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Habituating my wife to weight gain [updates]


allgrownup

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My wife has always been heavy or heavier. For the most part she's been around 200 lbs. When she hit 230 lbs she started to think about dieting, and when she hit almost 250 lbs she really did. She went all the way down to 185-188 lbs.

Now before, I had no idea I liked her fat. That is just how she was. It was when she announced she was going to do this intense regime, and really did it, that I started to feel like "whow, this is not cool!" I'd never thought of myself as an FA. By accident I stumbled upon the feeder community on Tumblr -- and that clicked. The idea of making her fat.

Still, I supported her. Of course.

Her lower weight, which is still on the high side for her, brought nice changes too. She felt more confident, presented herself better, carried herself better.

And then -- she started to eat "normal" again. Snacks made it back in her daily meal plan. More cheat days.

Before long she was 190-195 lbs. She found that heavy but there's not a lot of visible fun, for me. About 1.5 yr ago I opened up to her, telling her I don't want to play food cop because I like it when she packs on some meat. That I would support every weight regime she follows, but that if she asks me for ice cream or chips (her favorite food groups), I'm going to give it to her.

That started a training or indoctrination period. On a conversational "so you like bigger women?"-level she got it but she didn't feel it, yet.

I've been pushing food on her. I don't do the whole hand feeding thing, for the most part, but am more or an enabler or encourager. Sure, there is fruit and low calorie yogurt in the house, but chips and ice cream are just as easy to find. I make all the meals, do all the groceries, and believe me -- I make sure everything is the highest calorie load money can buy.

Nothing really moved, until around Christmas. I asked if, as a gift to me, she could be at least 200 lbs. I knew that 200 lbs was a mental barrier to her. And I also knew that if I was able to push her through that barrier, the longer she was above it, the less likely it was she would easily go down again.

To sweeten the deal I held out a re-wardrobe. She loves shopping!

To my amazement she took up on the deal, and I got my gift. She hasn't even dipped back under 200 lbs again and is now 208 to 215 lbs, depending on how serious her "I don't like myself this fat" is.

She LOVES the attention it gets from me and is super proud, and happy, to see and feel my sexual excitement. It sure has improved our sex life.

She has a REAL belly now. A good FUPA, nice overhanging belly. Beautiful back fat, especially when her bra straps push it every which way. 

I have her on a regime of irregular meals and irregular meal times so she's more likely to snack in between. I make sure an open bag of chips is almost always around her. She started two diet attempts this summer, both with my full support, but both of them ended in a couple of days with a "do we ice cream in the house?" or similar.

She's very well aware now that I like her fat. That, combined with her lack of self discipline and love for food, helps her to "just eat."

For the most part she's self-fattening at the moment, asking nicely several times a day for food and snacks. Her evening eating pattern is now supper (or snacks, if I skip supper), snacks (bag of chips + ice cream until she feels full -- she gets an Haagen Dazs tub with a spoon), followed by a late night meal (sandwiches or leftovers) -- all requested by her.

Compared with about a year ago she is 15 lbs heavier. Although I'm happy with any progress my goals are to get her to 220-225 lbs (where her BMI will be severely obese), then around 230 lbs (where her face is lovely round), and then back to 240-250 lbs where she's a nice round body. That's what I prefer visually at the moment but as I like it that she gets heavier, it could be too that as long as she doesn't resist, I'll keep bulking her up. 

The things I like from this kink are the progress itself (the gaining), how she looks and feels, and the physiological process of breaking down her will to weigh less and accept being fat(ter) instead. I love the process of gently guiding her over her moments of weight anxiety and enabling her to eat more again. To let it go and embrace enjoying whatever she wants to eat while making a more sexy body for me.I want her to be happy, but if I can make her happy despite her being fat, it's even better, to me, then when she wants to be fat and works on that. 

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  • 1 month later...

I don't think so. Emphasis on think.

My first goal was to find a way to get her through that mental barrier of 200 lbs. When she was 195 lbs, 200 was a ceiling and she was able to hover between 190-197 a long time. I just knew that getting her through 200 would break things open, give her a whole new bottom and ceiling. All of a sudden it becomes "I don't want to be 210 ... not 215!!"

Also -- as the deal was "at least...", 200 lbs has become a sort of negotiable point of reference between us now.

My second goal is to "2 steps forward, 1 step back" her weight up now over the coming years. Rock her back and forth between lower/higher.

