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I'm at my wits end with this fetish...


PreyToGod

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I discovered this side to my sexuality when I was 9 years old, and I'll be honest, I can't help but see it as a fucking curse these days.

I'm aroused by feederism/weight gain. Not just chubby girls. I wish it were the latter, it would make things a whole hell of a lot easier. The latter is social acceptable, the former is not. 

'Just meet a chubby girl on tinder and convince her to gain' I've had people suggest. Nope, if the girl is making such extreme changes only to please me, that crosses the line. I need to find a girl who's already passionate about this kink.

Over the past 3 odd years, there have been maybe 2 or 3 prospects pop up locally. I tried to present myself as a genuine guy who was interested in exploring this kink with somebody...never got anywhere with any of them. In fact 2 never even opened my messages. 

Besides locally, I've reached out to maybe...300 or so feedee girls in the community over the years. I've tried sending well thought out messages, being humorous, being interesting conversation, talking dirty, talking clean, etc etc. At the end of the day it's all just been a big fucking waste of time and energy.

Most don't even deign to respond.

Of those that do, most either can't be fucked, or are incapable of holding a conversation.

Of those that can, the distance between us strains thing too much, and any energy inevitably fizzles out and dies. 

Not to mention that most end up mysteriously vanishing and deleting their accounts (I can understand why).

Overall... I'm at the end of my tether with this. It's holding me back from pursuing normal relationships with local girls...but unfortunately that's not where my sexuality lies. I've tried to force it and it'snot very satisfying.

Where do i go from here...?

 

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i think you posted this on another thread but... i will answer only. this is a very common situation mate. you don't say how old are you but i am guessing you are younger than me. i can assure it is the same struggle for people with 'regular' tastes. it is just plain difficult to find another person and to have it all, a nice relationship, fun, passion and to satisfy our kinks at the same time. but, we just gotta keep looking, there is no other way, she will definitely not come to our door one day. and while apps may help, there are other complementary ways. don't know where you live but remember that we have more and more public dating places for large woman and well, it is just about being patient i guess. cheer up. 

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Thanks for the positivity - the issue is that there are enough places oriented toward finding and dating large women, but I'm primarily aroused by feederism, weight gain, bellies, not necessarily BBW's, which is much much harder to explain to people, and far more difficult to find locally. 

I know the answer is basically keep looking and stop despairing, but maybe I just needed to hear that from a few other people, since this isn't something I can discuss with friends or anything. 

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Well, you cannot go on a dating app and just recomman to any overweight girl if she want to gain. People on picture-swiping apps either want to date or have sex most oftentimes: not to be forthright fetishized or risking to be hogged. Even people on the one dating apps and forums centered about this so-called fetish avoid to do that most oftentimes, beside creepers and emotionally stunted women.

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No other fetishes? Being a one trick pony is dangerous in these Badlands. Good advice here too. You will get rejected most of the time and as @John Smith said there are women who are emotionally stunted. I got blocked on Instagram for asking a fat cosplayer to be Doris from wild guns reloaded for example. And that's why fat roles look bad.

Screenshot_20190424-070452.thumb.png.e2e294fd89b81d84c51babfa3f9cec09.png

Be thankful for who you have and influence. If you can tone it down to food baby bellies and beer bellies on a woman you'd have more success as they go away and she's less prone to be shocked.

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Guest Kika0119
1 hour ago, Gusto said:

If you're lucky your tastes will change someday like mine did. I used to be the same as you but now I'm happy with merely chubby girls who are enthusiastic about eating:-)

Yup, same here. I would never force my fiance to actively gain, I support her whenever she wants to lose weight, and I actually have no intention of telling her that I'm turned on by weight gain. But I did get lucky enough to find a girl that really enjoys eating (even if she doesn't like the changes it brings to her body). When I met my girl, she was 125 lbs and now 2 years later, she is 175 lbs. I just compliment her all the time, so she knows I find her to be ridiculously sexy. But to her, she hates how big her face, belly, and arms have gotten. She likes how big her legs and ass have gotten though. As do I. She's only 5'2" and a lot of it went to her ass and legs. 

So @PreyToGod, I'd try and get a girl that just loves eating. Maybe you'll find one like my fiance who was once gym-fit at 125, and now she can't stop eating. 

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At least, you all have to live sexual/relationship issues as feeders within your respective couples.

