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Habituating my wife to weight gain [updates]


allgrownup

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I may go with smoothies again. On the other hand, she's gaining really nicely at the moment. From the start when I planned to enable her and persuade her to let go of minding her weight, my goal has been to grow her long term. I like the gaining, and in a fantasy style I could see her gaining massively really fast, but if I can have her gain consistently over the years.....

This year was a great year. She's gained 15-20 lbs. Her whole physique has changed now; she has a round puffy face again, a really big belly, rolls of fat. If I can have her gain 1 lbs a month, in about 3 years time she'll be around 250 -- a weight I really liked on her.

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To give an example of how well it is going at the moment:

  • Breakfast: 600 cal (toasts + extra portion she asked)
  • Lunch: 700 cal (meat + instant mashed potatoes made with cream)
  • Snack: 250 cal (cake)
  • Supper: she loved the potatoes so much she asked for a portion for supper. She'll be having 500-800 cal worth of potatoes and cream
  • Snack: she'll probably go for her chips again, usually at least half a bag for 500 cal

On most days she's at minimum maintaining, but usually 100-500 calories over, I think.

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She is visibly still growing. The top her belly is starting to blend with the tier she has under her breasts. And it's like her belly is growing another belly. 

Also, her belly now extends more than her breasts; always a good sign.

She's been having a couple of 3,000 calories days this week. She asks for food more often. When I go to the store she asks me to bring her "something"

I think her maintenance eating pattern is catching up with her; she' getting used to being hungry or even ravenous more often.

She still asks for cake most days, otherwise I suggest it. She usually gets 1/6th. A quarter turned out to be too much and actually slowed down her eating, and I don't feel she's growing enough with just 1/8th. She has no complaints about the 1/6th. And I still find it amazingly exciting that only about 2 months ago she was still trying to diet with liquid meal replacements, and now having a whole cake in the fridge for her is normal.

As she's eating so much chips I've also started to buy those by the box, literally. In a "normal" household your wife would say "WTF are you doing?!" but she sees me come in and says "oh, you bought chips!", grabs a bag, and goes to bed with it.

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You are clearly doing something right! Just imagine this level of indulgence continues for a few more weeks and becomes the new normal. Would require a lot of discipline on her part to cut down again. For the time being, at least, she seems to have voted for food vs. the chores of keeping her weight in check. 2019 looks promising, I'd say.
Is she aware of her recent gain?

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Two months... that's how long you want to keep the routine. It takes approximately two months to establish a habit. Once established, it's your new baseline. Thanks for the riveting updates!

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On 12/14/2018 at 7:26 PM, ronnie17de said:

Is she aware of her recent gain?

I think so, although I've put the scales away start of November.

She's bought a lot of new, larger clothes (what I call her "rewardrobe"). They're not tent-like large, and I regularly compliment her on her clothes; "That looks nice on you -- and not too big either; shows off your body real nice"

She's visibly larger, a lot. Despite that she eats what I server her and asks herself for food.

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On 12/15/2018 at 12:12 AM, high said:

It takes approximately two months to establish a habit. Once established, it's your new baseline.

I've been training her to eat and snack for most of 2018. I've enabled her before but this round was more systematic.

I started with those small 100 calories portions of chips. Just for the taste, and it's just 100 calories. Once she knew those were in the house, it didn't take long before there was an evening where after 1 she wanted another 1. Couple of weeks later I put a small bowl ("small" = half a bag) of chips out instead. When it was normal for her to have a bowl of chips, I just put the bag between us.

By Summer she was eating 3/4 to 1 whole bag of chips per evening, often asking me to get one.

Same with ice cream. When she asked about that I started to buy boxes of Haagen Dazs popsicles, which are 270 calories each. It looks smaller than a bowl of ice cream and it ensures she eats her whole portion. During that period she would yo-yo. Go up in weight, go over 210, go down again.

It's a month now that I always have a birthday cake in the fridge. 

