True Memory 1

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As a kid, I remember the Pigs is Pigs cartoon, the cartoon that had Daffy Duck claiming he was trying to save the turkey as the weeks led up to Thanksgiving by eating all of his food, and a cartoon in which Olive Oil got really fat and Bluto was giving her huge boxes of chocolates that sabotaged Popeye's efforts to get her to reduce. In comic books, I remember a story in which Superman kept plying Lois Lane with candy and treats so that she would be very fat to disguise her from villains. In the comic strips, there was a long series in Lil Abner that had his girl friend getting very fat eating mushrooms. All of these were either appetite overwhelming better judgment or some kind of strategy. It was a Winnie Winkle comic strip that first gave me a sense of fat being something different. Her friend was chubby and started going out with a good looking man. Winnie was trying to get her to diet, assuming that would make him like her more, but then it turned out that he preferred her fat and was the reason that she was getting fatter. She wasn't getting fatter because she was stressed. She was getting fatter because he was feeding her. I remember being completely confused by why I found this scintillating and erotic. 

My first experience with finding someone eating being a turn on was actually pre-sexuality. I used to go to my grandparents house for the summer and they had live in staff. Sophia, the daughter of the cook, was chubby and beautiful in a dark haired, island kind of tan exotic way. I was 13 and she was 16 and had her drivers license. I became the equivalent of a puppy following her around. She would often do the shopping and I convinced her to let me tag along. At first, it was a bit awkward for reasons that I didn't understand. It was like I was somehow in the way. Finally, I asked her why she wasn't being nice to me and she explained with a bit of frustration that her mother always had her on a diet and the only time she could cheat was when she went into town to do the shopping. I remember it making me feel like it was hard to breath and I quickly explained that she should eat anything and everything that she wants and I would never tell. It actually became a kind of sexy dance, although no sex was involved, except that she let me give her back rubs which turned into tummy rubs. I became her enabler and encourager. There was a pantry and her mom always new what should be there so I started taking generous dessert servings and hiding them in my room so that I could give them to her later in the evening before I had to go to bed. Where I think before I got involved she would have been sneaking an ice cream cone or a cupcake from the bakery in town when she was shopping, my encouragement escalated to her buying a pint of ice cream and eating the whole thing in 15 minutes sitting in the car before we would head for home. In the two months that I was there, she was growing out of her clothes and must have put on almost 20 pounds. She stopped feeling comfortable in her jeans and started only wearing pants with expandable waists. As far as I know, no one ever caught on that I was involved.

My next experience was when I was 15 and I had a girlfriend, Lucy, who would babysit every week for parents who would go out for several hours on a Friday or Saturday night. She was slightly chubby, probably being around 5'-5" and maybe 145 with a nice rack and definitive ass. But it was her thick belly that worried her. While she really wasn't fat, she was upset that she was not thin and it became an issue for her. I still am not sure whether what I did was sinister or somehow played into a game that she invented. We decided that she would never be able to diet and get thin until she no longer craved certain foods. The idea became her eating a vast quantity of something to the point of feeling sick and not being able to eat another bite. Again I was the enabler. She would tell me what she wanted to "eliminate" from her desires and I would buy it and bring it to the house where she was baby sitting. She would eat until she though she would burst. It was always things like Oreo cookies and milk, or ice cream, or a tray of Italian desserts. Her goal was always to finish what I brought, since anything left over would just get tossed out (she would never take anything home, since that would defeat the purpose - as well as probably cause her parents to freak out. She would take breaks from eating during which we would make out, which included lots of touching, with attention given to her big belly, love handles, generous breasts and Kardashian worthy hips, ass, and thighs. She admitted that she didn't think she could let anyone else touch her like that "because they wouldn't understand." Of course, I was probably the one who didn't understand. She clearly got off on this, while I was mesmerized. Later I understood it as her being a feedee and me being a feeder. She actually didn't really gain, since I think she kept herself in check the rest of the time, but her belly would get huge when she binged. At the beginning of our relationship she got me to give her a couple of my football jerseys, which became her disguise to cover up with her pants no longer able to be buttoned or even zipped up. We ended up at different schools, and I have no idea what eventually happened, but she still factors into my fantasies.

It was around that time that I started drawing pictures of girls eating and getting fat. Integral to the thrill for me was the inability of the girl to control her appetites. I also loved the ads for Ayds which always had a story of a girl who had gotten too fat, but who got thin again by taking Ayds. I always played them backwards in my mind. This was all before the internet and I was totally unaware that there was anyone else in the world in which I lived that shared these feelings. Cosmo magazine would sometimes have an article about some girl who got fat and dieted down to be beautiful again. I enjoyed these articles in part because of the so much detail included about the eating and getting fat side of the equation. Now that I am more aware of how this seems to play in many peoples' thoughts, I wonder whether part of those articles was focusing on the overeating component.

