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Sometimes the baby weight stays


oatmeal

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It's hot as hell outside so my wife is doing her best to stay inside and wear as little as possible, not that i am complaining. She is on a mashed potatoes kick and has gobbled up a big serving covered in butter practically every other day since getting the first package. She hasn't stepped on a scale since the beginning of July but looks a bit heavier.

When she lays down her thighs and hips spread out like a bean bag chair. You can see that despite their size her legs have very little muscle anymore. It's like she melts into whatever she is sitting on. Belly is starting to hang ever so slightly too.

Quote of the week "Atleast I'm getting good use of my maternity stuff. Two pregnancies and now its my everyday wear" she also kept complaining she is too fat for several of her maternity dresses. "My arms dont fit in that dress. My hips stick out too far in that one."

She always wears maternity tank tops to bed. Funny thing is now they ride up frequently exposing her soft pale little belly. Its kind of a game for me watching her belly peak out and seeing how long before she notices. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Good news, she stepped on the scale and is weighing in at a pudgy 198 lbs. I haven't been doing anything special but her normal eating habits and lots of wine are doing the work for me. It also helps that since it is hot as hell outside she stays in doors and moves as little as possible. She constantly compains about being hot.

She is looking very wide these days and it seems those five pounds she reacquired helped to make her breasts look more full. Her belly looks bigger at night after a nice big dinner and lots of wine but she still looks very soft and bloated in the mornings. I always find her attractive but lately the high waisted tummy control granny panties and loose fitting house dresses she has been wearing are really doing it for me. There is something about her wearing clothes not designed to be sexy but still looking wonderful that is spellbinding.

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  • 2 weeks later...

She has been eating well and looking quite plump. Football season is here and that means lots of beer and gameday food on the weekends. Calories dont count when rooting for your team. She seems to be in good spirits and joked that the only exercise she gets is our sex life.

She was joking but its totally accurate. The other day when we were having sex, towards the end, she was on top of me with her torso up so all her weigh was pushing down on my pelvis. She was gasping for breath and when i finished she collapsed on top of me.  She then proceeded to say how she was too fat to do that position anymore as she gets tired so fast. She said she was basically a cow on top of me with no ab muscles, just a big fat belly. The next morning she compained of her arms being sore.

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12 minutes ago, oatmeal said:

She then proceeded to say how she was too fat to do that position anymore as she gets tired so fast. She said she was basically a cow on top of me with no ab muscles, just a big fat belly.

That's pretty impressive that she's using that language now to refer to herself. The comments like "cow" and "just a big fat belly" seem unlike her just a couple of months ago.

Did she seem regretful when describing herself and her belly that way?

Mine only goes as far as "I'm big" and "I'm fat." The word "cow" has bad connotations with her previous relation. "Pig" or "piggy" is also something she wouldn't use. 

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Dont get me wrong. These are isolated statements that she says after a bottle of wine when feeling comfortable and connected with me. She certainly wouldnt referrer to herself flippantly as a fat cow normally, but her inner monolog comes out when she is drinking so i would like to believe this is more indicative of how she thinks about herself. 

I think she doesnt like being fat but has kind of accepted that she is fat and that she really isnt going to do anything to change. She knows i love her body and while she isnt going to make herself bigger for me she has stopped beating herself up as much.

@allgrownup your right, a few months ago anystatement relating to her weight was maked by a bit of sadness. Now statements like " ill need to wear spanx with this dress for pictures" are just flat matter of fact statements.

I would love to take credit for her change of mindset but i think the kids help more than me. My son loves to play with her belly and i thi k it reminds her that her body has done amazing stuff and that the kids love her the way she is. My daughter will say "the darndest things" about her size and my wife just laughs and plays along.

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Yeah i think football season is going to be good for my wife's figure. This weekend she was eating a drinking non stop. Tacos, burgers, pizza, cookies, fries, queso and lots of beer & wine. its alot more acceptable to gobble a plate of cheeze fries and wash it down with a few beers at noon when you have an early kick off. It starts a cycle of eatting and drinking early and leads to alot more calories ending up in her tummy.

We went to the grocery store sunday. She wore leggings and one of my t-shirts as she didnt feel like squeezing into jeans or a dress. At the store we happened to run into a girl we both knew from highschool. My wife and her were both on dance team together. 

They bumped into each other and the other girl said "oh hey i wasn't sure that was you". They briefly exchanged pleasantries then we went back to shopping. She had her little boy with her who is the same age as my youngest. 