The past months have been a time for her to get accustomed to being fat(ter) again. Changing a lot of clothes, especially when summer arrived. That kind of thing is delicate.

Been a time too for me to try to learn to be realistic. I'd love to have her at 250 (maybe heavier? Who knows), but where she is she's around a 33 BMI (obese), and I should be happy. If I can keep her hovering between 205-209, that is pretty good, right?

Of course I'd love to train or manipulate her into letting go more, without triggering a total diet dedication.

What I want to do next is push her up from her usual 205-208 to 213-218. Around the holidays I plan to either bring her somewhere or have something "happen" to our scales, so she flies blind for a while. I love the weigh-ins but this is for the greater good, literally :D

A good 1-2 weeks of wining and dining. Vacation-style "forget about it" eating. This way when she diets a bit, she's still above 210, a weight at which she has amazing backfat.

I think we're in about the same boat. Like yours, she doesn't like being fat -- but she doesn't like exercise and dieting either. She does like giving in to cravings. Knowing I like her fat(ter) helps because there is no pressure to lose (nor do I put pressure to gain!). All together kind of lulls her into a sense of letting things be -- and that's good :)

I know she has accepted I like her fatter; but she doesn't like it. I know as she grows fat(er), she kind of gets used to it. Her point of reference changes. Now what I wonder is how far she would go with it. And that's where my "think" comes from. There are some things we don't look eye to eye on -- and I wonder if, when push comes to shove, I would propose an exchange where she at least doesn't lose weight, permanently, and I give up my resistance, she would take up the deal or not.

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Since my first post she has started 2 diet attempts. Not only was the 212-213 lbs very visible in her smaller clothes, but she also doesn't fit in the dress she's bought for our Christmas party either.

She dropped to 205 in about 4 weeks time; really made a valiant attempt at losing weight. At 205 she became stuck. To lose more weight she would have to move more or cut more calories. Moving is a no-no, and going down 8 lbs in 4 weeks meant she was already at the edge of what she can take in self-discipline.

With that plateau established it didn't take much for her to go on some binges; half a cake, complete bag of chips, cookie dough. That has quickly brought her back up to 209-210, which kinds of defeats her diet attempt, and helps establish that 210-ish level as a base level in her mind.

Before going on a short business trip I've stocked the house with essential groceries, making coming across yummie food virtually impossible. I've also put the scales away as I wanted her to use this period to just let go and not be reminded of her weight.

During my business trip I got notifications about some of her credit card purchases. When I brought them up she said she needs larger clothes and another Christmas dress.

I think that's a real success that she not only accepts she's not going to be able to lose enough weight to fit in time in her Christmas dress, but that in general she needs larger clothes. Buying larger clothes versus dieting herself into her existing ones.

I haven't brought out the scales yet but her face has that bloated puffy look; I can see she's been eating good. 

I'm really happy I'm being able to get her weight back up, and that she habituates so well.

PS: she's 200+ now for almost a year, with highs of 213-215 and an average of 206 lbs. Meaning that given her height, she's been in the Obese category for most of this year, and I think I can safely say her thinner days are behind her.

Next phase: habituating her to going out for food and just having fun eating without counting calories. See if we can instill an eating lifestyle in her.

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-- update --

She's doing really well. But really well.

From how she looks I would say she's back at 212-ish. She says she's happy I like her this way; she says it in a way of "at least you like my body"

None the less she eats like a feedee almost. Breakfast (high calorie bread, extra butter; a quick 450 calories) and then asks for food an hour later. Besides breakfast not fixed meals throughout the day. Grazing here and there; cookies, bread buns, etc. I've been working on removing an established eating pattern for most of this year, and she seems to have adapted to "eat when you want"

She's heavily into cake. Today, for the first time, when she asked me to pick up a piece of cake, I've bought a whole cake. I think she's ready to see that present in the house like a normal thing; this is your cake.

She doesn't overeat gazzilions of calories but on a slow day she maintains, other days goes over a bit. Steady does it.

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On 11/13/2018 at 6:41 PM, allgrownup said:

Today, for the first time, when she asked me to pick up a piece of cake, I've bought a whole cake. I think she's ready to see that present in the house like a normal thing; this is your cake.

She asked for cake Tuesday and had a slice.

