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Sometimes the baby weight stays


oatmeal

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"Got you some more taquitos and sour cream at the store"

"Noooo!"

"We were out so i got you some more"

"I dont need any more, you're trying to fatten me up!"

Attempts denial and changes the subject.

That evening: "Can i heat you up some taquitos?"

"No, i dont want any."

Ok

"You're trying to fatten me up. Last night i asked for four and you got me six"

"Four isnt enough, they are just taquitos... did you eat them?"

Silence..... Moments later:"Actually can you heat me up a couple?"

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This morning: "Can i make you a breakfast sandwich?"

"No I'm going to get something at Whataburger"

"I've got to go to the mall this weekend. I only have one pair of work pants that fit and its starting to be too cold for dresses"

She bought new pants this summer and the only pair that still fits is one she bought after getting back from vacation late sept. 

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Yes i would say the diet is once again on hold. She hasn't been missing any meals and has kept up her nightly taquito meal. I have noticed her eatting less at dinner but maybe thats becuase she is eatting another mini-meal a couple hours later. She has been eatting alot of carbs lately and historically carbs have fueled her gains.

She bought new pants at old Navy, size 16 although her other pants that fit, snuggly, are size 12s. I tried to get a handel on what sizes she wears so i can buy her some new "comfy" clothes for the winter but womens clothes sizes are a clusterfuck.

She is pretty chubby all over now but since the second pregnancy she has a pretty big belly. Before i would say she was hour glassed with a tiny waist, now more of a pear with a belly. I love all the softness but does anyone know much about visceral fat vs subcutaneous fat? Is there a way to find out how much of each she has without doing a CT scan? 

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Guest nankdatank
4 hours ago, oatmeal said:

Yes i would say the diet is once again on hold. She hasn't been missing any meals and has kept up her nightly taquito meal. I have noticed her eatting less at dinner but maybe thats becuase she is eatting another mini-meal a couple hours later. She has been eatting alot of carbs lately and historically carbs have fueled her gains.

She bought new pants at old Navy, size 16 although her other pants that fit, snuggly, are size 12s. I tried to get a handel on what sizes she wears so i can buy her some new "comfy" clothes for the winter but womens clothes sizes are a clusterfuck.

She is pretty chubby all over now but since the second pregnancy she has a pretty big belly. Before i would say she was hour glassed with a tiny waist, now more of a pear with a belly. I love all the softness but does anyone know much about visceral fat vs subcutaneous fat? Is there a way to find out how much of each she has without doing a CT scan? 

If she carries her weight lower on her body,  e.g. mainly below her belly button she is more than likely predisposed to carrying more subcutaneous fat. You can usually tell as it is jigglier and over the top of any muscle compared to visceral fat.

However, obviously as one becomes fatter they will always gain some visceral fat and therefore become unhealthier. There is no way around that unfortunately.

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Well that makes feel a little better. Her belly is kind of dome shapped, not split into an upper and lower belly, but its more lower then upper for sure. Dont get as much time squeezing it as i would like but its very soft, must be fat on top of muscle. 

I love when just the bottom peeks out from under her shirt. This happens all the time. Its like her belly is saying "i will not be contained"

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For the belly squeezing; I've spent about 3-6 months (after coming out to my wife) habituating her to me touching her fat. Breast touch, slide down over the belly. Neck kiss, hands go on the shoulder-fat and squeeze lightly. She loves body cream, so I started suggesting a creaming after her end of day shower (after which she goes to bed). Always start somewhere else but of course also pass the belly where I spend a little bit more time. Just to get her comfortable and used that all that is part of her too, and part of me touching her.

Although this has all helped, the single best thing is that she loves spooning. I extend my arm over her belly and place my hand under it (sometimes gets numb!). Every once in a while I make a "mmmmm"-yummie content sound.

All in all I just try to connect fat+pleasure, fat+compliments, fat+touching, etc

Diet-attempts have become somewhat of a friend to me. Life just isn't fun when you're eating less than you need/want (feel hungry-ish all the time), and when the food you have isn't fun either (missing snacks, or the good stuff meals). In my case she always caves. Sometimes in days, sometimes in weeks, but her "do we have ice cream?" or "can you make  me a sandwich?" always eventually comes -- and then the pounds come back faster than you can say "honey."

I do aim to keep her above 200 lbs. Getting her through that mental barrier of not seeing 1's on the scale took some work. Keeping her above it makes her frame of reference different.

