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Closet FA with a dilemma


Sven_Powers

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Hey there,

I am a 22 y/o male FA who, in June of 2016, got into a celibate dating relationship with my best friend. She's about 5'2 and when I met her she was probably 105-110 lbs. She doesn't have a car, so she walks everywhere...in the warmer seasons. But since winter started, she's been getting a lot of rides to and from work. She's also a bit of a stress eater and  a major foodee.
So in the last several months, she's put on maybe ten or twelve pounds, maybe more. Yesterday, I went to her house after going almost a month without seeing her, and she looked amazing and very different from the last time I'd seen her. She had a little pocket of gut last time I'd seen her, and now she has an actual belly. Her face is rounder and her butt is bigger, and her breasts are growing steadily. We were cuddling and the added belly felt amazing, and at one point her shirt rode up her back and I saw that she had a lot of stretch marks on her sides and near her waist. I was extremely turned on by this because since winter started, she's played this off as something that happens every year, but from the amount of stretchmarks and how new they were, this is clearly the thickest she's ever been. Dream come true, right? Nope.
She doesn't like it at all. She actually hates it. Someone asked her if she was pregnant and she got really mad (and I got a nosebleed lol) She started this long conversation with me about us buying a joint gym membership once one of us gets a car. I was majorly bummed, because I want to respect the fact that it's her body, and I want her to be as confident and comfortable in her own skin as possible. At the same time, I'm really into this, and I would actually really like to see her at 150 or maybe slightly more. I don't know how to handle it. She knows I've looked at a lot of wg fetish material and that my ex gained 70+ lbs while we were together, but she's under the impression that I had nothing to do with that gain, and that the fetish stuff was so my head would be in the game during sex even though I wasn't into it.
So I don't know if I should tell her how attracted I am to what's happening to her body, and risk that it freaks her out and she dumps me, or take her shopping and draw her attention to clothes that she'll have to grow into, or just cook for her all the time and start to dial back once she's hit prime weight.

Help please. I really love this girl and I don't want to kill the relationship just because I'm really into the fact that she's gone from being an underweight, straight-figured woman to a thick curvaceous one. I find her incredibly sexy either way, but Christ almighty she looks good right now.

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This isn't that hard. Just tell her you find her more attractive now. Tell her her weight gain is a turn on for you. Don't tell her what to do with her body though. If she wants to lose weight, that's her choice. Make it very clear to her that you prefer her with extra weight, but don't try to control her actions. 

Also, wtf do you mean by a "celibate dating relationship"? You guys aren't having sex?

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Having personally come out to my girlfriend about my fetish and having ready many stories of other guys coming out to their girlfriends about it, I feel confident that she's not going to dump you for it.  I think you should be honest.  It's not going to kill your relationship.  Keeping things tucked away in dark corners is insidious and bound to kill it in the long run, though.

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Thanks for the input, everyone. I think at this point, I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts and if she brings it up again, I'll seize the opportunity to tell her I find it attractive or whatever but like I said, if she doesn't keep it on, it's not a big deal, I love her a lot and she's my best friend and her skinniness or thickness isn't going to change that.
 

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On 2/2/2017 at 6:42 PM, Sven_Powers said:

 She knows I've looked at a lot of wg fetish material and that my ex gained 70+ lbs while we were together, but she's under the impression that I had nothing to do with that gain, and that the fetish stuff was so my head would be in the game during sex even though I wasn't into it.

So you're a closeted FA but from this it sounds like the doors been ripped off. Sounds like she knows, but she ain't into it and didn't want to bring it up to you. Sucks, but oh well. Your situation sounds very unique to you, I don't know how much others' advice will help.

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2 hours ago, shady-j said:

So you're a closeted FA but from this it sounds like the doors been ripped off. Sounds like she knows, but she ain't into it and didn't want to bring it up to you. Sucks, but oh well. Your situation sounds very unique to you, I don't know how much others' advice will help.

Yeah, I'm kind of seeing that. And after giving it a lot of thought, I don't think it matters all that much in the end,our relationship is pretty nonsexual and there's not that much to get out of a weight gain in that situation. Besides which, it is her body and as much as I find a little extra meat on the bones sexy, I find a comfortable, confident woman even sexier. Doesn't mean I won't be turned on watching her eat huge amounts of food tho.

