Dating a skinny girl. What do I do!

[PhatCat]

I met a skinny girl who I get along with really well. She has curves, but they're skinny curves and due to her bone structure. She has to be underweight. My ideal girl is about 20-30 pounds overweight, so she would need to gain about 50 pounds. From what I now about her, I really don't think she'll be into gaining. My biggest worry is that if I sleep with her I won't get turned on. I've never slept with a girl before who didn't have a gut I could grab. What do I do?

[PhatCat]

Thanks for all the advice. Much appreciated.

[PhatCat]

So I'm still with this girl, and so glad that I have stuck with her. She is slim with a BMI of 19.6, but she also has serious curves. She has a very small frame, so she looks heavier than most people of her height and weight do, and she has no muscle tone at all, so she is very pleasantly soft. Thanks to shady-j's advice, she has "fat parts" for me to focus on, and that does the job. Her stomach has a curve to it, and it's very soft, but I wouldn't say she has a belly. And I really miss having a belly to grab or feel against me during sex. I've never experienced a slim body before. But she was a very chubby teenager and will likely be chubbier again at some point in her because of her part and because nobody else in her family is slim. She doesn't seem open to gaining weight on purpose, because she has told me about how her mother always tries to get her to gain weight. I just have to make sure she doesn't lose weight again, and I don't think it will happen. But it has been worth it. I hope she gains some weight, and I'm pretty sure she will at some point, but for now I'm perfectly happy with her the way she is.

[PhatCat]

6 hours ago, extra_m13 said:

as long as she doesnt lose weight, you should consider yourself a winner. and yeah, soft parts are the best. as long as she is not into being strong, muscle type of body, you are going to be just fine i think. enjoy.

She doesn't work out at all, just a fair amount of walking if the weather is okay. So I'm not too worried. I got worried when my last serious girlfriend started working out, mostly because I thought she wanted to lose the weight she gained in our relationship to find someone else. At least her belly only kept getting bigger until the day she dumped me about 4 months later. But she ended up losing the weight afterwards and doesn't look so good now.

[PhatCat]

Update:

She has put on a few pounds and now has a great starter belly. Her BMI when we met was around 19, and it's probably at 20 now. She has no muscle tone at all, so she's a very soft and squishy girl even with a BMI of 20. She complains that she is chubby now, but I keep telling her that she is skinny and has a flat stomach, though it's not so flat any more. She had a BMI of 29 when she was younger and does not want to get back to that weight. I saw a couple of photos of her at that weight and she really didn't look as heavy as she said. She even admitted that at close to 200 pounds she didn't think she was fat and thought she looked good in a bikini because her waist wasn't that big. A girl who is quite a bit overweight and doesn't think she is fat is the best kind. I would love to see her heavier again, but she says she wants to lose weight. I don't know if she really wants to lose weight or is trying to trick me into telling her she needs to lose weight.

[PhatCat]

I have told her many times that if she gained weight I would still find her beautiful. She doesn't believe me!

I'd be perfectly fine if she stayed her current weight, but I don't want her to lose weight and she something says that she thinks she's plump and wants to lose weight. More than looks, I don't want her to lose weight because it's not healthy when her BMI is already around 20. She said that when she used to be skinnier it created some problems for her.

[PhatCat]

Another update: She has lost some weight. Her BMI is now just under 19, but she is the chubbiest person with this BMI I've ever seen. Somehow she still has a belly bulge and jiggly thighs!

[PhatCat]

We're still together, and she seems to be more and more set on being skinny, despite me telling her that I think she'd look better if she were just a little heavier. She keeps saying that I'd find her more attractive if she were skinnier, and she doesn't believe me that I think she'd look better if she were heavier. She has lost a little weight and she keeps talking about wanting to lose more weight, despite her being underweight. She has no muscle tone and doesn't work out, but she really isn't "skinny-fat" either. She's just skinny and she thinks she is too fat. She complains about her weight to her legitimately overweight sister. Two years ago she was 10 pounds heavier and properly "skinny-fat" with a very plush stomach, and she loved her body. As I mentioned above, she was close to 200 pounds when she was younger and told me that she thought looked great in her string bikinis at that size. I have two concerns. The first is that she isn't healthy being underweight, and she gets terribly cold at room temperature because of that. The second is that she has lost confidence in her body, something she had when she was a super chubby teenager. She no longer wants me to touch her stomach. I'm not sure if it's because she thinks it's too fat or because it hurts to touch it because there's not enough padding. What can I do? I'm not gonna lie, I found her sexier when she was 10 pounds heavier, but I am also worried about her. Will she be happy with her body again if she gained some weight? I know she'd be healthier.

