I wish I didn't have this fetish [trigger warning]

[ilovepastries]

I've pretty much always been into fat girls, for as long as I can remember, and ever since I started masturbating I've almost exclusively jacked off to fat/obese women. The problem is, though, that I could never envision myself pursuing a relationship with an obese woman, let alone one involving feedism. Obesity is frowned upon here (Scandinavia), and I have this dilemma where I'm clearly sexually aroused by obese women, but at the same time the thought of being with a woman who's clinically obese is off-putting, since I myself exercise and maintain a healthy diet and I'd want my partner to do the same. I'm in my mid 20s and I still haven't had a girlfriend, ever, and I'm genuinely scared of even trying to look for a girl, because I know that if her BMI is any lower than 30, I'll have a hard time getting aroused by her, and due to social stigma I doubt she'd ever agree to gaining weight. Even if she were willing to gain weight, I wouldn't want her to turn obese for my sake since I'd be concerned about her health.

I feel like this is what it's like for gay people who haven't come out of the closet yet. I just keep suppressing my sexuality and I can't come to terms with it, so I end up forgoing relationships due to my own insecurities. Honestly, I'd have an easier time coming out as gay than telling my friends and family that I'm turned on by obese women who gain weight on purpose.

I don't mean to offend anyone, I just needed to get this off my chest. I'm also curious as to whether there are others here who can relate to this.

[ilovepastries]

On 10/18/2019 at 9:08 PM, tw71 said:

I can easily see how it could be a sexual turn-on to look at, but for you, primarily stimulating because it's sort of a taboo? EG. The idea of a woman being that gluttonous or that large compared to the average person is a turn-on in and of itself, yet it's not who you'd want to select as a partner.

The taboo aspect certainly does play a role and it does make it even more arousing, but even without it I'm still attracted to bigger women. One of the main reasons why I wouldn't want my partner to be obese is that it's objectively bad for your health, and I wouldn't want her to suffer health issues primarily so that I can derive sexual satisfaction from her.
 

On 10/8/2019 at 12:47 AM, KFD said:

Jesus fuck, we have people posting trigger warnings now? 🤦🏼‍♂️

I'm not really a fan of that trend either, but it does effectively communicate what I want, which is that my post might elicit bad feelings and that some people here might take offense at it. I want to make it very clear that I don't judge anyone for pursuing this fetish. I just wanted to start a discussion about it because I figured I couldn't be the only one who feels conflicted about this fetish. The cognitive dissonance of being turned on by something your rational mind rejects is incredibly frustrating to say the least.