Jump to content

Habituating my wife to weight gain [updates]


allgrownup

Recommended Posts

Encourage her to be healthy would be my advice. I never encourage my gf to eat junk food- not saying your bad for doing so- but your wife might appreciate it. Sometimes I'll even discourage her from eating junk food, although I don't want to be the food police. I also try to get her to exercise, but I guess that one is a non-starter at she hates the gym, but I'm doing the best I can to keep her healthy as the weight creeps on. She's probably thinking of the surgery because she's concerned about her health, not about her looks as you obviously appreciate her. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As she says she feels more comfortable, I'm working on enhancing her self perception. I'm specifically including her belly in the compliments.

"...and you have a beautiful belly"

"A beautiful belly?"

"Yes, you do; gorgeous"

While we watch TV I let my hand rest on her belly, caress it, sometimes feel a fat roll a bit. She lets that all happen.

In response she's upped the eating a little bit. She's not going overboard but she's not dieting either. Without tracking it I would say her regular food intake is enough to maintain, but with the snacking she adds we're looking at longer term weight gain here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/23/2019 at 1:27 AM, empee said:


Buying larger clothes is the best way to forget the old normal.

This. Every woman is different but with my wife, buying new clothes is at the frontline of the battle. The idea that you're accepting your weight at this size to spend money on buying larger clothes is this big consequential decision in her head. She'll fight it for weeks/months living in uncomfortable tight clothes debating should she diet, will her waist naturally slim down a bit if she gives it another couple weeks... 

Buying the pants is this act of surrender and acceptance that you're now even fatter and can't stop it. You internally said last time this was "as big as you'd get". But here you are again moving on up. It's as if she knows, if she buys the larger pant size, she knows she's going to grow into them and keep getting bigger.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She's requesting more food and larger portions. Yesterday the gobbled down 3 pancakes, 2 hamburgers (1000 calories), 600 calories in cookies, half a bag of chips, and asked for ice cream "I want a lot of it"

WHenever she asks me for food I make her reconfirm that she knows this isn't diet food. "You realize this doesn't help you lose weight, right?" "Yes I know but I want it"

Once confirmed I tell her how I'm a big fan of her eating and that I love how she looks.

Twice I asked "so what about the surgery then?" and she said "I don't know; I have to decide"

This would be my biggest win. To have her forego the surgery, accept she's fat now, and then have her steadily gain weight still, over the years

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Made more wins in convincing her more weight is good.

Earlier this week, in bed, I started caressing her, kind of absentmindedly. She enjoyed it but wasn't in the mood to make love, but she didn't mind if I had a happy ending. I caressed her belly, the fat roll under her breasts, gently squeezed the fat on her back, then came. She was satisfied with it, not upset, and just took it as any normal session where you would touch primary and secondary sexual features.

Then this morning...

She had pitched a piece of clothing aside; "another one that doesn't fit me". Turned out to 2x summer clothing from last year.

I told her the fun was she could buy new clothes. She said she was out of clothing money so I told her to buy anyway. She ordered 20W, a size between 2x and 3x (http://www.sizecharter.com/clothing-fit-and-measurement/plus-size-clothing-sizing-works)

Later we talked over breakfast.

"I really like you at the weight you are, but I want you to know that you cannot get at a weight where I'm repulsed or find you ugly"
"I'm afraid you'll change your mind"

I assured her I wouldn't.

Later I asked her if she had bought her new clothes. "Because we have to keep you happy"

"I'm happy but anxious"

(me, pretending not to know this was about something else) "Why would you be anxious? I love your weight gain!"

To me it looks like I'm successfully leading her to a point of acceptance; she is considering just being big, not dieting (obviously), and is undecided about weight loss surgery. She has fully accepted and integrated the idea that she's sexually arousing to me this way, too. It's 2 years now I steadily work on complimenting her weight, underlining I love it, and the subject itself is fully normalized for her. She accepts me holding, lifting, and weighing her belly from behind; accepts having any fat part (including fupa, one of her former weak points) touched, caressed, squeezed.

I'm not sure on my next step. I'm considering to tell her something along the lines of "for me you don't need to eat to gain weight, but your certainly don't need to eat to lose weight." Then I don't know what to add. Either "if you gain more, I think that's gorgeous, and if not, that's fine too"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That follow up came sooner then expected, and the more and more open feeding/weight relation talk grows fast.

I told her I wanted to come back to her anxiety.

"You don't need to eat to gain, but your certainly don't need to eat to lose weight. But if you would happen to gain, I wouldn't mind that at all; I would like it"

Then I told her that what does scare me is the idea of weight loss surgery. That if needed I would support her, but that I would prefer it wouldn't happen. She didn't really say anything.

