Dating a skinny girl. What do I do!

[PhatCat]

We're still together, and she seems to be more and more set on being skinny, despite me telling her that I think she'd look better if she were just a little heavier. She keeps saying that I'd find her more attractive if she were skinnier, and she doesn't believe me that I think she'd look better if she were heavier. She has lost a little weight and she keeps talking about wanting to lose more weight, despite her being underweight. She has no muscle tone and doesn't work out, but she really isn't "skinny-fat" either. She's just skinny and she thinks she is too fat. She complains about her weight to her legitimately overweight sister. Two years ago she was 10 pounds heavier and properly "skinny-fat" with a very plush stomach, and she loved her body. As I mentioned above, she was close to 200 pounds when she was younger and told me that she thought looked great in her string bikinis at that size. I have two concerns. The first is that she isn't healthy being underweight, and she gets terribly cold at room temperature because of that. The second is that she has lost confidence in her body, something she had when she was a super chubby teenager. She no longer wants me to touch her stomach. I'm not sure if it's because she thinks it's too fat or because it hurts to touch it because there's not enough padding. What can I do? I'm not gonna lie, I found her sexier when she was 10 pounds heavier, but I am also worried about her. Will she be happy with her body again if she gained some weight? I know she'd be healthier.

[NikeLove1986]

Well your not married right lol time to do the dip if it's not changing haha 

[Dr. Feeder]

Don't say you'd be okay with her bigger say you'd like it! Don't pressure her or anything, but you should put your cards out on the table.

[PhatCat]

17 hours ago, NikeLove1986 said:

Well your not married right lol time to do the dip if it's not changing haha 

I'm not leaving her over being skinny. She somehow still has very big boobs, so she has that going for her in the physicality area. My main concern is that she has both slimmed down and lost confidence in her body and thinks she'll get her confidence back if she lost more weight (which I'm sure won't make her happier). I am convinced that if she gained her weight back she would be happier with her body again, but she doesn't believe it. Last year she weighed herself and had gained two pounds, and she thought she looked great. Now she is 10 pounds less than that and gets upset when she sees the number on the scale. She had been this low once before, a few years before I met her, but she gained the weight back and loved being curvier at the time I met her. How do I get her to snap out of it again?

[FirstMarines]

Tell her that you like flesh and that there's nothing sexually attractive about the skeleton. Demonstrate to her why anorexic isn't pleasing, and is in fact quite grotesque and unhealthy. Obviously, you don't want to be as frank as I'm being, nor do you want to force the issue, but you can mention it in a casual tone. Explain it to her as an observation, rather than as something that you have a significant emotional attachment to.

[Dr. Feeder]

2 hours ago, PhatCat said:

I'm not leaving her over being skinny. She somehow still has very big boobs, so she has that going for her in the physicality area. My main concern is that she has both slimmed down and lost confidence in her body and thinks she'll get her confidence back if she lost more weight (which I'm sure won't make her happier). I am convinced that if she gained her weight back she would be happier with her body again, but she doesn't believe it. Last year she weighed herself and had gained two pounds, and she thought she looked great. Now she is 10 pounds less than that and gets upset when she sees the number on the scale. She had been this low once before, a few years before I met her, but she gained the weight back and loved being curvier at the time I met her. How do I get her to snap out of it again?

Why expect her to have confidence in being bigger if you won't even admit you'd prefer it?

[CherryPi]

I think you need to find out why her self-confidence has decreased - get to the root cause to treat the problem. Maybe she feels like she's failing in another area of her life and losing weight is a way for her to feel 'success' (we all know how much society reveres and praises weight loss). Maybe she's under stress from work or family and this is a way for her to feel in control of something. Maybe a friend has recently lost weight and she now feels too big or less attractive in comparison. Maybe she has body dysmorphia (hopefully not, that can be a very nasty illness). You need to express how worried you are about her health and sudden change in attitude and find out what's causing it. If she won't open up to you, enlist the help of a close friend or family member and talk to her together about how concerned you are. Never mind what you find attractive or not, the real problem is that she is unhappy in her own body, and no-one should have to feel like that. Best of luck to you. 

