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mickylane

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Guest incredibad

Really nice work!  You managed to avoid most of the traps that befall people who attempt to write this kind of fiction - and on your first try!  

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Great stuff. I am hoping more will be coming.

It’s amazing that it is so similar to a story I have written in my head a hundred times but never put fingers to keyboard. In my story, the girl comes home at Christmas with the freshman 15. Her super fit Mom tells her she should really take care of herself and not let the pounds creep on. When she gets back to school she enrolls in a fitness class and studies nutrition and gets very fit losing most of the 15 pounds but replacing some with toned muscle.

She comes home for summer vacation proud to show off her new fit body. Instead, she is shocked to see her once fit mother coming down the hallway at least 50 pounds heavier. In fact, her sister, Dad, best friend, and boyfriend have all gotten fat. She discovers that her family has hired an old German grandmother-type as a cook and maid to help around the house. She has turned the whole family onto heavy German food and beer. She cooks huge breakfasts and makes pastries, etc. Of course, our hero is appalled and vows that she is going to continue with her fitness regime and not turn into a fat cow like the rest of them. But...over the summer she and her friend end up sitting around the pool stuffing themselves and washing it all down with beer from the kegerator that has been installed by the barbecue near the pool.

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16 hours ago, BilledMeUp said:

Great stuff. I am hoping more will be coming.

It’s amazing that it is so similar to a story I have written in my head a hundred times but never put fingers to keyboard. In my story, the girl comes home at Christmas with the freshman 15. Her super fit Mom tells her she should really take care of herself and not let the pounds creep on. When she gets back to school she enrolls in a fitness class and studies nutrition and gets very fit losing most of the 15 pounds but replacing some with toned muscle.

She comes home for summer vacation proud to show off her new fit body. Instead, she is shocked to see her once fit mother coming down the hallway at least 50 pounds heavier. In fact, her sister, Dad, best friend, and boyfriend have all gotten fat. She discovers that her family has hired an old German grandmother-type as a cook and maid to help around the house. She has turned the whole family onto heavy German food and beer. She cooks huge breakfasts and makes pastries, etc. Of course, our hero is appalled and vows that she is going to continue with her fitness regime and not turn into a fat cow like the rest of them. But...over the summer she and her friend end up sitting around the pool stuffing themselves and washing it all down with beer from the kegerator that has been installed by the barbecue near the pool.

I think this does sound similar but I would still very much enjoy reading it if you ever do put pen to paper. 

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