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ilovepastries

I wish I didn't have this fetish [trigger warning]

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I've pretty much always been into fat girls, for as long as I can remember, and ever since I started masturbating I've almost exclusively jacked off to fat/obese women. The problem is, though, that I could never envision myself pursuing a relationship with an obese woman, let alone one involving feedism. Obesity is frowned upon here (Scandinavia), and I have this dilemma where I'm clearly sexually aroused by obese women, but at the same time the thought of being with a woman who's clinically obese is off-putting, since I myself exercise and maintain a healthy diet and I'd want my partner to do the same. I'm in my mid 20s and I still haven't had a girlfriend, ever, and I'm genuinely scared of even trying to look for a girl, because I know that if her BMI is any lower than 30, I'll have a hard time getting aroused by her, and due to social stigma I doubt she'd ever agree to gaining weight. Even if she were willing to gain weight, I wouldn't want her to turn obese for my sake since I'd be concerned about her health.

I feel like this is what it's like for gay people who haven't come out of the closet yet. I just keep suppressing my sexuality and I can't come to terms with it, so I end up forgoing relationships due to my own insecurities. Honestly, I'd have an easier time coming out as gay than telling my friends and family that I'm turned on by obese women who gain weight on purpose.

I don't mean to offend anyone, I just needed to get this off my chest. I'm also curious as to whether there are others here who can relate to this.

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Guest M_ustang1

You gotta find an attractive girl who’s already sorta chunky but not fat, close though, that you’re into and date her. As the years go by and she’s happy and comfortable, the pounds will come 😈 meanwhile, you reap the benefits, no one really bats an eye because that’s sort of what is expected from a long term relationship. The only downfall is there is no immediate gratification. 

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In the grand scheme of things, women can do crazy things and as you get physically closer, everyone from government to family will have you pay her bills to encourage a horrific feedback loop should you actually create children (bad credit is a huge red flag for mothers).  I will warn that this sounds negative/misogynist but it's impossible to praise this behavior that I've experienced for being a good person, as good deeds don't go unpunished in many cases.

I appreciate the difference in engaging good women at a healthy distance, such as the ones I routinely review on this site honestly, and not be suckered into throwing $1000's in debt, or worse yet, catch her lie and enable baby daddy while using you as a tampon for her repetitive sob stories.  

The world is a big place and global now.  Just throw that need to be physical away if you feel none of the regional women fulfill your needs.  I myself had to unlearn the idea that someone special will be there for me every day and I'm happy for who wants to engage me within 8 days, and possibly call things off when it gets too rude.  But at least I don't have to deal with divorce lawyers, alimony, and child support, let alone paying $50-$100 per day on her meals.

Regarding your closet, I don't know if you're trying to socialize with someone to flaunt a type of trophy wife, but those people lie about their relationships as well as the kissyface crowd on social media.  The uninhibited fights, potential to be called racial slurs (should it go interracial; I've experienced that one), and debts are swept under the rug.

Furthermore, a woman has to be engaging as well.  Think of acceleration on a car.  Shitty acceleration gets me nowhere.  Other dealbreakers for me include constant self-hating or a stubborn impulse to overemphasize her fat over my feelings/need to repair things when we don't get along.  I can't fix insecurities despite my emotional intelligence; I can only plant new ideas.

You did mention you have insecurities, so I hope I'm not too harsh on you.  I've been through a lotta crazy stuff and try to help those who want, to unlearn some really bad lies people are misled into destroying their lives with.

And if the ones online don't engage you enough, see if there's some weight gain game/visual novel to interest you.  Not weight gain, but breast expansion time tenshi was my favorite. Sequel wasn't as good, but I should get into those more and disappearing women less often.  I could only find a vid to this paradox one, but hopefully you get my point.

 

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Guest M_ustang1
12 hours ago, high said:

You have to find your heavy honey and then run away with her to the moon lest you be judged by anyone. 

Dude, man up and own your preference. 

