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Part 5 – Fin 

Daniela paused and stared down at the developing art piece beneath her hand. Something was different, she realized. Reaching out for another chocolate straw she munched on it for a few minutes while she pondered the change she intuitively sensed, but couldn’t quite identify. She flipped onto her back, distracted from her latest drawing as she mulled over the change that electrified the very air around her, and reached for another chocolate stick. As her fingers groped about for the treat which lay at the very edge of her vision it struck her like a thunder bolt. She wasn’t bored! 

The realization caused her to jolt upright, or attempt to. She got about half way up before her monumental weight caught up with her, slowing her forward progress to a gradual halt, before finally reversing it entirely puling her back down to the ground like a giant jiggly pendulum. As she collapsed backwards she broke out into hysterical giggles as she realized she must look like a fish flopping around out of water, or perhaps more aptly like a beached whale. 

Coming to rest once more on her back she allowed herself to lay there for a moment and soak it in. It might have been a strange path to take, but she had finally found something that really occupied and interested her. Maybe it was selfish and hedonistic but food was available in an endless supply and variance and it was endlessly entertaining and engaging. She had discovered not only an enjoyment in partaking in it but an outlet with which to exercise her artistic side as well as a means by which to make a living at it all as well. It all lined up so perfectly and kept her engaged and interested, something that all of her other studies had failed to do. Really, she couldn't very well ask for a better career. 

"Career." she said out loud. Mmm, it sounded like a tasty word. She rolled over onto her big belly and struggled to her knees. This was a moment worth celebrating. She was pretty sure there was a cheese cake in the fridge and she was fairly certain Jeremy wouldn’t mind if she broke into it earlier than planned. 

---------

It was time to graduate and Lizzie had caved. Better to wear a scandalous corset, she reasoned, than nothing at all; and so she stood, face a shade of scarlet normally reserved for Chloe's more demure demeanor, while the commencement ceremony went on. It wasn’t enough that Chloe had purposefully fattened her up to the point where she looked like a lumpy hippopotamus in these graduation robes, but the fact that she insisted on supplying her with more and more scandalous clothes while Lizzie looked for a job was simply infuriating. She was beyond aggravated that she had to rely on her mischievous mousy girlfriend for these things, and even more angry that she was so in love with her despite it all.

“Thank god no one will see this except Chloe.” She said under her breath, tugging at the tight form fitting corset that contained her voluptuous curves beneath the flowing robes. She tried to loosen the straps imperceptibly as she waited, to no avail. 

Ahead of her somewhere, Chloe herself also stood to receive her diploma. Lizzie had planned to arrive together but Chloe had called last minute from her job saying she would be late and to get ready and go without her. Lizzie had some serious doubts about the validity of the so called emergency, considering the ridiculous trap she had found waiting for her when she'd gone to get dressed. Thus, while she waited she was keeping a sharp eye out for her lover in the crowd. 

There she was! Lizzie spotted her lover as Chloe climbed the stage and received her diploma from the Dean. She waved out to the crowd with a gleeful smile, before exiting the stage on the left. Lizzie struggled to keep an eye on her wayward girlfriend as she disappeared into the milling crowd. It was difficult but she figured she'd be able to keep tabs on her until her own part in the ceremony was done, and she could rejoin her off stage. 

As she stood up with her row to go up to receive her own diploma, she cast another quick look in Chloe's direction, spotting the minx again as she began to move towards the stage. The movement caught Chloe's attention however, and Lizzie and Chloe locked eyes as Lizzie began to move towards the stage. Lizzie continued forward, unable to tear her gaze away as Chloe gave her lover a bawdy wink and blew her a sensuous kiss. Lizzie was so caught up in watching it that she didn’t see where she was going and almost lost her footing as she craned her neck. Stumbling forward to catch her feet, there was a mighty ripping sound as the gown caught on an exposed nail and a sharp cool breeze replacing the hot stifled interior of the tented robes. 

