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Habituating my wife to weight gain [updates]


allgrownup

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Guest MX8XV93
3 hours ago, allgrownup said:

I said "your girlfriends must be jealous when you explain it" "What?" "That all you have to do to please your man is eat."

You must have rolled at least a 19 for charisma.  That's a pretty damn good way to put it...

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  • 2 weeks later...

Earlier this week she seems to have turned a switch or so. It's like she wants to gain. For the first time in forever she asks for cream (not milk!) and sugar in her coffee. She eats half a pie a day. She eats a sandwich as a 4th meal. 

Her belly extends in front and on the sides, making her look really big and round.

I still never come right out and say something about her size but do caress her belly and then say "you are beautiful" SHe tends to respond "as long as you like it"

MOre FA/feeder remarks too. She felt awkward asking for a bag of chips. I told her "no problem; as long as you're eating chips I can't complain", and she said "that's rue! In that case, get me chips"

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  • 2 weeks later...

My home cooking and home baking keep her eating well instead of her planned cutting back on food intake.

She's trying to eat a bit wiser, with an apple here or there added, and that's OK with me; at best she's holding steady but definitely not losing weight fast enough for it to impact where she's going.

I've decided to change her frame of reference of what's normal once again, and have been feeding her 1/3 of a pie as a portion. From the very first plate she's made no remarks but simply gobbles it down. She's really one on which portion control works well; whatever you bring her, she tries to finish it off.

Active-wise she's still sedentary. A combination of existing health problems (age) and I suspect her weight makes that she walks less and less. Last week she was on a walk of maybe 500 meters when she called me to ask me to pick her up and bring her to her destination point. I don't know why that turns me on, and before this I always thought I'm not that kind of guy, but I find the idea she can't expend her calories exciting. 

She's by now absolutely used that I do everything in the house. She still does laundry every now and then but often will ask me to take it out and put it in the dryer, then ask me to fold it, so that her contribution was putting it in the machine and turning the knob. In the past 10 days she's spent 3 in bed. That's a new kind of lazy I'm heavily promoting; "you owe it to yourself", "pamper yourself", "no, I got this." I bring her food throughout the day and make sure snacks are around her.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I really like how i-haveacubbywife's wife is looking and want to speed things up. While mine is still eating good I notice a slowdown in her intake.

Bought fenugreek and she had her first 1000 mg mixed into her spaghetti tonight.

https://www.livestrong.com/article/177678-the-side-effects-of-fenugreek-on-the-appetite/ :

Quote

You may gain weight when taking fenugreek due to its appetite stimulating properties, according to “Herbs, Botanicals and Teas” by G. Mazza and B. Dave Oomah. In fact, North African women eat fenugreek seeds to plump themselves up prior to marriage. The seeds also are used in feed for horses and cattle to promote weight gain.

 

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I really like how i-haveacubbywife's wife is looking and want to speed things up. While mine is still eating good I notice a slowdown in her intake.
Bought fenugreek and she had her first 1000 mg mixed into her spaghetti tonight.
https://www.livestrong.com/article/177678-the-side-effects-of-fenugreek-on-the-appetite/ :
You may gain weight when taking fenugreek due to its appetite stimulating properties, according to “Herbs, Botanicals and Teas” by G. Mazza and B. Dave Oomah. In fact, North African women eat fenugreek seeds to plump themselves up prior to marriage. The seeds also are used in feed for horses and cattle to promote weight gain.
 

How does it affect the taste of a dish? My wife doesn’t like fenugreek tea.
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I have those capsules which I open to put the powder through her food. So far she's had pasta sauce, which is rich enough to hide any taste, and today she had 1500mg in scrambled eggs with cheese and some seasoning. I'd say that if you have sauce or other things to cover any taste, it's very doable. I tasted her spaghetti sauce and couldn't detect a hint. Her eggs had a faint powdery aftertaste but not more than when you use a bit too much powdered garlic or powdered onion.

Ideally I'd like her to have 3000mg a day (6 capsules) but just one meal is OK too. No idea what it is going to give. Currently she's eating too mindful for my taste, not enough food cravings, and hopefully this will help with that

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It's short day; I've fed her with fenugreek 5 times. The dispensed dosage she gets is 1500 mg (3 capsules). She eats most of her meal + sauce so she gets 1000-1250mg inside each time.