[PhatCat]

17 hours ago, NikeLove1986 said:

Well your not married right lol time to do the dip if it's not changing haha 

I'm not leaving her over being skinny. She somehow still has very big boobs, so she has that going for her in the physicality area. My main concern is that she has both slimmed down and lost confidence in her body and thinks she'll get her confidence back if she lost more weight (which I'm sure won't make her happier). I am convinced that if she gained her weight back she would be happier with her body again, but she doesn't believe it. Last year she weighed herself and had gained two pounds, and she thought she looked great. Now she is 10 pounds less than that and gets upset when she sees the number on the scale. She had been this low once before, a few years before I met her, but she gained the weight back and loved being curvier at the time I met her. How do I get her to snap out of it again?

[PhatCat]

2 hours ago, Dr. Feeder said:

Why expect her to have confidence in being bigger if you won't even admit you'd prefer it?

Did you miss this part of my post above?

"she seems to be more and more set on being skinny, despite me telling her that I think she'd look better if she were just a little heavier."

I don't want her to get fat, I just tell her all the time that I would prefer her to be the size she was before.

[PhatCat]

38 minutes ago, CherryPi said:

I think you need to find out why her self-confidence has decreased - get to the root cause to treat the problem. Maybe she feels like she's failing in another area of her life and losing weight is a way for her to feel 'success' (we all know how much society reveres and praises weight loss). Maybe she's under stress from work or family and this is a way for her to feel in control of something. Maybe a friend has recently lost weight and she now feels too big or less attractive in comparison. Maybe she has body dysmorphia (hopefully not, that can be a very nasty illness). You need to express how worried you are about her health and sudden change in attitude and find out what's causing it. If she won't open up to you, enlist the help of a close friend or family member and talk to her together about how concerned you are. Never mind what you find attractive or not, the real problem is that she is unhappy in her own body, and no-one should have to feel like that. Best of luck to you. 

Thank you for the advice. She doesn't deal well with stress, so you may be onto something. She does seem to have developed some body dysmorphia, but I do find it strange that she was perfectly okay with her very heavy body when she was younger. She told me that she thought she looked really hot in a string bikini when she was 70 pounds heavier but now is worried that she looks a little too fat. I told her that if she thought she looked hot when she was heavier she should be that weight again. She seems to worry that I wouldn't find her attractive unless she lost weight, when I tell her the opposite. I asked her if she ever had trouble being attractive to guys at any weight, and she said no. Guys were always after her, even when she was at her heaviest.

[PhatCat]

56 minutes ago, CherryPi said:

The thing is, confidence isn't static. I could happily walk around naked one day and wish I was invisible the next - yet both days I look exactly the same. It's not really about what you see in the mirror, but how you feel inside. Most people are somewhere in between those two extremes most of the time, but it sounds like something has shaken her up or is causing her to doubt herself and think she's not good enough. Of course, as a woman, hormones play a part too - changing your birth control, for example, can completely change how you feel and how you see yourself. I hope you manage to get her to talk to you and work out what's going on. 

Thanks for the advice again. I think I just need to make her feel more confident with herself. She's always asking me how much weight she needs to lose, and perhaps I should say she doesn't need to lose any weight rather than telling her she should gain weight. The problem now is that she doesn't like it when I tell her that she looks good because she thinks it means she gained weight. Even when I tell her how beautiful she looks, she doubts me and thinks I don't mean it. She's not taking any hormonal medications, though I think the weight loss might have thrown off her hormones. She said that the last time she lost too much weight it really messed with her hormones. The only thing I can do is try to make her feel better about herself and make sure she eats enough nutritious food. I'm not going to try to overfeed her because she doesn't feel well when she eats too much.

