Doc appointment coming up, sure to trigger dieting

[allgrownup]

Somewhere coming month my wife has an appointment with her doctor. That goes hand in hand with a stern look from the doctor and a "you're X lbs"

I expect a weight loss attempt. When it comes to dieting is is and remains a "let's do this!" kind of gal. "1000 calories is too much for me!" Meal replacement drinks. Fruit. Boiler air. That's followed by hunger and giving in, or, if she continues, by a weight loss plateau with gaining as soon as she eats again.

I'm going to be all supportive, genuinely helping her. Not even snacking in front of her. I'll help her starve herself Asking for more food, especially the type and quantities she knows will do the opposite of losing weight, has to come from herself. That keeps me from feeling like a jerk for tempting or manipulating her, and it helps her internalize the weight loss defeat.

so, soon the games will be on again!

[Ayumi_Chan]

Perhaps you can ask the doctor "Aside from her weight, do her other numbers suggest that she is unhealthy for maintaining the weight that she's at?"  Because I can also say, from my own experience, that me being the largest weight I once used to be, I was still healthy based on the numbers that were tested when I'd have blood tests run. It is unfortunate that so many doctors do choose to throw that out of the window and focus soley on weight, when more times than not about the weight.

Something I will say, and I know that this is probably stated in the sense of it being a forum where you can vent such things, but the comment of "I'll help her starve herself :)" Comes off badly. While you may not say anything, it's also something that you should address with your wife. Obviously you're with her because you care about her and love her, but to imply that she's going to be starving herself is kind of putting you in the mindset that she will, and may make it possible that the resentment will come out in other ways; either through snide remarks or the actions you show. 1000 calories a day is genuinely sufficient for a human body when you aren't doing as much physical work as say someone who does have a labor intensive job. I think what will help is that if you both sit down and come up with ways that she can still eat, healthily, even though she may restrict her diet. If you want to be supportive and genuinely helping her, that is something you should do with her and for her. I can guarantee you, that will also help her out if she is genuine in her want to lose weight.  So something like "Hey, I know you'd like to lose weight, but going to an extreme like that isn't healthy either because we should try to make sure you're still getting a balanced diet. How about we find a good middle ground where we plan meals and the like." 

Again, I know that this post is probably meant to be more of a "I'm venting because I have no where else to vent and don't want to take this out on my wife" and that's completely okay. Just also be mindful in working with your wife in her goals rather than sitting on the sidelines and hoping that her diet will end up coming to close sooner than later. Because that mindset in itself is also not supportive or helpful on the subconscious level either. 

I do, however wish you and your wife the best in whatever happens and comes from all of this.

[allgrownup]

What a super nice response! Thanks!

We've talked a lot about dieting throughout the years but she remains a firm believer in magic solutions. In starving yourself for a while to get your weight down and then eat however she wants. That it should be a new lifestyle, not a temporary fix, just doesn't click

I'm not resentful, even though I prefer her gaining instead of losing, partly because the dieting helps ensure she always is heavier.

[BindsThatTie]

I feel for you as I brace for entering this chapter in the next year or so. I'm utterly shocked my wife's doctor has not said anything, yet. If she gains another 30 or so lbs I would assume something will be brought up. Luckily most of her siblings have become very obese - so not worried about her family saying anything.

[extra_m13]

i think you have the right strategy in place. being supportive is the only thing that you should be, helping her to achieve whatever she wants and of course making her feel sexy when the weight comes back, sometimes ladies want to look like maria sharapova but they are just not willing to put in the effort and when they come to accept that the pounds come happily and of course, we must be more than ready for that.