So far within about 30-60 minutes she seems to have a carb craving and asks if we have dessert. Yesterday, when she had 2 x 1500mg, she had Haagen Dazs (about 1 cup), most of a tube of Pringles, a large cinnamon roll, 3/4 cup of nuts, and a piece of cold cake. Most at her own request; the nuts I just put close to her to enable her automatic grazing.

I do all the household here, with her last bastion being the laundry room. I'm becoming more and more responsible for that as well. So when I put our food on the plate it's trivially easy for me to mix the content of 3 capsules through her pasta sauce or gravy. I haven't test it in a drink yet. Will do a test on myself to see if it is noticeable. She likes black coffee so that could help.

All in all I find the results more encouraging than I expected. She was starting to be a bit too mindful about "listening to my full signal", and this definitely got her going again.

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Weight Update

We finally have another weigh-in: she is 219.2 lbs, a 7.4 lbs gain in 100 days since her last monitored weigh-in in January when she was 211.8. She's gaining about an ounce a day, Roughly 2.2 to 2.4 lbs per month.

If we can keep her gaining at this rate, she'll be around 240 lbs by the end of this year. 

How she deals with her gains

She says of herself "I'm fat", which is OK with me. I don't counter it but instead tell her she looks wonderful, sexy, etc. But I think that every time she repeats the mantra "I'm fat", it internalizes that state a little bit. Part of habituating her to, yes, you are fat.

She wants to diet or eat more mindful. Listen to her fullness signal.  She's more or less stopped eating pie, no cake. She will eat some chips but not the whole thing. But she will ask for carb bombs, like cheese fries, when she has cravings.

Her recently loosely fitting nightie is now snug. She complains about that; I tell her to treat herself to new clothes.

She' more or less resigned to being fat and becoming more fat, which is where I want to have her; just let it happen, darling.

Meanwhile I cook great food, occasionally boost her calories a bit, and just let nature take her course. Sort of....

Fenugreek

The fenugreek in less than a week has become a hit and a keeper. In black coffee 1 capsule is virtually undetectable. She gets 2-3 such coffees, and depending on the meal she gets another 2-3 capsules. So she's now at 1500 to 3000 mg of fenugreek a day.

In this week she's had more carbs, and asks for more carbs, then the weeks before when she was becoming a mindful eater. 

I will pace myself and not jumpstart her eating all the time this way, but it's certain that when she tries to diet she's going to be fed fenugreek to increase her cravings.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I don't have a weigh-in update.

Overall giving her the fenugreek has made her have craving attacks much more frequently. I don't know if it's the cause behind it, but she has filed papers to have bariatric surgery

Depending on if she will be accepted and her priority level, I have 6-36 months to turn her around.

Her double chin is really big, huge, and nice at the moment and I'd really prefer to keep her fat. It would really suck to end up with a thin stick instead.

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The inscription was a little less than a month ago. It came kind of sudden and unexpected to me. One of her things was "I kept my part of the deal but you didn't lose weight and muscle up"

Another remark was "I don't feel good like this"

Well, the training I can try again. Dieting in her place -- well, if that's the price.... Muscling up is hard. Push ups I have to start by doing them against the wall.

But there is a huge disconnect as well. She eats more fruit, but also downed a box of Cracker Jack this week, and a bag of chips, and ordered a small pizza for herself.

Today I told her again "you look so delicious, I wouldn't change anything about how you look", and she said "we'll see"; kind of like keeping it open.

What I'm thinking about as strategy is to maintain her weight, or let her go down a bit, with a lot more health food feeling for her, and me drop 5-10 lbs in a short amount of time. If anyone knows of a fast way to build a bit of arm or chest muscle?

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@allgrownup

Fast? No, not after the age of 25.

Start with small weights / body weight and build up from there. Visit this. Look at their weight loss and get fit plans. Choose one for beginning level. Stick with it.

Check out their nutrition plans as well. You probably eat like crap (no offense, but you're a North American, and we aren't infamous for good diets). Stop eating like crap and your body will respond very quickly.

@BindsThatTie , any advice you would like to share?

