Issues gaining weight

[TheSoupNazi]

So I married a FA which is totally cool with me, but I've had some hurdles as someone new to this whole thing. And would like some insight...

I love not having to worry about my weight and even being encouraged to have extras, however I had an eating disorder as a teenager due to a controlling asshole boyfriend. I'm also in the medical field and it's always in the back of my mind the health implications. With that said we've done stuffings and had a blast, and there was a period of time that I was actively gaining. That was great.. but then I started to notice the health things which make me hessitate (I got up to around 200). Currently I'm around 185-190 which makes me able to breathe better (my job is very demanding... So that's kinda a necessity as I run around helping others)

With that said I know he would love to have me up closer to 230-250... Depending on how it looks on me (average height). I just feel that since he told me that he's an FA unless I'm stuffing my face he's not as sexually interested. Keep in mind I'm a solid 40lbs heavier than when we first met... Which leads to my confusion. 

With all of this said I know he loves me no matter what.. etc blah blah blah .. but I'm just looking to understand better, because I know he's on forums/Facebook looking at pictures of 200+women which I've told him is fine.. as long as its not someone we know (too personal), but I feel semi neglected at home, because whenever I try to "show him attention" he's somehow always tired.  

Could someone please give me a different perspective/advice because I don't know what to do to spice things up in the meantime of me being not as soft as he would like. 

[John Smith]

@drfeeder

[Chevalier]

If you feel neglected, keep your options as wide open as you want to be physically, just have some boundaries as you said you're married, but there's a lotta open territory (some curvage models are married for example). I am gradually stopping myself from chasing as it's wasted energy I can use to give someone special a twinkle in her eye.

There's healthier fats like olive oil and pasta or how you prepare meats. Snacking on tons of organic chips or juices can help too if you're health conscious. Maybe wine too.

Lastly, see who accepts you on your thinnest days. We can't all be bloated 24/7, and it helps to find other things to like about someone.

 

[sanduskyfalls]

Gain 5 pounds at a time. Get plenty of exercise inbetween. Let your body get used to the new weight a little at a time. Gain muscle as well as fat and try your hardest not to gain abdominal fat. 

[Gusto]

Your health and personal desires, needs and happiness should always come first. I would never suggest that someone gain for a partner if it's not something they personally want to do for themselves. Especially if it causes health issues, and if you don't enjoy the physical implications like being out of breath, not being able to maneuver around as easily, etc.

[Voluptuouslover]

On 5/8/2019 at 5:32 PM, TheSoupNazi said:

So I married a FA which is totally cool with me, but I've had some hurdles as someone new to this whole thing. And would like some insight...

I love not having to worry about my weight and even being encouraged to have extras, however I had an eating disorder as a teenager due to a controlling asshole boyfriend. I'm also in the medical field and it's always in the back of my mind the health implications. With that said we've done stuffings and had a blast, and there was a period of time that I was actively gaining. That was great.. but then I started to notice the health things which make me hessitate (I got up to around 200). Currently I'm around 185-190 which makes me able to breathe better (my job is very demanding... So that's kinda a necessity as I run around helping others)

With that said I know he would love to have me up closer to 230-250... Depending on how it looks on me (average height). I just feel that since he told me that he's an FA unless I'm stuffing my face he's not as sexually interested. Keep in mind I'm a solid 40lbs heavier than when we first met... Which leads to my confusion. 

With all of this said I know he loves me no matter what.. etc blah blah blah .. but I'm just looking to understand better, because I know he's on forums/Facebook looking at pictures of 200+women which I've told him is fine.. as long as its not someone we know (too personal), but I feel semi neglected at home, because whenever I try to "show him attention" he's somehow always tired.  

Could someone please give me a different perspective/advice because I don't know what to do to spice things up in the meantime of me being not as soft as he would like. 

 

This is a very well worded/ thought out write up.  I think you may get some good answers on this thread but I wanted to know a couple of quick questions first before I direct my thoughts and give you some info.  Yes....so many women including my wife had an asshole boyfriend in the past that messed with their heads and weight gain.

Couple questions - 

It sounds like you  knew a bit about him being an FA and into you gaining weight prior to you getting married?   How long before?

Has he told you that he prefers you to be in the 230-250 Lb range or is that what you assume?

So when you first started dating your husband you were 5' 4" - 5' 6" and weighed 150 Lbs?

You sound pretty open with your husband but I get this isn't always an easy topic to communicate about.....what have you really discussed with him about you gaining etc. etc.?

 

 

 

[TheSoupNazi]

@Voluptuouslover 

My husband opened up to me within the first year of our relationship.. so several years before marriage. He never had the expectation, just the hope that one day I would pack on some pounds. He has never pressured me to gain and has always understood my previous issues could be a hurdle. 

When we discussed the prospect of me gaining is when he told me what he would love if I got up to..but all of it depended on how I felt along the way and how I carried the weight if he/I would like more. 

We've discussed a lot: my potential reservations, goal weight, how I wanted to pack on pounds, etc.. 

I think part of the problem is when something is in front of you everyday you forget the transformation.. it's easier to see drastic before and after on forums/Facebook than what's sitting next to you every day, hence the spoken about confusion. The world we live in is one with the availability of all of this at your fingertips, I feel like it almost make you desensitized, but maybe that's just me.