I think the eating pattern has set in really well. This weekend she's noticeably been trying to keep up with her maintenance and carb-sugar-crash hunger. She gets her normal looking but calorie rich breakfast. Takes a break...and then the eating begins. Piece of pizza....some icecream....cinnamon roll (I love those: 600-1000 calories, depending)....pasta....chips. Yesterday she went to sleep saying "I could eat more but I would just fall asleep with food in my mouth"

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1 hour ago, ronnie17de said:

Just for reference: Any idea how many calories she has consumed this weekend?

5000-6000 (*edit: that's for Sat+Sun). Yesterday (Saturday) was a particularly good day again:

  • breakfast (calorie rich toast) 600 cal
  • pizza slices 500 cal
  • cinnamon roll 225 gram: 1000 calories
  •  3/4 bag of chips 750 cal
  • dipping sauce 150 cal
  • ice cream 270 cal

I remember this from the last time she was around this weight, with me working on getting her bigger. There's a point around 210-230 where she can suddenly eat these massive amounts.

I try not to load her meals too much, too often, and try to stick to giving her the food she demands, so it's really her own doing. Still, every now and then, like I wrote earlier, like to think "she can handle this" and give her what looks like a regular meal but has calories loaded. I want her to both grow fast and not too fast to not scare her off :) I know at one point she may feel like "this is it, I have to go down" but I hope to have her sufficiently up by then that that is useless.

But so yeah, since somewhere this week she has regular 3000 calories days.

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And vacation has started this week. We'll be in an all inclusive hotel by the end of the week, where I'll have little or no control over what food is around, snacking behavior etc. I hope to find options to enable her grazing behavior anyway but we'll have to see.

Coming back in 2019 -- officially going into the new year with an overweight wife, and one who seems to have given in to eating (for me?) on top of that!

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  • 3 weeks later...

So we're back from vacation, and I've learned quite a bit!

I've spent my time pointing out fat/thin couples; there were plenty. She had the idea "nobody" likes fat women.

We talked a lot about her weight, openly. She pointed at her belly, which is really sticking out, and said she doesn't mind that; she minds the tire above it. I told her it will blend in together, over time. She said "I don't want to be heavier than this" -- which shows she knows she has been gaining.

I've played with that tire, touched her underchin, cupped her FUPA several times, telling her it and she are beautiful. She's not agreeing with that but likes it that I think so. Those conversations ended with her saying that as long as I like her body, it's OK.

She has a weird self-image, comparing herself with women of 300-400 lbs and wondering if she looks like them. What was nice is to toy with that and start habituating her to the idea this isn't really her choice. So at one point when she asked if she looked like what looked like a 300 lbs woman I answered; "no, not yet" - and she had no comment back.

More than once she said she doesn't like herself. At one point said it repulses her. I told her that what's good, or important, is that I like her body. That if I could make my dream woman, she would like her. That pleases her.

While she complains about her weight, or says she wants to lose weight, she regularly asks for food. I started saying "that's good" or things like that and she asked why I was saying that. I told her that it's good when she eats because that makes her even more beautiful; she accepts that statement.

When dieting came up, and she shared her intentions on that, I said we have worked hard on her belly this year, and that it would be a shame to let it go. Pointed out, again, that this is a relaxed way of living where she can eat what she wants instead of dieting, slowing down her metabolism and not losing a lot of weight anyway.

She agreed but said "then you have to lose weight and get buffed" - to which I agreed of course! So now I'm officially in the position where she will at the least maintain her weight, while I will go down to my former weight. It may make encouraging her to eat a bit harder sometimes, but I'll make it work. Muscles? Don't know but I'll figure it out :D

When we were back I knew she had lost some weight. She moved too much there and ate too little. But it's a good safe time for a weigh-in. I told her we should weigh ourselves for our "health file" but that she doesn't have to look. She wanted anyway. She came in at 212 lbs and said (hang on!!) "that's good"

She's 21 lbs heavier then a year ago, and weighing in at 212 lbs she feels it's good because she's not too heavy. I think I made great progress, not just with her weight gain, but with molding her experience of it.