[PhatCat]

She has been both comparing herself to skinnier people she follows on Instagram and to friends of hers who she says I would think are too far. I told her she looks better than all the people on Instagram and that her friends are not too fat. She also sent me pictures of herself from when she was heavier and admittedly more confident in her body. I told her that she looked great then. She's said starting to actually get it that I don't prefer her being skinnier.

[PhatCat]

5 hours ago, CherryPi said:

That's good news! Maybe she could try following some body positive (also known as BoPo) pages on Instagram? There are tons of cool women in all shapes and sizes who look great and promote body confidence and loving yourself, seeing a bit more diversity might help her realise that the media ideal of skinny, blonde, tanned etc isn't the only way to be beautiful. 

It might help. She shows me photos of models she likes who she thinks are skinnier than she is, but I tell her that she is just as skinny, which I think helps. But she does follow women who are much bigger than she is and are body positive. She shows me their photos, tells me how fat they are and says how she doesn't want to look like them because I'd hate it. I tell her that they look good to me and I would still find her attractive if she was overweight. I don't want her to be huge, just softer and curvier like she was over a year ago. And with her I need to set my goals low or it will just scare her into losing more weight.

[PhatCat]

I fear this place would freak her out. But she does understand body positivity. Her mother is quite large but is known to wear little around the house (she always put on close for me, it would be awkward for me to see her naked).

Her sister is also on the thicker side. My girlfriend calls her "plump" but thinks she's still attractive. She has a nice body and carries a lot of weight in her stomach, which is pleasantly round out a lot in front and has some rolls in back. She's not quite at the point of belly hang, but almost there. A couple years ago we all went swimming together and her sister wore the skimpiest string bikini, showing off more stomach at a public pool around her family and me than I ever imagined she would. She's a very shy person, but body confidence runs in the family. She has been chubby her whole life, so it's not like she got fat but didn't realise it. She knows she's overweight, but I gathered she just wears a bikini because she thinks it's what she's supposed to wear. I don't think it crosses her mind that she could be too fat to let her belly hang loose. And again, my girlfriend thinks her sister is plump but has a decent body. And the same for her plump friends. It's only strangers and herself she judges.

[PhatCat]

Update: She has gained 5 pounds over the past month. She is slightly thicker and looks a lot healthier. She says she feels heavier and doesn't like it and wants to lose the weight, yet when she was 5 pounds heavier a year ago or so, she loved her body. I'm telling her she looks so much better now than when she was skinnier and I'm trying to get her to say it. I'm going to keep on encouraging her, not just for me but so she is healthier.

She was looking at a friend's bikini photos online today telling me that she wants to be as thin as her friend. Her friend is thicker. My girl is so confused, and that's part of the problem. I wish she was the way she was when she was younger. She was chubby and thought she was thin. She's so oblivious to so much in this world.

[PhatCat]

Another update: quarantine has done her some good. Without having to worry about fitting into clothes, she's worrying less about her weight. She has given up on eating less to control her weight and has gained a few pounds. She's also lost any muscle she had left before this. She's soft all over and has a proper starter belly now. She's curvy and has been gaining the weight in her boobs and lower belly, my favorite places for a girl to gain.

The best part is that she's happier with her body. She happier eating what she wants to eat. She still thinks she looks good, unlike when she weighed 5 pounds less. I still tell her she has a flat firm stomach. When she gains 20 more pounds I'm still going to tell her that.

The only problem is that I'm losing muscle as well, and it's getting more difficult for me to pick her up. I'm trying to lift her every day to keep up my strength, because if I can't lift her we're both in trouble.

[PhatCat]

On 4/30/2020 at 5:08 PM, skinnygirlwantstogrow said:

As a skinny girl intentional gainer Im totally jealous.

What is her height and cw rn?

She's 5'6" and probably only about 123 lbs. But she has no muscle and a really small frame with curves, so she doesn't look as skinny as you'd think.

