Habituating my wife to weight gain [updates]

[allgrownup]

It's official: no surgery!

The call came in today and she told the man she'd thought about it and that she's not going to do it. That she'll just have to be more disciplined in her regime. Shortly after the call she said the same thing to me.

So who asked me to a large fries and 2 hamburgers this afternoon?! Right!

Life is looking so good at the moment

[oatmeal]

Congratulations! Now that WLS is off the table, whats the next phase in your master plan?

[allgrownup]

She's eating very fine. More poutine (cheese fries), bagels and croissants for breakfast, chips.

Quote

Congratulations! Now that WLS is off the table, whats the next phase in your master plan?

By herself she seems to maintain between 215-220 lbs. That is a good weight, I concluded earlier. I like it that it puts her in the obese class. And she really has a whole bunch of fat sticking there, especially when she lays on her side. We fall asleep every evening with me holding her belly.

For the moment I've put the scales away. Let her weigh herself once or twice a year when a doctor needs it. I want her to become visibly heavier and fatter; the details will have to be second.

After having bulked her up in about a year time,  now I want her to continue to eat as she likes. Sometimes she eats more fruit, sometimes she wants a salad. Over time she eats more than she burns and so over time she will grow heavier still. A sort of slow inevitable growth.

We've settled into a nice feeder/feedee routine where she'll ask me to make her this or get her that, and she never has any pushback from me or a diet reminder. Right now she wants burgers and poutine again, so I'm off to get it for her

[allgrownup]

I noticed something didn't fit easily and right away suggested we could get her some new clothes. 

She said; "no, because you don't like to see me in clothes that fit me too loose"

This 2 year of indoctrinating, so to say, is really showing results.

[allgrownup]

The feeding goes good. Most of the mornings I've switched her breakfast from toasts to croissant, going from 170 calories to 300 calories in one go. She experiences it as "just one croissant," so that's good.

Have gotten her back on track on eating regular portions of pasta again as well. The freezer brand I buy delivers 540 calories whether it's spaghetti or lasagna.

She craves fast food more often these days. Especially poutine (fries with cheese) is a big hit. I get her a small portion of fries but double or triple cheese. She mainly eats the cheese, partly because of the taste, partly to "safe" on calories by not eating the fries. Boosting the cheese is a good win.

She started to snack a little bit less in the evening, so the past days I've skipped supper several times to push her towards richer evening snacks. That has worked well. She ate more chips although she won't eat a bag in one sitting anymore.

Today she had me pick her clothes for the day. By accident what I picked was just barely fitting her, really accentuating the fullness and roundness of her belly inside her spandex underwear, and really showing the bulges of fat rolling out of her bra under her arms and on her back. She made no negative comments, but enjoyed my positive ones, and said she will wear the same thing tomorrow.

When I bring or suggest food she says "you devil" or "you and your temptations." Her spoken opinion is that she doesn't want to get heavier than this and in fact wants to be under 200 lbs again. Her actions, and her compliance in my pushing of food, seems to show an unspoken agreement that whatever happens happens.

Not weighing her seems to help tremendously. Weight is off her mind unless she tries to fit into something that nowadays simply won't fit anymore. But as I encourage her right away to buy something else her wardrobe is changing along with her. 

[allgrownup]

I guess some of these updates are like "whatever dude" but ....

This morning was able to convince her the croissants we had were smaller versions. Gave her 1.5. Butter on them, double cheese on one, lot of peanut butter on the others. She ate it all without complaint, having her breakfast clock in at 670 calories. I find that so cool

Yesterday evening we had a long cuddle sessions where I felt her fat all over. She so associates me feeling her fat and being excited about it with shopping that a little bit later she showed me some clothes so she'd like to get. Go ahead babe, anything to keep you fat(ter)  

[allgrownup]

...followed by a snack I gave her.... Then she asked for Raamen noodles. The evening is only beginning but she's already 1300-1400 calories into her day. This is going to be another "let's add a bit to that body" day

[Garlic]

This is amazing. You are very devious lol 

[allgrownup]

3 hours ago, Master WG said:

This is amazing. You are very devious lol

Thank you

It's a delicate mental game we're playing. Having her ask for high calorie food is a turn on, but so is feeding her a high calorie meal she thinks is just average.

[allgrownup]

Not being able to weight her for a while I've instead taken her measurements today, under the guise that Christmas is coming up and I might want to buy her clothes.