The entire stadium gasped in unison and Lizzie stood frozen, unsure of what to do. She risked a glance back to look at Chloe and then at the crowd, and then back to Chloe. Her flat mate's hands were cupping bright cherry red cheeks in horror, mouth open and the rest of her pretty face white with shock, aghast at the spectacle she had inadvertently caused. Lizzie glared daggers at Chloe as she stood before the entire assembly in all of her glory. She had to be around 280 at this point, and her ass was so huge that even with the corset and the lingerie she was wearing, the cloth was all but swallowed betwixt the twin globes behind her. Lizzie stood frozen in mortified embarrassment for only a moment more while a hush fell across the entire theater. People who had not been paying attention quickly quieted and looked on in interest as they all waited to see what she would do next. There really wasn't anything she could do at this point, she reasoned.

“Fuck it.” Lizzie said, taking her cap off and tossing her raven black, blue streaked mane behind her. This was a defining moment, and she wasn’t running away today. Striding across the stage like it was a run way, she waltzed up to the Dean and stretched out a long and elegant, if chubby arm to receive her certificate. The dean was a little man, shorter than she was, even when she wasn’t in heals like she was today. He opened his mouth, as if to say something about the events unfolding before him, but nothing came out. He locked eyes with her for a moment before he blinked slowly, and his eyes traveled unbidden down the curvature of her magnificent body, finally coming to rest on her ass. Eyes bugging out of his skull, he just stared, unable to look away for a full 30 seconds while she stood there with her arm outstretched. 

“Thank you, Dean.” She said at last, and plucked the diploma from his limp hand, striding past him, his eyes stuck to her rear as she walked away. The entire stadium had gone dead quiet as the Dean ogled Lizzie, but she ignored the silence and strode confidently off the stage, made her way over to Chloe who was sitting with eyes wide and hands over her mouth in abject shock. “You’re sitting in my seat.” Lizzie said to the student sitting beside Chloe. The student muttered an excuse and jumped up and ran out of the building. 

Lizzie sat down and like a spell, everyone snapped back into reality and the graduation continued as it had before, though a certain level of unreality permeated the air. 

"You know, I almost wore nothing at all when I saw what you had picked out for me." Lizzie whispered to Chloe beside her. This was too much for the girl. Chloe passed out.

-------

Daniela opened up her mouth and burped, prompting Jeremy to poke her in the side. She blushed a pretty pink at his teasing. 

"Hey! Don't make fun now. It's your fault I'm this fat you know."

“Fat? Maybe but only in the way that the Mona Lisa is a drawing. You, by dear are a perfect piece of art.” Jeremy said, stroking her mammoth breasts. “You are a rounded master piece beyond the capacity of any master artist to conceive, and bigger and more perfect than the imagination of any genius. Only God could have envisioned your enormity and spherical perfection. Were it not the perfect shape, would he have made the earth round?” With his last words he squeezed one of her enormous breasts with one hand, while testing the inches of her hips with the other. Daniela shivered with delight at the attention. Even now, her breasts were too large to fit in her boyfriend’s hands, and she knew she was only going to get bigger. She reveled in her enormity and found herself ever eager for more opportunities to grow her curves. Impatient for more inches around her magnificent bust, she had taken to drinking shakes designed with the explicit purpose of putting on pounds. 

Tipping back her head, she began to chug just such a shake as Jeremy praised her beauty and stroked her delicate skin. The darker hues were split with fine silky spider webbed stretch marks, which documented her growth like the lines of a tree. "Bigger." she thought and kept chugging. 

As he spooned her on the couch, while she drank the veritable calorie bomb in her hand, Jeremy's fingers wandered down Daniela's arms. He noted that they had begun to take on a new and impressive volume as Daniela’s weight skyrocketed through the lower 300's. Her old sleeve tattoo had taken quite well to the gain, not losing much of its former shape. Now however, it oddly looked more like a fat pigeon, than a small sparrow. He felt himself getting hard as he pinched the pliable fat of her lower under arms. They were growing enormous as her body struggled to find a place to put the ever accumulating pounds she poured into herself. 

“Wait, aren’t you supposed to be filming this?” Jeremy asked abruptly, jolting out of his reverent admiration of his girl's robust fattened shape.

“Don’t worry sweetie, I didn’t forget.” She smiled and let out another petite little burp as she struggled for air around the quart of thick calorie-filled creme she had already swallowed before continuing. “I’ll just drink another one for the video this afternoon. This one’s just for recreation and I rather like the taste.” She said. 

What a woman, Jeremy thought, and kissed her full on the lips. 