Now that your wife is settling into an eating pattern, start assuming and supporting that pattern. Prepare her 4th meal around the time she prefers. Get yourself whatever as an excuse. Make it the new normal, her new habit, her new routine. 

Taking over a lot of food prepping and/or switching to serving your wife is really helpful anyway. Getting a plate of food is different from plating it yourself; less guilt and no decision/choice process. Plus, less movement. 

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"I need to stop drinking wine, it's making me fat! I weighed myself today and it was not good"

What did you weigh?

"I dont want to say"

Just tell me.

"Take a guess, i dont want to say"

190.."higher" 195... "higher" 198...

"Yes! I weigh 198 freaking pounds! I have got to lose weight"

I tell her i think she is beautiful but that i support her if she wants to do something about it or if she doesn't. She asks how much i weigh. 203

"See thats only five pounds and you're a foot taller than me"

We drop the issue until after the kids go to bed. Do you want some wine "yeah" can i make you some taquitos?

"I told you i'm trying to lose weight"

Hey it's not like i asked if you wanted an entire cheeze cake or something.

She gives it some thought. "Alright get me three" i make four, she complains but eats all of them.

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Im trying my hardest too keep wine and 4th meal part of her nightly routine. Im also trying to keep the carbs flowing without being pushy.

13 hours ago, allgrownup said:

For the belly squeezing; I've spent about 3-6 months (after coming out to my wife) habituating her to me touching her fat. Breast touch, slide down over the belly. Neck kiss, hands go on the shoulder-fat and squeeze lightly. She loves body cream, so I started suggesting a creaming after her end of day shower (after which she goes to bed). Always start somewhere else but of course also pass the belly where I spend a little bit more time. Just to get her comfortable and used that all that is part of her too, and part of me touching her.

Although this has all helped, the single best thing is that she loves spooning. I extend my arm over her belly and place my hand under it (sometimes gets numb!). Every once in a while I make a "mmmmm"-yummie content sound.

All in all I just try to connect fat+pleasure, fat+compliments, fat+touching, etc

Diet-attempts have become somewhat of a friend to me. Life just isn't fun when you're eating less than you need/want (feel hungry-ish all the time), and when the food you have isn't fun either (missing snacks, or the good stuff meals). In my case she always caves. Sometimes in days, sometimes in weeks, but her "do we have ice cream?" or "can you make  me a sandwich?" always eventually comes -- and then the pounds come back faster than you can say "honey."

I do aim to keep her above 200 lbs. Getting her through that mental barrier of not seeing 1's on the scale took some work. Keeping her above it makes her frame of reference different.

Now that your wife is settling into an eating pattern, start assuming and supporting that pattern. Prepare her 4th meal around the time she prefers. Get yourself whatever as an excuse. Make it the new normal, her new habit, her new routine. 

Taking over a lot of food prepping and/or switching to serving your wife is really helpful anyway. Getting a plate of food is different from plating it yourself; less guilt and no decision/choice process. Plus, less movement. 

All good ideas. I think that 200 hurdle is going to be tough mentally for her. With luck maybe the holidays will push her past with enough cushion that even some new years dieting will keep the number two on the scale. Dont want to count pounds before she has gained them though. Although she is up four pounds since 10/1. Taquitos are helping!

I was trying to play it cool asking her weight but it was so freaking hot. I wish she was at least accepting of my preferances but ill keep pretending her gaining weight isnt crazy hot as long as she keeps putting on the pounds. 

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5 hours ago, oatmeal said:

I think that 200 hurdle is going to be tough mentally for her.

It is a hard one to get through. You can sneak it up on her. Make sure there are no scales, feed/provide/encourage/enable, then wait and see.

My push came when I told her around a special occasion, let's say Christmas, that if she wanted to get me a gift, she could weigh at least 200 lbs by that day; she was weighing 195-197 lbs around that time.

I "sweetened" the deal in the following days by extending the prospect of more shopping money. Mine loves (online) shopping and having more money allocated in the budget just helped.

She got through that 200 lbs, quickly went over, and hasn't been back under it in months. This is her new normal, unless she would work very hard at losing the weight.

But any time will do, like you said. Holidays, a vacation, family visit. A couple of days of good intense eating. It's really just a case of somehow helping to establish that higher weight of 200-202 lbs, after which her new yo-yo dieting will gentle nudge her. 

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I was trying to play it cool asking her weight

I can't recommend a wifi scale like the Fitbit Aria enough. Be sure to be the one to set up the scale (and its accounts) and you'll have continuous access to her weigh-ins.