Bust (measured over the bust): 48.8"/124cm (up +0.8"/1cm since last year; up +5.9"/15cm in 3 year)
Waste (measured over the belly button): 47.3"/121cm (up +2.3"/6cm since last year; up +5.5"/14cm in 3 year)
Hips (measured over the hip bone & her fat apron): 47.3"/121cm (up +2.3"/6cm since last year; up +2.3"/6 cm in 3 year)

I think those are very nice growth numbers. To compare: 35" is considered the upper limit for the waste for a "healthy" woman.

Her bust seems to be close to being maxed out for now.

Her waste is still growing very good, especially as since last year's measurement there were some feeding breaks, when she considered weight loss surgery, and when she was watching her weight.

Much of the growth of her hips comes from the considerable fat apron she has hanging now. I knew it would feel too self-concious for her if I would lift it up to measure under it, even though on an almost daily basis I'll grab that mass from behind to lift it and feel its weight in my hands.

She has a somewhat rectangular shape now, with equal measurements, making shopping for clothes a bit hard. If it fits nice on her waste it's too wide on her hips. Many things don't fit her because it doesn't pass over her bust. In general you can say she's a 2X for "relaxed fit" clothes, or about a size 20W-22W (plus sizes). (Sizing info) http://www.sizecharter.com/clothing-fit-and-measurement/plus-size-clothing-sizing-works

Sitting she now has a very large appearance. Square, large, big upper arms, big belly, good fat hanging double chin. The obese look is slowly but surely taking over from the overweight look.

[BindsThatTie]

How is her energy level? She asking you to do more around the house and the like? More laying around? If so, is it actual napping, Netflix, mindless phone staring, etc?

[allgrownup]

1 hour ago, BindsThatTie said:

How is her energy level? She asking you to do more around the house and the like? More laying around? If so, is it actual napping, Netflix, mindless phone staring, etc?

Between health issues (not weight related) and her weight gain her activity level and mobility have severely dropped in the past 24 months.

She likes to think of herself as a go-getter, or presents herself like that, but her active years where her late teens. Since then shortcuts are her middle name. So she's always been more of a burst of activity/days of inactivity kind of person.

But now... On one hand there's me treating her like a goddess, on the other hand there's her herself already moving less.

Immobility was never really my thing but I've grown to like the idea of keeping her as inactive as possible while feeding her steadily. She's gotten quite used to that. She walks to the bathroom, she walks from the bed to her chair, from the chair to the bed. That's about it. I should time it once but all in all I'd say on a regular day she gets about 10-15 minutes of movement.

The rest of the time she either sits in her comfy chair or sits or lays in bed, often during the day. She calls me if she wants something to drink or eat, but at times also to give her something that's just out of reach for her.

This summer a short walk, less than half a mile I would guess, had her stop midway to lean her head against me to catch her breath.  I kind of enjoyed that moment. The idea that's she's not doing much more than eating is appetizing.

Of course there is the health question. So far her bloodwork is excellent. But also, whether I promote and enable this lifestyle or not, she will not exercise. She doesn't like to walk, swim, dance, etc. A bag of chips, a can of cola (she wants diet cola 😀), and het ipad; that's how she lives.

Her last activity in the household is doing the laundry but I'm halfway at taking that over too. "No, I'll do the laundry babe, you deserve some rest" works very well.

As I wrote earlier, I don't mind to have her function like a food processor. Eat, don't move, gain. As she's already 220 lbs (regular weight should be around 140 lbs) her BMR is between 1600-1800 calories a day, and she doesn't get that every day, so every movement avoided is a calorie saved :)

I know some of our members/readers can be concerned about health or care. As I said, she doesn't want to be active. She enjoys the pleasure I derive from how her body looks and feels, and she certainly likes the lifestlye where everything is done for her and brought to her.  She's living a very good, loving, rich life; it's just one where she also gets fattened up as often as possible.

[allgrownup]

A memory that just popped up. 

Twice, once when the journey really started in 2017 and once this summer, she's said "I'm never going back to being that big again"

The first time she had  eaten herself  from 185 lbs (her lowest ever) to 195 lbs, and I told her how I liked her with a "bit of meat" on her.

The second time I'd worked on her and she's grown to 220 lbs but felt worried I might change my mind, and I told her how I had enjoyed her when she was 250 lbs.

The next 2-3 years will tell

[Guest MX8XV93]

13 hours ago, allgrownup said:

whether I promote and enable this lifestyle or not, she will not exercise. She doesn't like to walk, swim, dance, etc. A bag of chips, a can of cola (she wants diet cola 😀), and het ipad; that's how she lives.