[PhatCat]

2 hours ago, Dr. Feeder said:

Why expect her to have confidence in being bigger if you won't even admit you'd prefer it?

Did you miss this part of my post above?

"she seems to be more and more set on being skinny, despite me telling her that I think she'd look better if she were just a little heavier."

I don't want her to get fat, I just tell her all the time that I would prefer her to be the size she was before.

[PhatCat]

38 minutes ago, CherryPi said:

I think you need to find out why her self-confidence has decreased - get to the root cause to treat the problem. Maybe she feels like she's failing in another area of her life and losing weight is a way for her to feel 'success' (we all know how much society reveres and praises weight loss). Maybe she's under stress from work or family and this is a way for her to feel in control of something. Maybe a friend has recently lost weight and she now feels too big or less attractive in comparison. Maybe she has body dysmorphia (hopefully not, that can be a very nasty illness). You need to express how worried you are about her health and sudden change in attitude and find out what's causing it. If she won't open up to you, enlist the help of a close friend or family member and talk to her together about how concerned you are. Never mind what you find attractive or not, the real problem is that she is unhappy in her own body, and no-one should have to feel like that. Best of luck to you. 

Thank you for the advice. She doesn't deal well with stress, so you may be onto something. She does seem to have developed some body dysmorphia, but I do find it strange that she was perfectly okay with her very heavy body when she was younger. She told me that she thought she looked really hot in a string bikini when she was 70 pounds heavier but now is worried that she looks a little too fat. I told her that if she thought she looked hot when she was heavier she should be that weight again. She seems to worry that I wouldn't find her attractive unless she lost weight, when I tell her the opposite. I asked her if she ever had trouble being attractive to guys at any weight, and she said no. Guys were always after her, even when she was at her heaviest.

[CherryPi]

1 hour ago, PhatCat said:

I do find it strange that she was perfectly okay with her very heavy body when she was younger. 

The thing is, confidence isn't static. I could happily walk around naked one day and wish I was invisible the next - yet both days I look exactly the same. It's not really about what you see in the mirror, but how you feel inside. Most people are somewhere in between those two extremes most of the time, but it sounds like something has shaken her up or is causing her to doubt herself and think she's not good enough. Of course, as a woman, hormones play a part too - changing your birth control, for example, can completely change how you feel and how you see yourself. I hope you manage to get her to talk to you and work out what's going on. 

[PhatCat]

56 minutes ago, CherryPi said:

The thing is, confidence isn't static. I could happily walk around naked one day and wish I was invisible the next - yet both days I look exactly the same. It's not really about what you see in the mirror, but how you feel inside. Most people are somewhere in between those two extremes most of the time, but it sounds like something has shaken her up or is causing her to doubt herself and think she's not good enough. Of course, as a woman, hormones play a part too - changing your birth control, for example, can completely change how you feel and how you see yourself. I hope you manage to get her to talk to you and work out what's going on. 

Thanks for the advice again. I think I just need to make her feel more confident with herself. She's always asking me how much weight she needs to lose, and perhaps I should say she doesn't need to lose any weight rather than telling her she should gain weight. The problem now is that she doesn't like it when I tell her that she looks good because she thinks it means she gained weight. Even when I tell her how beautiful she looks, she doubts me and thinks I don't mean it. She's not taking any hormonal medications, though I think the weight loss might have thrown off her hormones. She said that the last time she lost too much weight it really messed with her hormones. The only thing I can do is try to make her feel better about herself and make sure she eats enough nutritious food. I'm not going to try to overfeed her because she doesn't feel well when she eats too much.

[Chevalier]

4 hours ago, PhatCat said:

I'm not going to try to overfeed her because she doesn't feel well when she eats too much.

Press your luck lol hopefully no whammies. Do what you can with roleplay next mealtime, see if she can be eased with a fuller stomach, but accept some can be damaged.

[Dr. Feeder]

19 hours ago, PhatCat said:

Did you miss this part of my post above?

"she seems to be more and more set on being skinny, despite me telling her that I think she'd look better if she were just a little heavier."

I don't want her to get fat, I just tell her all the time that I would prefer her to be the size she was before.