It really helps me to sync encouragement and high read-outs. I know and understand she feels kind of down when she gets on the scale and it is higher than she wants. But it helps if around the same time I can tell her a puzzled "I don't know what you did but you look so sexy today." Just making sure that weight-gain and positive feedback is getting connected.

You may need a backstory to get one. Maybe you want to lose weight? Start some kind of exercise program and see how much lean muscle you gain? Something like that.

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I wish she was at least accepting of my preferances but ill keep pretending her gaining weight isnt crazy hot as long as she keeps putting on the pounds.

I started to tell her I like her with "a little bit more meat" on her a year ago or so. That opening up has helped me as I can discuss and openly compliment where first it had to be hidden. She knows really well now I like her fluffy. She's clear; she doesn't like herself this way. And that's OK. If she wants to lose the weight; go ahead -- do it. But as long as she breaks her diets and gains, I'm happy, and I will tell her how awesome she looks. I don't say "you look hot so fat" or stuff like that. I just tell her she is beautiful, gorgeous, sexy (especially synced to her weigh-ins), keep making it easy and simple to (over)eat, and keep touching her

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Thats a good idea about the fit bit scale. Ill have to pick one up. Just need a good backstory.

Yeah my wife knows but the less i bring it up the better. Years ago she found my browser history and we fought for like a week straight. It's still a sore subject. She brings it up from time to time when she is looking to start a fight. Ive found that saying nothing works best. 

When she first started putting it back on after baby number two she got mad if i complemented her body. Now that she has been heavier for a while she seems to take my praise better.

Wish i was ballsy enough to ask her for some christmas weight gain but id say my odds of sucess, even with a promised shopping spree, would be under 1%.

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So some quick googling broke down the 4th meal calorie load. 8 oz of cabernet 188 cal, four taquitos 290 cal, two tbsp sour cream 40 cal. Thats a total of 518 cal and most of the time she eats closer to 3 tbsp and 6 taquitos, 683 cal.

Add that up over the course of a week and boom 3,625 -  4,780 calories. Assuming she eats enough earlier in the day to maintain weight then thats close to a pound a week. In theory she could be up to 205 by new years eve. 

Im sure a January weigh in would totally freak her out and cause her to start a diet but a five pound cushion would provide some room to keep the number above 200 before she gives up. A guy can dream.

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I guess you're not there during the day to eyeball her calories?

Projecting gains: don't forget her BMR goes up as well, as her body needs more calories to maintain the existing weight.

Diet: a good friend of ours :) The longer she sticks to one, the more her BMR goes down to defend against the "threat" of energy loss. That's why at one point you eat less and still don't lose weight. The absolute beauty is that once they do a cheat day or break their diet, BMR tends to go up VERY slowly, if at all. So now eating 100 calories extra is more like eating 200-400 extra ones :)

Be sure to keep being puzzled how good she looks as she gains weight ("I don't know what it is with you these days but you look HOT") and counter any diet-suggestion casually ("If you want to... for me, you look gorgeous; we eat well, we have fun, and you look sexy -- can't complain about our life")

Looking forward to following along!

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Very true. I watched a video all about calories and BMR today. I get a discount on health insurance. Guess i need a more accurate measure of her lean mass and bodyfat. 

I guess im assuming her other food intake will ofset any BMR changes.

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22 hours ago, oatmeal said:

I guess im assuming her other food intake will ofset any BMR changes.

It just depends. Even depends on the formula followed to calculate BMR.

Mine dropped all the way down to 185-ish. Her BMR then was 1500 calories. BMR is just being alive; no movement or anything.

She's around 210 at the moment. So to keep everything as-is, her body needs about 1600 calories a day to maintain that weight. If she moves more, more.

On the other hand, by the time I have her at 220, 1660 calories a day are needed to keep that weight.

Oddly enough, on the way back, when dieting, these numbers change depending on how intense she diets. The more intense of a diet, the more BMR goes down. At her current weight 1000 calories a day would be a 600 calories BMR deficit, but the longer she keeps this up, the more BMR goes down, and now instead of a 600 deficit, she has a 300 one -- throwing off any calorie calculations she does, including the idea of cheat days.

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Well it finally got a little cold today so my wife was searching through the closet to find a sweater to wear to work. She came out of the bedroom in a terrible mood wearing a sweater that looked a little tight. "Well it's official, i'm too fat for all of my maternity clothes"

I didn't know what to say. Granted she is a few pounds heavier then her highest pregnancy weight but she looked cute in her sweater. I called her later on my commute and she seemed down on herself. I told her how she shouldnt base her self worth on her weight and how she is a great mom / wife and tried to cheer her up. I told her we could get her a few new clothes this weekend.