For breakfast I gave her her regular 1 toast, her diet attempt of each day, and said "I'll continue to give you 1 toast for breakfast, but I won't give you a diet to lose weight. I won't give you a diet to gain either." It's the first open acknowledgement that I control a lot of her food.

She's been eating really good since our talk yesterday, asking for large portions of ice cream, finishing a bag of chips, and asking for snacks, snacks, snack.

Todat was a repeat of that, including the request for a burger & fries. She's eating into the evening, kind of grazing. Some chips, 500 calories of cookies, some high calorie granola to snack on, and just now a request for noodles. 

When I brought it to her I told her; "It's encouraging how you eat today; you're making me a very happy husband", and she smiled, happy herself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

it is a complex situation every time food eating and the weigth is a central part of the conversation because i think it is better when it is just something that happens, freely and happily, a part of life to enjoy, hopefully this is just a phase 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As a feeder I kind of like it. That slow transition of "I want to be skinny no matter what", to telling her I like her a "bit" bigger, to her now being around 220 lbs (35 lbs heavier than her lowest) and us openly talking about how I like her weight and how I love it when she eats.

Of course I love the changes in her looks and how her body feels, but that internalization of fat acceptance, that letting go...that normalization of the idea "yes, sometimes I eat too much and it makes me gain weight and that's OK"....that's arousing too.

The final truth will come out when she gets to the top of the waiting list and either accepts the surgery or not, but everything right now looks and sounds like I've "won"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

With my wife, the shock, tension and internal struggle was the constant reactions of the people in her life seeing her look almost unrecognizable. But now it's been a couple years where everybody knows her as fat. And so mentally for her it's not nearly a newfound "problem" any more. It's becoming the new normal. And at times she's become self-depreciative joking about her diet and appetite around friends and family. And that's what I love to see, is when she actually takes pride in owning who she is "yup, I love beer and fried chicken, am a total fat ass, and that aint going to ever change."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Loved reading the updates so far and sounds like you've made great progress. It's amazing to watch the transition and the psychological side of things is super hot. Seeing them slowly get used to gaining weight, it's as if obesity and loss of control becomes normalized. I've had similar success with a former girlfriend. I was able to encourage/guide her to grow from 240 to 330 lbs over just a couple years. At first I used simple tactics like keeping snacks around and encouraging desserts. I then subtly bought a blender and stepped up to suggesting homemade milkshakes. I knew she was nervous as she neared the big 300, but was able to get her used to milkshakes most nights a week. With some heavy cream added in she was happily drinking 2000 calories a night before bed. It honestly did wonders and was a lifechanging amount of weight and beautiful to watch.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

@Bubblegump I'm curious how you got her used to milkshakes. How willing was she as you write you had to encourage/guide her? How did you introduce the shakes and how did you get her used to them and their effect?

As you know, I need to go careful with mine until she lets her weight loss surgery pass. During that time I just want her to feel comfortable, loved, and sexy at the weight she is. Once she has let her place on the list pass I definitely want to grow her more though. Initially to 250 lbs so she's back at her highest weight, and then over that. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, allgrownup said:

@Bubblegump I'm curious how you got her used to milkshakes. How willing was she as you write you had to encourage/guide her? How did you introduce the shakes and how did you get her used to them and their effect?

As you know, I need to go careful with mine until she lets her weight loss surgery pass. During that time I just want her to feel comfortable, loved, and sexy at the weight she is. Once she has let her place on the list pass I definitely want to grow her more though. Initially to 250 lbs so she's back at her highest weight, and then over that. 

She more put up with being fat than enjoyed it, but knew well that I preferred fatter women. I'd voiced that I'd love to see her at the 400 lb mark one day. Once I pushed her past 300 lbs she basically accepted that she was going to be obese at that point.

As she got lazier I mentioned making her dessert one night. I made a shake with a small amount of heavy cream with ice cream. Throw some fruit in and it even seems healthy. She drank it without hesitation while watching tv. Over time I increased the ratio until a cup of heavy cream was being added. It was definitely manipulative, but too easy to stop doing.

Definitely give her some time before trying anything remotely like that. and be cautious because it is a slippery slope. Once she was on that path she was basically eating herself up 2 lbs a week.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As I'm on the road again I asked her to send me a photo of herself, profile if possible. She didn't even ask why but sent me a photo and a video a bit later in the day.

The video is done from her side. For a moment you can see her big belly. Then it's on her face but taken from one of those down angles. Usually she keeps the camera high, or wants me to keep it high, so as to not see her double chin.

This time her double chin and massive neck are nicely in the shot for 20-25 seconds. It's a gorgeous shot as you see how the fat around her neck just extends her face and then her chin just sort of makes a line or dip in this mass of fat.

On the photo she keeps the camera bit higher and her face up. The fat mass around her chin shows less but you can see how she has no real neck anymore: it has the same width as her head. 