I remember one writer who did three articles, each spaced a couple of years apart. Part of her story was how she got fat, got thin, but then got fat again. Each article ended with her thin and with the declaration that she was "cured" of being fat. The tone of the article, however, always hinted that she would probably lose control again and gain the weight back. There was even the idea in the articles about how important it was for her to monitor her weight carefully so that she could catch herself when she was gaining weight so she could stop it in time.

Back in the early 1980s, Playboy did a photo article with the title "Big and Beautiful." I was encouraged that maybe Playboy was willing to expand its perceptions of what makes a woman attractive. Unfortunately, their perception of big and beautiful was a woman who was was tall and weighed 150 pounds. Photos of real women were so much not the target for the readers of Playboy that the issue containing that article was apparently attacked by subscribers and Playboy issued an apology. I remember feeling really alienated and alone by that. If women 5 foot 10 inches tall weighing 150 pounds demanded an apology, what was wrong with me? I found another magazine that was much less refined than Playboy, which started including a second photo spread each month of a fat woman. It was very depressing, since the depiction of the woman was always less than flattering, emphasizing negatively how she was more pig than human. There is nothing in my predisposition towards women with larger bodies that is interested in humiliating or making fun of them. Key for me is the idea that my personal preferences help make a woman feel more comfortable being who they really are, although most of my experiences have been with women who enjoy flirting with overeating, but then compensate the rest of the time so that they avoid actually getting fat.

Also, the reality, I have found, is that most women who go wild with a 10,000 calorie day do not have an appetite for a couple of days. There is also a kind of physiological phenomenon that has a body ignoring a lot of the calories that come in that kind of a flood. Technically, a woman who needs 2,600 calories to maintain should gain at least two pounds from that one day of eating. The next morning the scale will register several pounds heavier, but most of that is bloat, since the increased consumption of food tends to hold water in the system, and the food itself. If the woman eats sparingly for the next day or two, the end result can actually be no weight gain. This is why the small added snack is so devilish for the woman who is not trying to gain weight. The small addition of a snack with 350 calories - say a donut for a mid-morning break each day - will often be the most effective in gaining weight, particularly when the woman is not paying careful attention.

Gaining one pound every 10 days means only three pounds a month. Three pounds in a month can be written of as a normal fluctuation. Of course, if each month is assumed as a normal fluctuation, the woman could put on 36 pounds in a year. The most sinister is the weight gain that is so slow that it corresponds to the normal times during the year to buy new clothes. If the woman is shopping two to four times a year for the coming season, the changes in weight can almost be ignored, since the new clothes replace the old. There was a girl who I was friends with, who was in complete ignorance that she had put on weight for an entire year. She tended to wear loose clothing anyway, so she didn't really notice that she was very slowly gaining. It was only when she went to put on the shorts in June that she had worn the previous summer and could no longer button them that she was noticing the change. She was so accustomed to being consistent with her weight, she didn't even own a scale. She immediately went out and bought one, totally freaking out when she brought it home and discovered she had gone from 130 to 155. She got really mad at me for not telling her that she was getting fat. We were not really going out and she was not aware of my preferences. Otherwise, she would probably have accused me of doing it to her, which I had not, other than not saying something like, "wow, I really like how much thicker you are getting!" which I kept to myself. I went over to her house that afternoon, but she was not in the mood to talk. She didn't let me in, but I could see through the door that she had an open half gallon of chocolate chip ice cream sitting on the counter in the kitchen with a spoon in it and no bowl nearby - I notice things like that. My guess was that, her response to gaining weight was pigging out. She ended up losing most of the weight and it was clear that any discussion about it was off limits. We never really developed much of a relationship.

I was taking a psychology course in college that included one textbook on abnormal psychology. In it there was an chapter about a culture that fattens women to make them more attractive for marriage and referred to an African tribal leader who required his wives to be fattened to the point of extreme obesity. I still remember the description that they would get so fat, "that they could no longer support themselves standing for more than a minute at a time and preferred spending most of their time wallowing around and moving like overfed seals undulating on the floor." The issue for me was that this was in a book about abnormal psychology.

Curvage and similar websites have helped convince me that, if I am abnormal, there are a lot of people who share my affliction.

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[Jazzman]

Ayds.I Loved those ads for the same reason. I have often recommended white bread and butter as a cheap gaining food.There was an ad where a stay at home mom started eating from boredom and then succumbed to her increased appetite. She went from 130 to 240 in 2 years Before the diet she was "snacking " on 10 to 14 slices of bread and butter per day. 

Ayds.You must be an old guy like me.

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I am 68. Note the long white beard.