[Voluptuouslover]

Ok my initial thought from what you have mentioned is he may feel like you are going to lose even more weight.  Not sure what all was said between you two.  I think all of us guys who love their wife gaining weight kind of dream that our wife's will gain and keep gaining like a perfect fantasy.  There is always some peaks and valleys if you will for both sides, 

like in your case getting some cold feet with thinking of health etc. and noticing a difference in stamina and breathing.   Obviously you are a very willing participant so far with discussing and wanting to gain for him.  My wife knows I love it when she gains weight,  she doesn't try to gain or she doesn't do it for me on purpose but there are certain times where she starts to pack on quite a bit of weight....I love it so much during these times.  She then all of a sudden gets frustrated about being heavier and tries dieting.  I have a childish way of feeling internally that she is doing this even though she knows I love her and her figure so much with the added weight but I know it is her decision but it seems as everything that comes out of her mouth during these times I find the opposite of sexy.  For example - "I shouldn't eat that"  Talking to her friends on the phone " I have to get on WW again to really lose some weight"  or once she is losing some weight I hear her critiquing other women more....."she should slow down on the cookies"....all these things make me feel as though I am not going to get my wife back the way I had her just a while ago.   Possibly your husband is feeling some of these things?   Even though my wife doesn't lose that much weight before she eventually gains it back.....my emotions because of this fetish are back and forth or hot and cold.   When she is heavier I am so happy and she seems more care free, happy and sexual.  When she is dieting I am not happy, she is grouchy and not even in the mood for sex.

Ultimately one thing may play off of another in a relationship but I know with emotions and feeling within someone with this fetish things may be down with his sex drive towards you at the moment.  But seriously he would get so aroused if you came to him and whispered in his ear "Honey I can't diet or watch my weight I am to hungry and I think I am just going to get pretty Fat and be happy".  I bet he would snap right out of his funk. I am not saying that you have to do that but thats just how our brains and emotions work.  I wish my wife would eventually just not diet anymore because she ends up gaining the weight back and usually increases it a little more.....then we wouldn't have to go through this cycle over and over.  Also I would love to have my wife gain to 230-250 Lbs. like your husband and you have discussed  but I don't think she will get there (If she does that is perfect to me)  I am happy with her gaining to 180-200 Lbs. and there is so many other ways to tease your man without actually having that much weight.  Just talking about weight gain is sexy in itself or out of control eating and gaining role play.

I hope this has some helpful info. for you....it's complicated but I do know that most guys with this fetish prop their wife's up on a pedestal and adore them and only them....they just love them with some extra Lbs.....we may admire other fat on women but ultimately only have feelings for our wife's and them gaining....i hope that didn't come off wrong?

[TheSoupNazi]

@Voluptuouslover

That didn't come off wrong, and I think I needed fresh eyes on it. Where I really struggle with this whole thing is when I've notice him admiring fat on other women..on social media where I know the person. It just makes me self conscious because it almost makes it too real. I know he doesn't mean anything by it and he loves/adores me, it just cuts straight to my insecurities. 

Thank you for your perspective

[Voluptuouslover]

I can understand that for sure.  

So is he admiring one particular lady?  Is she heavier like 250?

 

[TheSoupNazi]

It's several.. ones that he knew at their skinniest, so the weight gain, although isn't up to the 250s, he was able to get the full appreciation for. He's heard the casual conversation of "I'm getting fat, " etc from some of them. 

He didn't know me at my skinniest (115ish) and there's not many pictures of me at that time to do a side by side.. so I think of my weight gain from this point instead of the 150 when we met. 

[Voluptuouslover]

well this common behavior with this fetish (before and afters).   As far as your friends or women he knows....I understand that is a bit personal.  Have you talked to him about it?  

 

[extra_m13]

you touch on several topics and first of all, i think you have come to the right place in search of the right conversation and a hint at some answer or at least some other ideas or experiences about the topic. personally, being an FA for some years and being married with the intention of that being for life i have the following comments. we as FA's cannot really expect our lady to constantly gain weight, i mean, even if we are with an ssbbw there is always a limit for a given height if no serious health issues arise before that, in terms of mobility and life style there are always some limitations and drawbacks to call put it in a way. but an FA will probably always be an FA so you may want to try and play with the scene. like, binge eating weekends and intentionally gaining during a particular holiday of month and then resorting back to having a 'normal' life, i think that could work.

as for the weight, well, yes, usually we will ask for curves and then some more but really anything around 200 pounds for a normal height should do it without compromising health and mobility, 250 pounds of course sounds better but 300 sound better yea and 400 and 500 but some activities will begin to be a hustle and of course you have to consider that the lady has to be willingly into it and that is just unfair to ask. 

 

about the online... doesn't matter, thin or fat , tits or asses, porn does distract us and turns our libido down at the bedroom, human nature, if she could tone that down, that penis would have an easier job and more energy at home. because the mind doesn't really distinguish between watching some crazy girl trying to get to 700 pounds for the sake of it or our own wife trying to make amends with going up a jeans size. again, i think you have come to the right place to discuss this and everything related, do not hesitate to ask anything. cheers.