---------

After the college graduation debacle, Lizzie gained some brief notoriety in the form of a viral video. In short order, several million people had the privilege of seeing her in scandalous graduation attire. Shortly after that she was the talk of the media, discussions about the Dean's lascivious behavior and he own stunt ran rampant across the internet and several more million views piled up. After a discussion with Daniela and Chloe, they all agreed she should harness the fleeting fame and have Lizzie join Daniela's modeling website. It was a smart move, adding another face to an already established base and bringing in all sorts of new people interested in BBWs that were exposed to the idea from the recent news coverage. The whole thing died down about as quickly as it had taken off, but the impact on their small home modeling business was tremendous. 

Together they made quite the pair. Daniela focused on the hour glass and boob part of the crowd, mixing in her own obsession with growing bigger, while Lizzie catered to the pear loving crowd. Between Daniela's artistic sensibilities and Lizzie's photographic experience and eye for graphic design, their content was top of its class. They were able to produce regularly captivating content and it looked like they were going to be able to turn the modeling website into a legitimate long term business. 

Even with the additional income however, the flat had become something of a commune for all involved, and no one was jumping to move out. Jeremy and Chloe both worked at restaurants, bringing a regular paycheck and enormous amounts of food home while Lizzie and Daniela managed the website, growing both their user base and themselves. 

Months passed and seasons changed and the group found itself settling into an easy rhythm.  When Lizzie joined, she was the bigger of the two, but as Daniela kept her routine with regular gain shakes she quickly eclipsed her taller and formerly heavier roommate in size.   

“I can’t believe your boobs are still small after all this.” Daniela quipped at her bottom heavy friend, one day as they sat gorging themselves on a stack of pizza left by Jeremy. 

"Bitch, at least I don’t have back problems like you. What do those two balloons on your chest weigh these days? 20 pounds a piece?” Lizzie returned, playfully, talking around an entire piece of pizza which was folded into her mouth like a home made calzone. 

“Never mind my knockers, how many chairs does your fat ass take up when you sit down these days. I can’t really tell with you being sucked into the couch and all like that.” Daniela returned, grinning around her own slice of pizza pie.

“Eh, two at least.” Lizzie admitted. “Oh wait, I know your big butt takes 2 chairs from your last video and I’m definitely got a few pant sizes on you yet." 

“Mhmm, only because your gut is absolutely massive you pig!” Daniela shot back, enjoying herself a little too much.

“Cow!” Lizzie returned.

“Hippo!” Daniela riposted. 

“Elephant!” Lizzie cried, as she finished off her last slice and dove in for a tickle attack.

The two rolled around on the couch screaming with laughter as they assaulted one another with delicate fingers in sensitive areas. Their colossal weight thudded heavily as they shifted awkwardly. Finally, Daniela ended up on top. 

“Not the big one anymore are you!” She cried out triumphantly. 

“I can’t breathe, you massive blubbery hippopotamus. Uncle! Uncle!” Lizzie called out in a muffled voice from beneath Daniela’s incredibly wide hips. Her roommate’s exaggerated hourglass figure was pinning her to the couch, keeping her legs and upper body in check at the same time, while her not insignificant belly trapped her middle. Lizzie realized just how long it had been since she’d done any sort of sit-up during that moment as she struggled to move beneath the weight. 

“You concede then?” Daniela asked, delighted in her opponent’s plight, completely contented to sit on her all night. 

“Yes! Now get your giant cow udders out of my face!” Lizzie screamed, muffled only further as Daniela sank even further onto her, squishing her boobage over Lizzie’s face. 

“I can’t hear you.” Daniela replied, bouncing up and down on her friend, and giggling as Lizzie turned a bright crimson out of mortification.

On the third bounce however, there was a loud and sudden crack as the couch gave up under the tremendous load. Screaming, both girls went tumbling into the side table where the pizza lay as the couch's spine snapped under the weight of the bulging beauties atop it. Pizza slices went flying and high pitched screams filled the air as they careened into each other and rolled across the floor. 

Lizzie looked over to find a wide eyed Daniela staring at the couch, a piece of pizza resting in her hair and a stunned expression on her face. She couldn’t hold herself back at that point and burst into giggles. Reaching forward she peeled a piece of pizza off of Daniela’s boobs and began to eat it. 

