Guest cakeincarnate Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 Has anyone ever talked to a therapist, psychologist, etc., about their weight gain, fat, or feedism kinks and fetishes? I've been thinking about discussing some of this with my own therapist. I just entered my 30s and for over two decades now I've been conflicted, ashamed, self-loathing, and repressive regarding my sexual preferences and desires. I'm just tired of it and want to learn a little acceptance. So has anyone else talked about their kinks with anyone in a therapeutic context? How did it go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extra_m13 Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 not me... but i am curious about what they would say, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finalsafari Posted January 16, 2019 Share Posted January 16, 2019 I’ve mentioned it a few times in the context of larger discussions about other things. It went fine! I’ve never personally had the urge to delve too deep into it though, hasn’t been on the top of my list. you should definitely address it though if it’s bothering you, even if it’s just letting it out. That’s what we pay them for haha. I’m sure as you know things are always easier and less heavy in those rooms once you just say them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Smith Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 Are people are discussing about their preferences for slim women to their therapist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finalsafari Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 4 hours ago, John Smith said: Are people are discussing about their preferences for slim women to their therapist? The OP mentioned he felt conflicted and ashamed regarding his sexual preferences. Working through those things are worth doing in therapy. It doesn't mean the therapist has to psychoanalyze the fetish itself like he has a disorder. John Smith 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Smith Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 10 hours ago, finalsafari said: The OP mentioned he felt conflicted and ashamed regarding his sexual preferences. Working through those things are worth doing in therapy. It doesn't mean the therapist has to psychoanalyze the fetish itself like he has a disorder. Hm. I figure out, now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cakeincarnate Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 19 hours ago, extra_m13 said: not me... but i am curious about what they would say, "Oh hey, me too!" Haha, not likely. 18 hours ago, finalsafari said: you should definitely address it though if it’s bothering you, even if it’s just letting it out. That’s what we pay them for haha. I’m sure as you know things are always easier and less heavy in those rooms once you just say them. It's bothered me to the extent that it's brought harm not only to my psychological well-being but also to my physical health! Just letting it out would be huge for me. I've walked around the subject in therapy, drawing circles in ever closer... I think I'm just going to dive in next week. 15 hours ago, John Smith said: Are people are discussing about their preferences for slim women to their therapist? It's not just about preferring one body type over others. There's a bit more to it than that. Anyhow, I think that's a weak comparison. Do hetero people go to therapy to discuss their hang-ups about being straight? Do cisgender people seek out help with their shame for being cis? Do ethnic majorities need help adjusting to their privileged status? (Actually, this last one's a bit complicated, isn't it!? 😜) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cakeincarnate Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 14 minutes ago, John Smith said: Hm. I figure out, now. Yeah, I've basically hated myself for my urges/desires. I'm tired of hating myself. Also, I don't want to be sad, miserable and lonely repressing things. I just want to live my life, enjoy sex, etc! I just have a lot of internalized shame I need to deal with. It is what it is... Come to think of it, though, I bet people whose partners have gained weight have talked to their therapists about preferring slim bodies! E.g., their attachment to their partners causes them guilt for not feeling attracted to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Smith Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 2 minutes ago, cakeincarnate said: "Oh hey, me too!" Haha, not likely. It's bothered me to the extent that it's brought harm not only to my psychological well-being but also to my physical health! Just letting it out would be huge for me. I've walked around the subject in therapy, drawing circles in ever closer... I think I'm just going to dive in next week. It's not just about preferring one body type over others. There's a bit more to it than that. Anyhow, I think that's a weak comparison. Do hetero people go to therapy to discuss their hang-ups about being straight? Do cisgender people seek out help with their shame for being cis? Do ethnic majorities need help adjusting to their privileged status? (Actually, this last one's a bit complicated, isn't it!? 😜) Well, when you think about it, most everything can be subjective: most hereronormative preferences changes from era to era - as proved this thesis about fat appreciation in fourteenth-century Islamic world alike African societies... now try to talk about it with their contemporary city-dwelling or abroad descendants now - whilst cisgenderism wouldn't have any much sense in ancient Graeco-Roman period... whom to ethnic majorities denying their highly privilegied status in spite their heavily embedded colonial or imperialistic roots, that is more because of cognitive dissonance widespread amongst most of these people about the fact that all their social benefits and achievements has been led but spitefully to the expanse and lives of otherwise conquerred populations of and less because of us being a "snowflake generation" like once said Dwayne Johnson (no longer before to deny himself have said that) . I wouldn't judge anyone, but from my empirical experience, I have noticed thag most Westerners who have preferences for women of the bigger side of weight spectrum or fantasize about making them bigger have issues to deal with it because that hasn't in any comformity to what our social standards indulge us to