Well if she likes diet soda, then you've got it made, bro.

Diet soda (aspartame) is one of the best appetite stimulants on the market (makes it take longer for her to feel full when eating, makes her hungry sooner after a meal, and triggers intense sugar cravings).  And if that doesn't up her calorie intake, the fact that it causes metabolism to drop will make it almost impossible for her to lose any weight without some serious exercise (which your girl doesn't seem inclined to do) and make her that much less motivated to actually go do it.  Pretty much every 250+ lb. girl I know is super addicted to the stuff and always stock loads of cases of Diet Coke in their fridge.

My suggestion would be to wait until she asks you for it (so that she doesn't think you actually want her to diet), and then buy a bunch of cases (especially if they're "on sale").  Then, whenever she asks you to go get her a snack, bring her a diet soda, too, so she gets used to always drinking a soda every time she eats.

[allgrownup]

9 hours ago, JohnnyX said:

Then, whenever she asks you to go get her a snack, bring her a diet soda, too, so she gets used to always drinking a soda every time she eats.

That sounds like a good idea. Usually I ask her in the evening if she wants a diet pepsi but I'll switch to just bringing it.

Pepsi is sweetened with sucralose so I'll do some reading up on that as well, but once this case is finished will see if I can switch her to diet coke instead

[Guest MX8XV93]

Maybe it's different where you live, but Diet Pepsi in the U.S. has aspartame as the third ingredient, and almost as much as Diet Coke.

https://www.pepsi.com/en-us/#!products/diet-pepsi

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diet_drink#Amount_of_artificial_sweeteners_in_diet_soft_drinks

Diet Pepsi did remove it for a while, but then all of the people who craved it switched to Diet Coke, so they re-added it.  : P

 

If you're curious, a few good articles about what I was talking about before:

https://examine.com/nutrition/does-aspartame-increase-appetite/

https://time.com/3746047/diet-soda-bad-belly-fat/

"Artificial sweeteners...confuse our bodies and weaken the link in our brains between sweetness and calories. That...can lead to weight gain and cravings for sweeter and sweeter treats."

"Artificial sweeteners are associated with a drop in the appetite-regulating hormone leptin, ...the hormone that inhibits hunger."

 

If, say, a six-pack a day becomes her "new normal", her sugar cravings should be frequent and almost unbearably strong.

[allgrownup]

Just checked and you're right: aspartame. I didn't realize they changed it back.

She's not a big sugary person. Some ice crea, some cake or pie. But chips and other salty stuff is right up her alley. She usually has a can in the evening. I'll have to experiment with her to see if I can get her started earlier in the afternoon so she might have 2 cans.

[allgrownup]

We visited friends, one of which gained a bit of weight last winter, kept it on, and says she's not planning to diet this winter either. It's a very modest gain, she doesn't look fat, but apparently when shopping for clothes the dress chooses her instead of her picking the dress.

My wife added to the conversation: "I'm done dieting; it's tiring"

It's the 2nd time she talks about her weight in public without defending it, without making excuses. First time was when in response to a husband being proud his wife has gotten so much lighter she said "well, I'm fat"

 

My overall impression is that instead of experiencing "I'm getting fatter" and sort of resisting that she is settling in an acceptance of "I'm fat" and a knowledge of "and that's how it's going to be and stay"

She used to get quite upset when clothes didn't fit anymore. She still has a big part of her wardrobe that won't fit or won't fit nicely: this time last year she was around 210 lbs while now she's around 220 lbs. But now when something doesn't fit she just says "well, that doesn't fit me anymore either" and that's the end of it.

Not going ahead with the very invasive weight loss surgery was a big step into accepting that this is how it is too. While being on the waiting list she would try to lose some weight through dieting; instead she gained. So that surgery was her last chance at losing considerable weight.

She does seem to feel most comfortable with the idea of staying at this weight. Often she will eat just half or a quarter of a bag of chips and then resolutely close the bag and not touch it anymore that evening. Twice I've had to through away cinnamon buns (previously a sure shot snack) because she consistently refuses them.

But a steady growth will do the job too. It will also give her a chance to gradually get used to being bigger still. Instead of overeating on snacks I'll make some solid meals this winter and help her along.

I think the next bumps in the road will be some medical appointments. Weight is often the first thing they bring up and it often gets her thinking. 