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Guest CucumberRick
14 hours ago, allgrownup said:

The inscription was a little less than a month ago. It came kind of sudden and unexpected to me. One of her things was "I kept my part of the deal but you didn't lose weight and muscle up"

Another remark was "I don't feel good like this"

Well, the training I can try again. Dieting in her place -- well, if that's the price.... Muscling up is hard. Push ups I have to start by doing them against the wall.

But there is a huge disconnect as well. She eats more fruit, but also downed a box of Cracker Jack this week, and a bag of chips, and ordered a small pizza for herself.

Today I told her again "you look so delicious, I wouldn't change anything about how you look", and she said "we'll see"; kind of like keeping it open.

What I'm thinking about as strategy is to maintain her weight, or let her go down a bit, with a lot more health food feeling for her, and me drop 5-10 lbs in a short amount of time. If anyone knows of a fast way to build a bit of arm or chest muscle?

Pushups- start at a few a day, but stay consistent. I started with 10-15 a day pre/post workout and now I’m up to 75-80 w/o stop.

It’s a process but the main thing is to stay consistent and do it enough to where working out is a habit. As for losing weight- I’ve lost like 70-80 lbs in a stretch at one point and main thing is diet, you 100% need to be active but it’s almost all diet. You just need your metabolism jump started if you aren’t used to being that active.

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If she's convinced to do the surgery and/or lose weight, it may happen. It's her body. That said, most doctors push back on bariatric if the patient hasn't proven they can maintain healthy eating habits over an extended period and if they're not at a critical level of obesity, which your wife is not. It may not be as easy as she thinks.

My advice is to get her into a comfortable, happy place where she'll naturally let go again. If weight is a constant focus of conversation and/or she's in a general bad patch of life, it will only lead her harder into feeling like she needs to "make a change".

As far as "muscling up", join a gym. Start a workout plan built on the Big 3: deadlifts, bench, squats. Get your diet in order, which means eating a TON. Calculate your TDEE and eat at least 500 cal above your TDEE. Get atleast .8g of protein per lb of bodyweight. Yes, I know that's a ton. Yes I know that's expensive. Join the club! Try to get almost all of your nutrition from foods and not overpriced BS powders and supplement rip offs. 

This is a great beginner's book that will hand-hold you on your diet and walk you through the lifts and program you should be doing.

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Well this is some bummer news. Here i was bitching about my wife losing 5 pounds and then @allgrownup drops the WLS bomb. Really puts things in perspective.

Im sure everyone here isnt in favor of WLS due to aesthetic reasons but having watched a coworker change throughout the process its pretty terrible. Thining hair, vomitting, bad skin and an incredibly un earned sense of superiority. Of the eight or so women i know who have had WLS all of them are now very smug about the overweight despite having previously been obese and requiring life threatening surgury.

WLS is bad and i really hope for your sake she reconsiders, time to hit those weights!

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Guest high

From what I hear, most who get WLS have to take a vitamin cocktail so they don't get malnourished. If that doesn't tell you how bad it is, I don't know what would.

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  • 3 weeks later...

The topic comes up every now and then. I'm sort of resigned to it, and that makes me put less importance or pressure. So, she seems a bit calmer about her body. In the last days she's asked for chips, burger, fries, and ice cream. But when she tries clothes and they don't fit, she's bugger or pissed off. 

She keeps at 217-219. I settle for that; she looks gorgeous, she's very receptive of being touched.

We'll see.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I let go of any kind of pressure, any kind of guidance of food.

The fruit and lite snacks have been replaced with requests to pick up a 12 box of donuts, if there are chips in the house, the request for a cake, then another cake. Bread meals late at night are back. Grits are on the menu.

She's more sedentary now then just a month ago. Some days she spends mostly in bed, asking for food this or that.

I shower her in compliments on her looks. And it's true; she looks stunning. The thin wife from 2-3 years ago is long gone, replaced with a nice round wife, big arms, big belly, round chubby face.

Although on one hand very independent, she likes pleasing, so between having made being fat (again) her new normal (again) on one side and her wish to please me on the other maybe the weight loss surgery can be held off. If she does the surgery, then once she's back on solids I'll surely take care with the cooking to slow down her loss and keep her at a solid weight. Could be kind of fun even; again that feeding period of making her grow.

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