Unsure!!!!

[somenights]

I have always been an athletic, on the go girl! I played soccer and basketball and softball and track year round for the majority of my life. I have had an athletic body as a result of my activities. However, I am in a relationship with a man who is very interested in weight gain! He told me straight out that he wants my body to be softer and bigger and that he is not turned on as much as he could be if I gained weight.

I do not know what to do because he cannot get the idea out of his head, and I feel extremely uncomfortable gaining weight. I feel as if people will look down on me and think that I am a gross person. Please do not take me the wrong way, I am not trying to insult anyone I am just posting my fears. I feel as if he is changing who I am. I love him a lot and I want to make him as happy as he makes me, but I know that i will not be happy if I gain weight, and i will not feel like myself.

As a result of our constant arguing over the topic, we broke up for a short time before getting back together. He promised that he would want me for me and not demand that I change, but that did not last long, and now he is back to being down all of the time and requesting me to change again. He says that I cannot play sports or work out, which I love to do, because it disgusts him. And if I do go to work out (not to lose weight, but just to feel better, because I feel better after I work out) he gets down and angry and finds a way to start an argument.

I am so lost and confused as to what I should do!!!! Please, any comments will be appreciated

[wilan]

The only solution is to break up for good; you are simply incompatible.

[somenights]

he says that he loves my personality and who I am and he doesn't want to let me go. I think that it was selfish of him to ask because i accept him for who he is, why cant he accept me for who I am?

[41NV]

I have always been an athletic, on the go girl! I played soccer and basketball and softball and track year round for the majority of my life. I have had an athletic body as a result of my activities. However, I am in a relationship with a man who is very interested in weight gain! He told me straight out that he wants my body to be softer and bigger and that he is not turned on as much as he could be if I gained weight.

I do not know what to do because he cannot get the idea out of his head, and I feel extremely uncomfortable gaining weight. I feel as if people will look down on me and think that I am a gross person. Please do not take me the wrong way, I am not trying to insult anyone I am just posting my fears. I feel as if he is changing who I am. I love him a lot and I want to make him as happy as he makes me, but I know that i will not be happy if I gain weight, and i will not feel like myself.

As a result of our constant arguing over the topic, we broke up for a short time before getting back together. He promised that he would want me for me and not demand that I change, but that did not last long, and now he is back to being down all of the time and requesting me to change again. He says that I cannot play sports or work out, which I love to do, because it disgusts him. And if I do go to work out (not to lose weight, but just to feel better, because I feel better after I work out) he gets down and angry and finds a way to start an argument.

I am so lost and confused as to what I should do!!!! Please, any comments will be appreciated

If he's more interested in changing your appearance than what makes you happy, it's not going to work.

You could try to appeal to the relationship again and he might be okay with it for a while, but eventually it's going to creep up on you. And that's okay, it's your body and you should be the one who decides what to do with it.

My advice is to think hard about who you are and what defines you. If you're the girl who does sports and is athletic, and he doesn't appreciate that central aspect of you, then you'll just have to end it. It won't change how happy he has made you, both in the past and now, but it will save you some hardship trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. It's not fair of him to demand that you fit his ideal, and it won't be fair to you trying to live up to an ideal that you're not comfortable with.

[Ayumi_Chan]

I actually left a response from something you wrote in the "how to tell my girlfriend about all of this" thread which applies directly to what you are asking help for. Once again if after you read it and have any other questions, please feel free to message me. I would link To that thread but I'm currently on my iPhone and its being difficult today in terms of copy and pasting things.

[Y2kboris1]

Somenights I think we've been bitten by the same bug. I would contend to agree with Wilan. From the way you write it it doesn't sound like it will work in the long run. I can feel ya though. While I find chubby/fat women attractive I sure as hell never ever want to be fat myself (strange paradox no?). You really have one of two options now: 1) oblige him (which would be fairly selfish on his part), or 2) stand your ground. Standing your ground though might invite destruction to the relationship, however at this point it's probably better to reassess whether it will work at all.

[gta]

It's a bummer that your personalities match up well, but he obviously has some serious issues with some core traits that define you - a physically active lifestyle and working out. It sounds like his attraction to weight gain and curves is more of a fetish/obsession than a preference, so he may never even truly be satisfied in that regard. It'd be terrible if you were to put on weight against your own personal desires, only for it to still not be enough for him.

Your happiness and well-being needs to come first in this situation, don't give in to the pressure. I agree with Wilan and say move on.

[Dr. Feeder]

He sounds like a selfish jerk to me. Dump him!

[Guest yarmanz]

if he really loved you, he wouldnt care. But if you really like him then again, you could always build curves on your body with muscle? I dont think any guy could complain with that.

[Y2kboris1]

Having had some time to think about it I would caution you against gaining anything. Don't gain weight cause he wants you to; only do so if you want to. It sounds like he is bad news if he wants you to gain without any regard for your wants or needs.

[somenights]

if he really loved you, he wouldnt care. But if you really like him then again, you could always build curves on your body with muscle? I dont think any guy could complain with that.

But that is a problem he doesn't like any muscle at all, he says that it is too hard and he doesn't like it and that's why i feel so bad sometimes because I feel like my body repulses him. And on other notes he does care, he says all the time that he hates making me feel bad and he hates what he is putting me through, but that this is such a major aspect of his life and he needs it. I might not have mentioned it before but I was his first. So there is some major connection there. I feel as if i want to stay who I am. But I also want to make him happy, and be everything that he is for me.