Daniela perked up at the laughter and managed a guilty grin, as she plucked a piece of pizza off Lizzie’s body and began to eat it as well. “You laughing at me, fat ass?” she asked, raising an eyebrow as she bit hungrily into the greasy Italian food. 

“Fat ass?" Lizzie asked incredulously. "If I recall correctly, you’re the one that just broke the couch with your own big butt.” Lizzie responded, licking her lips in arousal. 

“Mhmm,” Daniela responded around a bit of pizza. “I guess you have a point. Do you think that qualifies me for genuine whale status? Though to be fair I couldn’t have done it without you, sister.” She finished off the pizza in another few bites. “That was actually kind of hot. Too bad Jeremy isn’t here.” She said, looking at Lizzie hungrily.

Lizzie leaned forward and licked some marinara sauce out from between Daniela’s cleavage. Daniela watched her slow languorous tongue work its way around her breasts, her breathing growing heavy. Lizzie raised her eyes to look into Daniela’s for a moment. Their both nodded in agreement. Her tongue  went back to lick clean the rest of her flat mate's incredibly voluptuous body. 

“I’ve … I’ve never done this before with another girl.” Daniela protested as they groped each other hungrily.

“Don’t worry, I’ll show you.” Lizzie said breathlessly. 

-------

“A thousand calories an hour? Is that even possible?” Daniela asked incredulously. 

“Well, we’re going to find out.” Chloe responded cheekily. “You’ll just be our guinea pig.”

“Emphasis on pig.” Jeremy said, helping Chloe with the cooking. He had been taking more and more of an active role at home since he had moved in. Chloe was sitting at a roundly cute 200 pounds, balancing her rather impressive food intake with a constantly active lifestyle. She was rapidly gaining a name for herself as a chef to be reckoned with at her job, and at home there were still two girls that needed fattening up, and in Chloe’s mind there was never enough time in which to stuff them. It was only after Daniela began to eclipse Lizzie that Chloe turned to Jeremy to help. Now the two were practically partners in their joint attempts to get both girls to keep their steady ballooning. 

As Daniela questioned the crazy scheme, Lizzie came and sat down across from her. “Well at least you won’t be the only girl making a pig of herself today.” She winked at her curvy house mate as she settled in. “We’re rolling by the way.”

“Not yet, you aren’t.” Chloe declared, approaching the two BBWs with a platter of assorted delectable pastries. “But by the time I’m done with you today, we’ll be rolling both of you out of here. Count on it.”

Chloe and Jeremy had carefully plotted out the caloric value of every dish they planned to create that day, totaling in a planned intake of 10,000 for each girl plus an additional 2000 each from beer and soft drinks. The plan, and gimic for this video was to consume 12,000 calories in 12 hours. This would require both girls to eat almost non-stop throughout the day. They were dubious, but willing to give it a try. And sure, maybe it was a publicity stunt for the web site but that didn’t mean Chloe and Jeremy weren’t totally turned on by the idea of such a spectacle either. 

It started easily enough. 1000 calories in Donuts, Bear Claws, and Cinnamon Swirls. It was like a delightful morning at a local bakery. Any normal person would be full at this point but these two girls had been carefully prepared and had much larger appetites than that.

They were still hungry, eager for the next hour’s dose of treats, which turned out to be pancakes. A thousand calories of pancakes is enough to fill anybody up. The thick syrupy gooey mess they made of themselves had Jeremy and Chloe scampering to bring them more and push them to go on. 

“Oh this might be harder than I thought it would be.” Lizzie complained patting her distended gut. It was only the second  course and it was already resting on the chair between her legs. When Chloe noticed she had to run away and drink a tall glass of water to calm down.

“Just think about tonight when we’re done.” Jeremy said, coming up from behind and placing a hand on her shoulder. “She’s got a long way to go and you get to enjoy the spoils at the end.” He said, smiling as he looked back at Daniela, already digging into the 3rd course while Lizzie leaned back for a breather. "Now let's get going on the next course."

"Yeah, you got it Jeremy. Anything for the cause." Chloe responded cutely. 

The third course was cheese. Lots and lots of cheese. Cheese of every variety and with every conceivable hor d'oeuvres pairing on the side. Olives, crackers, and sausage by the platter. The girls packed them away, and before they knew it, another hour had passed. At this point they were freely mixing drinks with the food, trying to space out the amount of fluid calories across the day. Lizzie had a few too many beers in a row and started getting quite tipsy. 