Not with somebody unable to determine for nearly an entire decade whether her sentiments for you are friendly, siblinglike or more and is slowly clawijg for the littiest half-hearted apology to slowly seclude you out of her life, when you were the one who believed the utmost about every single potential of hers and dedicated eight years of your youth to help her further exploring and expanding her horizons and fantasies, each time casually followed by a half-success and a trail of reverbating denial.

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Guest Pjrnbjrb

I’ve struggled with this in a few of my short term relationships in my past. I told a girl on the internet who was pretty sex positive about it, and even she was a little hesitant about feederism, especially when I asked if she could wear a tight shirt, or eat for me. I personally pushed too much, because I looked at it from this place of scarcity, as if I would never meet anyone else as cool with everything as she was. So, I definitely agree with others in the thread about toning things down, possibly with porn or anything else. 

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Yeah guess i'll just stop associating with all feederism/weight gain content and over a little while hopefully the attraction should normalize to chubby girls. I mean don't get me wrong I'm still sexually attracted to non-feederism stuff, but it feels like I'll never quite reach the level of gratification that other people do if i refrain from indulging in it.

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I like weight gain/feederism but definately okay with regular sex and relationships, currently i'm dating two girls simultaneously (i'm polyamorous) and they're both pretty skinny.

I love my kink, it helped me to be a much better person and probably the most body positive i know.

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18 hours ago, PreyToGod said:

Yeah guess i'll just stop associating with all feederism/weight gain content and over a little while hopefully the attraction should normalize to chubby girls. I mean don't get me wrong I'm still sexually attracted to non-feederism stuff, but it feels like I'll never quite reach the level of gratification that other people do if i refrain from indulging in it.

Buddy, try just staying off this stuff for a while. If chubby content is the only thing you jack off too then yeah, it's gonna seem like it's all that dominates your sexual desires and ideas. Take a break from it. If you get real horny have a wank without looking at this or any other kind of porno. Having internet where you can access shitloads of content catering to your specific fetish will break your brain after a while. Just take a hiatus from it for a while and try meeting some girls and not even worrying about the sex aspect. You sound young, so just have fun. Don't think too hard.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I got to think it is about impossible to find a woman out of the blue who thinks being a feedee is a good idea. How does one even bring that up? I would think that would make most women run for the hills. In my own case and others that ive talked to  it seems you "grow" into it over time.  My wife knew I likes fat girls, I never made a secret of it. As she grew I loved it and she didn't seem to have much of a problem with it. Eventually it was a full blown feeder/feedee situation. More than a few times she would say she loved being as big as she was 500+  but had she been told that would happen she would have run off. Things change  and you change with them.  Sure I miss the heavy feeding and all the went with it, but that had run its course. Now in the mid to upper 3s things are fine. different but quite good.  Like I said things change.  In the end I Cant see building a relationship on weight gain, the end of that isn't good. 

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I'm probably FAR from the guy you want to get this kind of advice from, since plenty of my own relationships were failures for one reason or another....

But I can tell you this much:  The women I ended up in relationships with who would have been ok with ideas like gaining weight/feeding were ones I started dating because I just acted like a normal, average guy who saw her sitting by herself and I wanted to talk to her. After many months of dates and things getting more serious? THEN she'd be a lot more receptive to topics like this, that people feel are generally personal secrets, not to be revealed to the "wrong person".  I mean, for me, it did seem that there was kind of a requirement of the woman being on the heavier side, or at least "thick", to begin with. But I think that's because truthfully, most skinnier or athletic type gals put in a lot of work to keep those figures. Whether it was running, or going to the gym, swimming every week, or simply doing a lot of calorie counting and skipping foods they want to eat but know are bad for them? They're already in that mindset that their hard work paid off with the reward of them having the body they do. They're NOT likely to take well to you coming along and suggesting all of that was, essentially, a big waste of time and you want them to UNDO everything.

With women who have been heavy all their life? They're more receptive, because half the time, they're thinking, "Sure, I can get up to THAT weight! I've been there before! Just didn't know someone was going to come along who I actually LIKE enough to consider going back there again for them." But they've got to have a true bond with you and truly think you're worth it.