Besides the beauty and fun of seeing her that way I find it very encouraging she's photographing and filming herself like that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

THE best thing has happened. Apparently she’s made a board on Pinterest with plus size fashion she likes......and today she’s invited me to the board!

the models are all from curvy to a lot bigger than her. Clothes are conservative, normal, regular. But that she is collecting plus size fashion pins and invites me to add to them is WOW

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As I'm on the road again I asked her to send me a photo of herself, profile if possible. She didn't even ask why but sent me a photo and a video a bit later in the day.
The video is done from her side. For a moment you can see her big belly. Then it's on her face but taken from one of those down angles. Usually she keeps the camera high, or wants me to keep it high, so as to not see her double chin.
This time her double chin and massive neck are nicely in the shot for 20-25 seconds. It's a gorgeous shot as you see how the fat around her neck just extends her face and then her chin just sort of makes a line or dip in this mass of fat.
On the photo she keeps the camera bit higher and her face up. The fat mass around her chin shows less but you can see how she has no real neck anymore: it has the same width as her head. 
Besides the beauty and fun of seeing her that way I find it very encouraging she's photographing and filming herself like that.

This is an important step. Taking pictures of herself not only knowing that it turns you on but also liking her self image. Once you’re past this point that she sees herself as a sexy person the road to further gain lays open. This is were my wife is still stuck. She’s convinced that I like her big or bigger but for her it’s still a bridge to far because she doesn’t like her chubby figure.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think she likes her self image, but she's integrating the idea that I find her sexy.

Too, the time that she was "thin" (< 190 lbs) is now well more than a year behind her and most of that time she's been 210-220 lbs; back at the weight where she was when she announced a couple of years ago she was going to diet, ballooned to 250 and then dropped down. 

She often says she doesn't like her belly, and sometimes pushes it down saying "I don't mind being fat if this wasn't there", but by us having talked so often now for the past 1-2 years abut her weight, and me complimenting her gains, I think her body weight has become a kind of "us" decision instead of just her deciding if she loses or gains. Because despite me telling her she's free to do what she wants, of course I promote the heavier look and talk down about losing weight.

I don't know if you remember our vacation time where she was really looking at big and bigger women but to my idea she's now no longer self-identifying as thin or as "thin but I gained and I'm going to lose" but simply as a big woman. Whenever she refers to herself as big or fat I confirm that and add that that is why she's sexy. So there's that internalizing too.

left to her own accord, without me, I'm pretty sure she would at least try to lose weight.

When I'm back I'm going to act very pleasantly surprised about her body and weight again, and her sexiness, and again propose to just let the surgery go; "you looks so good...but of course if you want to anyway, I'm not stopping you." She's already gone from "I'm going to do this" to "we'll see when they call me up"; I now want to try to have her commit to more of a "probably not" or "no". Sort of having her practice saying no and already getting used to the idea of letting the surgery go and just being this weight (her new normal).

If not, I'm going to ask her what it would take for her to say no. I bought her weight gain once; maybe it can be done again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just finished a chat with her. She wanted to know if there's some money left for her to buy some things. I said we should be able to find her some money, as long as she doesn't think she lost weight these weeks.

She said; my clothes still fit me the same way so no weight loss

I enjoy how that's a normal exchange with her. I like it's that it has become normal to her to be asked such a question, and normal to assure me she didn't lose weight.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest ssbbwlove

You’re living the dream, man. I don’t know where I’d even begin to convince my significant other to be ok with her weight. It’s a topic that upsets her (despite doing nothing to change it) and generally pretty taboo (even though she’s aware I have this fetish). I’d love to be confident enough to talk about her weight and compliment it, but I can’t right now without upsetting her. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you read through the thread you'll see it isn't something that pops up on day from the other. It's coming out about what you love, ensuring her she's always loved, and slowly getting her used to both eating and you touching her (fat) and talking about her weight. In a way you're seducing her. 

It's OK if she is resistant; it's not always fun for a woman but, like in your case,it often is what it is because they're not going to change anything. So, on one track you encourage her to eat more, to grow, normalizing guilt-free weight gain, on the other track you eventually increase talk about weight and your preference, normalizing that. Even though she may never come around to your point of view, she'll start to be used to a relationship where you make these comments. Once her weight, and how awesome she looks, is a somewhat normal or OK topic of discussion it becomes something no longer just about her but about the 2 of you.  Feminists would call it objectifying :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Reality check for myself.

Although I love the idea of her being bigger and bigger I should remember I already have a nice, fat woman with a big belly. At 5'7" and 220-ish lbs she's at a BMI of 34.4, just within the Class I obesity range. My frame of reference shouldn't be how heavy she can be but how light she would have to be; at 159 lbs she would be at the upper range of "normal" weight. She would ave to lose over 60 lbs to get there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.