, might have to tell just a few more white lies to a couple other people is all. “Ace?” Yeah “Thanks. For everything. For supporting me, for being there for me. For always knowing what to say” Hey, don’t paint me as some altruist… “Altruist? Is that Spanish?” What? No, no, it’s English, you pandejo. You seriously never heard of altruist. Damn, I thought you were a college girl. It means someone who gives a fuck without an ulterior motive. But I do have an ulterior motive. I want you in my bed. I want to be your first woman. So, don’t thank me. I’m doing this for me. “I know you say that. But it’s like you say, it’s not like you’re not attractive yourself. Why me?” You really wanna know? “Yeah” Because, and this really goes against the LGBT code, but most lesbians are uuuugly. Like, I know I shouldn’t be saying these things, but it’s true. You read in the magazines and sure Ashley Benson and Cara Delevigne are hot. But most lesbians are not. It’s not like it is in porn. It’s just butch women with short hair, and that’s cool, you know. And I’ve been with more butch women than you would believe. And that can be seriously hot. But I dunno, I just want some of that good stuff too man, that all those dicks like Brad and Chad get. Ace just wants her own Cara Delevigne. She just want someone like you. “I… uh… I mean, wow, that’s… nobody’s ever… you really think I’m that pretty?” Chica, no. God no. Heeeellll no, you ain’t that pretty. Cara’s amazing. She’s the dream. She’s my queen, sister. But you’re… you’re the next best thing. A solid back-up. So, I’ll help you with this stupid plan of yours. BUT, you have to lose the weight afterwards because I want me some Cara Delevigne as a reward. “Ha, yeah. Okay then. I mean, 'solid back-up' hurt, not going to lie, but yeah. Ace, you have yourself a deal. So, how do we do this then?” ulvrik, >_< 0_0, berserker1 and 1 other 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
>_< 0_0 Posted June 9, 2019 Share Posted June 9, 2019 This is by and far the very best dialogue you have ever written, and that's saying a lot considering I live around Latinas and you live somewhere in England. I mean, how did you nail Ace's personality so well? I can actually hear her accent if I read hard enough. swahilimonkfish 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 9, 2019 Author Share Posted June 9, 2019 4 hours ago, >_< 0_0 said: This is by and far the very best dialogue you have ever written, and that's saying a lot considering I live around Latinas and you live somewhere in England. I mean, how did you nail Ace's personality so well? I can actually hear her accent if I read hard enough. Thanks mate, really appreciate that. It has been such fun to write for a character as spunky as Ace, thanks for creating her. And the comment about hearing her accent is great, cos I hear it when I write it, it's partly what makes the dialogue such fun for me to do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 9, 2019 Author Share Posted June 9, 2019 Chapter 2.2 Meeting # 2 Continued Gaining weight is easy. “Is it?” Yeah “Yeah?” Oh, don’t tell me you’re one of those bitches who’s like “I eat what I like and I just never gain weight, Darn shucks, I guess it must just be that gosh darn metabolism of mine”. Please don’t tell me you’re one of them, cos I can’t stand them bitches. “Sorry Ace, but I am one of them bitches” Bitch! “Haha, I’m sorry. It’s just, nothing sticks. Weight doesn’t stick. Like, Brad always says I eat more than him anyway. But I’m always so skinny. I just wish I could gain some weight, maybe get some curves. Like you” Wait, are you saying I’m fat? “God no! No, I’m so sorry. I’m saying the opposite. I want curves. I want to look feminine. I want to look pretty, like you” . . “Was that last line too much?” Yeah, that last line was too much. “But seriously, I think you’re really pretty. And I love your top, where did you get it?” Aww thanks, it is a nice top. I actually got it on sale and… hey, stop changing the subject! Do you really think I’m fat? “Fat? No, god no, absolutely not” See, I don’t know if I believe you. You lie too easy Danvers. Cos, I used to be skinny. Skinny, but with muscle too. I was fierce. But now, I’m… I’m not as skinny. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know I’m a hot piece of ass. Just now this piece of ass has a little more cushion. “I don’t get it. You’re really thin. You have curves, sure, but you’re still thin.” Prove it. “How?” Oh, you know how. . . “Like this?” Yeah, a little like that. “How about now?” Chica, I’m still havin’ doubts. . . Yeah, maybe I’m startin’ to believe ya. 5 minutes later Okay, here’s the plan. I’ll tell you how I gained weight… “But you’re still thin?” I know, I’m 119lbs which is a lot less than your fat ass “Exactly” Though I’m much shorter “Soooo much shorter” You gettin’ sassy Danvers, is this because you now a fully-fledged lesbian? “You don’t have to say it like that… but, maybe? Like, I feel more confident with you than I ever have done and… I don’t know if it’s because you know and I’m not having to keep this secret, or just because you’re really pretty and I want to kiss you again But yeah, it’s weird but… with you, I feel so much more confident. Normally I just… I dunno, wilt. Like, I’ll plan the conversation in my head and I’ll be a normal functioning adult and then the conversation happens and I just wilt and oblige at whatever gets said” Yeah, I get that. Honesty is freeing, no? “Yeah. I wish I could talk to you forever” Well, let’s make you fat and maybe then you can. How about it Danvers? Shall we get that Aryan boyfriend of yours to dump yo skinny ass? “Yes. Let’s” Fine. So, I’m gonna tell you how I gained all my weight “All your weight? You’re tiny still?” Stop butting in, Danvers. Honestly, I liked you more when you didn’t talk. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, how I’ve put on these past 9lbs despite hitting the gym and eating carefully. Ready? “Ready?” Okay, here goes… So, I finished my enlistment about 5 months ago. And, let me tell you, I was so glad to see the back of it. Like, Ace loves her brothers and sisters in the army but… man, it’s just different. Y’know. Like, you create bonds with people so tight, man. You have to. Cos when you’re deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan or whatever, these guys, they’re the ones that have your back. And you have their back. And that’s how it is. So, you’re like a family. Only better than a family, cos in the army, you don’t have no crazy aunt who claims she can talk to the dead and you have to be like, “nooo Feliciana, you’re not talking the spirit of my dead mom, cos my mom is still alive”. Ugh, you get it, families right? Anyway, it’s great, being with all these people. But it’s also fucking boring. Like, man, it’s like having a leash, you know. It ain’t running and killing. It’s training and patrolling. Training is boring as shit and you can’t wait for it to be over. Patrolling is dangerous as shit, and you hope that it’s boring. You wouldn’t get it, you never served. But it’s not bad-ass, like in the movies. It’s boring. Sure, we had wild times too, I had so many glorious one-night stands, with men, women and anyone in between. But it’s all “work hard, play hard”, and man, there’s always this shadow hangin’ over you about tomorrow. There’s always an early morning tomorrow. Always drills tomorrow. Always a patrol tomorrow. Always the fear of worse, tomorrow. It was never ending. And then it ended. Freedom, you know. After four years of enlistment, I could cut free. No early morning exercises. No early mornings, period. So I hit it, y’know. And Ace knows how to hit it. The parties. The booze. The drugs. Aaaaall of it. Real one night stands too. Proper ones. Not “I guess you’ll do” ones but “we should do this again some time” ones. Like, there was this one chica, her name was Nicole Jenson or somethin’ crazy Danish, and she was down to paaaarty. We did some fucked up shit, Danvers, I’m tellin’ ya “Sorry Ace, but could we spend a little less time about all the other girls you’ve been with” Ooooo, somebody sounds jealous. But, seriously, I’m tellin’ ya for a reason. We would drink for like 48 hours straight, full-on bender. We would have so much sex. And, like, crazy sex. Nicole was an eye-opener. An everything-else-opener too. Oh my god, it was… “And this was how you gained weight? Partying hard? Drinking? Cos, I don’t really drink much but I suppose...” No, chica. The opposite. Cos yeah, drinkin’ contains calories. But coke? Cocaine makes you skinny. Cos it gives you energy, you see. Gives you life. Bumpin’ and grindin’ keeps you skinny. So I was always skinny but I was always, y’know crudo… like hungover. Too much cocaine, too much drink, too much sex. Not enough money. So I got a job instead. An office job. Lexy Acevedo in an office. How fuckin’ loco is that! Ace filin’ shit, Ace data inputtin’. But it’s true, I got myself an office job. No cocaine, only partyin’ on the weekends. Proper little worker, you know. And this is where I’ve started gaining weight. Office work, Danvers. Offices make you fat. “Offices make you fat?” Offices make you fat. So, in every office, there are women called Sandra, Janice and… I dunno, like Margot, maybe? “Ooo, my old yogi was called Margot!” That is the most Erica thing I’ve ever heard you say. And I’ve heard you say some seriously Erica shit, Erica. Aaanyway, these women are all in their 50’s and they love talkin’ about boring shit like America’s Got Talent or whatever. And, by the way, they’re all horny as fuck. Gossiping about either America’s Got Talent or whether they’d fuck Bruno Mars. Like seriously. Of course, being old white people, they use euphemism. They say “ooo, I’d like to wake up and find him in my bed” or “I’d like to see him as nature intended” and I’m like “Glenda, that ain’t gonna happen. Even if he got a cougar fetish, he gonna get himself one of them nice cougars, not you with a face wrinkled like a prune.” Except I don’t say that because I’m reformed now. I just nod and laugh. Well, these women. They all bake. Like, there’s some British show about baking cakes and they go absolutely loco for it. And they just loooove bringing in cakes. Not just for birthdays, like you imagine, they’ll bake a cake to celebrate Friday. Well, you have to have some. Don’t you? It’s rude not to. Y’know I’m polite, I’m a polite girl. And it works, they love me cos of it. They try to be so friendly and they are so accidentally racist that they don’t even know, and it’s honestly the funniest fucking thing in your life. They tell me every time they eat enchiladas or whatever, cos its Mexican food and I’m Mexican and small world or whatever. I’m like “good… funny thing is, just yesterday, I ate bread” cos they white. Except, I don’t. Like I say, Ace is a polite girl now. “So, I need to get an office job?” It’s the sitting. In the army, it’s hard work. Seriously, drills ain’t fun. You push yourself. But office work is so easy. You just sit around and eat cake baked by old women with Adam Levine calendars on their wall. And now I’m 9lbs heavier and even girls as polite as you keep calling me ‘curvy’. Even my mamá says I look like ‘a real woman’. And we all know what real woman means. “Not fake?” It means fat Erica, it means fat. Jesus wept, are you so skinny and pretty that you didn’t even know that? You don’t know coded insults cos you so pretty. “Thank you?” You’re welcome. “So, sit and eat. I have to sit and eat, and the pounds will start sticking?” You make it sound so simple, but were you, for example, planning on quitting your precious running club? Eh? “Well… no. I mean, I guess not. I like running” More than you like women? “No, no, I guess not.” You need to sit that Barbie Doll ass of yours down as often as you can, and you need to learn to graze chica. Eat the food you wanna eat, but haven’t been eating cos it’s unhealthy. Unhealthy is good now. You need cake in your life. You’re not gonna put on weight eating salad leaves and avocado. You’re gonna eat cake. Like now. We in a coffee place, they do muffins, treat yo self Leslie Knope. “I don’t know who that is, is she another one of your superhero people?” Just have a muffin bitch! “Okay, I’m sorry, I’ll have a muffin” 5 minutes later “I chose a blueberry one cos blueberries have all these antioxidants, which are good for you complexion apparently” So when I say “Unhealthy is good now”, you hear “introduce anti-oxidants into yo diet”? Why? Is this an Erica thing? A straight girl thing? A white girl thing? A ‘daddy has a property portfolio and bought me a horse for my B-day” thing? “No, it’s just… I like blueberries?” Hijole, sister! You are such a liar. You can’t do it. You can’t eat bad. I knew it, all you pretty girls are the same. Bitching about how you never put on weight but how “I guess it must just be genetics, I must have such a fast metabolism” when actually you are choosing muffins for their anti-oxidants. How can I work with this? You are impossible! “I bought one for you as well?” Okay, I take back what I said about you being impossible, but only because you got me a muffin. My affections can be bought. Ooo, it’s good too, right? “Oh my god, it is sooo good. Like, I haven’t had a muffin in, like, forever. Are they all this good?” And better, chica. And better. “Oh wow, I’m going to have so much fun getting Brad to break up with me” I don’t think you realise jus’ how evil that sounds. “Oh God, does it sound evil?” You really do remind me of that girl from Get Out, the girlfriend. That kind of evil. “You know, I’ve actually seen that one. I’ve seen Get Out. I think that might be the only film we actually have in common” And that just makes you sound even more evil! “So, serious talk. I’m going to quit running club. What do I say when Brad asks why? Because he’s going to ask why and I can’t tell him the truth. That I’m trying to get fat, so he breaks up with me, so I don’t have to hurt his feelings, as I’m actually a lesbian who is really into this Latino called Ace. So what do I say” Latina. And simple. Say you’re fucking tired of that shit. Fuck running. Nah man, I’m out. “I’m effing tired of that… crap. Effing running. No Brad, I’m out?” Okay, maybe translate it into Erica-speak first. But every day is the first day of the rest of your life, so why start that day running? And anyway, you know running is bad for you? “That’s it! I’ll say, I want to stop because it’s bad for my knees, and I want to stay healthy” Yeah, he’ll believe that too. That sounds like Erica logic to me. “Well, thanks for everything Ace. I think I’m all set. I’m going to start our plan right away!” Wait! Firstly, not our plan, your plan. I want the record to say Ace made the case for honesty. And secondly, is that it? You goin’? “Well, yeah. I’ve got to do what… why?” When, when do we meet up? Like, after the project is over? How long will it take? A month, two months? And will you call me afterwards? A la verga, girl you got me actin’ needy and Ace don’t do needy. But two months sounds like such a long time. “Oh god, Ace. I’m so sorry, I didn’t think you… cared enough about me. I thought I was just your Cara Delevigne back-up plan?” Oh, and I suppose you get to have a monopoly on lyin’. Por Dios, can’t you tell I’m into you? Do you think this is all some… Whatever, forget I said anything. I’m not, I don’t even… You’re not even that hot. Like, less Brie Larson more, I dunno, someone less hot than Brie Larson. “Why are you saying this? Of course, if you want, we can meet up. I’d love to. I love being in your company and I never want it to end. That’s why I’m doing all this, remember? So please don’t say I’m less hot than Brie Larson, because I really don’t think she’s that attractive.” Denvers, she is crazy hot… And… you are too. I guess, but, like, don’t make such a big deal of it, che? But yeah, meeting up sounds good. Maybe, and I swear I only say this cos you tryin’ to put on weight, maybe we go out for a meal some time. I don’t mind paying… “Yeah sure” I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t wanna... “No, that would be great. Really. Ummm… you have my number, I guess. Give me a call at some point, maybe” Next week, kinda thing, I’m thinking? “Yeah, next week sounds good. I’d… I mean, obviously it’s just a… it’s not a… but, yeah, next week sounds good. You know any good Mexican places?” Hahaha! Good one! Wait, that was a joke, right? Erica? That was a joke Erica, wasn’t it? Oh you gotta be kiddin’ me, please tell me that was a joke Danvers Danvers? ulvrik, John Smith and >_< 0_0 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