adopt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Smith Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 11 minutes ago, cakeincarnate said: Yeah, I've basically hated myself for my urges/desires. I'm tired of hating myself. Also, I don't want to be sad, miserable and lonely repressing things. I just want to live my life, enjoy sex, etc! I just have a lot of internalized shame I need to deal with. It is what it is... Come to think of it, though, I bet people whose partners have gained weight have talked to their therapists about preferring slim bodies! E.g., their attachment to their partners causes them guilt for not feeling attracted to them. I feel bad that you'd experienced it like this. That might not being easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imp Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 1 hour ago, cakeincarnate said: It's not just about preferring one body type over others. There's a bit more to it than that. Anyhow, I think that's a weak comparison. Do hetero people go to therapy to discuss their hang-ups about being straight? Do cisgender people seek out help with their shame for being cis? Do ethnic majorities need help adjusting to their privileged status? (Actually, this last one's a bit complicated, isn't it!? 😜) I'm a therapist. People talk about all kinds of things, and the way you just categorized people is counterproductive to individuals' well-beings. Therapists don't view people as cross-sections of the popular categories of the day. They view them as individuals. When they do view them as cross sections, they wind up interacting with people based on stereotypes (and usually really rudimentary and awful ones). In other words, they're really bad therapists. If you think you have a good therapist who cares about you and this area causes you distress, tell your therapist and perhaps he/she'll have something helpful for you. Or perhaps just the process of talking about it with someone who cares will be helpful in itself. dania201, John Smith and Dionysus 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dania201 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 On 1/17/2019 at 12:41 PM, imp said: I'm a therapist. How would you look at fatsexuality? Fetish or sexuality? Is it deviant or can it be part of a happy way to do life? John Smith 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imp Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 On 1/25/2019 at 12:20 PM, dania201 said: How would you look at fatsexuality? Fetish or sexuality? Is it deviant or can it be part of a happy way to do life? The answers are individual: it depends on the nature of each person's experience. It can be both fetish and sexuality. It's clearly deviant in that it's largely a minority experience. And happy is a big topic. Orienting your happiness around sexuality is in general a losing proposition. dania201 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhoDat Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 On 1/16/2019 at 5:59 PM, John Smith said: Are people are discussing about their preferences for slim women to their therapist? (Gently...) People who are attracted to the mainstream usually have no need to bring it up. Those who have been shamed or, in my case, tortured and beaten and harassed about their own weight as a child and then grew up to find a world completely hostile to their preference for fat women might have the need to talk about it with a therapist. You of all people, I would think, would get this... John Smith 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhoDat Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 I talked to one male therapist who was an absolute boob, making jokes about "more cushion for the pushin'" when I told him. My current doc is a BBW and when i bring it up, she nods but does not ask further questions. Any question about sex other than in general terms discussed with a therapist must take into account the therapist's own experience with going deep into talking about it - or not talking about it. It depends on the therapist. Some of them haven't done any kind of deep work around sexuality, their own or yours, and thus you can only go so far. With my current doc, I accept that I will get, at best, a nod when the subject comes up. She's great in other areas, though, so it balances out. One must figure it out for one's self in the end, methinks. John Smith 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cakeincarnate Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 On 1/17/2019 at 12:41 PM, imp said: I'm a therapist. People talk about all kinds of things, and the way you just categorized people is counterproductive to individuals' well-beings. Therapists don't view people as cross-sections of the popular categories of the day. They view them as individuals. When they do view them as cross sections, they wind up interacting with people based on stereotypes (and usually really rudimentary and awful ones). In other words, they're really bad therapists. If you think you have a good therapist who cares about you and this area causes you distress, tell your therapist and perhaps he/she'll have something helpful for you. Or perhaps just the process of talking about it with someone who cares will be helpful in itself. Yeah, sorry. I was only categorizing people in order to make my argument. I don't think my therapist does that in any way. They've always done a great job working with me as an individual. Anyhow, I did bring it up with my therapist! I was really anxious during the process, but afterwards felt so much better! They were understanding and really made me feel comfortable talking about the subject in any form I need. I plan to continue discussing it but didn't get a chance to this week since I've got other stuff going on right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Smith Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 On 1/29/2019 at 12:12 PM, WhoDat said: (Gently...) People who are attracted to the mainstream usually have no need to bring it up. Those who have been shamed or, in my case, tortured and beaten and harassed about their own weight as a child and then grew up to find a world completely hostile to their preference for fat women might have the need to talk about it with a therapist. You of all people, I would think, would get this... My apologies for this lack of sensibility. I better understand now. WhoDat 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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