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Habituating my wife to weight gain [updates]


allgrownup

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I'm a strong proponent of allowing them to attempt to lose weight. At least for my wife, each failed attempt gets shorter and shorter. She needs those moments to realize she loves the life of being a fattie and is destined to get larger. There inevitably comes a moment where her gain is scary because she never envisioned herself "this big". But then faced with the clear reality of how much she disdains portioning and how much harder exercise is now, she embraces her size and then continues to become even more slothful and gluttonous as she lets go. 

As a feeder, it's frustrating having those yo-you chapters, but they're mentally pivotal if you're dealing with a woman who was once super skinny and never envisioned getting really obese.

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@CherryPi very well handled. My wife fortunately doesn't have these issues -- her blood tests are exemplary --  but I'll keep this in mind if or when it passes. Do you still have the/a source re the 15% number?

@BindsThatTie experiencing the other lifestyle of "never will I ever" is almost crucial, I would say. To slowly learn for yourself "it's not that I can't diet; it's that I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life." That internalization is important. Then inevitably the diet stops; it fails. And I think that that ongoing cycle of failed diet attempts helps to make her more and more complacent; "no matter what I do, I'm fat."

It's a special dynamic. I've heard her say "I don't like me belly this big" or "I'm too big" so often....followed a couple of hours later by "do we have ice cream?", "can I have chips?", etc.

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OK, we're starting the month at 215.61lbs. 

In the past 9 days she should have had 17,571 calories to stay at her weight. She consumes 16.005. 

She is very resistant to evening snacks at the moment and some days has done with 2 instead of 3 meals.

This month my goal is to at least keep her at her weight. Any gains can come during the holidays.

I'll have to move more calories to supper time as breakfast and supper are the sure meals she'll take, and the only place where I can help her get more calories.

Apparently she started to buck when she was around 220lbs, feeling too heavy. So that idea of 250 that's really future music; for now growing her slowly back to 220 in a sustainable way is the goal.

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Guest MX8XV93
16 hours ago, CherryPi said:

The first thing I did was find out that only 15% of people with high blood sugar go on to develop diabetes - so the doctor was just scaremongering. Then I drew up a low-sugar diet and exercise plan, which we do together. Never, ever mentioned that I was terrified of him losing weight, just made sure that his high calorie, high sugar foods were replaced with even higher calorie, low sugar foods, and coached him in how best to eat to avoid high and low blood sugar. 8 months later, he's gained 9lb and his sugar levels are back within the 'normal' range - and, most importantly, he feels a lot better.

Wow!  That's absolutely brilliant!  And a win-win all around.  You get a fatter hubby.  He gets healthier (certainly a better solution for him than all of the prescription pills the doctors would have put him on), he learns not to blame it on the fat (a mentality that will probably stick around in the long-term), and he knows you care about him and his health.

 

16 hours ago, CherryPi said:

Luckily, I'm Type 1 diabetic

There's one I don't hear every day...  🙃

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5 hours ago, JohnnyX said:

There's one I don't hear every day...  

Haha, yes I hated being diabetic as a kid, but it sparked an interest in nutrition which has been very useful as an adult! 

5 hours ago, JohnnyX said:

Wow!  That's absolutely brilliant!  

🙃

Thank you! I'm very pleased with how it's gone, though getting him to exercise is still a challenge - and entirely my own fault, after spending years encouraging him to be lazy......

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@allgrownup can't remember where I got the 15% figure from originally but this is from the charity Diabetes UK:

'One in 35 people with increased risk* will get Type 2 diabetes in the next 10 years'

1/35 = 2.85%. Doesn't sound so scary as a percentage, does it?

* above normal blood sugar levels. The next category up is 'high risk' which is way above normal sugar levels (sometimes called prediabetes). That's where the 15% applies. 

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12 hours ago, CherryPi said:

That's a shame, although she's not far off! Time for you to get creative with high calorie suppers 😁 

It's really pushing and pulling at the moment. 