>_< 0_0 Posted June 10, 2019 Share Posted June 10, 2019 This is starting to get real, real good 😍 swahilimonkfish 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 10, 2019 Author Share Posted June 10, 2019 5 hours ago, >_< 0_0 said: This is starting to get real, real good 😍 Thanks mate, I hope it gets as real real good as you think it will. Next chapter adds alcohol into the mix, so that's always fun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 10, 2019 Author Share Posted June 10, 2019 Chapter 3.1 Meeting #3 “Hey” Heeeey Look at you! You are one cute looking conchita Look at you, with that sexy little dress of yours on and those sexy long legs of yours “Thanks?” You are looking dope sister No wonder I’m into you, look at you, like something out of a paintin’ or some shit “Ace” Yes, baby? “Are you drunk?” Maybe a little. Maybe I had some pre-drinks, you know. To get into the mood. “How many drinks?” Oh, come on! Who are you, my mother? I’m on a date, like, a proper date, I’m allowed a few drinks I’m not here to be judged girl, Ace is here to flirt with this sexy señorita over here “Ace” Oh, don’t do that eyebrow thing. How do you even do that by the way? Lift one but not the other? I don’t get it, like… . . Am I doing it? No, can’t do it, see? I can’t do it. They both go up. Why is that? How do you only raise one eyebrow? Is it a white person thing? What is it? “Ace!” What? “How drunk are you?” Ando bien pedo. You know what that means? It means ‘I am very fart’. I know right? What the fuck, man. But it actually means that I am so… I am so shitfaced… “Wait, what?” I said I am so shit-faced. But, shhh, I don’t wanna make a scene “But...” Look, when Ace is nervous, she drinks. When she’s thirsty, she drinks. Basically, Ace is always drinkin’, y’know. Ever since she came back from Iraq. Which probably means she’s a fuck up, you know. She un poco loco. Like, she can’t handle normal civilian life or some shit, and I’m like ‘whatever man, Ace can handle anything’. Well, anything apart from her drink, yeah? C’mon, up top! Oh don’t leave me hangin’ sister What’s this about? Do posh people not do high fives? Oh no, why you cryin’ now? You always cryin’ girl. What’s up, did they cancel Gilmour Girls? “Just stop it, okay? Just stop it! I’ve had a really crappy week and the one thing that kept me going, one thing I had to look forward to was this, alright? And you’ve turned up, what was the term, very fart? And you’ve come here, and you’ve ruined it. I needed you Ace. I needed someone. Someone who’d listen, someone who cares, someone who understands. And instead, you’re just making fun of me, and you’re not even doing that properly because Gilmour Girls was cancelled years ago. So eff you, Ace!” . . Oh no, not again Look, what do you want from me? Okay? Erica, hey? Hey, don’t go No, no, no, don’t go, don’t be like this… I’m sorry okay? No, don’t go Oh, you goin’? You walkin’ away from me now? Okay, well fuck you Erica! Fuck you! Okay, you think you’re the only one goin’ through shit? Yeah, you goin’ through some tough shit, but, hey, guess what? So am I! Or does Ace not get to have feelings? Do I have to soldier on? Do you want me to, what, drop down and give you twenty? Cos, man, I can do that, if you want. Cos Ace is a soldier… sir! Yeah, I can give you twenty push-ups, sir! 1 2 3 4 5 Ugh… 6 7 C’mon, 8 “No, stop it Ace, you’re… you’re making a scene” 9 No, Ace is a soldier, she has to do her push-ups 10 11 Ugggh 12 “Fine, okay, fine. Look, I’m sorry. But please stop doing the push ups” 13 14 “Talk to me, Ace. Properly talk to me, I’ll listen. I didn’t know, I didn’t think, sorry, it was selfish” 15 Urrghhh… 16 “Just talk to me, okay? Just… just fucking talk to me!” . . Wait... Did Your Highness just drop the f-bomb? Hahaha! Oh, that is amazing, chica. You should totally curse more often. It was so sexy comin’ out of your mouth. “Please get up, Ace. Everyone’s lookin’ at us, you’re embarrassing me” Hey, why you lookin’ at my girl? All o’ you, this cute-ass preciosa don’t need yo eyes judgin’ her, okay? So back off, everyone. Apart from you, waiter, we’ll need your wine menu “And you’re going to sit down now, and just talk?” Yeah, sure, whatever. I mean, I don’t know why you’re makin’ such a bit deal, chica “Well, the bit where you started doing push-ups in the middle of a fancy Italian restaurant maybe?” Oh shit, I did that, didn’t I? “Yeah, you did Ace. Yeah, you did” “Oh, and sorry, waiter, I think we’ll pass on the wine, but if you could get us each some water, that would be great, thanks” No, I think I’ll have the house white please “No, it’s fine waiter, water will be fine” No, a bottle of the house white waiter “Ace! What’s your problem?” I am not being on a date without wine And why are you tryin’ to control what I do? “Again, because of the push-ups in the middle of the restaurant” No manches, I am having something to drink or I am leavin’. So what’s it gonna be, Danvers? Drunk Ace or no Ace at all. “Fine. But you’re such an asshole when you’re drunk. Yeah, we’ll have a bottle of the house red” I’m such an asshole when I’m sober, such an asshole when I’m drunk, then why you here with me, bitch? “What? Because you are the only one in the world who gets me, who gets what I’m going through, who even knows who I am. Because I like you” You do? But why? All I do is be horrible to you, embarrass you. Shit, the first thing I ever said to you was call you a tourist. I don’t deserve to be on a date with you. I’m a drunk, I’m a fuck up, and I’m a drunk “What happened, Ace? Where’s the confident girl that I met at the bar, at the coffee place?” I… I got… I got asked out. On a date. By another girl. “Oh” She was so cute, y’know, like bedroom eyes you know and… I turned her down “Oh” I know, I know It’s so stupid. I’m such a stupid pandejo. Why? Why? It’s so embarrassing, y’know. Me, Ace, sexiest motherfucker alive, y’know, turning down a date. Turning down sex because, trust me, every date with Lexy Acevedo ends up back at my place. Ace don’t fuck around when it comes to fuckin’ around, che? So, this sexy little woman asks me out and she is really diggin’ me y’know, like I feel her vibes man and they are electric, y’know, like I can feel the electricity. And that shit should make me horny. I should be saying yes. But you know what I said? “No?” Exactly. No. But that’s not the bad bit. Oh shit, you wait til you hear the bad bit. So this sexy hermosa… “Wait, doesn’t that mean brother?” No, that’s hermano Erica! You know this! Anyway, y’know what, forget about it, the important thing is this sexy lady asks Ace out, thinkin’ to herself that this sexy Ace lady is lookin’ fine, and I say no. “I don’t see how that’s a problem” That’s cos I’ve not said the bad bit yet “Well, could you because you’ve been talking for a while now” Fuck off Danvers, nobody rushes Ace when she talkin’, okay? Anyway, as I was sayin’, I say no. I say no, cos I have a girlfriend. . . I told her I have a girlfriend… . “Well, do you?” No, well, you. I meant you! I said I had a girlfriend and I meant you. I mean, how pathetic is that? “I think that’s so sweet” Well, yeah, you probably would. But this is me we’re talkin’ about. Ace don’t do sweet, she fierce. She alive. She fucks anything and anyone, and leaves them wantin’ more. I now I’m pretending I’m in a relationship, when in reality, I’ve been on one coffee date with a woman dating another man. It’s pathetic and it makes me so angry. When did I become the kind of woman who does this? When I left the army, that’s when “Wait, hold up Ace. It’s really sweet, and I really don’t see the problem. Honestly, I would have been a bit upset if you’d said yes” Really? Cos it sounds so lame. And needy. “I love needy. Please be needy. I dig needy” Thanks Danvers. I needed to hear that. It means a lot. That said, don’t use the word ‘dig’, Danvers. It just sounds wrong when you say it. Like hearing the Queen o’ England talkin’ about her regal pussy. Just wrong. “Haha, I’ll not use the word ‘dig’, if you stop being such a drama queen about saying I’m your girlfriend. Deal?” Okay, deal. “And you’re not going to drink any more. Because I think you’ve had plenty” Then are you gonna drink the bottle of red by yourself, cos I remember you gettin’ tipsy on two cosmopolitans? “I was not tipsy. I can handle my drink, I’ll be fine with a bottle” 20 minutes later “Okay, maybe the bottle was not such a good idea” Well, you drank it quickly enough “Maybe it was only a small bottle?” No, this bottle is the normal size, chica. I may not be faaancy like you but even I know how big wine bottles are supposed to be, and this a normal size bottle. Problem is, your wine glass hasn’t left your lips. “Oh god, it hasn’t, has it? I think I understand why you were liberal with the pre-drinks, this is stressful” I know right? I’m so happy it’s not just me. C’mon, when they deliver the mains, I’ll ask for another bottle. I like the idea of drunk Erica. I wonder what kind of crazy things drunk Erica does. I bet she sends angry emails to central governing bodies when she’s drunk. “No. Well, one time. But, no, drunk Erica is completely different to me. Drunk Erica likes to go skinny-dipping. Or just generally likes to get naked for no reason” What? No way! Oh my god, I wanna see that… Not like, I’m not sayin’ it in a creepy way, I’m jus’ sayin’ “So you don’t want to see me naked?” No, hey, don’t play clever with me. I… those aren’t my words. I seriously wanna see you naked, we are so gettin’ that second bottle of wine. Hey, Danvers, talkin’ of naked… “Oh god, worst segue possible. This can only be bad” Talkin’ of naked… how’s your… y’know, challenge going. You know, the… the weight gain one. “You know, I can never hear you when you whisper” The weight gain one. We’ve been here half an hour and we’ve not even talked about your boyfriend and whether he’s broken up with you yet. “Yes, well, that’s because you’ve worked hard to make sure you’ve been the centre of attention” Hey, chica, one thing you gotta learn about me… Ace is always the centre of attention. You just have to deal with it. “Deal… Ace… I swear there’s a joke to be made there… God, why did I drink that bottle so quickly?” My name is so good for jokes. Get this, my name is Ace and I served in the military. So I was Serving Aces. “Holy crap, that’s awesome. And I played tennis, so it kinda...” Not everything’s about you, Erica. But, back to you… have you, y’know, gained any weight? “OMG, it’s so frustrating! Like, I’ve done everything. I’ve stopped running, I’ve eaten so much junk food. I ate cakes, like you suggested. I’ve followed your instructions to a T and I’ve only gained 4lbs” No mames! 4lbs in one week, that’s loco, chica! In just one week, wow, you’re gonna get so fat… “No I’m not, it’s just until Brad loses interest” Whatever, I ain’t never seen nobody gain 4lbs in one week! You can’t do that without being a fatty at heart. Anyway, I thought you had one of them crazy metabolisms? “I do. Honestly, it’s insane how much I have to eat to gain weight. But I have been eating an insane amount. Can you tell?” Well, stand up then, give us a twirl? . . “So, what do you think?” Wow, I mean… You’re legs are definitely… Well, maybe your hips are a little more… No, nothin’. I see nothin’. Sorry chica. “I know right?” I still see the same sexy skinny conchita I saw creepin’ out in that corner of that gay club when I first saw you. “I was not creeping out in the corner...” Nice dress though. “Thanks, Ace!” Really hugs the bits where there should be curves “Oh, FFS Ace” Hold up, hold up, did you just say FFS? Like, the actual letters. You know you only type that shit, right? When you say it, you’re supposed to say the words. Like the actual words. For. Fuck. Sake. “No, you can just say the letters” No, you can’t “Yeah, it’s like lol” Nobody says lol either. This ain’t the 90’s “I say lol all the time” Every time I think to myself, there is no way Erica can possibly be any whiter, you say shit like that “What? Is it?” Yeeeess. Jesus wept, woman! . . Oooo, the alfredo is me and… “Yeah, the carbonara is me, thanks” Oh, and can we get another bottle of the red “Please?” . Why did you say please on the end of that? “It was polite” They just doin’ their job, they don’t need please… “Hey, I used to wait tables and honestly, pleases and thank yous make such a big difference. And tips, obviously...” Wait, you used to wait tables? But, surely daddy would just give yo ass any money his little princess desired. “You know my parents aren’t rich, right?” Naahh, maybe by your standards, but trust me, they rich “They’re just normal, blue collar workers” See, nobody normal says ‘blue collar’. You can tell if someone fakin’ bein’ street cos they use words like ‘blue collar’. “Oh” Yeah . . So how’s your pasta? “So good. You?” It’s insaaaane, so good, right? “I know, I could eat pasta forever” Well, for two months, right? “Wha… oh yeah, of course. And then, back to… who was it again, Cara Delevigne?” You are so addicted to food, you ain’t never gonna stop chica. I’m sorry Danvers, but looks like I’m gonna be datin’ a fatty “No, no way” Has Brad said anything? About the change in behaviour? “Nothing. I mean how rude is that?” Yeah, so rude. So rude of him not to point out that you are intentionally gainin’ weight so you can trick him to break up wit you cos you an undercover lesbian and havin’ dates with another woman. So so rude. “Yeah, you make a good point. I should feel guilty about all this, shouldn’t I?” Well yeah. Don’t you? “It’s so bad, but no. Like, does that make me a bad person?” I repeat, well yeah “Oh god, I knew it. I’m a bad person. But you know what? I really don’t care. I just want to be with you and I don’t feel guilty for being with you” Wow, that’s actually really sweet. I mean, really shit of you too, to Brad. But hey… fuck Brad! “I do!” Okay, I didn’t need to know that. That bottle of red’s doin’ the business on you, isn’t it? “No, no, I need to tell you. I do fuck Brad, and it’s rubbish. Like, not even sexy. I’ve never even… he’s never made me… y’know” Orgasm? “Yeah! It’s just. It feels as sexy as sticking a wet finger in your ear. Pllp, pllp, pllp. Where’s the pleasure in that?” Oh fuuuccckk, that is epic. Oh, you make me laugh when you get real, Erica! “And he makes such noises, grunts like that’s sexy. If I wanted to have sex with a farm animal...” Oh, you spillin’ aaaall the tea, sis. “And then he asks if that was good for me, and I have to pretend it was amazing, the best I’ve ever had, otherwise he gets pissy with me. It’s so annoying” Right, I think this calls for an intervention. Tonight, we’re gonna have sex. “We are?” Well, you said you get naked when you get drunk and this kind waiter has just provided bottle number two. “True...” And I said every date with Lexy Acevedo ends in sex “Also true” And you don’t feel guilty, and I’m hella horny after turnin’ down sex for the first time in my life. Sooo… we havin’ sex after we’ve finished these. “Cool” Cool? “Yeah, cool Oh, and only after dessert lol” ulvrik, John Smith and >_< 0_0 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