The other girl wasn't as thin as in high school but was pretty in shape for a mom. My wife on the other hand is around 80 pounds heavier than she was in high school and apparently nearly unrecognizable.

Almost everyone i know is bigger than they were in high school. However there are some who have really plumped up and i'm so glad my wife is one of them. She looked so soft and wobbly in her leggings and big shirt. 

She wanted pizza again for dinner so of course i said yes to that. I hope she eats at least four slices but leftover pizza is good to have at the house. She had a slice before lunch on sunday and a slice before bed on both Saturday and Sunday. Would love to get her eating right before bed again.

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Actual quotes:

"Stop feeding the dog so much, she is gaining weight.

Stop feeding me so much.

Why?

Because i don't need to eat so much, I'm gaining weight.

What?

All my clothes are tight and I  haven't gotten on the scale because I'm afraid it will say I'm over 200. I need to lose weight"

Babe you look great. I love you

Oh whatever, its fine. Hey could you grab me some more wine?"

She really has been eatting bad as of late and looks a little bigger. I hope to keep the denial train going for a while and hope she keeps eating. She recently bought some new clothes so maybe she will keep growing for a while before having to come to terms with the new pounds.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I picked her up to give her a hug and she said "you can't pick me up, I'm too heavy". I demonstrated i could and told her she didn't weigh very much. "I weigh 200 pounds" Really? "Well around 200 pounds anyway, how much do you weigh?" One ninty one. Rolls eyes, "well i'm the bigger one so what i say goes"

I checked the fitbit app and confirmed she weighs 201.7 lbs. I'm so happy she finally crossed the 200 barrier. I am also thrilled that when she told me it was just a matter of fact statement. No shame, no sadness, just hey I'm over 200 lbs now. I of course showered her in a torrent of complements the rest of the weekend and she never protested.

Not to be greedy but i hope she puts on a little bit more just as a cushion so she doesnt fall below what is hopefully her new floor weight. I mean her gaining more would be great but she looks so soft and sexy right now. She also mentioned how she needs to get rid of more clothes  because "threy are never going to fit again"

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I'm so happy for both of you!

For her it's probably almost a relief that dreaded 200 barrier is gone. There is no limit at the moment while before she was inching with mere lbs to go. And good that she's accepting it well.

Happy for you too of course. This is what you've been working towards.

Quote

Not to be greedy but i hope she puts on a little bit more just as a cushion so she doesnt fall below what is hopefully her new floor weight. I mean her gaining more would be great but she looks so soft and sexy right now

I don't think she'll suddenly go into maintenance mode. She'll probably continue to eat about the same way, plus the holidays are coming. With some efforts from your side you should be able to see her at 205 by the end of he year

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Yeah last night I was telling her about what the new update for my car can do. She said "you like your Tesla more than me" i walked over and squeezed her butt and said my car will never be as nice as this butt.

"Oh it's too big. I need to lose it"

No way man! I love it! You have to keep for me.

"Well if I'm gonna stay this fat you better give me a third one (child)"

Noooo! Not another one

"Not now, in two years. I have to justify this fat body. Do something with it."

 

Idk about a third but i am glad she can accept her body at this size. Hope your right and between football season and the holidays she ends up closer to 210 then 200.

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Exciting to hear! She seems to make her peace with her fat body, slowly, step by step. Crossing the dreaded 200 pound mark without freaking out or loosing her appetite (and humor) is great news.

Mentioning matter-of-factly the intent to give up clothes because "they are never going to fit again" is just another sign of coming to grips with reality. Contemplating a third child to justify her fat body is even a way of planning her future as a fat girl!

By the way, I second your idea of your wife gaining a bit more during the holiday season to get a few more pounds under her belt, so to speak, and establish 200 lbs as the new floor.

Lucky guy! Keep her happy and thanks for sharing!

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  • 3 weeks later...

I checked the fitbit app and sad news, my wife is below 200 lbs 😔

I bugged me a lot more than it should have and later that night she could tell something was up. She asked and after declining to get into it i relented and explained that i was bummed she lost weight. I told her it's obviously her body, i just like how she looks now and dont want her to lose.

She noted that while she probably should lose weight for her health, she wasnt trying to lose any weight. "Im drinking wine and eating Chinese food, im clearly not on a diet" she then reassured me that her weight fluctuates a lot on her period and that "I'm sure if i got on the scale now i would be back above 200". She offered to weigh herself but i declined.