"I like your boobs Daniela. They're like Chloe's but huge. You know the first time I realized I liked girls was when I saw them about to fall out of that pink bathing suit you used to wear."

"Well thanks Lizzie." Daniela said, amused. "I think your ass is quite spectacular myself and I've always found your blue hair quite attractive. 

"Hey now!" Chloe shouted as she over heard some of the conversation from the kitchen. "Don't try to steal my girl, ya hear now? She's spoken for!" 

Daniela giggled at the idea and Lizzie joined her as they continued to gobble cheese and crackers with their beer.

"Hey aren't you going to say something about this!" Chloe cried indignantly to Jeremy. 

"Hey! They can do whatever they want as long as I'm still involved." he said. hands in the air.

Daniela and Lizzie collapsed into giggles at this. 

"Well, we might just have to plan a foursome then." Lizzie said.

"I think I like the sound of that idea." Daniela agreed.

Chloe and Jeremy looked at one another in honest surprise. When had Lizzie and Daniela gotten so chummy? Jeremy raised a questioning eyebrow and Chloe shrugged an ok. She couldn't imagine the harm in including Jeremy if it meant she'd get to explore Daniela's curves up close and personal.

"Sounds like a plan then." Jeremy said. "But for now, on to the next course."

By then, it was lunch time. “An appropriate time for Pizza.” Chloe said. Lizzie looked up happily, always ready for pizza even if she had just been complaining of being full. Jeremy began to give Daniela a tummy rub as she bit into her fourth piece. 

“Mmmm, thanks.” She said. Before leaning back and burping to relieve the growing pressure inside.

“You doing okay babe?” he asked, concern in his voice. 

“Don’t pretend like you don’t like this.” She said, swatting at his head playfully, as she groaned with the fullness of her tight round belly.

Jeremy grinned ruefully as he massaged the dome of her belly. “At least let me pretend to dote on you.” He said, his smirk growing as he fed her the last bites of her portion of the pizza. 

The pizza lead into a McDonalds binge provided by Jeremy, in order to give Chloe and himself a bit of relief in the kitchen and clean up the breakfast mess. There was no relief for the girls undertaking the challenge, however. They were forced to plow  mercilessly on, stomachs crying out as they were force outwards ever growing bigger as more and more food was packed inside. 

After the McDonalds came Bacon and Sausage, followed by Tacos and then Pasta. What felt like an ocean of beer and pop accompanied the never ending feast as they proceeded on with the challenge

After barely making it through the pasta, Lizzie finally started to fall behind. Struggling to breath over the weight on her diaphragm. Daniela pushed on, but only barely making it to the end of that round. 

“Only two more courses sweetie.” Jeremy said as he stroked Daniela’s chubby face. It was the desert hour and cartons of ice cream and piping hot brownies fresh from the oven awaited the two girls, each stuffed far beyond recommended capacity as it was. 

Chloe kissed up the side of Lizzie’s limp neck as she tried to encourage her to keep going. Lizzie was breathing hard, and desperately close to falling into a food coma as her body tried to manage the savage onslaught of the day’s calorie intake. It was like nothing either had girl had ever attempted before. 

Daniela finally finished her tacos and leaned over to whisper into Jeremy’s ear, before turning to watch Lizzie start in on the ice cream and brownies while she took a break. Even with Chloe’s encouragement, Lizzie was struggling, hardly able to continue bite after bite. The final course, a huge portion of cake awaited her on the table. 

Half an hour passed, when Jeremy finally came back from the hard ware store. He attached a tube and funnel to the over head lamp and stabilized the whole thing before grabbing all of the last two courses and mixed them together in a blender. The ice cream, brownies, and cake formed a sweet thick shake and he came back into the room and inserted the hose end of the funnel into Daniela’s mouth and poured the mixture into the funnel. Barely able to move, Daniela laid out on the couch and spread her belly out as much as she could manage, to make as much room as she possibly could and just received the final onslaught of calories. 

Seeing her rival’s strategy, Lizzie rushed through the last of the brownies on her plated and Chloe fetched her the final dish, the towering cake, and Lizzie dug in with a final second wind. 