>_< 0_0 Posted June 11, 2019 Share Posted June 11, 2019 Alcohol makes the world, like, five times as exciting 😛 swahilimonkfish 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 11, 2019 Author Share Posted June 11, 2019 7 hours ago, >_< 0_0 said: Alcohol makes the world, like, five times as exciting 😛 And it makes Ace, like, five times louder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 11, 2019 Author Share Posted June 11, 2019 Chapter 3.2 Meeting #3 Continued I am in lesbians with you “What?” Right, so there’s this dope as fuck movie yeh, called Scott Pilgrim vs The World. It has some seriously sexy women in it, you know what I’m saying. Like, it has Brie Larson, who is just god, and she plays this bad-ass bitch, but, like, she not a regular bad-ass bitch, she a sexy bad-ass bitch. And there’s also this one woman called Ramona Flowers, played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead who is so cute too, and she has such fuckin’ cool hair in it man, it’s like purple and then it’s like green, it’s so bad-ass. And not only is she like super hot, but she plays a girl who also had this lesbian relationship one time. So, it’s proper LGBT stuff, real deal sexy bisexual ladies. Aaaanyway, Scott, who’s like this dweeb of a main character, played by fuckin’ whatsisname from Arrested Development… . . … Michael Cera, that’s it. Such a douche. Anyway, Scott is so in love with Ramona, the sexy girl with the fun coloured hair, cos, like durrr, she’s so fuckin’ hot. And his roommate, who’s also gay cos this film is so LGBT approved, I’m tellin’ you, his roommate says to finally win her over, she has to break out the ‘L word’. Now, Scott, the dweeb douchenozzle, is like a straight white male, so he’s like ‘leeessssbiann?”, cos all straight white dudes obsess with girl-on-girl. It’s a whole thing. He thinks the l word is lesbian cos he’s a straight white dude, but we all know the word is ‘love’. Time to break out the ‘L word’ - love. But he says lesbian, and his gay friend, who’s played by one of the Culkins but not like the famous one or somethin’, is exasperated… … you know what exasperated means, right? No? It means like, pissed off, y’know what I mean? … So his gay friend is like “No, dipshit, the other ‘l word’”, and Scott the dweeb is like… ‘lesbiaanssss?’ and it’s a whole funny thing cos he so straight that he thinks lesbian is the l word and lesbians is the other l word and… okay, maybe you had to be there, but trust me, it’s funny. Aaaanyway, later, he finally has to prove his love. He has to break out the ‘l word’. He has to tell Ramona, the cute chick with the sexy hair, that he loves her. But he fucks up and instead of saying “I’m in love with you”, he’s such a dweeb that he says “I’m in lesbians with you”. Geddit? He got it mixed up, cos he thought that lesbians was the other l word. No? Maybe you had to be there, but honestly, chica, that movie is some seriously funny shit. “I’m drunk” Oh shit, you didn’t listen to any of that, did you? “Like, have you had any drunk any of the wine, because this other bottle is empty and I think I drunk it, or drank it, or whatever?” Oh girl, you are seriously wasted. “I. am. a. fart.” Sooo close, so very close. Just one small thing. It’s ‘I am very fart’. Oh and you have to say it in Spanish. Ando bien pedo. If you say it in Spanish, it means you are very drunk. If you say it in English, it means… well, it means you’re a fart. And nobody wants to be a fart, Erica. Nobody. “I am a fart though, Ace. I am a fart. Can you teach me Spanish?” What, now? Before they bring the desserts menu? Por Dios, girl, you can’t learn an entire language in ten minutes… “But you’re so pretty” Well, that is true, chica. I am one cute ass lady. But me bein’ cute does not mean you are a linguist. Seriously, you wouldn’t believe how much more drunk I am than you, but at least I can hold it. “No. No. I am the most drunk. In the world. Or, at least, some of the world. I don’t know, maybe there are some really drunk French people too” See, the problem you’ve now put me in is I so wanna have sex with you. Like, I wanna introduce you to feelings you ain’t even heard of. But I’m worried I’ll be takin’ advantage cos you actin’ so drunk but I can hold my liquor. “Then get more drunk! Like me! I’m going to get more drunk like me” See, I’m still sober enough to know that doesn’t make any sense. “When we order desserts, can you order one and me order one, but then me eat both. I need to get fat Ace. I need to. So I can be a lesbian. I think I am two desserts away from being a lesbian” You are not two desserts away from being a lesbian, Erica. “I like it when you call me Denver” Danvers. I call you Danvers. Carol Danvers a.k.a Captain Marvel a.k.a Brie Larson. I did not call you John Denver. I want this to be clear, okay. Everybody, listen to this, I did not call this sexy lady John Denver. I would never do that “You are very loud when you’re drunk. I am very drunk when I’m drunk” That’s about the smartest thing I’ve ever heard you say. “Do you want to see my breasts?” Okay, I take it back. That is the smartest thing I’ve ever heard you say… woah, no Erica. Don’t take your dress off… we’re in a restaurant still. “But you’re so pretty” I am. I really am. But maybe wait until after we’ve left. “Oh. Good idea Lexy Avocado” I’m not even gonna dignify that with a respo… oh look, the desserts menu’s here. What do you want then, Danvers? “I want to tell him a secret… guess what… we’re gay” I… I think he knows that, chica. “I want to tell him another secret. I’m going to order a dessert, and Ace is going to order a dessert, but… they’re actually both for me! You might think I’m some really hot runner girl with a really hot boyfriend called Brad, and that’s his actual name by the way, but actually…. Shhh… actually, I am a fat lesbian” I think what she’s tryin’ to say is… one cassata cheesecake and one… classic tiramisu And apologies for my drunk friend here, she’s gay, it can’t be helped. And please make it quick, I wanna leave in about 20 minutes with my girlfriend here, cos she gettin’ too messy for me to hit that “I am so gay. Do you think I should take my clothes off?” No, again not until we’ve left the restaurant. Why do you wanna get naked when you drink? “Is naked the past tense of nake? I am naking Ace, and soon I will be naked” Put your… fuckin’ dress back on! Holy shit, this is gonna be a long ass twenty minutes 20 minutes later “I’m siiiinging in the rain, just siiiingin in the rain” It’s not rainin’, chica. “C’mon, sing with me hermano” I’m not a broth… oh fuck it, fiiiine, let’s sing white songs “What a glooorious feeling” What a glooorious feelin’ “I’m happy again” I’m haaappy again I don’t know the rest of the words, chica, I’m sorry. Anyway, keep walkin’ or we never gon reach my apartment “Okay, what about, you’ll know this one… I like to be in America…, okay by me in America” No, no, no, we shuttin’ that right down. You get racist when you drunk, girl, and that accent was offensive. “No, no, no, I can be cultural slenslitive… … Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got, I’m still, I’m still Jenny from the block Used to have a little, now I have a lot” Okay, that one’s actually fine cos Jenny’s ma girl, but seriously, you are one culturally ignorant motherfucker “I am not a motherfucker, my mom is not fuckable!” Yeah, sure, shout that out in the middle of the street, why don’t you? “Wait, how old are you?” What? What do you wanna know that for? Okay, I’m not… “Hoooowwww ooooold?” Fine, I’ve… I’ve jus’ turned 33 “Holy shit!” That is not what you say to a woman when she’s just told you her age, che? You say, ‘I had you down as a bit younger, must be that cute ass of yours’. You don’t say ‘Holy shit’ “My mom’s 35” No, no, no, don’t tell me that shit Danver, I don’ wanna hear that “I really am a literal mother fucker!” No, no, that’s rude. I’m a young 33. Okay, I ain’t like an oooold 33. I can still kick it with the kids. Shit, I just called you the kids. Am I too old? Wait, how old are you? Like 22 or somthin? “18, turning 19 next month” No, no, no, don’t tell me that. I can’t be… like… “15 years older than me” No mames! That can’t be right. You wrong sister, I am not 15 years older than you. “I’m thinking of majoring in Applied Mathematics, so I’m pretty sure I got numbers down… #Used to have a little, now I have a lot#” No, I really am old enough to be yo mamá. Damn, you really are a motherfucker! “A baaadass motherfucker! Can I say that? Or is that cultural appriation… arropriation… whatever, I’m drunk #But I’m still Jenny from the block#” Yeah, motherfucker is okay. Hell, I’m pretty sure the original motherfucker was Greek anyway “How do you know so much if you are just an army brat?” Don’t call me an army brat, or I’ll kick yo ass, puta! But, just cos Ace real, like from the street an’ shit, don’t mean she ain’t intellectual, bitch! Y’know, she studied accountin’ before she joined the army. Yeah, fo real. But it was so boring or whatever, that she quit to travel the world. And then Ace got back and joined the army. And now she back workin’ in an accountancy firm like a borin’… mom, I guess. Shit, Ace got ooold “You are so old. But I think that’s hot. I wanna have sex with my mom” Don’t, please don’t phrase it like that, chica. Okay? “Ladies mature like a fine cheese” Hahaha! No, I’m pretty sure it’s wine, chica. “Wine matures like a fine cheese” Oh, you are so wasted. Hey, just 5 more minutes and we’re at my place. “Thank gooood, my feet are killing. I’m going to take these heels off, they’re too much hermano” Why you wear heels anyway, you like 6 feet tall anyway? “I’m 5ft9 without heels, but if I wear theeeese, I’m nearly 6 foot. How tall are you again?” Is this National Make Ace Feel Like Shit Day? . I’m 5ft1 in flats. “Wow, my mom is short” Seriously, hahaha, don’t call me yo mom, it freaky as fuck! “Can I stand next to you? I wanna see how tall I am next to you? I’ll put my heels back on and you take yours off, and we’ll compare” . . “Oh my god, you are so cute down there” Not gonna lie, this is kinda hot. Hey, how about you lean down here and give yo mama a kiss . . I like how tall you are . . “I like how old you are” Okay, that’s not flattering, Danvers Oh c’mon, give me more of them lips o’ yours . . . Oh, I can’t wait to get you back to my place. We gonna have some fun. Ace got plans for you, girl. Sexy plans. “Oooo, look, a swimming pool!” That… that’s just the fountain “Skiiiinny Diiippiiing!” Holy shit, you gettin’ naked. You naking! “I am naaaking Come join me, the water is so cold!” You really do get naked when you drunk. I like Drunk Erica! Oh, I comin’ in sister, let me get this off and… Holy Jesus that’s cold! “Come on, take all your clothes off” We goin’ topless? “And bottomless” Oh sister, you a keeper. I’m proud to call you my girlfriend “And I’m proud to call you my mom” Ugh, you killin’ the mood chica! “C’mon let’s make out in the swimming pool” It’s a founta… oh, come on Ace, what you doin’? Let’s do this . . Oh shit, it the police We sorry officer, she thought it was a swimming pool! . No, we… I live like one block away. “Yeah, she’s my mom and I’m a lesbian!” Really not helpin’ Danvers! Sorry, officer. . Wait, come with you? For what, bein’ sexy… and naked. No, we gonna go back to my place and… . No, we are not comin’ with you . No, we walkin’ this way, pig “Yeah, pig” Fuck Da Police! “Yeah, Fuck the policeman!” No, that means something else, chica. Wait, chica, can you run? “Are you kidding me, I got a scholarship for my running” Good, cos I think we gon have to run Like right now! Come on, let’s go! . . Come on, it’s just round the corner… shit, you really are a runner, fuck! Yeah, down there and up them stairs . . Yeah, through here . . Yeah, I think we clear now. Fuck! Shit! Let me get my… my breath back. Shiiiit, that was hard work. “That was fun! I’ve never run away from the police before. Am I a criminal now?” No, you ain’t a criminal, you white so you alright, c’mon, my place is just two doors down. “Ace?” Yes, chica? “I need to tell you something” What? “About how you make me feel” What is it? “I think… I think I’m in lesbians with you” Hahaha, y’know what Danvers, I think I’m in lesbians with you too. ulvrik 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 12, 2019 Author Share Posted June 12, 2019 Chapter 3.3 Meeting 3 continued Hey . Hey! . . Psst, wake up! . . Oh come on, I have to go to work in like… 2 hours, and I need a shower . . Fiiiiine, stay asleep then, see if I care . . ‘How was last night for you Ace?’, ‘Really good thank you, Erica. How about you?’, ‘Oh it was amazing, you are amazing Ace, I want to be with you forever’, ‘Me too chica, me too’ “Wait, what are you doing Ace? Who were you talking to?” Nobody. Just myself, whatever. Who asked you? Shut up, whatever . . “Wait, where am I?” You’re here? “Sorry, I mean, like, where’s here… oh wait, is this your place? Oh my god, did… Did we…” Fuck? “I was going to say have sex, but your word works too, I guess” Yes. We fucked. A lot. “Rea… really?” Yeah, how do you not remember, chica? Were you that drunk? Do you remember anything? “I remember… carbonara” Yeah, go on “No, that’s it. Wait… Was there a second bottle of wine?” Really, you can’t remember past the carbonara? “No, aaargh, my head!” You are such a lightweight, Danvers. Soooo… you don’t remember desserts? “No… hang on, desserts? Plural? What did I have?” Tiramisu and cheesecake. But I ordered for you, you were too busy telling everyone you were a lesbian and showing people your tits “Oh God, I didn’t, did I? Jesus, why do I do that when I drink too much?” Because people are their real selves when they drink. So Ace talks too much, too loud and too aggressive because… well, you’ve met her so you know how she be. And apparently you like to get naked. “Oh God, I think I remember. Did I say that naked was the past tense of nake?” Haha, yes you did chica, yes you did. “And then… what happened then?” Well, then you started singin’ all the way back here “Yeah, that sounds like me” First, stuff from musicals “Yup, totally sounds like me” Then culturally inappropriate stuff “Oh no, that doesn’t sound like me” Jennifer Lopez? “Okay, maybe that does sound like me Was it bad?” Yeah, I gotta say, it was… well it wasn’t good, chica. “I’m so sorry” And then you went skinny-dipping in the fountain… “I did what!” You called it a swimming pool “Again, that actually sounds like me” So we made out, naked, in the fountain, like we were doin’ the intro to Friends or some shit. “Awww, that actually sounds sweet” And that was when the police tried to arrest us “Hang on… what?” So we ran away from him, completely naked, back here. “I’m… I’m a fugitive?” No, you white. Crime don’t count when you white. So, then we got back here and we got it on It was seeeexy “Did we do like what… finger stuff?” Oh yes. “Like, tongue stuff?” Definitely “Like… other stuff?” So much other stuff. You really don’t remember the best night of your life? . . Hey, why you cryin’. Is this some late-onset petit mort or some shit? Oh no, c’mon, stop cryin’ What, what can I do? How can I make it stop? You have like a valve or faucet or somethin’, I can like turn to switch you off I ain’t good at turnin’ women off though, so be warned . C’mon Danvers, you getting tears all over my bedsheets… These bed sheets have seen enough of your fluids . . Really? Ugly cryin’ now? You know, you pretty even when you ugly cry You ain’t Claire Danes . Hey, c’mon, talk to me hermosa Why you sad? “I… I had the best night of my life?” Yeah “Lost my lady virginity?” If that’s what we callin’ it, sure “Did, like, tongue stuff?” Oh you better believe we did tongue stuff “And I can’t remember any of it” Oh . I see your point. Yeah, that sucks, my friend “It does, conchiglie” Conchi… Are you tryin’ to say conchita? I’m so happy you tryin’ but I’m pretty sure what you said is a type of pasta “Oh God, I can’t remember last night and I’m mixing up sexy ladies with types of pasta” Haha, you are so Erica, Erica! But hey, look on the bright side. It means you get to have the best night of your life, twice. Che? How many people gets to say that? You get to lose your… we callin’ it lady virginity, right?