She didnt want new clothes just to lose weight and fit into her old clothes. I told her weight loss takes time and there is no reason to be uncomfortable now. She agreed but wants me to stop offering 4th meal because she always ends up eating extra calories.

Im not sure what to do. I want her to be happy but i dont think she will be able to diet herself to a happy weight. She wasnt happy with her body when she was skinny and she realistically wont be able to drop 80 + pounds without drastic life change. Her eatting habits are her own choice but i dont know if i should lay off enabling her or stick with the plan of helping her add some winter weight.

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5 hours ago, oatmeal said:

I didn't know what to say

Never ever go against it. Don't say "you're not fat" or something like that.

Don't ever agree with it. Don't say "yes, you're fat"

It's not about the fat; it's about how she looks, how she feels, and how she makes you feel. "You look amazing -- let's just go for a rewardrobe tonight; put some awesome clothes on that awesome body"

The idea is to slowly but surely turn the conversation. You don't want to argue she isn't fat. You want her to arguments for "I'm FAT!!!" to be void. "I'm fat" -- and my husband loves me. "I'm fat!!" -- and he thinks I'm sexy and shows me. "I'm fat!!" -- but he treats me like a queen these days.

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Her eatting habits are her own choice but i dont know if i should lay off enabling her or stick with the plan of helping her add some winter weight.

For me the idea is to help her accept the inevitable fact that she is getting fatter. I let her do her thing when she diets but we all know she's going to eat again. At that time I enable her fattening eating patterns. The dieting helps mess up her metabolic setpoint. I've even told her that (the whole "diet is a lifestyle, not a thing you do for a while") but she doesn't "get" that.

Meanwhile, she diets, she eats, she diets, she eats. The weight between which she yo-yo's goes up: 185-190....190-195...etc. And now we're at 205-213, going up and down in that range until there's a new setpoint.

I don't do it so there's nobody to blame. But whenever the topic comes up I stay on point: you eat like you want -- it's an easy lifestyle -- and I love it; I think you look amazing, your best; just let it go -- you enjoy eating, I enjoy seeing you with a bit of meat on you.

And so, making being fat acceptable, I slowly see her change. Happy with her weight? No way, of course not. She isn't going to look in the mirror and think "hot damn, that's sexy!" BUT --- she is living the life, being served almost all the time, treated like a queen, and she loves the sexual effect she has on me.

Let her do her thing. Help her. Buy diet food. Make her micro-breakfasts. Cook your own meal and her smaller one. When you have some chips as a snack and she asks for a snack, give her a 15 calories fruit cup. Just make sure you have everything in the house that could tempt her. It doesn't need to be in her face but if she looks for it -- OK. And when - not if - she asks "do we have XYZ in the house?", you're ready to give it to her. She asked for it herself.

Oh -- and don't withhold love but I do think when they lose weight, slowing down the compliments is a good idea. Just so that "fat period" equals "happy husband period"

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@allgrownup

You are so wise! I think your advice is solid. I dont want to waste the most fattening time of the year but better to play the long game or her new pounds might leave sooner then i would like. Ill lay low for days and see if she starts asking for wine and taquitos.

Well unless my man @Master WG knows where to get some appitite enhancers to slip into her morning coffee. Jk

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Guest nankdatank
On 11/15/2018 at 9:32 AM, oatmeal said:

 

.Well unless my man @Master WG knows where to get some appitite enhancers to slip into her morning coffee. Jk

It’s called apetamin - but be careful As it likely will make her very sleepy.

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Guest MX8XV93
On 11/14/2018 at 6:02 PM, oatmeal said:

Well unless my man @Master WG knows where to get some appitite enhancers to slip into her morning coffee. Jk

Of course, the best appetite enhancer there is is Diet Coke (aspartame).  It delays the feeling of fullness by about 15-20 minutes (making you eat longer).  It makes you crave sugar like crazy (and eat more of it when you do, because of the fullness thing).  Since it has zero calories, it gives calorie counters an excuse to eat more.  It makes it (sort of) look like you're dieting to the outside world.  It lowers the metabolism (so that all of that new fat sticks like glue).  It's super-addictive, especially when combined with caffeine (I know many really big girls that religiously drink at least 2L of Diet Coke every single day).  And it's even cleverly disguised as a "diet" food... : P

Buy her a 24-pack of Diet Coke, and I guarantee you her diet won't last a week...

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