Yesterday evening she asked if there was cake. I gave her another slice. She asked if I had bought it sliced like that. That's when I told her I had just bought a whole cake, cut it in 6 parts "so you can have a slice a day" (btw, notice how effective I serve her food that in 48 time she hasn't been in the fridge and seen the cake).

This morning (!!) about 1 hour after breakfast she asked if there still was cake -- I told her that of course there is. Giving her another slice I said "I think we should always have cake in the house" ... and she agreed! Driving it home I said, "OK, then I make sure there's cake in the house, and you take care of the eating"

After finishing her piece she said "man I love cake", to which I responded; "I think it's great; it taste great, it makes you look great; it makes you happy, and it makes me happy"

Mind you, all this from a woman who a couple of weeks ago was spending her days with meal replacement drinks, aiming to fit into her Christmas clothes.

For now, as long as this eating attack goes on, I'm keeping the scales out of sight. I find it exciting to know how much the weighs, but I rather build up this weight reserve for when she diets again. Of if she diets again; in look, feel, clothes, and eating behavior I'm having a real fatty now, and maybe there's some kind of towel-in-the-ring give-up moment? Hey, a man can dream!

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Love this! Smart idea too. There are a ton of different cakes and i would imagine you live in a town with atleast one but possible several bakerys. So many cakes to try and calories to consume. Good luck with her throwing in the towel and picking up the fork.

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-- update --

HUGE win!!

2.5 years ago during a diet/food disucssion I let her know I prefer her with a "bit" more meat on her.

The time before and after has consisted of letting her diet when she wants to, but making sure temptations are around and can be given to her the moment she asks about them.

Over that period, from roughly the start of 2016 to now, her weight has crept up. Earlier this year I managed to push her through the mental barrier of 200 lbs and she hasn't been under since. 

Her last weigh-in, at the doctor, was 212 lbs -- she says. I think it's a bit more. Either way, the reaction was predictable; water and bread, a dry diet. No food. 

That afternoon in the restaurant (yes, that is how fast these diets can go: I treat them like a temper tantrum and just ignore them) the most amazing thing happened: she haggled about her weight with me!!!

She said "I want to be around 170, which is still overweight for me, and you like me above 200 -- how about I would go for 190?"

I couldn't believe my ears. 190 is of course way too small for me -- but the fact she was discussing this with me!!!

I told her about how good she looks right now, how happy she is, how happy I am. Then the truth came out; she doesn't fit in the NEW christmas dress she ordered. She wants to lose weight to fit in it.

"I much rather pay you a new dress than have you diet and lose weight"

"That sounds tempting", she answered!!!!

I pushed it home a couple of times, bringing her food with a remark like "here -- and none of that foul diet talk again," and she laughed.

At night, seeing her naked, I casually said "oh yes, 190 would have been way too little; you look perfect like this"

Since then we've gone out eating again, with her picking dessert and also picking dessert to bring home.

She still SAYS she doesn't like her belly, doesn't want to HAVE a belly -- but she's always said that.

I really think making being fat an option, making it a good and acceptable thing, making it easy to gain and hard(er) to lose, and regularly mentioning how good she looks like this, has normalized the idea of being heavy to be pretty. There is NO WAY any of this could have happened 3 years ago.

She doesn't know (yet) that she's still going to be grown. she looks VERY nice and has a very lovely, round belly, but getting her up is fun. That a turning point has been reached, again, is super exciting. Earlier it was the being "at least 200 lbs", and now this. 

I'm going to continue leaving the scales out of sight. Not going to push food too much but let the holidays do their work. I plan to keep her above 210 and then, steady does it, end next year with a good 220 in place. 

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-- update --

I overheard her on the phone with a friend. The weigh-in at the doctor's wasn't 212 but 215 lbs! Wow!

Her eating pattern is all messed up. She wakes up around 6-7, hungry, asking me for food. I make her a good breakfast: 400-500 calories. She goes back to sleep. Then around 10 she eats again. Sometimes another meal, sometimes something snack-like

The first cake is finished and I had bought another cake. This morn for her second meal she just cut a quarter (!!) of it to eat.

In the afternoon she "rests" and eats either nothing or snacks on the chips I leave out everywhere.

I purposely skip making supper or push it to a later time. So in the evening anything can happen. Usually she gets really hungry, asks for a meal, dessert, and then snacks.

If I can keep her up, around 11 PM she'll ask for a fourth meal.

Although I like the making her fatter while she doesn't really want to, I really hope she's toying with the idea of just being this weight. It would be a major win to have her accept being at least 210-215.