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Curvage Model

Having fetishes on the 'extreme' side can make things hard. In an ocean of fish, our fetishes can limit us down to a small pond of people, and then even smaller when we narrow down what/who we are attracted to, someone who hits all the right kinks and who we can see ourselves being in a relationship with. 

Feederism hasn't had a spot in any of my personal long-term relationships but some extreme BDSM definitely has, and I've had my own struggles with finding someone compatible with my own kinks. So I can empathize. 

After looking for a long time and being repeatedly disappointed for whatever the reason something didn't work out, I went back to look at what I really wanted. What was the most important thing for me? For me it was finding a partner/best friend and even if they weren't into my same fetishes, the fact that they were open-minded and non-judgmental was a great step-in to kink and a conversation starter. Once I had that, embraced it, and had a partner who was happy to explore, my mindset changed from "I MUST HAVE IT THIS WAY AND THIS WAY ONLY" to "Hey, this is better than I thought it would be" and I enjoyed it a lot.

Fetishes aren't an on/off switch, they can be so deeply rooted in our minds and sexuality that it's impossible to turn off. You can still love what you love and desire that, but don't close yourself into such a tight little box that it makes you miserable. 

As far as dating goes, I'm not sure things like Tinder, OkCupid, POF, etc would go over that well. Maybe? It just might make it more frustrating when looking IMO. On those profiles I'd probably just be very blunt to weed out women who don't share your same kinks. 

Are you on Fetlife? It's not exactly a dating site but almost...think more like a kinky Facebook. They have classified ad groups where you can post who/what you're looking for in a partner, and BBW, SSBBW, Feederism groups where you can reach out and connect with people with similar fetishes. Since your fetish is niche, start looking in the niche areas rather than someplace with a pool of vanilla people like Tinder. 

Keep looking and don't give up. As frustrating as the search is it will be worth it when you find someone awesome that you click with. :) 

 

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Probably I'm not the best person to give advices but I think (trust me, I read articles of doctors trying to don't mind to the bullshits) that you can't completely cancel a fetish or a kink but you can moderate it with perseverance and a strong mindset... Things are difficult for us (and I know it) but you can't totally change yourself cause it could be a disaster (in simple worlds you can't try to do something that could not bring results)... At least you can improve yourself .

Porn in my opinion is not the best way to do it cause it could represent an addiction

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@Anonymous$$ I just explore things I like more.  But yeah addiction is basically always having to choose the porn or whatever fetish over other enjoyable things.  Moderation would be to choose randomly or find what you like and stop when it isn't worth the effort.  Keep things fresh by rotating desires; I'd probably be the bane of this forum for encouraging that, but I'm a lot braver these days.

In simpler terms for an alcoholic, it would be choosing the beer every time over any type of other drinks.

I do know I'm not this type of person, let alone how almost everything is coddling these days (choices/accountability are dead in this honorless age).  So my best effort would probably be to say to take baby steps and disengage someone who sees you as only a fetish/ATM. 

I do feel comments of a woman being pretty with another 20-50 pounds are passive aggressive, but then at the same point, I'm not involved so I limit judgment, let alone when these things get enabled and become a permanent type of BDSM.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think the reality is for most people, we are going to be left at least somewhat unsatisfied in life. I think porn is part of it. I don't know if anyone has watched her stuff, but amazingasianamazon would be my ideal (her website is down but you can probably find her old vids on other sites). She's like 6' 225 pounds, curvy but muscular under the curves and seemed to get off on dominating a scrawny guy (it was always the same guy, I assume either her bf or husband). She'd do things like lift him up and give him an aerial blow job. How many women are even able to do this and even if able, how many would get anything out of it for themselves? Most women prefer to be dominated rather than doing the dominating. Plus in my experience, most women her size are looking for bigger men who are at least the same size as them. 

Different from your fetish, but the same principle. Assuming they are still together, the guy basically hit the powerball lottery and most of us with specific fetishes will have to consign ourselves to only being partly fulfilled at best.

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Guest LeanGuy

Yeah this fetish is tough to live out. I constantly find myself with a lot of internal contradictions. Have a beautiful girlfriend who is now aware of my fetish, but still will never be able to live it out fully. Love her. Absolutely do, but I feel I’ll always desire what I can’t have. A girl who will fatten up and get huge because she shares my fetish. Do I think that type of relationship would end well? Probably not. But every part of me still wants to explore it and try. #internalcontradictions

 

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