Yes, missed it, my bad.

[PhatCat]

She has been both comparing herself to skinnier people she follows on Instagram and to friends of hers who she says I would think are too far. I told her she looks better than all the people on Instagram and that her friends are not too fat. She also sent me pictures of herself from when she was heavier and admittedly more confident in her body. I told her that she looked great then. She's said starting to actually get it that I don't prefer her being skinnier.

[CherryPi]

That's good news! Maybe she could try following some body positive (also known as BoPo) pages on Instagram? There are tons of cool women in all shapes and sizes who look great and promote body confidence and loving yourself, seeing a bit more diversity might help her realise that the media ideal of skinny, blonde, tanned etc isn't the only way to be beautiful. 

[PhatCat]

5 hours ago, CherryPi said:

That's good news! Maybe she could try following some body positive (also known as BoPo) pages on Instagram? There are tons of cool women in all shapes and sizes who look great and promote body confidence and loving yourself, seeing a bit more diversity might help her realise that the media ideal of skinny, blonde, tanned etc isn't the only way to be beautiful. 

It might help. She shows me photos of models she likes who she thinks are skinnier than she is, but I tell her that she is just as skinny, which I think helps. But she does follow women who are much bigger than she is and are body positive. She shows me their photos, tells me how fat they are and says how she doesn't want to look like them because I'd hate it. I tell her that they look good to me and I would still find her attractive if she was overweight. I don't want her to be huge, just softer and curvier like she was over a year ago. And with her I need to set my goals low or it will just scare her into losing more weight.

[Pinin_Pero]

On 10/18/2019 at 12:59 AM, PhatCat said:

 

 

7 hours ago, PhatCat said:

 

Just show her this thread to demontrate that you'd like her with more meat lol

[PhatCat]

I fear this place would freak her out. But she does understand body positivity. Her mother is quite large but is known to wear little around the house (she always put on close for me, it would be awkward for me to see her naked).

Her sister is also on the thicker side. My girlfriend calls her "plump" but thinks she's still attractive. She has a nice body and carries a lot of weight in her stomach, which is pleasantly round out a lot in front and has some rolls in back. She's not quite at the point of belly hang, but almost there. A couple years ago we all went swimming together and her sister wore the skimpiest string bikini, showing off more stomach at a public pool around her family and me than I ever imagined she would. She's a very shy person, but body confidence runs in the family. She has been chubby her whole life, so it's not like she got fat but didn't realise it. She knows she's overweight, but I gathered she just wears a bikini because she thinks it's what she's supposed to wear. I don't think it crosses her mind that she could be too fat to let her belly hang loose. And again, my girlfriend thinks her sister is plump but has a decent body. And the same for her plump friends. It's only strangers and herself she judges.

[PhatCat]

Update: She has gained 5 pounds over the past month. She is slightly thicker and looks a lot healthier. She says she feels heavier and doesn't like it and wants to lose the weight, yet when she was 5 pounds heavier a year ago or so, she loved her body. I'm telling her she looks so much better now than when she was skinnier and I'm trying to get her to say it. I'm going to keep on encouraging her, not just for me but so she is healthier.

She was looking at a friend's bikini photos online today telling me that she wants to be as thin as her friend. Her friend is thicker. My girl is so confused, and that's part of the problem. I wish she was the way she was when she was younger. She was chubby and thought she was thin. She's so oblivious to so much in this world.

[PhatCat]

Another update: quarantine has done her some good. Without having to worry about fitting into clothes, she's worrying less about her weight. She has given up on eating less to control her weight and has gained a few pounds. She's also lost any muscle she had left before this. She's soft all over and has a proper starter belly now. She's curvy and has been gaining the weight in her boobs and lower belly, my favorite places for a girl to gain.

The best part is that she's happier with her body. She happier eating what she wants to eat. She still thinks she looks good, unlike when she weighed 5 pounds less. I still tell her she has a flat firm stomach. When she gains 20 more pounds I'm still going to tell her that.

The only problem is that I'm losing muscle as well, and it's getting more difficult for me to pick her up. I'm trying to lift her every day to keep up my strength, because if I can't lift her we're both in trouble.

