Habituating my wife to weight gain [updates]

[cenahater5001]

Before i met my wife i was dating this girl i met in college but i remembered her from my high school. First thing i noticed is that she packed on like 40 pounds since then and i was determined to at least pay for her food a few times.

 

After i asked for her number, she brought up her weight gain several times with me but seemingly in disgust. She had thick thighs and beer belly but was only 180. I would rub her belly and she would laugh but get upset at the same time. I think the fact that she knew i loved her body made her feel better about it. I was determined to fatten her up with fast food and pizza but we ended up going separate ways after we realized we had nothing in common. 

 

i still think of her belly every once in a while and how much more huge it would be if we hit it off more, but she was very self conscious about it.

[allgrownup]

We're holding on.

I've set up fpr Christmas anyway. A bitter sweet experience and my wife thinks I'm crazy, but I think going through the motions keeps the machine running.

Work helps. It's like a safe place; I need to focus and gets things done, and when I'm "in the zone" I don't think.

But when I drive, when I walk, my mind keeps going back to them, the past, the memories, and although I don't want to think about it all, I do. That's hard.

Meanwhile life goes on, whch is very strange. 

[Guest superbacon7]

Hopefully the Christmas party is the positive environment you need right now, I think that's a great idea and I hope you really do have a great time and a happy holiday

[allgrownup]

On 12/20/2019 at 10:08 PM, superbacon7 said:

Hopefully the Christmas party is the positive environment you need right now, I think that's a great idea and I hope you really do have a great time and a happy holiday

It wont be happy, but I dont want this to be the end of everything, to be the end of me. 

[NikeLove1986]

[allgrownup]

I'm focusing on keeping busy, especially with my hobbies, and growing my wife is my main hobby.

Following this research paper on optimizing food for satiety (summary here in "de-optimizing food for satiety") I've been feeding her home made calorie enriched bread. The current version comes out to 215 calories/slice. A later version will hopefully up that to 250 calories/slice.

The dough contains 100 gram extra butter, and when served her 2 toast breakfast contains 2-4 tsp of butter on it, for another 70-140 calories.

Testing the "food messaging" component of the above research she's been told this is a lighter version of our bread. While consuming much more calories than usual she indeed eats it as if it is regular bread, doesn't complain about fullness, too much, etc.

She currently gets consistently fed extra butter in her meals, while her portions are smaller than usual, following the "portion calorie perception" part of the research. The food is presented as "not too much because I know you're not that hungry" but contains an equal amount of calories as otherwise or, often, a higher dose.

Butter is not only present in every meal, but also in its components. Example: 1 tsp to 1 tbsp of butter is added to her gravy.

The goal is to up her consumption of butter to about half a pound per week (1600 calories).

Given the circumstances it may not lead to weight gain at the moment but it will prevent sliding back. It also keeps me busy and my mind occupied.

She weighed herself, dressed, and is 214.3 lbs. She started the year at 212, and while she peaked at 219.2, it's still encouraging that she hasn't been able to lose weight.  Somewhere the coming days I'll be making the rice pudding @CherryPi shared and see if I can habituate her again to having dessert at least once a day.

[allgrownup]

Continuing the experiment to make food seem lighter I've made loaded mashed potatoes. Mine were regular; bit of butter, some cheese. Hers had, for 6 potions, a stick of butter, a cup of sour cream, a cup of whipping cream, and 3 cups of cheese. I kept adding cream and kept mashing until it was more liquid than you'd normally make it, and absolutely no lumps.

I told her I had substituted some ingredients for hers -- "you know, cream and milk" -- and that is why it was thinner.

She finished her plate before I could finish mine. About an hour later she asked for another portion. A portion comes out to about 650 calories so she did really good. She even snacked on some chips later on. Not a lot but apparently she had the idea that she was empty enough to eat some more.

All in all she had a 2,500 calories day on a 2000 maintenance level.