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-- update --

The 2nd cake is also finished; I had 2 pieces as well. It takes her about 1 week to finish a cake. It might go up as now she asks for a quarter piece.

It's fun. It's been only 12 days but it's a completely normal thing now for me to ask/suggest "cake?" when she says she's hungry. 

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That's awesome that it's literally cake - doesn't get any more stereotypical fattie than that. :lol:

I've had a similar experience with my wife's 4th meal at 9pm. I made it become a nightly staple to the point an hour after dinner she's already starting to brainstorm what she wants to eat when the kids are in bed. And I've made that meal bigger and more extravagant with time. I even use an entire different set of larger bowls/dishware at night just for that stuffing meal. :ph34r:

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That's awesome that it's literally cake - doesn't get any more stereotypical fattie than that

And she absolutely adores cake. I'm sticking to one-layer cakes for now, so she has a higher ratio of butterfrosting. Might check how she handles a two-layer cake.

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I even use an entire different set of larger bowls/dishware at night just for that stuffing meal.

I love working with different sizes of dishes. The more calories, the larger the plate or bowl. 

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I've had a similar experience with my wife's 4th meal at 9pm

It's interesting to see how their food clock starts to be all over the place. My wife cycles through a food clock that's a bit longer than 24 hours. About once every 6-10 days, I'd say, all her meals will fall in one 24 hour period. She wakes up in the early morning (4-6) to eat, goes back to sleep, has breakfast around 9, lunch around 10-12, supper, snacks (her usual filling of chips etc), and then her late night meal.

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-- update --

She delayed breakfast (diet thinking), then had breakfast and wanted dessert (who doesn't have dessert after breakfast, right?!)

I gave her a quarter cake. She ate it all; no pushback, no comments, no resistance.

Once finished she said "I ate like a pig", to which I replied "hey, other women are putting on their running shoes right now; you, you just have to eat for your beauty regime"

Again, no comments, no resistance.

Asked her too if she prefers two-layer cakes. She said "those can be fun too."

I can't believe I'm having these moments and conversations with her in such a casual, normalized manner :)❤️ 

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i like this thread a lot. i think in the great majority of cases for FA and their couples this is what we live everyday, and constant come and go, some pounds up then an emotional crisis then a diet, some pounds down then comfort eating and some pounds up, try to make her feel sexier and try to make her gain a bit more every time. the struggle is real and we are not alone for sure.

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-- update --

3rd cake is finished. This is now a thing.

She is careful or mindful with eating; not really overeating. Snacks regularly in the evening.

I make sure that what she eats is calorie-loaded. She loves toasts in the morning and I have slices of 120 cal each (normally she has 80) so just the toasts are 240 cal. By the time I have them prepared, she has a 450-500 cal breakfast. Breakfast is her only regular meal of the day, also because as soon as she is awake, she needs to eat -- she feels hungry.

To keep bumping her up in this period in which she doesn't weigh herself at all I've started to give her Sidekicks meals made with 35% cream (tip from someone on another forum), and my standby of instant mashed potatoes made with 35% cream. She eats about half a portion of that (600-700 calories), waits maybe half an hour and then asks "what's for dessert?" Then she gets her cake or ice cream.

Also a new development; now she places my hand on her belly when we spoon.

Also: I always compliment her when I touch her, and when I made a "hmmmmmm" yummie kind of sound while I ran my hand over her belly she said "feels good?"

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Mostly black coffee. In the evening diet soda. There's a growing research that shows artificial sweeteners and weight gain are associated with each other, so I think that's a good thing to keep like that.

She also eats fruit during the day; an orange here, couple of days later an apple there. I encourage that too, for the licensing effect.

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On December 7, 2018 at 11:02 AM, allgrownup said:

Mostly black coffee. In the evening diet soda. There's a growing research that shows artificial sweeteners and weight gain are associated with each other, so I think that's a good thing to keep like that.

She also eats fruit during the day; an orange here, couple of days later an apple there. I encourage that too, for the licensing effect.

That's a bummer and maybe something you can work on in the future. If she likes fruit, maybe even making frozen tropical fruit juice in the fridge is quite a bit of sugar calories – but of course, seems healthy.

Nothing piles the weight on my wife like IPA's and soda. Doing the math, she actually drinks over 50% of her daily calories now. An IPA is 220 calories and she drinks two with dinner every night lately.

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