[Guest skinnygirlwantstogrow]

16 hours ago, PhatCat said:

Another update: quarantine has done her some good. Without having to worry about fitting into clothes, she's worrying less about her weight. She has given up on eating less to control her weight and has gained a few pounds. She's also lost any muscle she had left before this. She's soft all over and has a proper starter belly now. She's curvy and has been gaining the weight in her boobs and lower belly, my favorite places for a girl to gain.

The best part is that she's happier with her body. She happier eating what she wants to eat. She still thinks she looks good, unlike when she weighed 5 pounds less. I still tell her she has a flat firm stomach. When she gains 20 more pounds I'm still going to tell her that.

The only problem is that I'm losing muscle as well, and it's getting more difficult for me to pick her up. I'm trying to lift her every day to keep up my strength, because if I can't lift her we're both in trouble.

As a skinny girl intentional gainer Im totally jealous.

What is her height and cw rn?

[PhatCat]

On 4/30/2020 at 5:08 PM, skinnygirlwantstogrow said:

As a skinny girl intentional gainer Im totally jealous.

What is her height and cw rn?

She's 5'6" and probably only about 123 lbs. But she has no muscle and a really small frame with curves, so she doesn't look as skinny as you'd think.

[Guest skinnygirlwantstogrow]

15 hours ago, PhatCat said:

She's 5'6" and probably only about 123 lbs. But she has no muscle and a really small frame with curves, so she doesn't look as skinny as you'd think.

I am 5'9 and because I have a very athletic lifestyle and don't eat any processed foods, I have the opposite problem of always being told I look skinny despite weighing maybe 140lbs now. I was under 100lbs in 2018 due to anorexia before I began intentionally gaining.

I really admire your patience with your gf...a very rare quality. 

[PhatCat]

57 minutes ago, skinnygirlwantstogrow said:

I am 5'9 and because I have a very athletic lifestyle and don't eat any processed foods, I have the opposite problem of always being told I look skinny despite weighing maybe 140lbs now. I was under 100lbs in 2018 due to anorexia before I began intentionally gaining.

I really admire your patience with your gf...a very rare quality. 

140 lbs at your height with an athletic lifestyle means you must be quite thin.

My girlfriend has never been the least bit athletic, but she has always carried her weight well. When she was a teenager she weighed over 180 pounds, but she had big enough boobs and hips that she didn't look fat despite the spare tire around her waist, and she and everyone else thought she looked really hot in a string bikini. I'm hoping that at some point she'll get closer to that again, but I'm with her for her and not her body. But thankfully for both of us her body is starting to get chubbier, and she's getting happier with her body.

But I think we had a setback today. I weighed myself, and during the quarantine I've lost more weight than she has gained. I did not mean to lose weight. She wants to be smaller than I am, which means I need to work on gaining back my weight so she feels better about herself. With us being closer in weight it's making her feel uncomfortable. I wish I were 10 pounds heavier and she matched my weight!

[Guest skinnygirlwantstogrow]

22 hours ago, PhatCat said:

140 lbs at your height with an athletic lifestyle means you must be quite thin.

I honestly cannot see myself objectively anymore bc of my grade and hs anorexia, bulimia, peoples perceptions of me irl and jobs in my industry

but I'm with her for her and not her body.

I am yet to experience a man who feels like that about me irl so ofc am envious but glad to know it exists

But thankfully for both of us her body is starting to get chubbier, and she's getting happier with her body.

Reading about other girls rl wg here is always very encouraging for me with intentionally growing my own body

But I think we had a setback today. I weighed myself, and during the quarantine I've lost more weight than she has gained. I did not mean to lose weight.

Are you an fa, feeder or a mutual gainer? 

She wants to be smaller than I am, which means I need to work on gaining back my weight so she feels better about herself. With us being closer in weight it's making her feel uncomfortable. I wish I were 10 pounds heavier and she matched my weight!

I don't own scales bc of my eating disorders so instead  used to weigh myself at my gym and swim centres scales  which are still closed 

I feel too self conscious rn to weigh on pharmacy scales which is my only other option atm