… you get to lose your lady virginity twice. That’s a grand total of three virginities you get to lose. Most people only get to lose one. And I know lots of people in the accountancy profession, where yours truly works, they don’t even gets to lose it once. “I suppose...” You suppose? Is that ‘posh girl’ for abso-fuckin-lutely? “So, we get to do it again?” After last night, we abso-fuckin-lutely will “Wow, so it was okay for you too?” Oh chica, it was amazin’. First up, you have to know this about Ace. She likes to be in charge. I know, I know, I don’t strike you as the type. But it’s true. And, guess what, turns out you like to not be in charge. So we were like, the perfect sex partners. “You liked me because I was submissive?” So submissive. It was incredible. I got to dominate you so good, chica. Next time you lose your virginity, you’re gonna love it! Trust me, I was there the last time you did it. . “Just a second… what were you saying about being in accounting? Yeah, I told you, I work in accounting. With loads of old, horny women who keep bringin’ me cake like I’m the one who’s tryin’ to gain weight “But I thought you were a soldier?” Yeah, it went accountancy, then a bit of travelling, then I enlisted “Sooo… how old are you?” . . “How old are you Ace?” I mean, what even is age? “Age is how old you are, so how old are you? Why are you acting weird about it?” Cos, I’m a bit older than you. “Oh god, you’re not… like, 28 or 29 are you? I mean, it’s okay if you are” . “Ace?” Whaaaa? Pffft, 29. I’m not a day over 26, had my birthday last month “Oh, thank God. I was worried then, because I was lying about being able to date a 29 year old. That would just be weird and creepy” Oh yeah, no, yeah, I so agree. I am with you 100%. Like, more than 100% Maybe, like, 110%, no 120%. I mean, 29? Dios Mio, how creepy would that be, right? Like, heeelloooo, what are you, her mother? “Haha, yeah, I suppose But honestly, you don’t look 26, you look really good for your age” . I’m… I tell you what I’m… I’m gonna cook you some breakfast. Breakfast in bed, right? How good does that sound? Huevos Rancheros, cos you love yourself some of them Mexican stereotypes, che? “Wow, that sounds so cool, really nice, thank you so much” I’ll be back in 15 minutes with a feast for you 20 minutes later And here we have our feast for Señorita Butler… traditional Huevos Rancheros just like my mamá used to make. Except she didn’t, cos she can’t cook. She so badass, she never learned. I love that woman “You loved your mom because she couldn’t cook?” Hey bitch, don’t talk about her that way! . “Oh, I’m sorr...” Nah, I’m jus’ messin’ with you, chica! Ha, the look on your face… But seriously, don’t talk shit about my mamá again . “Wait, are you joking again?” No Erica, I don’t want you go talkin’ shit about my mamá, if that okay with your royal highness? “Okay...” Good . Hahaha, no, I’m sorry, you just so easy! Of course I’m messin’ Danvers, you can say anythin’ you like wi’ me. This here your safe place, and I promise I will never judge you. “Oh, thank God. You know you keep such a good straight face, I just can’t tell when your joking or not.” Yeah, a lot of poker gets played in the army, ain’t nobody can read this face. Anyway, my sexy girlfriend, how’s the breakfast? “Oh, um yeah, delicious, really nice. Spicy but, yeah, really nice.” Yeah, but I bet you find yoghurt spicy… “Hey, I thought you said you weren’t going to judge me!” Yeah, except if you say stupid posh shit like my breakfast is too spicy or I follow Lena Dunham on social media “I do follow her actually, you know she’s very progressive and open...” You know, Drunk Erica was so much more fun than you. I liked that girl a lot more. “Hahaha, I’m so sorry you had to see that side of me, honestly… Oh, um, sorry, I think that’s my phone… Oh, sorry, got to take this, it’s… Brad” Yeah, o’ course. “Um… hi Brad! . Yeah, oh good, yeah, so sorry about that . Yeah, no, just… just had the craziest night . No, no, just with a… just with a girlfriend. . No, I ended up crashing at her place, I’m still here now . What? . Sorry, no, I… no, it’s just that… . No, you know I would never lie to you and you know I would never cheat on you! Look, I’m sorry I didn’t come back, but honestly I just got really drunk and then… . No, look, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I completely forgot. I’ll… I’ll do something tonight, we can do something tonight, to celebrate. . The Italian place? Yeah, I know it, but… are you sure you want to go there? . Oh, no, I’m just… um… well, it’s had some bad reviews recently on Tripadvisor, that’s all. But, you know, it’s up to you I guess. . Well, how about the Vietnamese place across the street from it? . Yeah, I know you’re not as good with spicy food as me… sorry, no, I wasn’t laughing, no, it’s just… don’t you sometimes hear how white we must sound at times? Anyway, never mind, Vietnamese sounds great. . No, I would never do that Brad-Brad. You know I would never cheat… look, if it makes you feel better, I can put my friend on the line. Her name is… Chelsea. Umm… Chelsea, do you mind just confirming to Brad that I stayed at your place? . . Yeah, I’m just handing you over now… (whispered) Please back me up Ace?” . (whispered) Don’t worry, I gots this . Heeeey, hey is that Erica’s boyfriend? . O.M.G it was like so cray-cray last night, like oh my god, we were like, doing like shoooots and we were partying and stuff and I literally just couldn’t. But then Erica, and you know how Erica is when she gets on the cosmos, and I was like “should you be drinking another one?” because we’re BFFs and you just know we have each other’s back and like, whatever, and she was like “whateveeeer”. It was like that episode from Girls when they all went out or whatever, and they were playing like Britney Spears and you know how much we like Briiitneey, because Toxic is like such a good song and like so underrated or whatever. And I was like, “OMG, you are like soooo wasted Erica Butler”, it was like lol or whatever, so she basically just ended up crashing here because it’s like we say in cheerleader practice… “sisters over misters” . OMG Brad-Brad, you are such a good boyfriend to her, but, like I will like sooo look after her. Byesy-bye Brad-Brad . “Wow Ace, that was awesome. Terrifying, but awesome. You sounded like every girl called Chelsea ever” What can I say? Ace got dem mad skillz yo “Well, you really got me out of jail, so thanks Ace” Look, I don’t mind. But your boyfriend seemed like a bit douche, why don’t you just admit you cheated on him? Cos then he’ll break up with you and… y’know… we can like, make it official. Or not, I mean I’m not bothered but… “I can’t. I just can’t. It’s so stupid but it just feels cruel” But lyin’ to him, cheatin’ on him, tryin’ to manipulate him into breakin’ up with you, that’s not cruel? “Oh God, I should feel so guilty about this, shouldn’t I? Why don’t I feel guilty? Am I some sort of psychopath? I’m cheating on him AND lying to him about it, and it doesn’t even bother me. Why is that?” Maybe yo mama was right. Maybe you care so much about appearin’ to be kind or good, that you ain’t got time to actually be kind or good “But that makes me a monster” Yeah, but least you a sexy monster “But I don’t want to be a monster. It’s just that… my brain keeps telling me that as long as he doesn’t find out, cheating on him doesn’t harm him so it doesn’t count.” You know what I think it is? I think it is, you doin’ what all people do. They tell themselves the story they like the most. You know when that Al Gore did that whole climate change thing? Or is that before yo time? He called it an inconvenient truth. Cos all them climate change deniers be like, I don’t believe in climate change, even though science says it real, just because it an inconvenience. They don’t believe that shit really, but they keep lyin’ to themselves an’ lyn’ to themselves til they do. Cos people can lie to themselves til they believe black is white and the moon is the sun, che? Well, this you tellin’ stories to yoself til yo believe your own lies, sister. You know it bad, but that inconvenient to your idea that yo a good person, so you lie til yo believe that it ain’t bad. “But does that make me a psychopath?” Maybe, but it also makes you human. Cos we all do it. You just think yo so special, you above all that shit. But you as corrupt and dishonest as the rest o’ us. “Thanks?” Hey, I’m jus’ tellin’ it how it is. Ace gonna always be honest with you, even if them words sting. You bein’ a bitch to your boyfriend, cos you afraid of confrontation. And you more scared of confrontation than you keen on bein’ good. But, Ace don’t judge you for it, okay? Ace don’t care. If anything, Ace likes a girl with a bit of bad in her. “But, I feel so mean” No you don’t “No, you’re right, I don’t. But I should” Everyone always tellin’ you what you should be doin’. But does bein’ with Ace feel bad? “No” Does bein’ with Ace feel good. “Yes” How good? . How good, Erica? “Pretty awesome” Wait, I didn’t quite catch that? “Pretty fucking awesome” Louder “PRETTY FUCKING AWESOME!” Alright girl, calm down! But seriously, ain’t that the thing that matters. If we makin’ each other happy, it gotta be a good thing, right? “Yeah” Or maybe that’s just somethin’ I tell myself. A convenient lie of my own, so I don’t feel no guilt neither. . Look, I gotta go. I’m a workin’ woman these days, chica. The office environment awaits. But, we doin’ this again, right? Hookin’ up an’ all that? “I mean, yeah, I’d love to if that’s okay with you?” Jesus, you got to be the most polite person in the world. Like, the most polite psychopath since Hannibal Lecter “Hfhfhfhf” Hahaha, that was pretty good sister! Scary good, like, I’m kinda disturb that the only impression you can do is a serial killer “You so sure about that, chica?” Whhaaa? Was that me? Dios, Danvers, that was guay. You actually sounded like a proper Mexican señorita. You even said chica! And not chicken, or some stupid shit! Oh, I think I can see myself fallin’ for a girl like you, Danvers. So, I’ll call you, next week… mi chica? “That sounds like a good idea… chica You know, I could walk with you to work? I fancy grabbing some breakfast on the way anyway” But I just made you a huge breakfast? “Yeah, and it was awesome. But the faster I gain, the sooner I get to be with you permanently. And then I can learn all your Spanish words” If you so sure that you eatin’ all this jus’ so you break up with… Brad-Brad “I know, that nickname is abso-fucking-lutely embarrassing, isn’t it?” And not just doin’ it cos you some glutton, cos that sounds like another one of them convenient lies… ...chica ulvrik 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 12, 2019 Author Share Posted June 12, 2019 Chapter 4.1 Meeting four Hey? . Hey, Danvers? “Oh my god, Ace? What are you doing here?” At Walmart? “Oh, yeah, I mean, you’re obviously shopping, sorry” Thirty seconds in and we have our first sorry “Oh God, sorry, I didn’t mean to… Sorr… . I apologise for apologising” That still counts as sayin’ sorry, chica. I’m countin’ all of them as separate sorries . So You, you shop here too then? “Yeah, cheap, convenient, got a good selection of cookies. You?” Oh, yeah, same. But not the cookies one. Well, actually maybe the cookies one too, but… not as much as you. They’re presumably for project… what are we callin’ it? Project… Ace In The Hole? “Oh my god! Ace! Don’t make me giggle!” Project… Smoking Aces? “You are filthy! And… does that one even make sense?” Fine, you got a better idea? “Actually, what was it that I said that night when we first met?” Maybe I’m not gay? “No, no, god no… not that. Jeez, Ace, did I actually say that… oh wait, I did, didn’t I? No, no, I meant the very last thing I said” . “Lets call it Project Play You Cards Right” Oooo, I like it Talkin’ of which, Danvers… is Brad-Brad here? “Don’t call him that Ace… and no You know, we don’t actually live with each other He just often comes over to spend the night” Ugh, men are the worst! Entitled culero! “Was that jealousy Ace?” No No, Ace don’t do jealousy, hermosa No, it’s… . Okaaaay, maybe I’m a little jealous. Daaaamn sister, you got me pinin’ like a puppy over yo ass. Though, it is a nice ass. “Aaaawww, thanks Ace Your ass is quite nice too” . Hey, stop distractin’ me by talkin’ about your ass. How’s a woman supposed to think straight, chica? Let’s get back to Project ‘Play Your Cards Right’… you know, I preferred Ace In The Hole. Oh wait, no, I meant... No, like, as a name for the… Not as in… though I do but… no, that’s not what I... Okay, yeah, I see why we’re goin’ with your name. . Okay, let me start again… my dear friend Erica, how is Project ‘Play Your Cards Right’, goin’? “Well, Ace, I’m glad that you asked...” Hey, cut it out! But seriously, how it doin’? I don’t know if I mentioned this already, and maybe it’s just them jeans, but damn sister, I swear your… culo, y’know your ass, it’s lookin’ nice, chica. “That’s really sweet of you to say, Ace. I think it looks nice too, and, honestly, I swear these jeans are tighter than they use to be, but maybe it’s just wishful thinking. I’m only up another 2lbs since we last spoke” But Danvers, that was only two days ago? “Well, I’m trying. I really am. And I can get away with it a bit, because I always ate lots, but I think he’s beginning to notice my… changing habits. Look, do you want to come around the store with me, and I’ll tell you all about it as we go around?” Sure thing, Danvers. I wanna see how much stuff you put in your shopping cart, anyway “Sooo, he’s already getting on at me about not running. I told him the excuse, the one about it being bad for your knees, and he just said to hit the gym and strengthen them, squats and leg press to protect them. I mean, I don’t know what to say to that. I mean, I can’t say yes because I’ll end up doing more exercise, not less. But I can’t think of an excuse” Do you need an excuse? Can’t you just do what you wanna do? Oh, of course not, cos you Erica and she a coward. “Hey, that’s mean. I mean, I am a bit, I guess. Yeah, I should just tell him the truth… But you know and I know I’m not going to, so I need to think of another excuse” You could feign an injury? “Don’t you think he’ll find that suspicious” Oh baaaabe, I don’t think Brad-Brad’s the sharpest tool in the box, if you know what I mean. Like, he literally rang you cos he suspected you of cheating… correctly, as it happens… and you’re excuse was “Actually I slept with my girlfriend”. Like, that was a confession, and it worked as an excuse, so I don’t think you have to worry about his intelligence. “Haha, I did, didn’t I? Shit, guess I’m going to be limping from now” Wow, you swearin’ casual now? “Yeah, you’re a bad influence. I keep catching myself using curse words, like, even when I’m not angry. That’s another thing Brad might notice that’s changed about me” Haha, I am such a bad influence, right? Or, as I would say… I’m such a fuckin’ bad influence! “Yes you fucking are” Danvers, I love it when you talk dirty with that white-collar mouth of yours. Wait, how many cookies you buyin’ “See, this is what I mean. I have to eat so much just to gain weight, but the sooner I gain weight, the sooner Brad and I are over, and I get to be with you. So, I’m having to spend soooo much money on junk food, and then hide the food so Brad doesn’t spot it when he comes over. I’m practically gaining undercover” Is it strange that I think that sounds hot? “Yeah, a little bit… But, I know exactly what you mean! It’s the sneaking around and knowing I’m being… I don’t know what the word is… like, devious. I dunno, it just makes it a little exciting.” Danvers! That sounds so hot! “The threat of being caught...” Yeah! “It’s just such a turn on… and then Brad comes round, expecting sex, and… it just… stops