With a factual weight on the books I can now better plan her calorie intake, track it, and project where she is.
For now I plan to "boil the frog" - keep her eating consistently at or a little above her maintenance, making sure she at least doesn't go down in weight. She can easily gain 0.5 to 1 lbs per month; that shouldn't be too sudden to scare her, while the slow gain ensures her body will resist losing that new normal.

Edited by allgrownup
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yes, definitely establishing her weight in a more permanent way over 210 of the first month of the year will be quite a success, not counting any possible gain. now... establishing her over 220 by summer which is doable would probably put you in a different category , like on a gaining treadmill that we will all envy and enjoy at the same time while you keep us posted graciously here

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Another thing she did a lot this vacation was looking at other big or fat women. I think she's comparing herself but also like....exploring the category she belongs to again now?

To start the new year she's also thrown out a LOT of clothes, up to 1X, that don't really fit her anymore. No complaints, no remarks; just took them out.

Made her some SideKicks pasta today, using 2 different creams instead of water and milk. Looks like just a bowl of pasta ("officially" you're supposed to divide it into 4 servings), but once she had enough and only a few bites were left she had consumed 1300 calories without really noticing it. Together with her 600+ calories breakfast she's already done with her maintenance calories, and the rest is just going to be added to her weight today.

I want to be slow and have to be careful, but sometimes I see her and think "you can handle a few more pounds -- here, eat some boosted calories"

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16 hours ago, superbacon7 said:

Will you ever post a pic?

No, I don't think so.

By encouraging her, enabling her, kind of manipulating her to grow bigger (and sometimes just tricking her by boosting her calories a bit more), I think I do enough. She already would feel quite...shocked or betrayed finding this stuff here. Seeing her photos would be the ultimate betrayal.

I took a photo of her belly, hanging as she bend over to make the bed, and cropped the hell out of it but then still decided to not post it. Not even keep it.

I love her, and I think there are, thankfully, enough posters that are able to post pics.

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4 hours ago, oatmeal said:

Living the dream man. My wife has been resisting my food temptations as of late. Hopefully she will crack soon. 

It's kind of unreal. She gets no satisfaction out of it herself, besides the eating. She loves eating, and snacking, and she loves doing nothing. No walking, no movement, no effort. It all just lines up.

I know full well we're going to go around the bend multiple times. Being repulsed and wanting to diet. Seeing a photo and wanting to diet. But that's part of the game too, for me.

Maybe just calculate your wife's maintenance calories (I use MyFitnessPal with her height + weight and as goal Maintain). Then you have something to aim for. Sometimes it's not even the heavy overeating. Prevent her from sliding back to much, and just have her eat a little more :)

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Yeah, she needs 2,000 to maintain and she has been getting that as far as i can tell. Im hoping that little temptations will be enough to keep her from losing more then a couple pounds and hopefully she will give up before January is over. Then maybe the bad habbits will return and the slow and steady march to 200 will become a reality. 

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That -- and see if you can get her to eat one thing extra. One small Pringles container (those 100 calorie ones). 100 cal a day extra amounts to about 1 lb gain in a month. Also, those containers feel healthy but have a big chance of making her say "fuck it, I want more"

Think about anything you can add; just one per day. Extra slice of cheese, "only half a Mars bar, babe" etc. But like I just posted in your thread; definitely consider helping her into a crash diet too, if all else fails.

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She seems to be reducing the amount she snacks in the evening, takes smaller portions during the day, and eats less frequent. So I've adjusted her for the 2nd time this week with a meal containing whipping cream. She's at a 1000 calories surplus so far this week, so that tracks well with my intention to grow her by about 1 lbs per month, for now.

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Another observation from our vacation: how she moves.

Sometimes we would have to walk maybe 400-500 meter. About a third of a mile. And I had to get used to slowing down my pace because she couldn't keep up.

She would move slower than sauntering. Maybe 1 step per 1-1.5 second. And we would take a bench 2 times. 

I'm not really into immobility, but this I found kind of hot.

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