[PhatCat]

57 minutes ago, skinnygirlwantstogrow said:

I am 5'9 and because I have a very athletic lifestyle and don't eat any processed foods, I have the opposite problem of always being told I look skinny despite weighing maybe 140lbs now. I was under 100lbs in 2018 due to anorexia before I began intentionally gaining.

I really admire your patience with your gf...a very rare quality. 

140 lbs at your height with an athletic lifestyle means you must be quite thin.

My girlfriend has never been the least bit athletic, but she has always carried her weight well. When she was a teenager she weighed over 180 pounds, but she had big enough boobs and hips that she didn't look fat despite the spare tire around her waist, and she and everyone else thought she looked really hot in a string bikini. I'm hoping that at some point she'll get closer to that again, but I'm with her for her and not her body. But thankfully for both of us her body is starting to get chubbier, and she's getting happier with her body.

But I think we had a setback today. I weighed myself, and during the quarantine I've lost more weight than she has gained. I did not mean to lose weight. She wants to be smaller than I am, which means I need to work on gaining back my weight so she feels better about herself. With us being closer in weight it's making her feel uncomfortable. I wish I were 10 pounds heavier and she matched my weight!

[PhatCat]

7 hours ago, skinnygirlwantstogrow said:

 

I'm not really any of those categories. I feed my girl so she won't waste away. She sometimes forgets to eat, even when she's hungry.

It's good not to weigh yourself. I'm not sure if my girlfriend suffers from anorexia. Sometimes she wants to not eat or eat less so she won't gain weight because she thinks she's too fat. Other times she eats a lot, gains weight and thinks her body is perfect.

When she complains about her weight I remind her of her plump teenage days, how she loved showing off her thick belly in string bikinis, and how great she and everyone else thought she looked in them. Sometimes she admits that she had a great hourglass figure then, and other times she says she doesn't know what she was thinking wearing those when she was so fat. And then I remind her of her properly fat sister (who is like 200 pounds and all stomach) who likes wearing string bikinis, and she says that her sister looks so pretty in them.

For my girlfriend the key is just being happy with her body is being happy in general. There's someone out there who will make you very happy and help you not to care about your weight.

[PhatCat]

Quarantine update:

After 2 and a half months of not going out much, my girlfriend has lost most of her muscle tone and gained a good amount of fat. Her clothes are tighter on her and look great. Her whole body looks a bit plump now without her clothes on, though in clothes she still looks slim. Not putting on clothes most day, it helps her to eat more because she doesn't feel her clothes constricting her stomach. She has gained weight everywhere, but it's probably most noticeable in her boobs. She has a bit of a belly now, and it's shapely but squishy.

Overall she looks healthier, but particularly in her face, and I think it has made her happier, though she won't admit it. She keeps saying she wants to lose weight, but she seems less bothered by it the more she gains. She hasn't weighed herself in a few weeks, which is also helping her self-esteem, though I think that if she weighed herself and saw a gain it would upset her. I know she's look good if she gained a lot more weight, but I'm so much more attracted to her now after gaining a few pounds.

She looks 'right' now. I'm hoping that she will at least maintain this weight.

[PhatCat]

On 5/29/2020 at 4:14 AM, CherryPi said:

That's great news! I'm happy for you. Get her some new clothes if her current ones are uncomfortably tight, and keep telling her how much healthier she looks. She can probably feel the difference too - I've been underweight before and it was miserable, I was cold all the time and had a lot less energy. Gaining just a few lbs to get up to a healthy weight really makes you feel a ton better in that situation. 

I can't afford to get her new clothes. She has very expensive taste!

But she complains much less now about being cold and having less energy now that she's a few pounds heavier. The only thing I think that upsets her is the fact that the number on the scale is higher. She doesn't like seeing the number go up.

[PhatCat]

So this past weekend we went to the beach, and she put on the same bikini she wore last year, with a little hesitation. She never hesitated to wear a bikini before and happily wore one when she was an overweight teenager. She's only about 6-7 pounds heavier than she was last year, though she has zero muscle and a fairly squishy stomach now, so maybe she's lost muscle and gained 15 pounds of fat. Seeing her on the beach compared to other women around, she didn't get as chubby as I thought she did. She's classic skinny-fat.