being sexy” If the thought of sex with a man turns you off, then how did you not realise you were gay? “I know, it’s embarrassing. How old were you when you… knew? For certain?” Young. So young. “Go on then, who?” I have two words for you, Erica. Buffy. Summers. “Who?” What you mean ‘who’? Only the most bad ass vampire slayer in the whole of Sunnydale. Buffy the Vampire Slayer was my sexual awakening. I’d watch it with my parents, cos I was just a kid and it was kinda scary. And I remember we watching it, and it was still the first season so I was still young, and my mamá was so into Angel and she asked me… and I was like, all about Buffy. And she thought I just hadn’t, y’know, sexually matured and I meant as a friend. But Erica, let me tell you, I did not mean as a friend. I did not mean as a friend at all. “Wow! I’ve never even heard of it” Never? “Ah, hold up, it says it ran from 1997 to 2003, so I would have been… 3 or 4 when it finished Waiiiitttt, you said you had your sexual awakening while watching the first season… But that would have been back in 1997? You’re not really 26 are you? . . Ace, answer me!” No “So you lied?” Well, yeah, I lie all the time. Don’t make it such a big deal. “Yeah, but you lied to me” . I know . “Soooo… how old are you?” . I don’t wanna say. You angry now and you only gonna get more angry, and… I don’t want you to. I fuckin’ like you okay? And age is just a number and you gon be so mad, so I’m just not gonna say “How old? Tell me, Ace” You know what? I’m breaking up you. Not Brad. Me. It’s over, okay Danvers? You happy now? You ate all those cookies for nothin’. Not for me. I’m done. It’s over. I didn’t even wanna go shopping anyway, I don’t need anythin’. I’m just gonna leave this cart here, I don’t care. Fuck you, Erica! I hope you stay with Brad forever. Cos Ace don’t give a fuck about shit! . I’m done, you hear. I’m walkin’ out. . I said I’m leavin’ . . Wait, you’re just gonna let me walk out? Danvers? You not gonna chase after me? No, no, no, please chase after me Danvers? Erica? Please, chase after me . I’m sorry, okay! I’m sorry, and I hope you find a girl who treats you right. Someone more like you, not some girl from the streets, but a nice girl from a wealthy family and you can go horse-ridin’ together or some shit. And you can lose your lady virginity with her, and you’ll marry her and… I dunno, adopt maybe. And you’ll forget about me. And that’s good. I’m happy for you. Y’know. It’s for the best. You’ll forget about Jenny from the block, and you’ll forget about runnin’ from the police, and you’ll forget about Operation Play-Your-Cards-Right, and you’ll move on. Bye, Erica. . . . . . . “Wait!” . “Lexy, wait! Wait! Don’t go” . . I’m 33 years old Erica. I’m 33 years old, I still don’t speak to my papa, and every time things head South, I walk away. I have grown up problems. I have a boring-as-shit 9 to 5 job, I have rent, I keep puttin’ on weight, and I ain’t even doin’ that shit on purpose, and sometimes I wake up and my shoulder hurts and I have no fuckin’ clue why, except that I’m gettin’ old. You don’t need this. You don’t need me. You’re free now, to find a nice girl. Your own age. And do young people shit. The kinda shit I can’t do any more. You know why I wasn’t hungover, that morin’? Cos I was still drunk. That’s what happens now. I’m so old, I get my hangovers midday, the next day. And they killer. I pretended you was a lightweight, but it’s me that’s the lightweight. So, I should go. For your sake. So go find a nice girl of yo own Erica, and explore bein’ gay. You deserve it. “But Ace… I don’t want a nice girl... . . I want you!” . But… “I mean, you’re cranky and you keep insulting me and you’re only 4 years younger than my mom. You lie to me, and you admit you’re only after number one or… numero uno, I guess. But you are also the only one who gets me” That’s cos I’m the first person you’ve told the truth to. “No, it’s because your my safe space. Because Ace won’t judge me. She listens, and she understands, and then she gives the best advice. The kind of advice only someone who truly gets me, can give. So, I’m going to keep buying cookies, and getting fat, and if I end up all fat and alone, then I guess that’s on you” . So, you sayin’ you forgive me? “Not forgive you, no. Lying to me Ace, it really hurt. But… the hurt is a price I’m willing to pay, if it means being with you So come on, grab that cart you just upped and left, like the sassy bad-ass you are, and let’s continue shopping.” . I love you Erica. Like, properly. This isn’t how it is with Ace. She don’t get emotionally attached. But I think I love you, and it’s so embarrassing cos I have met you, like, 4 times? But, I’m so fucking scared of losing you all the time and I pretend that I ain’t and I lie and I lie but the only person who believes it is me. Another convenient lie, I guess. “Lexy Acevedo… te amo… too” You… that was Spanish? “I’ve downloaded it on Duolingo, doing 20 minutes a day. I was going to surprise you later, when I’d learned a bit more than how to say ‘el hombre’, but since we’re getting dramatic… te amo Lexy Acevedo, te amo” ulvrik 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 14, 2019 Author Share Posted June 14, 2019 Chapter 4.2 Meeting 4 continued “You know what the problem with ice cream is?” Danvers, there is no problem with ice cream “It’s too cold” That’s… what? “And… it’s too expensive” Well, that one’s true, but that’s cos you buyin’ the good shit. And anyway, how many pints of Ben & Jerry’s does one girl need? “One girl needs 7 pint tubs of Ben & Jerry’s” I thought you said it was too cold and too expensive? Or is daddy’s credit card ridin’ in to save the day? “No, just putting it on credit. The things you do for love” Don’t be like that… Ace is feelin’ guilty enough over the whole… “Lying to my face?” Yeah, that. You really puttin’ this on me too? “Well, if I’m being honest, I may be using it to gain weight, but it does taste nice too. Especially Cookie Dough” Over Phish Food? Or Peanut Butter Cup? “Well, good job that they’re included amongst the seven that I’ve bought too. You know, you could always get some for yourself, if you’re jealous?” Oh chica, you have know idea how jealous I am. But I gain weight just from looking at them. If they touch my lips, then BAM! I’m lookin’ like my mother “Well, is it an age thing? Your metalism, meta… whatever it is, does that slow down because you’re just so very old?” Yeaaah, I deserve that. But, it is true. And when you get to my age, and your metabolism slows down, you’re gonna have soooo many problems with your weight. Cos I seen how you eat “Yeah, but when I’m your age, you’re gonna be 48. And yes, I’m going to keep teasing you for your age as punishment.” I accept my punishment. “Do you? Must be an age thing... Ooooo, frozen cheesecake’s on special offer Come on Ace, at least treat yourself to a cheesecake.” No, I can’t. Seriously, I’m over 120lbs for the first time in my life. You see this? This is what they call a muffin top, and it’s a sign that I don’t need no more cheesecake in my life. “You know, a younger girlfriend would treat herself to a cheesecake...” Okay, whatever, I’ll buy the damn cheesecake. But don’t you dare make me fat, just cos you gettin’ fat. “Hey Ace! Cut the sass or I’ll make you buy another” Haha, I like it, you tryin’ to take charge. It sexy. But Ace don’t take orders. “Watch it young woman… old woman, or I’ll do it. I’ll make you buy a second” Yeah chica? And how you gonna do that? Wait, what are you… No, don’t pull that face. I thought you were gonna be sexy, not Bambi Seriously, quit them big eyes o’ yours Stop it! Ugh, fine, I’ll buy a second one. . And I’ll tone down the sass A little I guess. . So, apart from eatin’, what you been doin’ lately? “Apart from eating? Not a lot really. What about you? How’s accountancy?” You know, it some of the most boring shit you ever heard in your life. Sayin’ that, it comin’ up to Dianne’s birthday, which means hella cake. “Hella cake? Is that a type of cake?” No, it means a lot of cake, pendejo! . I’m sorry, I’ll rephrase… Dearest Erica, I’m afraid the conclusion that you have drawn is erroneous. On the contrary, ‘hella cake’ in fact alludes to a copious quantity of cake “That still sounded like sass to me, just sarcastic sass” Anway, Dianne, she a biiiig lady. A mechanical chair kinda lady, you feel me? “I mean, I’d love to feel you” Hahaha, Danvers playin’ the alpha today. Anyway, stop interruptin’ chica, Ace tellin’ a story. “I’ll make you buy another cheesecake if you talk to me like that...” And I’ll tell Brad-Brad about where that cute little tongue of yours has been Yeah, okay? Back to Ace bein’ in charge? . Yeah, that’s what I thought. Right, so as I was sayin’, Dianne got herself one of them appetites, che? Like, she don’t eat as much as you, I mean she only 350lbs, but she still eat a lot. And this means, we gon be eatin’ cake all week. Like, we gon be eatin’ cake til I’m 350lbs. So, now I’ve got two frozen cheesecakes and I’m gon be eatin’ enough cake to make Marie Antoinette be like “nice one, sister!”, so I guess I’m goin’ clothes shoppin’ next week. Get myself some sexy size 6’s. Y’know, might get myself some cute underwear while I at it. Sound good, hermoso? “Sounds very good, Ace. Oooo, can we go shopping together? I’m going to need some new clothes…” But you don’t look any different? Do you? Wait, is Erica finally showin’ signs of puttin’ on weight? “No! Yeah Maybe a little Like, it’s nothing major but… these jeans pinch a little And some of my underwear keeps riding up my butt” Was that supposed to be sexy? Cos Ace found that kinda sexy “No! It wasn’t supposed to be sexy! It’s kind of embarrassi… wait, you found it sexy?” Yeah, chica. Tight jeans and artificial thong sound good to me “So, I reckon by next week, I’ll need to do some major clothes shopping. I’m aiming for 135lbs by the end of the week, that’s just 3lbs away.” Wow, you a growin’ girl. I could learn to like it. So you like, gettin’ softer or some shit? Cos you look the same. “Yeah, Brad’s not noticed but, I thiiiink so. Look… This is what my stomach looks like now” Sister, you know everyone can see you rollin’ your shirt up, right? “And if I breathe in… This is what it looked like when I was 124lbs. So it’s not a huge difference, but it definitely doesn’t go inwards like it used to.” You still one skinny-ass sister, but you look good “Thanks Ace. That means a lot. I’m starting to worry… you know, about getting less pretty” Heeeey, hey, hey, hey. Danvers, don’t talk like that. You ain’t never not gon be pretty, okay? You got them sexy genes just like you got them sexy jeans. You could be the size of Dianne, and you would still be the sexiest motherfucker alive. “Wow, Ace, thanks” Hey you cryin’ again? You gotta stop doin’ that! You gonna run out of tears or some shit “Yeah, but these ones are happy tears” Well, I guess that ain’t so bad. But just so you know, when you cry… I feel all maternal and stuff, which is weird as fuck so… “Oh God! Hahaha! Now you’re making old jokes, I guess… Oh shit!” What? “It’s not, is it? Oh shit, it is! . You see that woman with the orange dress? That’s Colleen, one of the girls who lives across from my dorm.” So? “Well, I’m having an elicit affair with you at the moment, so I don’t want her to spot us together” In case she suspects you a lesbian? “Please, Ace. For me. Could we hide for a bit?” Errrr… yeah. That sounds kinky as fuck “No, I mean...” We hidin’ our love affair, sneakin’ around. That sexy, conchita “… Is it? Hell to the Yeah. “Come! Quick! This way!” . “Let’s wait round here, so she doesn’t see us” . . “Shoot, she’s coming this way… let’s go down here” . . . “Ah, she’s gone. Thank Go… Wait, is she coming back? No. No, she’s gone. Jeez, that was a close one” Danvers? “Yeah?” Why were you so afraid of us being caught together? We could have just been friends? “Oh, I don’t know. It’s all this dishonesty, it’s stressful” Not that you’re ashamed of me? “What? No! Oh Ace, absolutely not. And when Brad breaks up with me, I’m going to be so proud and show you off to everyone” Even your parents? “Well, apart from my parents” . For how long are you going to pretend to your parents that I ain’t your girl? “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about them yet, I’m still busy stressing over Brad. But, I will tell them. Just, not straight away. I’m worried about them, they’re strict. And I love them, I do. But I’m not sure they’ll love me if I tell them what I am” Awww, chica! Listen to me, I’m sure you’re worryin’ over nothin’ “But didn’t you say your dad doesn’t speak to you after you came out?” . “Ace?” Yeah. But that was different. He’s an asshole. “Well, what if my parents are assholes?” Danvers, if your parents are assholes, and it’s just us two against the whole damn world… then I’m fine with that too. It will be just us two against the whole damn world “Really?” Really . Wow, that was nice . “How about that?” Yeah, that was… . . “Ace?” Yeah, chica. “There’s only one asshole I care about and that’s you” Yeah, that sounds fair Now come back down here, I ain’t finished kissin’ you 15 minutes later “Woah, how much?” . “Umm… I’ll just get my card… Let me just my pin in… And there Thanks” . Woah, that was a lot of money you just spent, are you put all that on credit? “Yeah, I’m actually really badly in debt but… I’m a student. It’s practically a rite of passage to be drowning in debt” I know, but you got me worryin’ about you, Danvers “No, don’t worry Ace. Just remember, in one month’s time, Brad will have broken up with me, we get to be officially a couple, and it will all have been worth it” One month? “Yeah, I know, it sounds long when you say it like that. But I’m trying my best. In fact, I might go back to McDonald’s before I go back, speed things up a bit” But it’s mid-afternoon… and I was more surprised that you think Brad-Brad will break up with you within a month. But then again, if you keep eatin’ like you eatin’, and Lord knows you keep eatin’ like you eatin’, then maybe you ain’t so loco after all. “Oh, he’ll definitely have broken up with me by then Ace, I’ll make sure of it. Sooo… I guess I’ll see you next Monday for date night?” Yeah, come by my place, now you know where it is. I’ll cook you somethin’ good. Somethin’ tasty… “Something fattening?” No, I meant, I was gonna have sex with you, pendejo… you really only think about food? “No, I mean yeah, I mean maybe? But yeah, sex sounds good too. After all, it’s been days since I last lost my virginity to you. Oh, and don’t forget we’re going clothes shopping later next week too.” Oh I ain’t forgettin’. Cos it sounds like you gon be needin’ it at this rate, McDanvers ulvrik 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 15, 2019 Author Share Posted June 15, 2019 Chapter 5 Meeting 5 “Hey” Hey . Shit, um… come on in “Thanks” . Um yeah, I can… take your coat if you like? “Wow, thanks. That’s really sweet” No, I mean, I was… it’s not that sweet . . Is… “Is… . “Sorry, no, you go first...” No, no, you. I weren’t gonna say anythin’ interestin’… “No, me neither. I was just going to say… well, ask I suppose… . Is it just me or is this weirdly awkward?” Dios Mio, yes! So awkward. I dunno why it is cos we been here before and we done like some serious kinky shit so… “Yeah, and this is like our… fourth date?” Fifth if… y’know… you count Walmart “Yes, because nothing says romance quite like Walmart” Hey, cut the shit. I liked our date in Walmart… Well, apart from the bit where I broke up with you. “For lying to me” About being as old as yo mama. “But apart from that...” Yeah, apart from that it was… good. “Yeah, the kissing was nice” The kissing is always nice. Ace got them mad tongue skillz, no doubt. “Mad tongue skillz indeed” . So why this so awkward? I know… we need to get the drinks flowin’, am I right? “I’m… I’d rather not if that’s okay. It’s nothing, it’s just… I’d rather stay sober, y’know. Ready