After her weeks of lack luster eating I'm happy I can help her regain her strength, and for myself I'm happy to take back up my hobby of fattening my wife. It gives me direction and purpose.

[allgrownup]

Thursday was another 2500+ calories day. Despite having been stuffed with a ton of extra butter she -- for the first time in a long time -- asked for sandwiches late at night.

Having started back cooking is doing her eating good, and keeps me busy.

Today she had trouble finishing another batch of loaded mashed potatoes followed by a somewhat failed rice pudding. Possibly a bit too much butter.

She's finished her first stick of butter of the week this morning and I started her on another one this afternoon. Will see how fast we can get that in her.

Movement is now reduced to an absolute minimum needed to go to the toilet or to a chair. She's forgone all household tasks. While I'm not into immobility I do like her activities limited to laying around, sitting, and eating, so that's fine by me.

Following my reading about Learned Overeating: Applying Principles of Pavlovian Conditioning to Overeating (summary) this week I'm making supper time extra cozy with dimmed lights (food less visible) and the statement "good movie, good food." Coming days I want to associate her afternoon coffee with a snack as well.

[Onlybbwplease]

Good to see you back, and I hope all is as well as can be. 

[allgrownup]

56 minutes ago, Onlybbwplease said:

Good to see you back, and I hope all is as well as can be. 

I've received incredible support from people here, including from people reaching out to me, and it really helps. It's all f-ed up but I can't do a thing about it but keep on going. @TheMercedesGuy said it very well: left foot, right foot. 

Throwing myself completely back into this hobby keeps me busy with my spreadsheets, my calculations, recipe research, cooking, lots of reading food science (I post the most interesting stuff in the Serious Discussion forum).

Thank you for your support too

[Guest high]

We're glad you're keeping busy and moving forward with life and are here to share it with us. 

[allgrownup]

She's meeting someone she met via a Facebook group about grief. I heard her make the arrangements for them to recognize each other, and she said "je suis une grosse femme", which translates in between to "I'm a big woman" and "I'm a fat woman"

I love that recognition and self-identification as being fat. That really started in September when she flat out described herself as fat to someone.

After the call I asked her about her saying that and she sort of shrug her shoulders and said "well, I am"

She did add she wants to be under 200 lbs but I don't see that happening.

Her bread this week will be 225 calories per slice, so her breakfast will start at a baseline of 450 calories of bread and at least 70 calories of butter. It's one of the meals she never skips, not even now, and it's the best time to lay a foundation for the day. She's doing pretty good at skipping lunch and not eating or snacking the rest of the day, but supper is increasingly a calorie bomb, and she's asked for a late night meal a couple of times.

Of her jeans she now has 2 pairs left that fit her. I'm going to have her buy at least one more pair so she's comfortable in her clothes again and doesn't get reminded too much that I'm still growing her.

[allgrownup]

I started her on a stick of butter the 27th and finished it this morning. Started her on another one to offset the skipping of meals. Between that and the butter in the bread she's going to be at 3 sticks (1/3 lbs) of butter in a week, besides the butter in the rich meals we have.

In pure numbers it doesn't add anything, because she has less appetite and skips meals, but it prevents sliding back. Also, her belly looks rounder, larger.

We'll delay the next weigh-in. If she has gained by then I plan to give her a financial reward for clothes or something like that; something associate it again with a pleasant, good experience.

She was again on the phone today with someone and again described herself as a large/big/fat woman.

[Bubblegump]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Hopefully time is helping to heal and grieve.

Focusing on a hobby like this can be very distracting and also rewarding. The tracking, meal planning, gambling with the extra bit of heavy cream is very fun. Although my current partner enjoys eating and gaining herself, I do miss those days sometimes. Watching my former partner eat herself into an obese woman unintentionally was one of the hottest moments of being a feeder. Seeing the scale continue to creep up each week to her dismay was guiltily satisfying. I see you have set 220 as a goal weight, but once you hit that I wouldn't be shocked if you go past. Mine snowballed once she hit 250 and I had a 330 lb girl with me by the next year. The subtle feeding definitely helped, but she was barely walking a block or so by then much to my delight.