This. I discovered this fetish 15 years ago and I am barely sort of scratching the surface of not caring if people know that Im into fat chicks. Luckily for me though Im in a steady relationship already but my gf is finally starting to put on weight and its noticeable

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6 hours ago, M_ustang1 said:

This. I discovered this fetish 15 years ago and I am barely sort of scratching the surface of not caring if people know that Im into fat chicks. Luckily for me though Im in a steady relationship already but my gf is finally starting to put on weight and its noticeable

Fetish rotation ;) works wonders.  Work the best angles like a wrestler and swap playfully between heel/face.

th?id=OIP.o2luL1H6YGv1nR_TNBdXfwHaIm&pid

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7 hours ago, Chevalier said:

Fetish rotation ;) works wonders.  Work the best angles like a wrestler and swap playfully between heel/face.

th?id=OIP.o2luL1H6YGv1nR_TNBdXfwHaIm&pid

It does help to have other things you're into in that way. Takes the mind off a drought of one fetish.

You're not an adult until you stop caring what others think of you, though. Children and teenagers don't know who they are yet, so they try to be what others want them to be. When you know who you are and what you want, then who cares what others want you to be/do? Just work on that first. It makes everything easier, not just talking about embarrassing fetishes.

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2 hours ago, Lilyp5 said:

You're not an adult until you stop caring what others think of you, though. Children and teenagers don't know who they are yet, so they try to be what others want them to be. When you know who you are and what you want, then who cares what others want you to be/do? 

I never really liked that idea given how entitled and arrogant a lot of adults can be, especially with poor attempts at communication.

Pride goeth before fall, and an iota of sensitivity usually helps safeguard vs having nasty prejudices, or just being neglectful. Maybe you mean basic insecurity. Then yeah, I agree, since having money or a perfect body won't prevent people from taking advantage of you when they're needy.

 

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On 4/25/2019 at 8:25 PM, ilovepastries said:

Honestly, I'd have an easier time coming out as gay than telling my friends and family that I'm turned on by obese women who gain weight on purpose.

So don't do that. 

Also, with a decent amount of exercise someone can be healthy at BMI 30. 

So:

1) find a fat girl whom you like

2) have a relationship

3) encourage her to do exercise so she's healthy, but let her know you find her sexy even if she's thick

It's much easier to exercise enough without losing weight than losing weight + keeping fit. Because there's less restrictions on eating. 
 

 

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what on the name of earth have i just read. First of all. Relationships are complex and require a lot more than liking the girl, no matter the weight. Now… there a lot of things to say but worrying about how the world will take your preferences its just wrong. Go out, date, try, communicate with people and learn along the way. Now, keep in mind that you will fail more than not in dating, for so many reasons. You can be into a lady physically but her personality may be just different and not compatible. And the opposite will probably happen as well… now, and I tell you this by experience, and I am sure I am not alone in this opinion, the ideal situation is not to find someone just fat, but to be content with it, or at least at peace, there fore it becomes sexy and it is their risk to take in terms of health and a situation for you to enjoy, you are not going to tie someone else and feed them to 500 pounds against their will. Not easy to find a lady like that but totally worth it. I think I have said enough for now.

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Based on your incredibly passive tone of writing and the fact you're mid 20s and never had a gf before, I know you're Scandinavian and everything but your problem while relatable seems to be part of a much bigger general psychological and lifestyle issue. I am a huge hypocrite but I care about you because I can see a part of myself in you, you need to learn how to "man up" as another reply said. The hard truth to even getting a gf at all of any size is that virtually all women do not like this groveling walking-on-eggshells mentality. If you have a life of any integrity worth living, you will end up being offensive to so wine out of billions no matter what you do. Subconsciously I can imagine your demeanor being a major turnoff. You need to take charge of your life, and perhaps by now aim higher than a gf and start looking for wife and mother material. Time waits for no one....

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On 4/25/2019 at 1:25 PM, ilovepastries said:

I've pretty much always been into fat girls, for as long as I can remember, and ever since I started masturbating I've almost exclusively jacked off to fat/obese women. The problem is, though, that I could never envision myself pursuing a relationship with an obese woman, let alone one involving feedism. Obesity is frowned upon here (Scandinavia), and I have this dilemma where I'm clearly sexually aroused by obese women, but at the same time the thought of being with a woman who's clinically obese is off-putting, since I myself exercise and maintain a healthy diet and I'd want my partner to do the same. I'm in my mid 20s and I still haven't had a girlfriend, ever, and I'm genuinely scared of even trying to look for a girl, because I know that if her BMI is any lower than 30, I'll have a hard time getting aroused by her, and due to social stigma I doubt she'd ever agree to gaining weight. Even if she were willing to gain weight, I wouldn't want her to turn obese for my sake since I'd be concerned about her health.