for… . What’s hopefully coming later?” You? “Sorry?” You are hopefully cumming later “Hahaha, yeah. I guess. I’d like to stay sober for… that.” Okay, well I suppose we don’t have to drink. I mean, borracho Ace is fun but I can be fun when sober too. “Yes, exactly. You’re always good fun. So what’s the plan for tonight?” Food and a bluray? Shiiit, yeah, maybe sober Ace isn’t as fun as borracho Ace after all. “No, no, that can be fun too. Just kicking back on the sofa, with my girlfriend… yeah, that could work. Could be romantic. Plus, I have to remember you’re quite old so...” Danvers! You watch yo mouth! I ain’t too old to open up some of the finest cans of whoopass you ever… “Really? That sounds like something a dad would say” Does it? Naaaah… really? “Whoop-ass sounds like something from the nineties” No mames! I think you right, Danvers. Shit, you know, I bet you thought I was such a badass when we first met, real street fighter lady. Now, you correctin’ me on what is ‘cool’ or ‘hip’ or ‘dope’ or whatever you kids call it “The tables have turned, chica. The tables have turned” Haha, at this rate, you gonna be soundin’ the gangsta one. “Fo sho, ma nizzle” Oh. Yeah, it gonna take a while. We still gotta way to go. . “Anyway, you look nice” Yeah, did my hair all special. Spent half an hour with the curling tongs, you know. “Yeah, it looks really cute. Makes you look… sultry” Oooo, sultry? That sounds fun You look good too. I like your dress. “See, this is one of the great things about being gay. Brad never says that sort of stuff about me. It’s really sweet to hear those kind of nice things” Well, I was gonna say… I like your dress, it’ll look good on my floor. But you ruined that now by sayin’ that. I’m blamin’ you for that shit. “Hahaha, I take it back. Maybe you’re more like him than I thought” Just call me Ace-Ace “Hahaha. I am soooo gonna call you Ace-Ace when we’re making out later” Yeah, or when we puttin’ the chill into Netflix ‘n’ chill. I’ll be at the point of climax and be like “Uh, yeah, uh, that’s good” and you’ll be like “That’s so good, yeah, uh, I love it Ace-Ace” and that’s it. No more sex. Ever again. We done. Oh you make me laugh Danvers. Even sometimes on purpose. “Only sometimes...” Conchiglie instead of conchita? “Haha, okay. That was kind of funny But, can we get back to the bit of the conversation when you were saying how pretty I looked?” You never tire of hearin’ them compliments do you? “Nope” Well, good job you so damn fine I keep feelin’ the need to deliver them then, I guess. “Yeah, it’s a good job” And you know how to work that dress. “Awww, thanks Ace!” Nah, that weren’t no compliment. That was Ace jus’ layin’ out a fact. Ace only be dealin’ in facts. “Well, truth be told, it’s one of the perks of putting on some pounds. At 124lbs, this dress used to be really loose on me, and nobody ever complimented me on it. I had to buy size 4 because I’m quite tall, and it’s hard to find size 2 for my height. But now, at 136lbs, it feels so much tighter and feels so sexy and I even got wolf-whistled on my way here.” Wait, some culero wolf-whistled you? Was it them fuckers down at the auto shop? Cos Ace may be old but she knows how to break bones. “Oh my god, did they teach you that in the army?” You learn that on the street, chica. “Well, I hope I never make you angry” You could never make me angry, Danvers. Just bein’ with you makes me smile, and I know that is sad but, fuck it, Ace is tired of pretendin’ that she ain’t head over heels with this sexy hermosa Now, tell me more about how tight your clothes are and how sexy it makes you feel… . “Oooo, we’re kissing are we?” . So, how sexy does this dress make you feel? . . “So, very very sexy. . Do I look sexy?” . Chica, you look so sexy. All of you. “Waiiitt… all of me? Are you saying I’m fat?” Hey, quit interruptin’, I’m kissin’ my sexy girlfriend . “So you don’t think I’m fat?” Ugh, Danvers. You killin’ the mood. No, okay, I don’t think you’re fat. You still skinny like a streetlamp, che? Happy now? “Well, no, not really” . Uggghhh… look. You are not cute. Okay? Puppies are cute. That dress is cute. You? You ain’t cute. You beautiful, you hear me? You sexy. And I love the fact that you fill that dress out a bit more. You one-up on my queen Cara Delevigne now. “That’s really sweet Ace So, this is going to sound really ungrateful. But will you still think I’m cute in 14lbs time?” You kiddin’, preciosa? With 14lbs more, your ass will be even juicier, your tits will be even bouncier, your hips will do that curvy shit that Black Widow’s does. You so fuckin’ sexy, and you only gettin’ sexier, and I want you to understand that, okay? “Thank God, because I’m so hungry right now, and that food smells delicious What is it?” Two words for you, Little Miss Hungry. Meatball. Stew. Yeah? You like the sound of that? It’s great, cos it like authentic Mexican food, but it also not spicy so your delicate white tongue can cope with it too. “Awww, that’s so considerate” And for dessert, I got these frozen cheesecakes and I thought we could maybe share one tonight “Frozen cheesecake? What a smart purchase Lexy Acevedo! That was a great idea to buy them” Hahaha, well, since it was your idea, I thought you deserved some. And then we can just have nachos while we watch the movie. Cos e’erbody like nachos. “I’ve actually never had nachos before” . Errr… could you repeat that Erica, I didn’t catch that over the sound of bullshit. What you mean you ain’t never had nachos! Look, I know you grew up eating like caviar and shit, but surely, at some point in your life, Erica Butler, you have had nachos. Even racists eat nachos. “In my defence… I am only eighteen still. It’s not like I’m 33 years old” Haha, oh, so I see how this gon be. Age jokes every time I make a white joke, che? We’ll see… “Anyway, while you plot your vengeance, how was the start of cake week?” Dios Mio, it was so good. Dianne may be the kind of woman who pronounces my home nation as Mehico cos she tryin’ to be woke or some shit, but she sure know how to do cake week. She made pecan pie, and it’s called that cos my tummy was peekin’ over my waistband after I went back for seconds. But, trust me when I say, it was legit the nicest pie I ever had. And I even brought back leftovers for you. To keep you goin’ until the stews finished. Cos I just want you to fill out that nice sexy dress some more “Awww, thank you Ace. That’s so kind. I can’t say no to that” So, I’ll grab the pie and you grab the blue-ray and put it on “And what’s the movie?” Captain Marvel, Danvers. It’s time you met your namesake. 2 hours and 5 minutes later So, what did you think? “Okay, here are my thoughts… Pecan pie was awesome. Is Dianne single, because I want to marry the woman who can make food that good. Hence going back for seconds The meatball stew was sooo good too. Like, I’m not going to lie, I hear stew and I think boring. But that was sooo tasty. You cooked that? It was so good, Ace. Are you single, because I want to marry the woman who can make food that good, too. Hence going back for seconds. And thirds. The cheesecake… it was okay. I love cheesecake, but maybe I was spoiled by such a nice pecan pie earlier. But it was still really good. Hence going back for seconds, thirds and fourths. And the nachos were sooo spicy, but are actually really nice. Plus they were really messy, which was way fun. You know, I think I’m getting better with spicy food since I met you” . I… I meant about the movie “Oh. Yeah, that was cool I guess” Jodeerrrr! You are such a glutton, Danvers. How are you so skinny, girl? “I do have a bit of a food baby going on. You can even see it through the dress Wait… what are you doing?” . Oh shit, I think I just felt the cheesecake kick! “Haha, very funny(!)” But seriously girl, you ate an entire cheesecake. Which is good for me, cos Ace don’t need those calories, but… out of the two Danvers tonight, you were the one with the superpowers. But the film was good too, right? And she so sexy in that uniform, right? “I mean, it was okay. I’m not really into fighty movies” Okay, this time we breakin’ up for real. I cannot be with a woman who says shit like that. “But, I get why you fancy Brie Larson a bit more now. She did look quite hot in that uniform. Not as hot as me, but...” Danvers, I remember when I first met you, you were quiet like a mouse. Now look how much you’ve grown… Literally and as a person. “Yeah, I do feel like a different person with you. I can’t thank you enough for that Ace, it means the world” No, I’m glad that it was me that got the chance to let you flourish. You see, you like Captain Marvel. You were always amazing chica, but people kept puttin’ you down and makin’ you feel like you weren’t special. But I’m just glad I got to watch you realise you were amazing all along. “Wow, thanks Ace Wait, is the thing that makes me special… my eating superpower?” No! But the amount you can eat is loco, sister, I gotta give you that. I just hope that dress isn’t so tight you can’t take it off . “Oh, are we doing that now?” You better believe it, Danvers. . How does this feel? . “So, good!” . . And this? . . . “Hmmm… so so good” . . . . And wait until I do this, chica. . . “Oh Jesus! Ohhh, god that’s good, Ace-Ace” . “Ace?” . . “Why d’you stop… “ Ace-Ace? “Hahaha, sorry. Couldn’t resist” Girl, they gonna write “couldn’t resist” on your gravestone. Now, you promise no more Ace-Ace. I ain’t messin’ around when I say I will murder you if you say it again. “Don’t worry, I won’t say it again… . . Ace-Ace” You are such a cheeky puta. You just lucky I’m head over heels with you Danvers . . . ulvrik 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 18, 2019 Author Share Posted June 18, 2019 Meeting 6 Hey, chica? Shit, you okay? You hurt yourself? “Oh hey! And this? No, not hurt myself, just keeping up appearances” . “I’m pretending I’ve torn my hamstring aren’t I? You know, to get out of running” Wow, you method actin’ chica cos Brad-Brad ain’t here . “Yes, but what if someone sees me?” Shiiiit, all this lyin’ gettin’ you paranoid… wait ‘til my friends at the government hear about this… . “Wait, what? Oh, you were joking about my paranoia, I get it now. You… you were joking, right” This is a code blue, I repeat a code blue over, the subject may be on to us... “Fucking stop it Ace! You know I can’t tell when you’re joking, with that stupid poker face of yours” Of course my poker face is good. That why they call me ‘Ace’ “Is it? I mean, I did wonder where it came from” Nooo, they call be Ace cos my name is Acevedo, pendejo. I can’t believe you… Wait? Are you jokin’ with me now? Oh, you are, you cheeky bitch! I like it. You so different from the girl I first met, Danvers. The girl I first met wouldn’t have even attempted to trick me like that, let alone actually pull it off. You know Danvers, I’m proud of you, you’ve really grown “Awww, thanks Ace! I’ve learned from the best. And talking about how I’ve really grown, you ready to do some clothes shopping?” Chica, I was born ready “To go clothes shopping? Wow, you were a seriously advanced baby… . Hey, wait up… Slow down Ace. I’ve fake-pulled my hamstring, remember! Hey, wait for me. Ace! Aaaace! 10 minutes later “Ugh, Ace, my feet hurt” I thought you were a runner, how can your feet hurt from ten minutes of walking? “I was a runner. Not any more. Plus, limping is exhausting. And, you’ve got to remember, my feet are having to carry more weight than they are use to.” Yeah, somehow I think your feet should still be able to survive ten minutes of walkin’. You jus’ bein’ laaaazy. You gettin’ lazy sister, you gettin’ real lazy So, Project Play-Your-Cards-Right update then? How much more weight are your feet having to carry? “So, last time we spoke, on Monday...” So five days ago… “Yeah, I was 136lbs” Wait, were you? Already? But when I met you, you were 127lbs? “No I wasn’t. I was 125lbs. The week later, when we had coffee, I was 127lbs, but that first night I was a slender 125lbs” Naaa, you weren’t slender, you were one skinny conchita. Now, you approachin’ slender. “Yeah, whatever. I don’t remember you holding that against me, that night. Anyway, as I was saying before Ace rather hypocritically interrupted me, I was 125lbs, on Monday I’d climbed to 136lbs and now… I’m… drumroll please…” T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t “I am 140lbs!” No mames! Really? Shit, sister. That some herculean shit right there. You deserve a high five for that girl, c’mon… up top. Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ about. Attagirl! “Yeah, another fortnight and I’ll be there, I think” Wow, I am so excited! The day Brad-Brad eventually breaks up with you, we are gonna party like it 1999 “You know I wasn’t born in 1999, right?” No mames! Don’t tell me that shit okay. Don’t tell me you were born in the wrong millennium cos that freaks Ace out. She remembers Y2K and it freaks her out that you weren’t even born then. But, congratz on gettin’ fat. Seriously, that is impressive work “Yeah, you can really see it on me now, can’t you?” Yeah, but that’s cos those jeans aren’t supposed to be skinny jeans. When you actually buy clothes that fit, you’ll just go back to lookin’ like Erica Butler, boring-ass runner. “Heeey, that’s harsh Ace! Oh, I forgot to show you… you know you were saying my clothes are too small… well watch what happens when I lift my arms up in this blouse” Oh my god, is that… a belly? “Yes, sister. My shirts and stuff ride up now, and you get to see my little baby belly pop out when it does. It’s great. It’s like I have a foodbaby, even when I’ve not just had food” How do you know, chica? When was the last time you’ve not just had food? “Fair point, chica. Fair point” So, surely Brad-Brad’s noticed now. “He’s noticed something, he’s just not worked out what. He even asked if I’d done something with my hair, because he’s realised I look slightly different” That’s fuckin’ unbelievable. What a pendejo! And this is why it’s best to date women. Cos men don’t notice shit. “Amen, sister” Oh and don’t think I haven’t noticed you tryin’ to say chica and sister more, actin’ more gangster. “El es estúpido, che?” Oooo, fancy. Danvers gettin’ her Spanish on. “Si, es verdad” Dios Mio! That is really impressive, I remember when you got conchita mixed with conchiglie, and now you spoutin’ Spanish like a real Spanish señorita. “Maybe my brain is in my stomach, and the bigger it grows, the cleverer it gets” Well, if you so clever now, then how do you explain how that is the most stupid sentence I ever heard? . So, what about this dress? It’s nice, right? “It’s a bit short” I know, nice right? “You fucking pervert. Ohhh, go on then, I can at least try it on and see how it looks, can’t I? What size do you think I should get? Obviously my size 4 days are behind me, but size 6? Or should I go straight up to trying size 8 as futureproofing?” Futureproofing? That ain’t a real word “Oh my god, do I know I word that Lexy Acevedo doesn’t? Futureproofing, it’s a term they mentioned when I studied coding. Computer coding that is. Computers, you know them? Like a cross between a boombox and an abacus” I’m only 33 chica, I’m not some crazy old lady! I know tech shit, I work on a computer at the accountancy place. Use Excel and everything “Ooooo, Excel. Whatever next, Email?” Vete a la mierda. Oh, you don’t know what that means? Well, we say it when we wanna say ‘go fuck yourself!’ “Fine, I’m sorry. I’ll tell you. Futureproofing is when you have a program or some software that isn’t just designed for now, but designed to last to keep up with the future technological upgrades of the next few years. Like… buying a 4K TV before 4K works. That sort of thing” Oh, so you just using fancy words to say, “I’m gettin’ me a size 8 for when I get fatter”. Cos you coulda jus’ said that, Danvers. Without yo gettin’ all computer nerd on me “You’re so sexy when you’re jealous” And you’re so sexy when you’re naked. So let’s go into one of these changing rooms to try these on. And I’ll come in and watch. And maybe more, if you a good girl. . . C’mon Danvers, this one is free, we can use this one. . “Okay, so I should...” Take your clothes off? Yeah, it will probably help with the tryin’ your clothes on. . “It just feels weird doing this in such a formal environment. And doing it sober” Jus’ get yo clothes off and let Ace see her girlfriend naked, cobarde. . . “So, how do I look?” Fleshy “Oh dear God, is it that bad?” No, hermosa. Fleshy a good thing. I like flesh, flesh is the good stuff, Ace all about the flesh. So, your thighs… “Yeah, looking softer aren’t they?” Yeahhh, Ace like. Lookin’ juicy “Why does everything you say all of a sudden make you sound like a vampire? And you think they’re juicy, let me turn around so you can check out my butt” No mames, preciosa! Where did that come from? That an ass now. It gon past butt and all the way to ass. And Ace loves ass. “Wait, is that the order of things. It starts as butt, goes up to ass, and then what? Badonkadonk?” Don’t. Ever. Say. Badonkadonk. Again. You hear me, Danvers? I love you, but I will not let you use that word again, che? And no, it stops at ass. It just goes from butt to ass. Ass is the biggest one, and you already there sister. Now turn back around. Ace want a front view again. . Oh see, you look so much better, chica! You look like a woman now. I met you, you just a girl but now… now you a woman. You got tits now. They nearly as big as mine now “Yeah, and you don’t mind the soft bit between my breasts and my ass? Because having a tummy is new to me, and I’ll lose it if you want me to. Right away” That very sweet, chica, but Ace don’t mind. She been with big girls before, she fine with all shapes and sizes, and you still just a little bird. And also, Project Play-Your-Cards-Right is still live, remember? Now, let’s try on some of them clothes “I mean, I could try the size 6 stuff first, and if they’re loose enough, I’ll just buy them. If not, I’ll just go for the 8’s.” . . “I mean, this dress is a bit tighter than I… oh come on it… Oh shit, it doesn’t fit. Never mind, I’ll try the jeans instead. Here we go… . Come on, get up you… Ugh! . No, I can’t even pull these up Ace… no wait, here… got it! But I’m never gonna be able to do these up. Look, they’re not even close” Try the top anyway. Ace enjoys seein’ her girlfriend squirm “Fucking sadist. Fine, I’ll try the button shirt . Oh shit, it’s even tight on my arms . And how am I supposed to all these up. Okay, there’s the top one… and another… Oh, okay, this is getting tricky now… and another… Come on Danvers, you can do this… Just a couple more and… gotcha So, whaddya think?” I thought shirts were supposed to cover the belly area? “Are they? Oh, I figured they were supposed to ride up all the way here. So, I guess I’m too big for size 6 then. God, these 8’s better be loose Ace, I swear to God” 1 minute later “These fucking size 8’s aren’t even loose! I don’t believe it. I mean, if anything, they’re on the tight side.” They fit perfect, chica. Clothes are supposed to be tight. It makes imagining you naked easier “But you don’t have to imagine, Ace” . Wow, that was… Okay, Ace thinkin’ maybe we both take off our clothes and celebrate your new body “What, actually have sex. Here?” Well, you shown me all this flesh, it makin’ Ace hungry. “You still sound like a vampire when you say things like that But… vampires can be sexy I suppo… wow, Ace, you’re… ohh” A pleasant period of time later Dios Mio, that was fun, chica. You gettin’ better at this sex stuff too. I’m seein’ real improvement “Got myself one of them good teachers, is how” You so do Danvers. You were good just now, but I was amazin’ “No arguments here” And you never had sex in one of these things before, chica? “No, you?” No, and Ace has had sex everywhere. This her first first for a long time. And Ace liked it. A lot. “Yeah, it was nice actually. But still doesn’t change the fact that I’m gonna have to buy some actual size 10’s while I’m here, because these 8’s aren’t going to last very long at this rate” Hey, I’m proud of you though, chica. This project of ours. You doin’ it for me and I appreciate it. I want you to know that. And do you know what your reward will be for doing all that clothes shopping? “Is it something I can eat?” You bet it is “Just to clarify, we are talking about actual food here and not just your… y’know? Cos I keep making the mistake of thinking you’re talking about food when you’re actually talking about sex. And, I’m actually really hungry at the minute As in, hungry for actual food. Just to clarify.” Well, you know there is an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet next door, don’t you? “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” I’m sayin’, maybe even throw in a couple of size 12’s, just in case You know, for futureproofin' John Smith and ulvrik 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 19, 2019 Author Share Posted June 19, 2019 Chapter 6.2 Meeting 6 continued “So, how does an all-you-can-eat buffet work then?” You know Danvers, I ain’t even surprised you don’t know these things any more. I so used to you surprisin’ me so much that you surprisin’ me don’t even surprise me no more. Think of an all-you-can-eat buffet as… a buffet where you eat all you can. You get me, girl? “No, those were the same words just in a different order” Yeah, chica. When somethin’ self-explanatory comes along, sometime you jus’ gotta let it explain itself. . Seriously? You just grab a plate, go up to the food, put the food on the plate, eat the food. Then you grab the plate, go up to the food, put the food on the plate and eat the food again. And again. And again. Until you so full it ain’t dignified. “Wow, this sounds awesome! This is why you’re my favourite girlfriend, Ace. For shit like this” Glad to know I ain’t only second. “So… while we eat, I want to ask… Earlier, you said you’d had bigger girlfriends before… How big are we talking?” Oooo, why do you ask Danvers? Jealous? “No, I’m just curious… because… You keep saying how you think I’m really pretty with my curves, and I do too… But, when we first met, you kept going on about Cara Delevingne being your queen, and how you were tired of making out with larger lesbians with short hair. You keep telling me that Brie Larson is attractive or Tessa Thompson is attractive… and I used to be like them. But I’m not any more. And I want to know which ones the lie? Do you like skinny girls or curvy girls?” Shit, that got dramatic quick, mi sirenita! You know you can love both, che? I mean, I am literally bisexual, so I think I’m allowed to love more than one thing… “But you say nice things to me, and I’m scared you’re just saying them to be nice” Since when did Ace give you the impression that she nice? Look, real talk… I don’t give a fuck. Not really. That ain’t my shit. It’s some people’s shit, it just ain’t mine. I don’t care whether you fat or you thin, I care if you own it. You used to be thin, Danvers, but only now you gettin’ curvier, have you started to own it. And I like that. I like seeing you becomin’ a woman. Gettin’ strong, gettin’ feisty, gettin’ sassy, feelin’ sexy. When I first met you, you looked like the kind of woman who felt sexy. Cos skinny chicas, they always feel sexy, right? But you were different, you were like a nervous little chicken, scared of her own shadow. But now? Now you confident. Now you strut. And that is what Ace likes. Yo claimin’ sovereignty over yo body, and that kinda confidence is what I find sexy. Like, I used to date this one chica, her name was like Cindy or some shit. Yeah, Cindy, for real. Maybe my type is women so white, they allowed on Fox News. But this one woman, she was a seriously big girl. We talkin’ like double what you are now, 260lbs or some shit. Real chunky motherfucker. But did she give a fuck? Did she fuck. She owned it, celebrated it, wrote about it, did podcasts about it, all that size acceptance shit. And it was fucking hot, let me tell you that sister. “What happened to you two?” Ahh… I dunno. She used to act like she ownin’ that shit, but the more I got to know her, the more she got… like… She a pervert. I mean, we all perverts, but she a real pervert. And, at first, it was cool. She was like you, submissive. I gots to dominate the fuck outta tha girl. And she liked it when I fed her. Like, she sexy liked it. In bed and shit. She think profiteroles were foreplay, that kinda shit. It was hot, chica. Like, we gotta try that some time. And she liked to be humiliated. And that was kinda sexy too. Like, you know Ace got that wicked tongue, and I don’t just mean lickin’. Naw, I had to insult her. Tell her she fat an’ disgustin’. Then next mornin’ she would go around like she ownin’ that shit again. It was loco And I liked it, cos I thought the humiliation was like, y’know, a game, like a sex game or some shit. That we pretendin’. But it weren’t. It was the size acceptance that was the game, it was the sex that was real. Soon, I realised she didn’t love herself, and she didn’t want me to love her. That jus’ the way she wired, is all. Problem is, way I’m wired, I like women who love themselves. So, I left… and that’s why I joined the army. Cos I a runner too Danvers, like you. ‘Cept I do all my runnin’, away from bad break-ups. “Wow, I had no idea. So all these insecure questions I keep asking?” . They my fault. If I can’t get my girlfriend to love herself, then I just one shit girlfriend. “Oh god Ace, don’t say that! It’s just… Brad’s not quite as warm as complimentary as you are to me. It’s not his fault either I guess, he’s a man, and we’ve been together for two years now so we don’t even bother saying those types of things any more. I’m… I’m just not used to it But I do feel sexier. I feel sexier with you, and I feel sexier with my curves. And maybe it’s one of them pavlova things, where I associate it with you, with making me feel better, with getting curvier…” Pavlovian things, not pavlova things. Pavlovas are the things that are makin’ you curvier “Oh god yeah, my bad. I knew that one as well.” Anyway, so… now I mentioned I been with girls who like to gain weight for them sexy reasons… you got anythin’ you wanna say, Danvers? . “Umm… no… I’m… shall we just… the buffet” . Hmmm… Okay, okay. We’ll do the buffet now, if that’s where you at So, you follow my lead and do what I do Only, you know, more so “Yeah, I can do that” Then, mi chica, let’s eat! 10 minutes later “So, what’s this one then?” So, you see where it say “Crispy duck” on this label here, chica. This means that it is “crispy duck” “Oh right, haha, I see… …And what about this one?” You know, you may be 8 inches taller than me and 18lbs heavier than me, but I can still kick your ass Danvers. “Honestly, I don’t know where to start. There’s just so much tasty looking food here” Look, mi chica, you don’t have to worry about it. If you don’t have the food that you want on your plate… you can go back for another serving. It is all you can eat, which, in your case, is a lot. So no worry, no stress, you just enjoy. “Ooo, and what’s shrimp toast?” So, you remember when I was talkin’ about things bein’ self-explanatory… . . Wow, you filled your plate up good. “Yeah, saves making too many extra trips. And you can talk… Your plate isn’t exactly bare, and you’re only 18lbs lighter than me, and you’re 8 inches shorter than me, and your metalism is too old and doesn’t work any more” Metabolism and… shit, that was nasty Danvers! There’s sassy and there’s nasty, and you just crossed the line “Oh God, sorry Ace. I didn’t mean anything” No, I know you didn’t. But not everybody’s happy about gainin’ weight like you are “Are… are you fromfrened frafrow your pfrey? . Sorry, had my mouth full. Are you concerned about your weight? Because you shouldn’t be, you’re hot.” Thanks… and I am. But it hard, when you so proud of somethin’, like your weight, and it goes up and you ain’t even tryin’ “Like, you look in the mirror and it’s you staring back, but it’s not you at the same time?” Yeah! Exactly! “Yeah, I get it too. But you know what keeps me going? You know what the thing I’m proud of is? The thing I’m proud of is not my running or my weight. It’s the thought that soon, I’ll get to wake up every morning next to you . Ace? Ace, what you doing? What’s that weird noise you’re makin… wait, is that… are you crying? Is this what Ace crying looks like?” Si “Oh Ace, I’m sorry. I’m here for you sister, whatever you need” You know what I need? I need to thank Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus that I get to date a woman as awesome as you. Nobody ever talked like that to Ace before. Not the feedee, not the fetish youtuber, none of them. I was always the strong one, the one they leaned on. I never got to do the leanin’. You lean on me chica, but you let me lean on you too. And this why I love you, cos you say sweet shit like that, shit that makes even Ace cry. That, and the fact that you is like so sexy “And I love you too Ace Oh, and you think I’m cute now? You wait until I’m wearing clothes that fit me and not these size 4s, you wait until I’ve not got my mouth filled with duck and my plate filled with chicken, you wait until I don’t have Chinese noodles down these size 4’s that don’t fit me. Oh, I’ll be so sexy then” 40 minutes later “Look, I promise this will be my last plate” You said that about the last three plates? “Hey, the sooner I reach 150lbs, the sooner I’m with you” Yeah, sure. That’s the reason you doin’ this. I mean, how you ever gonna button that denim round yo ass if you keep askin’ me to fetch you another plate like I’m the motherfuckin’ help? “It’s all-you-can-eat Ace, and you kept phrasing that like it was a challenge. And Erica don’t turn down no challenge” Hey, quit with the talkin’ in third person stuff. Makes you sound like one of them egotists. Can’t stand them fuckers So, apart from eatin’, what plans have you got for next week? “Nothing. Boring shit. My birthday is in a couple of weeks though so I hope to be without Brad and with you by then. And, my parents are going to want to see me at some point, which will probably be rough. Oh, and maybe next week, maybe the week after, I’ll be 150lbs. So, along with my birthday, and breaking up with Brad, that will be a third excuse to party.” Wait, does Danver know how to party? “Purleeaaase, I’m a white girl. Of course I know how to party . . Okay, I’ve got no idea. I admit it. But sounds fun, doesn’t it? Plus, I bet it’s been a long time since you’ve made out with a 19 year old before” Cheeky tonta, but yeah, does sound fun. So I guess I won’t see you before one of those three things happens. Birthday, 150lbs or break up with Brad-Brad? “Well, I don’t mind sneaking over for some midday sex in the meantime” Some of us have a job, chica. But, you know, visiting me at work would be kinda sexy. Obviously, no… fun stuff, but it would be nice to show you off and Dianne always is lookin’ for an excuse to make hella cake. “Oh, you know hella cake is my favourite flavour cake, chica. So, that sounds like a plan. I’ll see you next week, at your office. But first, I’ll finish this last plate” At last, you finishin’. Por Dios! You know, I’m jus’ relieved you ain’t thinkin’ about dessert. “Wait, this place does dessert too? . Oh, can you get me a plate please? Pleeeeaaaasee? I promise this will be my last plate” You’ve now said that the last four plates. “Yeah, maybe make that the last five plates. You know, for futureproofing purposes” ulvrik 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 20, 2019 Author Share Posted June 20, 2019 Chapter 7 Meeting 7 Hey Hey Erica, you alright chica? “Me? Oh yeah, just full. Just… arrrrghh… just so fucking full” Do you… d’ya wanna sit down? Like, just down here from the office, there is a waiting area where you we can sit and chill “Could we? . . Ahhh… that’s better. Jesus Christ, I’m full” I’m not surprised. You