We did have a talk, about if I liked 600 lbs women, where I mentioned I've always known her at her old weight and love her like that, and that at 215-ish it's like she's starting to shrink. "220 looked really good on you so if you don't know what to get me for Christmas...." but she didn't respond. I might try to "bribe" her like I did before, see if we can get some pounds on in exchange for a shopping spree.

Until then; lots of pasta, risotto, and mashed potatoes, all with cream.

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18 hours ago, allgrownup said:

...We did have a talk, about if I liked 600 lbs women...

I tell my wife all the time that she'd have to be 700 lbs for me to call her fat.

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  • 1 month later...

Quick update.

I have no idea of her weight at the moment. I lost track, literally, after a tragic accident in the family. It's really close to home and it's devastating. I don't think my, our, lives will ever be the same. I have a will to live but I'm not sure what for. If it were up to me, if I was single, I would just quit my job and become an at-home-alcoholic.

I'm not sure I'm ready to share what happened. I'd like the sympathy, the support, but I'm afraid of the judgement; why would I be here if this is what happened.

I'm try to climb back out of that deep black hole. I'm trying to. I'm taking up my hobbies, my daily things. 

My wife is still in that dark place. I don't know if she will ever return from it. She lays in bed, like she's often done these past months, but now she just lays, sleeps, doesn't eat often. She still has her overhanging belly, her FUPA. 

I feel bad that even now I think this might make her overeat. I'm just being honest here. Grief doesn't follow a set path.

I should log off now.

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Yeah, you and your wife get to a better place. I have no idea what's going on, but get support- friends or a therapist or something. I wish you the very best.

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I hate to speculate given the deep level of grief you have expressed but judging your comments it sounds like the loss of a child. That's a pain no one should have to endurr and you have my deepest condolences. All grief is unique and you should process it as best you can. If coming here helps, know you are valued.

I'll spare you the overused platitudes but i find this quote useful, "in the end? Nothing ends, Adrian. Nothing ever ends."

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If you think it’ll help, share a little here. There have been very few trolls around these parts this year and the usual trolls don’t go after these sorts of posts. And I’d be in favour of mods deleting comments from people being jerks towards this kind of difficult sharing on this post, if you choose to share. Hope all is well with my friend- I mean, as well as things can be. 

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6 hours ago, oatmeal said:

judging your comments it sounds like the loss of a child

3. 

All three of them. 

I've been staring at this box for a couple of minutes now after that sentence. Everything is jumbled up in my brain and I can't begin to think what to type first. We were close to them in mind but due to physical distance we havent seen them in the flesh for years. i always think they moved away because we were strict. No internet computer in their room as teens. Call if you go away from the place where you said you would be. Now, there is no fixing anything.

I'm puzzled I brush my teeth, click around online. But the exhaustion is overwhelming. I can't think about it but in little bits. Then i turn myself away from those thoughts and think about the things that have to be done around the house.

my work has suffered under it. I've been put on notice that my work will be reviewed regularly. I think I'm going to lose my job in the end and i like the idea of not having that obligation anymore but have no idea what then.

Clicking around here yesterday gave me a sense of normalcy. Some place I know where special people have a special hangup and are kind to each other about it. Color me crazy; who would think you'd find peace at a place like this at a time like this. I don't know if this time will ever end. I've had losses in life but this feels like the end of it all.

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Sir, I wish I had words that would make the pain go away.  I don't.  and I'm sorry.

If I can offer anything, it is just:  The first step is functional, nothing more, nothing less.  No matter what, you have to be functional for whatever comes next.  The questions and the answers don't matter today, tomorrow, or a week from now.  They will still be there.   Left-foot, Right-foot, keep moving.

I wish you peace, sir.

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3 hours ago, TheMercedesGuy said:

The first step is functional, nothing more, nothing less.  No matter what, you have to be functional for whatever comes next.  The questions and the answers don't matter today, tomorrow, or a week from now.  They will still be there.   Left-foot, Right-foot, keep moving.

That's where I am. I don't know anything else to do but that at the moment.

Thanks. Must read unfeeling but thanks; all of you. It really means something to me.

 

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