Image result for shrugging gif

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Be yourself. She seems to wants to tease you a bit about her WG. She might eventually start feeling more comfortable about it. Just tell her she's beautiful (sexy) whenever you can. Be honest with her about yourself and how you feel about things. Make sure you let things unfold the way she wants. Both of you can choose to either stay or leave at any time.

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This is my advice, coming from personal experience in my own relationship, a few years of maturity, and having browsed this forum for the past 10 years:

You are perfectly safe telling her that you enjoy the extra few pounds on her. You don't have to like them better or worse. You just like them. That's a very safe conversation and I'm sure she would appreciate hearing it.

You can probably take it a step further than that, and say that you like the extra pounds more than when she was skinny, and even then I'm sure things will be okay. She's clearly aware that you've dated bigger girls although she also clearly doesn't understand why. In this case it's important however, to not make her feel less adequate than previous girlfriends for being skinny. Just that you like the way she looks, prefer it, and that if she "happened" to gain weight you probably won't mind. Just don't act too excited about the idea. Chances are, she will appreciate this, but continue wanting to be thin or remain the same size. Maybe unintentionally gain weight down the road.

The above two options are probably the best safest options since you seem to really like this girl.

The last option is that you admit to her that you actually enjoy the idea of her gaining weight, and is risky for obvious reasons. People on this site go about this the wrong way all the time, because unfortunately most girls aren't into this. But if you don't get too excited about the idea right off the bat, she might be accepting of the idea or even open to trying it. Or repulsed, but who knows. That being said, I think if you are very matter of fact about the concept without spilling all your fantasies of her being chubby or fat, then I think you'll be okay. Women want to know that you like them as they are. Not as potentially something else. Treat the idea as something totally separate and distinct from her, and she might understand it more the way we do, that this is something you want to participate with HER, and not just anyone.

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  • 3 years later...

UPDATE: We're married now, so she lives with me, obviously, which makes it very easy for me to make sure that if she gets a craving for something, she has it within the hour. she's fully aware that I'm an FA and she has (unintentionally) put on probably close to 70 or 80 lbs since I penned this thread. She knows how much I love the extra chub, and even she seems like she's sort of started to embrace thinking of herself as a fat girl. Though we have definitely had the conversation about me being supportive if she ever starts actively making an effort to lose weight. She has not once set foot in a gym since I wrote this. She loves high fat foods and drinks protein shakes everyday despite never working out. She's quitting her physically strenuous job (pretty much the only exercise she gets) at the end of the month for a desk job, so odds are that between her habits, and her newly sedentary lifestyle, the weight is going to pile on in the next few months and I will end up with a full fledged bbw on my hands. Thank you all so much for your advice and kind words on the original thread, you're all wonderful.

PSX_20200216_101720.jpg

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Thanks for the update!

You've handled this very well, obviously, and built your lady a comfortable nest. This and being patient usually pays off best. If you care to elaborate on her very substantial, albeit unintentional, gain over a relatively short span of years, starting so skinny and all... Well, I guess I wouldn't be the only one interested! Does she comment on it? How does she take outgrowing clothes?

Anyway, keep us posted!

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On 2/16/2020 at 6:45 PM, ronnie17de said:

Thanks for the update!

You've handled this very well, obviously, and built your lady a comfortable nest. This and being patient usually pays off best. If you care to elaborate on her very substantial, albeit unintentional, gain over a relatively short span of years, starting so skinny and all... Well, I guess I wouldn't be the only one interested! Does she comment on it? How does she take outgrowing clothes?

Anyway, keep us posted!

She does comment on it, occasionally, but not as much as you'd expect. The occasional reference to herself as "a fat bitch" or "a big girl" periodically. It started out as a consistently negative thing, but she really seems like she's comfortable with her newfound thickness, and now she jokes about it and even kind of seems to be embracing it.

She's not even phased by outgrowing clothes anymore. Maybe 50 lbs ago, but not now. She just tends to immediately throw them in a box for me to take to the local thrift before restocking. I make a point to buy her bigger replacement clothes whenever I have the money. She still has a lot of her dresses from when she was thinner, but they fit like maternity shirts now. 

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8 hours ago, allgrownup said:

So, having come full circle, would you say the advice to be honest was spot on?
 

And thanks for coming back to update. That's solid.

Oh, for sure. It definitely didn't change the fact that she didn't necessarily *want* to be fat, but she got a lot more comfortable knowing that if she did, I wasn't going to make an issue of it. Which led to her beautiful transformation into a fat girl.

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