[allgrownup]

None of her 1XL autumn/spring coats fit her anymore :) One of the coats she tried today she wore last at the end of May, this year, so that's a significant change in 5 months.

Her reaction to clothes not fitting is markedly different from the ones in 2018. Instead of being slightly pissed off, or discouraged, she simply remarks "that one doesn't fit anymore"

And yesterday in bed she used a cute fat-related adjective for herself. It's very sweet and to many may not have anything to do with size or fat, but to us it's a couple code word for a comfortable woman.

As always, good fat acceptance behavior is immediately rewarded so we went shopping for her this afternoon.

Chips are still nibbled on, quarter of a bag maybe, then she stops. But she does ask for fries, KFC, desserts, etc.

[allgrownup]

Back to eating chips during the day when she feels "hungry"

And...she wanted we take the car to go to a destination 400 meters (quarter mile) away

 

[allgrownup]

She had a weigh-in today. She lost a bit and is now 216 lbs. Not sure if that's just water weight that went because visibly there's nothing gone, and clothes that used to fit her don't.

She said the same as always "my belly is too big" but I know tonight she'll be snacking on her chips again.

And it's good fun; I have a new accurate weight marker and can start tracking calories again, using that predict her weight. 

Already prepared a lasagna for tonight, one portion of which is around 600 calories.

Let the fattening begin

Added: looking at her stats in my spreadsheet she's been going up and down between 215-220 for about a year now, partly because this year I had to hold back due to the danger of a weight loss surgery. But she's well over 200 lbs+ since almost two years now. 

[Lt. Chubs]

This is a good thread but how do you possibly have time to do all of this extra stuff for her? Do you work from home full time?

[allgrownup]

52 minutes ago, Lt. Chubs said:

This is a good thread

Thanks! It's nice to hear you're enjoying what I share.

52 minutes ago, Lt. Chubs said:

how do you possibly have time to do all of this extra stuff for her? Do you work from home full time?

We're home together.

She's with early retirement.

I used to work outside the house but had the chance to work for another company as a remote worker, so I'm home full time now as well.

But even if I still would work outside I'd be doing these things. I already did most of the household before. Don't forget that there are a ton of people out there, single parents, mostly women, who carry 1-2 jobs, come home and then take care of the household. Once you have a routine established it's not that hard. Tiring, sometimes, or not tempting, but not impossible. 

With food it helps to prep some stuff in the weekend, and to have a slow cooker. There are many one-pan oven dishes that make large quantities at a better price and taste, and higher calories than what you buy in the freezer aisle. Two baking pans of lasagna, a slow cooker of chili, and you're already well on the way. Most meals, from scratch, take no more than 20-30 minutes anyway. Doable.

Cleaning is just a case of keeping up the routine so it doesn't get out of hand.

[Guest MX8XV93]

On 8/20/2019 at 8:44 PM, CherryPi said:

Could you just say you did a little research into what could help - you know, just in case she encounters that problem again - because you want her to be comfortable and feel her best? 

Whenever my husband comes to me with an issue which *could* be resolved by losing weight, I immediately get to finding out as much as I can about what could help and present him with solutions. Keep the focus on "you can feel great right now" instead of "you can feel great if you lose weight". 

I really love your thinking on this one.  Any good thoughts/stories on how to pull this off in practice?

[CherryPi]

Thank you! My strategy is basically:

1. Arm yourself with as much information as possible, from reputable sources

2. Leave your emotions out of it

An example: Earlier this year, my husband had to have a blood test - and his blood sugar levels were high. Of course the doctor spouted a load of crap about it being because of his weight and how he was going to become diabetic, blah blah blah. So he freaked out, like you would. Luckily, I'm Type 1 diabetic so I've had a lot of contact with doctors and know they're full of shit. The big thing here was not to let my opinion on doctors or my emotions surrounding weight loss into the conversation, but rather to collect information to support my claims, and offer him facts and solutions.

The first thing I did was find out that only 15% of people with high blood sugar go on to develop diabetes - so the doctor was just scaremongering. Then I drew up a low-sugar diet and exercise plan, which we do together. Never, ever mentioned that I was terrified of him losing weight, just made sure that his high calorie, high sugar foods were replaced with even higher calorie, low sugar foods, and coached him in how best to eat to avoid high and low blood sugar. 8 months later, he's gained 9lb and his sugar levels are back within the 'normal' range - and, most importantly, he feels a lot better.

Just be calm, logical, and establish yourself as the person who can fix anything. Unless you're absolutely massive, there are usually better solutions than weight loss.