[allgrownup]

On 12/31/2019 at 10:25 AM, Bubblegump said:

I see you have set 220 as a goal weight, but once you hit that I wouldn't be shocked if you go past. Mine snowballed once she hit 250 and I had a 330 lb girl with me by the next year.

She was 219 last summer but has become resistant to being grown. In her way she tries to diet, and it got her down to 214-215. So now my goal is 220, for now. 

Ideally I'd grow her back to the 250 she once was, and then go on, but it won't be easy as long as she is more mindful of what she eats.

On 12/31/2019 at 10:25 AM, Bubblegump said:

The subtle feeding definitely helped, but she was barely walking a block or so by then much to my delight.

Mine doesn't do walking at all since a while. She has some health issues (not weight related) and has a very lazy attitude, so it's laying and sitting for her.

Her laying is very sexy. She has so much belly that she has to start a roll to roll herself to the side of the bed to try and sit up.

Last summer walking 400-500 meter had her pause and rest on me to catch her breath. While I wish her the best heath, that's just very sexy.

[allgrownup]

The fattening seems to go good. Just now she complained about her weight; "nothing fits comfortably anymore." I suggested buying new clothes but she's not in the mood for that; "I need to downsize"

I don't actually think she gained a lot of weight but the butter does seem to make her rounder. Very sexy. If that effect persists she'll be on a butter-enhanced diet for a long time.

She can still lose weight, if she really wants to, but it's unlikely it will be substantial. Everything around her is optimized and prepared to deliver larger amounts of calories than she needs, even when she eats smaller portions.

For the moment I'll reduce the frequency with which she get fed extra, so she calms down, and then soon I'll try to get her some new clothes. New, larger, easily fitting clothes just have that lulling effect of "it's alright"

[allgrownup]

It's so easy sometimes.

Put a bag of chips between us. Started to snack from it. She ate half the bag, then ask for a muffin (300 calories).

One hour after being pissed off that she's too big and she needs to "downsize"

[Bubblegump]

On 1/7/2020 at 2:49 PM, allgrownup said:

She was 219 last summer but has become resistant to being grown. In her way she tries to diet, and it got her down to 214-215. So now my goal is 220, for now. 

Ideally I'd grow her back to the 250 she once was, and then go on, but it won't be easy as long as she is more mindful of what she eats.

Mine doesn't do walking at all since a while. She has some health issues (not weight related) and has a very lazy attitude, so it's laying and sitting for her.

Her laying is very sexy. She has so much belly that she has to start a roll to roll herself to the side of the bed to try and sit up.

Last summer walking 400-500 meter had her pause and rest on me to catch her breath. While I wish her the best heath, that's just very sexy.

Your wife may have a similar condition to what mine had. She had an absurdly low metabolism which led to sleeping long times and being lazy overall. She would just migrate from bed to the couch and the fridge some days. It made it very easy to fatten her as anything she ate would never be burned off. Likewise, she would be pretty worn out and complain about having to walk more than room to room.

I distinctly remember her taking an Uber a couple blocks away after gaining. She'd also request j drive the car to pick her up to avoid walking a few minutes on multiple occasions. Like I said before, it's a snowball effect. Once they get in that mindset it's really tough for them to break out.

[allgrownup]

She sleeps 9-12 hours. It's rare nowadays if she's awake before noon. Then she'll be "up" a bit but by 3-4 PM she's going back for a nap.

The way she walks up the stairs you would swear she just walked 5 miles.

I've gotten that "you don't need to do anything" attitude so ingrained in her that she doesn't even drive anymore. When she wants to go somewhere I drive her, drop her off right in front of the door, and when she's done she gives me a call and I pick her up.

1 hour ago, Bubblegump said:

It made it very easy to fatten her as anything she ate would never be burned off.