look at my face girl, this ain’t my surprised face. I mean, you took eating to another level back there. Even Dianne was impressed, and Dianne is… Dianne-sized. “She really is Dianne-sized, isn’t she? She’s lovely, by the way. All of your work colleagues are. I just wish I could have talked to them more… I just always had my mouth full.” They thought it was hilarious, this skinny little calaca eating so much “I’m… I’m not that skinny anymore. I’m 144lbs, that’s a decent amount” I know, I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say you weren’t skinny. You sexy curvy girl and I think you’re hot. . But… compared to Dianne and the girls, you basically a stalk of grass in a forest of oak “Fair enough” When I asked Dianne to make hella cake, her eyes lit up, I’m tellin’ you. She was like, ‘bring it on’! And then when she saw you, her face sank cos she thought you were too little for all her bakin’. I was so proud of you to prove her wrong. “I genuinely don’t know how you aren’t the size of a house working in that office with them girls. I mean, they’re wonderful and everything, but… their job is just cake with a side portion of actual work. It’s… wonderful” I know right. I told you sister, that you’d be right at home with them. I’m just surrounded by women who love cake. At work, with you. Cake women everywhere “Are you not a cake woman?” I mean, cake’s a’ight. But, I ain’t like you, who’d marry cake if it proposed But yeah, why do all the women in my life love cake so much? How’s a girl supposed to stay thin? “You know… you don’t have to. For me, I mean. I… it’s y’know… I just want you to know it’s up to you. Whatever. Don’t starve yourself on my account” That’s really sweet, chica. Almost as sweet as your tooth. But Ace isn’t… Sorry, I ain’t able to get away with that shit like you. When you gain weight, you get killer curves. When I gain weight, I just wobble more. I’m 124lbs now chica. That’s 14lbs more than normal. Plus whatever I lost in muscle mass. And I ain’t tall enough to hide that kinda weight. “I guess, you are very short” Fuck off, chica haha! But old, too. Like, I need to keep my looks. I’m punchin’ above my weight as is, with you. I can’t be 15 years older than you and fat. Not while you goin’ ‘round lookin’ like Carol Danvers ‘n’ shit. “Never say that, Ace! I mean it. You are the best thing that as ever happened to me. Ever. You’ve taken my black sky and turned it blue. You are the most beautiful thing on this Earth, and you will always be smoking hot. Capiche?” Wow, thanks Danvers. That’s really nice. Buuuut… capiche? You know that’s like Italian-American gangsters right? That ain’t Mexicans “Sorry, I get them confused” You get them… you… you get mobsters and Mexicans mixed up? Wow! That offensive, sister “Sorry. . It’s my stomach. It keeps distracting me. I’m too full. I’ve never been this full in my life, not even after the buffet, last week. Do you think people will stare if I undo the button on my pants?” Who gives a fuck if people stare? They just jealous that my girl is one sexy-ass motherfucker “Ahh… that’s so much better. I can’t believe my size 8 days are drawing to a close. God, I’m so bloated” I could… massage it if you like? “You could what?” Remember my feedee ex-girlfriend? “Waller-Bridge?” Wait, what? “Feedee Waller-Bridge? It’s like ** Waller-Bridge, y’know, the girl who wrote Fleabag and Killing Eve.” No, you are not allowed to call her Waller-Bridge, even if Killing Eve is my jam. Fleabag is the whitest shit I ever seen. “Well, if you keep going on about your exes, I’m going to call her Waller-Bridge” Fiiine. She… Waller-Bridge… loved that shit. Eat until it hurts, and then let my soft hands ease the pain “But… we’re in public? People you work with, might see us?” Who. Gives. A. Fuck. I ain’t here to make pretty background to their lives. If my girlfriend needs a massage, she gettin’ a massage Let me… Here . How’s this? . “Ughhhh . Holy shit, that’s nice . Fu...uuu...uck . Oh god, that’s good” Look, I know I said I didn’t mind people judgin’, but you sound like a porn star with all your groaning “I’m sorry, I just… Yeah, yeah that one. Keep doing that . Ahhhh Oh yeah, that’s… that’s the ticket . You’re… you’re very good at this I can see why that fat ex of yours liked you” Hahaha, Danvers you bitch! “But seriously, you’re… so… good . Are… are you enjoying this too?” . Uh, no! Maybe I dunno, yeah, I guess. I like makin’ my lover happy. What’s wrong with that? “Nothing wrong. Opposite of wrong. So very, very… right Oh, so right Oh.. oh god… stop!” What? What’s wrong? “Where’s the nearest set of toilets?” What for… oh! Shit, are you… close? There… um… just here… Do you… want company? “Oh, yes please” 15 minutes later – in a cubicle “I have never had sex in one of these before. It was ace… like you, haha!” Yeah, and I never made a woman cum from jus’ massagin’ her stomach before, not even Waller-Bridge. You know, that belly ain’t supposed to be no erogenous zone chica. “I know, but it really felt like a… Hieronymus zone then.” You know Danvers… you startin’ to get a bit chubby It cute. You even gettin’ an ass. “Aww, thanks Ace. It’s not bad for a white girl, is it? And this…?” Yeah, your belly cute. I like these… “My love-handles?” Yeah, yo luuuurve-handles. Oh, at least, this starter pack for love-handles “You really, genuinely don’t mind me getting bigger, do you?” No, chica. I told you. As long as you own it, I dig it. Which makes me your perfect woman, given how much you like to eat “I… I’m going to lose the weight, once Brad’s broken up with me. I’m a skinny girl, who’s just put on a few?” Like you a straight girl, who jus’ experimentin’? Nah, this the real you. Ace… sorry… I straight up snagged me my own mini-Dianne Though, she gettin’ less mini by the day And I am so here for it “Yeah?” I can prove it if you like How do you like the sound of having sex in a cubicle for a second time? “It sounds… very good . . But best make it a quick one, Brad-Brad’s taking me out for a meal tonight and I gotta get ready for it” Oh girl, you eat more than even Waller-Bridge You gonna get fat if you not careful. “Yeah?” Fuck yeah . “Uhhh… . How fat?” Oh, are we doin’ feeder talk? . Oh, you gonna get so fat “Yeaaahh” So fat cos you so greedy “Ahhh” Jus’ such a greedy girl, gettin’ so fuckin’ fat. . . 10 minutes later “What the fuck was that? And why was that so good?” What was what? “That talk… those things you called me” Oh Danvers… I think you might be a Waller-Bridge too. I think you might be a feedee ulvrik 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swahilimonkfish Posted June 21, 2019 Author Share Posted June 21, 2019 Chapter 8 Heeeey, lookin’ good, Danvers Literally “I know right, how cool is this costume? I really am Captain Marvel!” You… you really are . So, this was the good news you text me about, that you wanted to tell me? You losin’ your cosplay virginity? You been losin’ all your virginities recently “Haha, no! I bought this Captain Marvel costume to celebrate… the big 150!” No mames! You actually done it? No wonder that costumer looks so good on you, that costume containin’ one curvy hermosa “It is sooo tight Like, my thighs feel like they’re being strangled I so should have got the size 10.” No, you fill that costume good, chica. Danvers. It do my sexy girlfriend justice “I feeeel sexy in it too You can even see my little pooch through the costume… Or whatever Oh fuck, we gotta talk about that, haven’t we? About… last time.” Yeah, we gotta. You better come on in then You sit your sexy ass down on my sofa and I’ll grab Captain Marvel here a snack “Nah, I’m good” You… you good? But this food I’m offering. Shit that goes in the mouth. Erica love that stuff “I’ve reached 150 now, I’m gonna not gain any more now so when Brad breaks up with me, I don’t have as much to lose” Oh. So… you sayin’ you not been enjoyin’ gainin’, huh? “Well, obviously eating what you like is fun, but… Once Brad breaks up with me...” Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’ve said that bit already . But what about… y’know… the Waller-Bridge stuff? . Y’know, the feedee stuff? At my work place? “Look Ace… I respect you and I don’t want to stand in the way of any of your fetishes, but I…” Wait, any of my fetishes? Oh no, sister. We ain’t pinnin’ this one on Ace here. On me This one a Danvers predilection “You think… I’m the one who enjoys gaining weight? No. Fuck no. No. Definitely not” . Shiiit, denial? Really? “No, I’m normal, it was you who liked it If it was me, how come you’re always… how did you phrase it… ‘surrounded by cake women’? How come your ex was a feedee? A bit of a coincidence? No, it’s you that’s into that freaky stuff” You know what? Danvers, take that Captain Marvel ass out of the door and fuck off! I ain’t no feeder. I just a good girlfriend, respondin’ to her girlfriend’s needs. Don’t pin this shit on me! So get the fuck outta here! “Yeah? Fine And I’m the one in denial? Denial isn’t just a river in Asia, you know” AFRICA! No mames! The Nile is in Africa! “Whatever! You might know all that stuff that nobody needs to know anyway, but it doesn’t make you right about this You’re the one who likes fat women, and I’m normal So, bye!” . . Wait! Wait, Erica! . I’m sorry . . “You are?” Yeah, I shouldn’t have said that “Thanks” You obviously aren’t ready… “Thanks Ace, I appreci… wait, ready? So you still think you’re right and I’m wrong? You just don’t think I can handle the truth? That ain’t an apology, Ace. That’s just you gloating with fancy words” No… no, no… Look… maybe I like it too, okay? Happy, now, that you dragged that confession outta me? “So, you admit you like fat girls? And this isn’t some trick?” Yeah, I mean, I told you, I liked it when women own it… But, yeah, I think I like fat women, period. “So, this is your fetish, and not mine?” . Por Dios, no! It’s our fetish. Don’t you see? You like it and I like it “No I don’t” So, when I say, ‘You gettin’ mad fat, girl”, you don’t get a spark between yo legs? . “N...no” I never knew I had it… this… this fetish. Until I met you. Like, I dated fat girls and feedees and I didn’t think that was on me, that was what they liked. But… you’re right. I like it. I must do. . You know, I once masturbated while thinkin’ of Dianne “You… you did? But she’s the size of a truck?” A food truck, too. But, I guess I was in denial too. I guess, if I told myself you were the one with it, then I was jus’ supportin’ you. Like a girlfriend suppose to But, as you’ve been showin’ me your… progress…. I been lovin’ it, chica. Like, you call it Project Play-your-cards-right, and you been playin’ Ace right every step of the way. Denial really ain’t just a river… in Africa or Asia . But I ain’t in denial about you likin’ this shit too, am I? . “No” No? ‘No, I’m not in denial’, or ‘no, I am in denial’? . “Don’t know” . I know what this. You think you better than me. I just admitted to you I like it, che? I ain’t never admitted that shit to nobody, not even myself. And when I ask you to do the same… I get this bullshit. You know why? Cos Erica Butler thinks she better than me “No I don’t” The only reason you say you don’t, cos humility is one of them things you think you better than me at. “No… I… I don’t” You always did. You said so when we first met. You didn’t wanna break up with Brad-Brad cos you think you better than e’er’body. “No… I...” Look, when you said to me you wanted to get fat, to break up with Brad, I suspected somethin’. But maybe I was jus’, y’know, projectin’ Then, I saw how much you enjoyed eatin’, but, y’know, maybe projectin’ still Then you got drunk at the Italian place, and started tellin’ the waiter how you were a fat lesbian… but I didn’t wanna jump to conclusions Then, I saw how much food you bought at Walmart, and how much you liked it… Then, I asked you about the Captain Marvel movie an’ all you did was talk about food… Then you kept mixin’ up me talkin’ about sex, with you thinkin’ ‘bout food Then we had sex in the changing cubicles, after you tryin’ on too tight clothes and talkin’ about you growin’ and how much sexier you were gettin’ Then I saw you eat at the buffet, like ‘oh man’, that was some epicurean shit right there Then, you out-ate Dianne and the other cake women at the office, and I massaged yo stomach so good you were on the brink of orgasm, chica. Then we had sex again, cos me callin’ you a fatty turned you on So, am I loco or is Erica ‘Danvers’ Butler maybe just a little bit into feederism too? . . “Yes, okay? Alright, I liked it. It was… but that doesn’t matter. I can’t do it. It’s… I can’t just get fat cos it turns me… turns us on.” Why not? “Cos… people will judge me, okay” This why you in the closet about bein’ gay? “What? No! No… that’s different. I’ll tell people I’m gay when Brad’s broken up with me. But, the other thing… that’s different” You act so ashamed of who you are. Bein’ gay, bein’ a feedee, all that alternative shit, like it only hurtin’ your feelin’s. But, look at it from where I stand. You think you too good to admit that you into feederism and pussy, what you sayin’ about me? Cos I am too . Should I be ashamed like you are? “No, I’m sorry” Oh, I ain’t heard those words in a while “Look, I’m sorry. It’s a lot for me, okay? I was a normal straight Catholic girl who never swore two months ago, you’ve had over 15 years to get this shit right in your head. I’m scared, okay?” . I’m sorry too. Ace has a temper, sorry, I have a temper. But I hate it when you don’t own it, you know? Look, you want me to show you? And then you can decide for yourself? “Show me?” Feederism. Food and sex and stuffin’ and all that good stuff. How about we try it out? To celebrate 150lbs, we do it like Waller-Bridge used to like. I learned all the tricks, chica. You wanna try? Who knows, you might like it? “As in?” You haul that 150lb ass up onto the bed upstairs, I’ll bring food, and we get this party started “That sounds… yeah, let’s do it” Yeah? “Yeah, let’s give it a go . Just one thing… Could you help me get this costume off? It’s an all-in-one and it’s impossible to get off” Okay, first thing we gonna do is not do that “What?” We leavin’ the costume on for this “I thought we were having sex?” Pffftt… I will make you convulse like you never before, and you won’t even have to take your clothes off. That’s how you know you’re a feedee. So you gonna stay in your costume, go upstairs and wait for me. I’m gonna go to the shop next door, and grab hella cake “Oh no, not hella cake” Yes, chica. Hella cake. Then I gonna feed you until your costume is wet through 20 minutes later “Wait? How much hella cake?” Hella hella cake, chica. Hella hella cake. Oh, and look what else I got… “Are… are those handcuffs?” Si “Can… can we not do the handcuffs?” You don’t wanna be tied up? “No?” Well, that good. That means when I tie you up, you gonna be resistin’. Trust me, resistin’ is sexy. “It doesn’t sound sexy” First, we need a safe word “A wha… like, a safe word as in, like, a safe safe word?” Yeah, so we drop the act. That way, we can carry on knowin’ that we ain’t goin’ to far until the safe word comes out. “This… this sounds terrifying” I was thinking ‘calaca’. It means, like, a skinny scrawny skeleton woman. “Can it be something I can pronounce?” Yeah, sure.. I guess. You got any ideas? “Ummm… what about ‘tourist’?” Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, that seems fittin’. Talkin’ of fittin’… we puttin’ these handcuffs on you. Hands and feet. Tonight, you mine. You all mine. I’m gonna feed you til that sexy costume of yours ain’t fittin’. . . Now, remember you just say the T word if you want me to stop, fo real. Otherwise, if you say you want me to stop, I gonna just work harder to feed you. Okay? . Good, I’ll take that as a yes. Now, lie down, it’s time you gots yourself reacquainted with your old friend, frozen cheesecake. John Smith 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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