As much as i really miss seeing that 2 on the scale, i think its pretty great that i can tell her hey, please dont lose weight, i like you bigger and her response was I know, not planning on getting any smaller. She said "I havent lost any real weight since having (our son) and i dont think i will any time soon"

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44 minutes ago, oatmeal said:

I bugged me a lot more than it should have

God I hear you. One night we're spooning, I'm holding her belly, feeling with joy how big and fluffy it is. Thinking she is at least 220 lbs but maybe (hoping!) more.

Then it turns out she is 216. 

Until I realized again, hey, 190 is overweight, 200 is obese -- I'm having a fat wife, stop complaining.

Plus, we both know the coming months are food months :)

47 minutes ago, oatmeal said:

i think its pretty great that i can tell her hey, please dont lose weight, i like you bigger and her response was I know, not planning on getting any smaller

It's exciting how that has changed, isn't it? I love it when conversations like that have become normalized. Congratulations!

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2 hours ago, allgrownup said:

Until I realized again, hey, 190 is overweight, 200 is obese -- I'm having a fat wife, stop complaining.

Yeah, the non crazy part of me knows that at this point ten pounds up or down is hardly noticable. However that magic 200 barrier seems to matter alot to the crazy obsessed part of my brain.

When i was telling her why i was upset i explained that when she loses weight i instantly extrapolate that loss into her shinking before my very eyes. I told her that she looks so good right now and that i dont want her to ever go back to prebaby weight. She took it surprisingly well.

She asked if i though she was hot before kids to which i replied, "hell yeah, but now you're even hotter". She seemed to take it pretty well with no eye rolling or typical "im blah" stuff. 

I know she will never be into gaining or fat talk or any other other fun FA stuff but i think she is pretty on board with atleast being this fat.

3 hours ago, allgrownup said:

 I love it when conversations like that have become normalized. Congratulations!

Yeah normalization is a game changer. The whole deny she is fat is a losing endevour. Once i switched to body positive instead of denial, at your suggestion, i ve made real progresss with her mentally. She seems happier too which is the most important part.

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My wife walked by in just her underwear the other day and I couldnt help but notice how jiggly her butt and legs are. Now she has always had a shapely butt, genetics and years of dance, but her butt seems to have grown and gotten softer. I realized that the reason her lower body seems more unstructured and jigglier is that she has lost muscle.

It makes sense really. She has an office job, never exercises and spends every night and weekend sitting on the couch. Whereas she used to have strong legs buried under a lovely layer of fat, it seems like alot of that muscle has atrophied and been replaced with yummy squishy fat.

I'm a little conflicted. I like her getter fatter and dont want her burning precious calories exercising, but her butt shape has lost a little oomph. In a perfect world she would stary doing some squats to build those glutes back up and offset any calories spent with increased eating. However I'm almost certain if she stepped foot in a gym she would head straight for the cardio to try and burn some flab. Im not in the business of encouraging her to shrink.

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I think asking for something like this is a "tad" too much. "Honey I like you bigger even though you don't really want to be fat" ....."Honey, could you do some squats with your heavier body now so your butt is a bit more toned?" 😬

And I'm definitely a proponent of making a wife as lazy as possible. It's not just the preservation of calories, but I like to see that whole attitude, that whole life style, changed. Mine has been laying all day today with a total of 5 minutes of movement, maximum, and requests for food (she doesn't even think about getting it herself) interspersed. I wouldn't risk that with a "how about you do this exercise instead" :)

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  • 3 weeks later...

An awful stomach bug has rampaged through my household this past week. Everyone got terribly sick but thankfully we are better now. She hasnt weighed herself but im certain she is back in the 190s. Oh well setbacks happen.

My wife was the last to get sick and before she got sick she said she hoped she would catch it so she could lose "five pounds". I told her she didnt need to lose weight and she got upset with me. She said i should encourage her to lose weight and that i am jeopardizing her health just because i like how she looks. I countered that she has zero health issues but she said "i'm obese, thats a health issue"

Not really sure how to navigate these arguments. I feel like im on pretty shaky moral footing. She also got upset when i made her plate last night. I gave her a generous portion of pesto pasta and she once again blaimed me for trying to fatten her up. She put about a third of the bowl back but went back for seconds and ended up eating more that i originaly gave her.

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Guest MX8XV93

From the last point, it seems you may be past this, but...