I feel like this is what it's like for gay people who haven't come out of the closet yet. I just keep suppressing my sexuality and I can't come to terms with it, so I end up forgoing relationships due to my own insecurities. Honestly, I'd have an easier time coming out as gay than telling my friends and family that I'm turned on by obese women who gain weight on purpose.

I don't mean to offend anyone, I just needed to get this off my chest. I'm also curious as to whether there are others here who can relate to this.

In my experience, being raised in a Heavily Scandinavian Populated Area, Scandinavian Women don’t gain weight well. They really are an androgynous race, they beef up like men. 

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I have always found fetishes to be extremely interesting. Someone i knew who has been in many fetish scenes for years, once told me that a fetish means it is the ONLY WAY a person can become aroused. Meaning, you would not be able to achieve an erection or an orgasm unless the specific fetish was fulfilled. Sometimes we call something fetish when maybe it is preference? That being said, why fight something you naturally enjoy? There are so many people in this world, you can have preferences about their personality and their physicality. However, it doesn't mean trying to force them to change to meet your physical preference either.  

If having this preference is causing problems in your life and you want to change it, there is no harm in exploring more in sexuality than just your specific desire, either. For example, you said you have a gf now, she may be putting on more weight (which is great!) but sexuality can go beyond solely the physical aspects of another person. 

I agree with the comments about manning up and recognizing a preference. Tough love. If you truly believe you would not be sexually fulfilled or unable to perform sexually with a woman who was not fat / obese, you need to work to get over your conflict with the social stigma yourself. You can't expect an obese woman to also follow the same diet regimen and fitness plan as you.  If the fetish isn't changing, your mentality about the reasons you won't be in a romantic relationship with a fat / obese woman should change. 

I am in a relationship with someone who had this fetish before meeting me. He believed it was the only way he could be "fully aroused." I was 44 lbs lighter than I am now, around 135 lbs now i am 179 lbs and we were able to have sex before I gained the weight. However,  before he revealed his fetish to me, he made up other reasons for why he wasn't sure if he could get an erection like "being too tired" and "having poor circulation." He said these things because he was afraid of telling me the truth at the time. AND he had it in his head that this was the only way he could have an erection. This was before ever knowing he enjoyed big women. 

Hey, I like men with large penises, does this mean I have a problem if I don't want to be with someone without one? 

Preference. Let go of hangups. 

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I feel like being with a big woman if that is your preference isn't that hard to do once you accept your preference and are open to liking bigger women, but I feel like it is next to impossible to find someone that is into feedism and also is into things that you are into. I feel like being an FA is easier now more than ever with the body positive movement and increase in plus size modeling. It may still be something that can be frowned upon or joked at (liking bigger women that is), but I feel it's even harder to find someone into feedism if that is your fetish. For one, it's not societally acceptable in most peoples minds (those that even know what feedism is which is very few) and the girls that are openly into feedism online seem to always be in a relationship already half the time. 

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You must just accept it; almost in the same as a homosexual must accept their sexuality. It wont change. The options are literally repressing what you want and being sexually unsatisfied or making peace with what you like.

This isn't an unsympathetic stance but just a pragmatic response. I can tell you i'm in the same situation where I would have in the past rather conformed to dating typical attractive women and just fit in with my peers. I wanted that because I met some wonderful women who were caring and shared similar passions and would have made wonderful girlfriends if it were not for the lack of sexual attraction and chemistry.

Its fine to wish you fit in more with convention but if you strive to fight your sexuality you will be miserable. Its easier in the long run to accept it and just live with what you are.

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I think the analogy with homosexuality is somewhat fair. Not that FAs face the kind of horrific persecution LGBTQ people have (which extends to being burned alive), but rather in the sense that our preference is marginalized. In fact, it is one of the most marginalized sexual preferences around, much more than homosexuality is at this point. You hardly ever see FAs represented anywhere, outside of black culture where it is permissible, probably for complex cultural and racially-inflected reasons. I grew up as a somewhat shy kid in the pre-internet era. Believe me, I never saw anything indicating that FAdom was even a thing. Nor, to my intense frustration, dud yiu ever see BBWs in films or TV. I had to gradually discover that the girls I was drawn to differed from those if other guys; that these girls were fat; and that this preference, if publicly expressed, marked me as weird or deviant. (My first GF, who was BBW, dismissed my preference as 'weird' when I confessed it, a humiliating response that made a big impact on my vulnerable psyche).