[Guest Atlya]

But that is a problem he doesn't like any muscle at all, he says that it is too hard and he doesn't like it and that's why i feel so bad sometimes because I feel like my body repulses him. And on other notes he does care, he says all the time that he hates making me feel bad and he hates what he is putting me through, but that this is such a major aspect of his life and he needs it. I might not have mentioned it before but I was his first. So there is some major connection there. I feel as if i want to stay who I am. But I also want to make him happy, and be everything that he is for me.

There's only so much one can do to "please" the other...

[wilan]

I feel as if i want to stay who I am. But I also want to make him happy, and be everything that he is for me.

You can't do both; making him happy will not make you happy. In the end, you must do what is right for you.

This above all, to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

(Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3, lines 78–80)

[Ayumi_Chan]

But that is a problem he doesn't like any muscle at all, he says that it is too hard and he doesn't like it and that's why i feel so bad sometimes because I feel like my body repulses him. And on other notes he does care, he says all the time that he hates making me feel bad and he hates what he is putting me through, but that this is such a major aspect of his life and he needs it. I might not have mentioned it before but I was his first. So there is some major connection there. I feel as if i want to stay who I am. But I also want to make him happy, and be everything that he is for me.

Just out of curiousity, how old are you and how old is your boyfriend?

[KFD]

The only solution is to break up for good; you are simply incompatible.

I am with Wilan on this one. I with a crazy bitch for two years and eight months longer than the three year relationship should've lasted. I wasted a good part of my mid twenties wishing she would turn into someone she wasn't. While I spent a few years alone (and being a manwhore  8) ), I struck it out of the park when I met my beautiful Avatar Girl. While she isn't too keen on riding on the Motorcycle, and my love of old, rusty cars, she is the voice of reason and logic for me, and we accept each other for who we are. I sound sappy, we have our ups and downs, but it beats the hell out of you pleasing someone else for the selfish ideals. I honestly do seem a little wary that you are here, but hey, at least you looking for advice. My TL;dr thesis statement:

FIND SOMEONE WHO APPRECIATES YOU THE WAY YOU ARE.

Melinda doesn't ask me to be someone I am not, and while I love snuggling up to her soft body, I am not forcing her to gain weight, or telling her to put the candy bar down...

It will save you heartache in the long run...

KFD

[KillerRamer]

Yeeeeeeah I believe everyone else here has the right idea. I know you both appreciate eachother, and that you both have a bond, however if he can't handle  his urge and tame it for you it's a sign it isn't going to work out.  It's something deeply ingrained in his mind, and if this option makes you feel this hesidant, if it causes you to ARGUE about YOUR body, it's a red flag to just move on as friends and nothing more, or atleast give eachother space untill he learns to truly Appreciate you as you are. If he does love you and truly wants to be with you, going through that will probably send a white flag saying "Shut up and put up. You say you love her, prove it by being with her against your own sexual needs."

But at the same time sexual relations plays a big roll in a long lasting relationship. attractions to the other person physical body should be atleast, somewhat present. Otherwise it's going to be a chore, more than amore.

[Heart and Mind]

It makes no sense to be with someone who wants you to change agains your will..

You should move on IMO.

[bonedoc1958]

RUN. dont walk RUN. he is totally selfish. gaining weight should be a personal choice, not one that is forced upon you . he will find some one who wants to gain weight for themselves.. hope this helps

[Brett.Davids]

I have always been an athletic, on the go girl! I played soccer and basketball and softball and track year round for the majority of my life. I have had an athletic body as a result of my activities. However, I am in a relationship with a man who is very interested in weight gain! He told me straight out that he wants my body to be softer and bigger and that he is not turned on as much as he could be if I gained weight.

I do not know what to do because he cannot get the idea out of his head, and I feel extremely uncomfortable gaining weight. I feel as if people will look down on me and think that I am a gross person. Please do not take me the wrong way, I am not trying to insult anyone I am just posting my fears. I feel as if he is changing who I am. I love him a lot and I want to make him as happy as he makes me, but I know that i will not be happy if I gain weight, and i will not feel like myself.

As a result of our constant arguing over the topic, we broke up for a short time before getting back together. He promised that he would want me for me and not demand that I change, but that did not last long, and now he is back to being down all of the time and requesting me to change again. He says that I cannot play sports or work out, which I love to do, because it disgusts him. And if I do go to work out (not to lose weight, but just to feel better, because I feel better after I work out) he gets down and angry and finds a way to start an argument.

I am so lost and confused as to what I should do!!!! Please, any comments will be appreciated

Gaining weight MUST be out of MUTUAL enjoyment.  If you're not into it, then it doesn't matter if he is or not - YOU must do what makes YOU happy.  It sounds like he has control issues.  If he doesn't respect you for who you are - at ANY size or shape - then he is never going to respect you.  Ever.  Move on.

[Recon]

Has anyone ever had their login session expire midway through typing a post? Sheeeit, probably just me...  :'(    Sorry; back onto affairs at hand. Firstly, I realize that this response ensues your initial post by several days, although I feel that the solution to your predicament is that, well, you're 100% correct. Forgive my ambiguity but, that is, in feeling the way you do, in being true to yourself, and in not letting someone else "change" you. A relationship should never be about changing someone to better suit the liking of another if that person does not consent entirely. If one cannot accept someone for who they are, just the way they are, then they really have no right to be with them in the first place. Sure, you can ask/suggest that someone alter a certain aspect of their life, but that's certainly the extent of it. That it disgusts him when you play sports/work-out really drives this home, though. Forgive me, but he sounds like a major, selfish asshole whom I would rather like to bust out thine ass-kickery upon.

[Wildhound]

I'm sorry gurl.

But i think you need to get the fuck out of that relationship. Relationships are about loving someone, not someone loving the idea of how they think someone should be.