That's what I hope. She normally would need to get about 1950 calories in her to maintain, but that's hard these days. Her resting metabolism is 1580 calories per day so I like to think I can about keep her at her weight. As she's in a diet-mood-feeling that would really help; the discouragement of "I skipped a meal a day and still the needle didn't move" can certainly help her to give up on those ideas.

She remains a fun project.

[Bubblegump]

On 1/10/2020 at 7:23 PM, allgrownup said:

She sleeps 9-12 hours. It's rare nowadays if she's awake before noon. Then she'll be "up" a bit but by 3-4 PM she's going back for a nap.

The way she walks up the stairs you would swear she just walked 5 miles.

I've gotten that "you don't need to do anything" attitude so ingrained in her that she doesn't even drive anymore. When she wants to go somewhere I drive her, drop her off right in front of the door, and when she's done she gives me a call and I pick her up.

That's what I hope. She normally would need to get about 1950 calories in her to maintain, but that's hard these days. Her resting metabolism is 1580 calories per day so I like to think I can about keep her at her weight. As she's in a diet-mood-feeling that would really help; the discouragement of "I skipped a meal a day and still the needle didn't move" can certainly help her to give up on those ideas.

She remains a fun project.

Seems like you're on track then. If shes not even wanting to drive thats a level of laziness mine didn't even hit. 

There were some moments where I'd be frustrated having to wait on her so much. Cleaning up the house or running errands while she was planted on the couch. Then I'd see her drinking 2k calorie desserts I got her in the habit of making her. I'd have to remind myself it was all worth it for how fat she was growing.

[allgrownup]

I heard her watch a video about how women who are big don't lack willpower, are not lazy, and that the only way to be happy is to accept yourself at the weight you are. To not be fat and keep saying you should be thin.

That wouldn't be bad, if she leans that way.

CRazy, still, that I have a comfortably obese wife and still have that feeling of "I wonder when she'll get really fat"

[CherryPi]

That's good! Loving your fat body doesn't seem to come easily to a lot of people, but accepting it is an important step. Good for her. 

I feel the same way sometimes, then see an old photo and realise just how far we've come. When my husband gains a bit it's exciting for a couple of months, then he starts looking 'not so fat' again because I've got used to him being bigger.......

[Onlybbwplease]

7 hours ago, allgrownup said:

I heard her watch a video about how women who are big don't lack willpower, are not lazy, and that the only way to be happy is to accept yourself at the weight you are. To not be fat and keep saying you should be thin.

That wouldn't be bad, if she leans that way.

CRazy, still, that I have a comfortably obese wife and still have that feeling of "I wonder when she'll get really fat"

Crazy man. Get her to watch fat positivity videos if you can

[allgrownup]

Bought her a clutch purse today. Gave it with the words "here, to thank you for your beautiful body; you're the best version of yourself today"

She was really happy with it. And, no "I'm too fat" counters either.

She's due for some new clothes too. Earlier she said she didn't want bigger clothes but wanted to downsize herself. This morning she was going through her wardrobe. "What are you looking for?" "Jeans" Then: "doesn't fit ... that doesn't fit anymore.... that one doesn't"

I had to get a pair I just washed out of the laundry room.

So despite her more mindful eating she is indeed still expanding. Maybe not all the time in pure pounds, but like I said she seems rounder. Especially when I wash her and then can see her belly from below, it's really a nice big thing.

I'll let today pass and see how she reacts tomorrow if I tell her to shop for jeans

[allgrownup]

She has such a delicious big fat belly 🤤 My favorite is when she sit on the side of the bed, naked. The sitting pushes the normally hanging fat up, and the fat under her breasts down, and you can really see that way how large of a fat mass she has accumulated. Seeing her round and fat like that I can hardly believe it was so short ago that she had an almost flat belly,.Then she started to gain under my encouragement and you'd see a little bump appear after a while; the mere hint of a belly.

We're far past that now. Her belly has become a prominent, defining feature of her. 

To infinity and beyond!