Her bikini bottoms needed no adjustment since last year, which made her happy and disappointed me. The bikini top needed some adjusting to fit her slightly larger boobs, which was good.

It took her a while to muster the courage to remove her cover-up, and she said she didn't want to do it, but eventually she did. She was focused on the skinny teenage girls that were around. But for women over age 20, she was one of the skinniest on the beach. Everywhere I looked there was a fat woman with her stomach bulging out of her string bikini. The only women who wore high-waisted bikinis were mothers. And yet, my girlfriend was worried she was too fat.

Hanging out in front of us was a 20-something girl with a huge ass, thick thighs and a fat gut, but a thin face, proudly wearing the skimpiest bikini she could find. On the other side was a girl of about 30 who was very slim all over except for her fat, plush stomach that hung over all sides of her miniscule bikini bottoms, and not once did she try to hide it. Behind us there was a mother and adult daughter, both obese and wearing string bikinis while eating a feast of chips and cigarettes, not giving two shits.

And yet, my girlfriend, who looked tiny compared to them, thought she looked too fat. Two years ago, she was 5 pounds heavier and squishier, and she thought she was the sexiest person alive. Now she is afraid of her body. She said that she wants me to take her to a fancier beach next time where women are skinnier, but I worry that will make her feel worse about herself.

[PhatCat]

Another update: She hasn't gained any more weight since my last post over 2 months ago, but she must have exchanged more muscle for fat. Without her clothes on she looks pudgier, and she's as "skinny-fat" as anyone I've ever seen. Her thighs are looking a bit thicker than before, though the rest of her looks to be about the same size, especially since her clothes still fit. Her stomach is doughy than ever and has a very pudgy look to it, while still having a defined waist. Her thighs are also quite squishy. She still hasn't gained any weight in her butt, but she's a classic white girl who has always had a flat ass. I like that and prefer a belly.

While I still wish she had more of a belly, none of the chubby girls I was with before felt so doughy. They all had much bigger belly bulges, but my girlfriend now feels better to squeeze than any of the others.

[PhatCat]

On 10/13/2020 at 3:05 PM, WatermelonMan said:

From my own experience:

Two years ago I dated a 112-pound young beauty, I mean like wow, blonde, from Michigan, kewpie-doll looks, hit on wherever she went. Plus she really, really liked to fuck. She was also bright as hell, an academic whiz, so we could talk for hours and never run out of things to say. 

The first time we were together - her idea! - I managed to find the teeeeensiest bit of chub on her ass to squeeze, but other than that, I had a hard time keeping erect, even downing a whole bunch of Cialis just in case. I have been with just one woman who had smaller boobs, but these were miniscule, and pierced, making things worse. (I hate nipple pierces.) The thing is, I just really liked her and she liked me. We were hot for about 6 weeks. 

She knew about my fetish and straightened me out fairly soon, in a conversational, not a confrontational way. She'd been chubby as a child and made fun of for it cruelly, so as a teen and young adult, it was gym every day, and no intention of gaining any weight. Terrible driver, too, I remember - just couldn't do it. Hit shit all the time, would pull into her garage and routinely smash the back wall. 

I digress.

After the third time we were together, It was apparent that, for both of us, this was not that magic melding, that hours-long fuckfest that one loves to enjoy and we went separate ways.

I need a big belly, a fat, jiggly ass, big thighs, double chin, flabby arms and a nice FUPA to play with. 

 

At least you know it didn't work for either one of you. My girlfriend has never worked out in her life, so even when she was skinny she was never firm and always had boobs. But like the girl you dated she was also very chubby as a child and peaked in weight in the middle of high school, being borderline obese. She lost a little weight by the end of high school and was fairly slim in college. But she was never made fun of for being chubby in middle school and high school. She would go to the beach with her friends, always in the trendy string bikini that showed off as much belly as possible. She had huge boobs, huge hips and thighs, and a spare tire around her waist. She said she never had any trouble. Her skinny friends loved her curves, her fat friends thought she wasn't fat, and the boys were enthralled with her body. She wasn't one of the "popular" girls, but she never had any trouble with being chubby. She looked like a plus size model whose stomach wasn't photoshopped.