 

On 11/1/2019 at 7:00 PM, allgrownup said:

I think asking for something like this is a "tad" too much. "Honey I like you bigger even though you don't really want to be fat" ....."Honey, could you do some squats with your heavier body now so your butt is a bit more toned?" 😬

I have to agree with allgrownup on this one.  Yeah...  Those muscles that you liked.  They're gone forever, and they're not ever coming back.  Those toned, cellulite-free dancer legs she once had, with a well-defined ass.  Gone, too.  Her "unstructured" ass.  Here to stay and probably getting even bigger and softer.  You're not dating a skinny dancer anymore.  You're now married to a fat wife--and specifically, a fat wife who is fat because you encouraged her to get fat, you told her things like: "No way man! I love [your butt]! You have to keep for me" and "that [you] look so good right now and that i dont want [you] to ever go back to prebaby weight".  In her mind, you'd be betraying her if you told her that you didn't like the (lack of) tone on her legs.  Why?  Those very things you muscle (losing muscle, a less-defined ass, cellulite-covered legs etc.) are the judgments that she feared she feared would happen if she did actually get fat, and if, after getting fat anyway because she knows you like it, you actually make those judgments, then you will devastate her.  You will make her uncomfortable at any weight (because, in her mind, you didn't find her attractive when she was skinny, either), and you will make her resentful of you.

That's basically the point I was getting at with this thread:

So bottom-line:  Your wife now comes with these features.  It's now up to you to embrace it fully.  I think the reason she is still hesitant is because she can tell you are too and she's getting impatient with your indecisiveness.  She's waiting for you to show her that you love all of her--all of the things that come with being fat and not just, say, bigger boobs.  When she's upset about you "trying to fatten her up": "Maybe I am.  I just really like it when you eat, because I love how soft you've been getting."  When you're making love to her: "I love those adorable little dimples [cellulite] on your legs."  Run your hands over them and kiss her gently.  That sort of thing...  In other words, not an attitude of "you don't need to lose weight" but "why would you ever want to lose weight with a body like that?".

If you can get past that, though, I think she's already starting to accept being fat unconsciously, even if she sometimes has some conscious objections.  Why?  To name a few:

  1. She did actually get seconds.  If she actually cared about losing weight, she wouldn't.
  2. She stopped exercising.  If she actually cared about losing weight, she would.
  3. She got her ring resized.
  4. She's trying to "justify" her weight with another baby.
  5. She seems fine with telling you that she's over 200.
  6. She's thrown out old clothing.
  7. She responds with things like: "I know, not planning on getting any smaller.  I havent lost any real weight since having (our son) and i dont think i will any time soon"

A few other factors at play that favor a fatter and more "unstructured" wife in the future:

  1. She stopped exercising, so if she starts again, it's going to be really hard.
  2. She lost muscle mass, which means if she wants to start exercising, it will be even harder.
  3. She lost muscle mass, which means she is burning less calories throughout the entire day.
  4. She's not getting any younger, so yet another source of metabolism drop.

Also, you missed a really good comeback: "How on earth could you possibly get healthier by making yourself sick?"  I think she was testing you on that one...

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Thanks for the detailed post @JohnnyX. Yeah to be perfectly clear, i would never encourage her to start working out to regain those glutes. #1 telling a women to workout is rude #2 I love the jiggle #3 I'm actively trying to keep her as sedentary as possible. When i take the kids to the pool or the dogs on a walk i make her excuses for her so she doesnt feel bad staying home relaxing on the couch. I do almost all the housework and try my best to keep her sitting. Note: need to figure out how to condition her to snack when reality TV is on because she is always watching something terrible on TLC or Bravo.

Her ass when it still had muscle was a thing of beauty, 8th wonder of the world. Sometimes i do miss how it felt to give it a little squeez but her bigger and softer butt drives me crazy too. I love how her thighs and hips have spillage, how when she sits down on the couch they spread out like butter. Also that ripple effect when hitting it from the back.

I guess my post was more about noticing how the muscle is gone and has been replaced with fat. If i was going to ask her to do anything to but. Some morr oomph in that caboose it would be to pick up a fork and eat until she had gone up a few pant sizes. With the holidays coming maybe she will.

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  • 1 month later...
On 11/19/2019 at 10:37 AM, oatmeal said:

Note: need to figure out how to condition her to snack when reality TV is on because she is always watching something terrible on TLC or Bravo.

Make food easily accessible all the time so her willpower wears down. Put out cute bowls, the same way people put out some fruit. Near where she sits, a nice decorative bowl or something like that with those round Lindt chocolates (80 calories each). 

When she's going to sit to watch, make her whatever she drinks normally. Cola, coffee, tea, whatever. Provide a snack with it; some chips, a sandwich, etc. "Here, made you some coffee", and you put both the food and drink down.

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