So yeah, I struggled with it somewhat.. My main psychological move was to basically deceive myself that 'I like them big, but not that big.' I would internally veto any attraction to girls above a certain size. It took me years to accept that maybe my ceiling was much higher than I first thought, encompassing not just 'plump' gals but outright obese ones. It also took me years to understand how much of a turn on weight gain and overeating are to me. 

So I can relate to the OP's pain to a degree. That said, my solution was simple. I never publicly announced my preference. I just dated BBWs and eventually married one and that was that. If people want to make snide remarks behind my back, that's their problem. No one has ever said anything to my face except my parents a couple of times in 'concern troll' mode about my then-fiance's 'health.' I told them I never wanted to hear another word from them on that subject, and haven't heard any since.

It can be hard to be outside the norm. But that's no reason to deny ourselves the partners we're meant to be with.

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It took me years to accept that maybe my ceiling was much higher than I first thought, encompassing not just 'plump' gals but outright obese ones. 

I'm getting there. In my case it just happens. As I grow my wife I see that the fatness I'm looking for isn't the 220-250 lbs I thought about but that it'll be over that. If I get there I don't know but at least I know that 250 lbs isn't my cutoff point.

Quote

That said, my solution was simple. I never publicly announced my preference.

I've never made a statement about it but when we guys talk about women, or when it comes up in other conversations, 2 years ago I started saying "I prefer a woman with some meat on her"

Nobody has ever pushed back. It seems to be an accepted preference. I might as well have said "I like big butts" or "I like a woman with big breasts"

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On 4/25/2019 at 8:25 PM, ilovepastries said:

I've pretty much always been into fat girls, for as long as I can remember, and ever since I started masturbating I've almost exclusively jacked off to fat/obese women. The problem is, though, that I could never envision myself pursuing a relationship with an obese woman, let alone one involving feedism. Obesity is frowned upon here (Scandinavia), and I have this dilemma where I'm clearly sexually aroused by obese women, but at the same time the thought of being with a woman who's clinically obese is off-putting, since I myself exercise and maintain a healthy diet and I'd want my partner to do the same. I'm in my mid 20s and I still haven't had a girlfriend, ever, and I'm genuinely scared of even trying to look for a girl, because I know that if her BMI is any lower than 30, I'll have a hard time getting aroused by her, and due to social stigma I doubt she'd ever agree to gaining weight. Even if she were willing to gain weight, I wouldn't want her to turn obese for my sake since I'd be concerned about her health.

1)  30% of guys your age this day is to some extent addicted to porn; their sexual and other functioning could improve in a major way if they didn't use it. Unless you can easily go weeks to months without looking, reading etc any porn or cravings to do so, you don't know whether or not you are an addict. 

2) women who are into strength sports might look 'heavy' but can still successfully argue that they're not fat. Go check out for example the athletic curvage thread. 

 

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Just another random thought to interject, but could it be the reason you're into obese women online isn't even because it's an actual body type preference for women you want to date regularly/go out with?

I can easily see how it could be a sexual turn-on to look at, but for you, primarily stimulating because it's sort of a taboo? EG. The idea of a woman being that gluttonous or that large compared to the average person is a turn-on in and of itself, yet it's not who you'd want to select as a partner.

I think there's definitely such a thing as dividing up your fetish interests you'd like to engage with with a partner in real life, vs. your fantasy fetish interests that sit outside your own comfort zone. I've discovered that I dabble in that myself with some of the "giantess" fantasy material out there. There are some of those fantasy stories and photoshopped videos/images of a woman growing to be 50 feet tall and stomping around a city crushing cars under her feet and all that. Clearly not even possible in the real world, but even if she did exist? I know in reality, I'd be more afraid of someone like that than turned on by her. Yet, it's kind of arousing in the safety of knowing it's just fantasy material to look at or read.

 

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