Racing against one another, Lizzie stuffed handfuls of the cake into her mouth at record speed while Daniela just gulped and gulped huge mouthfuls of the rich mixture pouring into her. As she downed it, Jeremy went down on her. 

Chloe stared at the situation before her in a daze. It was like some sort of lucid dream. How lucky was she to be here right now, experiencing this? Each day at work, doing what she thought was her life’s dream, only to come home to this ongoing orgy of food and decadence. She must be the luckiest girl in the world, she thought. And then she noticed that Lizzie wasn’t eating anymore. Running up she pushed against her lover and best friend. 

“Lizzie! Are you okay? Do you need anything? A drink? Some stomach medicine?” But no, Lizzie had finally hit a wall and passed out. A snore slipped out of Lizzie’s mouth as she tried to breath through the fistfuls of cake still clutched in her hands. Across the room, Daniela swallowed the last of the mix and let the tube slip out of her mouth as she passed out herself, unable to keep her eyes open one moment longer after coming from Jeremy’s attention during the last course. 

“What a day.” Jeremy said, dumbfounded. 

“Indeed.” Chloe echoed the sentiment. She walked over to the camera and flipped it off. The could clean up in the morning.

Epilogue

The absurd stunt binges continued as the success of the website grew and Lizzie and Daniela continued to bloat and balloon as the months went by. Chloe settled around 200 pounds, having to spend so much time on her feet between her job and unusual hobby. Lizzie settled at a steady weight of 360 pounds herself, finally large enough for her chubby chasing girlfriend. 

Daniela never lost her appetite for body modification as an art form striving to reach ever bigger heights. She kept her lead on Lizzie once she gained it, weighing in at 380 pounds at her last weigh in for the site. Though the numbers aren't all that far apart she looks substantially bigger than Lizzie too, due to her shorter stature. 

Jeremy finally popped the question, revealing that he had been quite stressed over supporting his girl on the earnings of a McDonald’s manager, but finally felt financially comfortable once  he assumed web master responsibilities for the ridiculously successful modeling website they had all helped build. Daniela asked that he stay on at his job with McDonalds as she didn’t want to give up on the employee discount providing her with a daily excuse to eat an unholy amount of greasy fast food. Jeremy was never able to say no to his girl, so naturally he stayed. 

Chloe was unable to keep her hands off of her enormous Amazonian girlfriend, and occasionally they would participate in a three way on camera with Daniela. Chloe joyfully played the thin one as Daniela and Lizzie would alternate sitting on and screwing her. Jeremy also joined in on occasion. Participating in a four-way with these three billowing fleshy goddesses was like reaching nirvana on earth. Aside from those perfect moments, he just focused on improving his cooking skills and keeping the website running. 

And so they lived happily ever after; fat and contented with their beautiful life, no longer bored in Miami, under the Florida sunsets.

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Well, that's all folks.

Thanks to everyone who commented so far, and thanks for reading even if you didn't comment. If you do read though, I would love to hear your thoughts and it would be sincerely appreciated if you gave the whole thing a review!

Keep an eye out for the final illustrations for the chapter from the incredibly gifted Berserker1133. As the one who dreamed up the premise for this joint project, he deserves lots of praise. It was a pleasure working with him! 

If you do take up the challenge to review the story, please consider the following questions!

Plot
1. Did the story entertain and engage you beyond the primary focus of weight gain and lesbians in love?
2. Did you read entirely or just skim over to the "good parts"?
3. Did you like the characters?
4. Did the story feel grounded or was it too fantastic?
5. Did you feel there were any weak points in the story?
6. Did the sex scenes deliver?
7. What were the top 5 peak moments for you in this series?
8. Was there a direction with the plot you wanted me to go that I didn't take?
9. How believable were the character motivations?

Characters
1. Who was your favorite character?
2. What was your favorite Couple?
3. Was there a coupling you wanted to see happen that didn't happen?
4. How did you feel about your favorite character's relationship with the others?
5. How do you feel about the relationships between all the other characters in the story?
6. Did the story suffer due to the lack of a good, recognizable antagonist?
7. Was there a character archetype you missed?

Structure
1. Were the chapters too long or too short?
2. Was there enough time spent with your favorite characters?
3. Was there enough description of weight gain and fats?
4. Did you want to keep reading at the end of each chapter or were you pretty satisfied with each chapter conclusion?
5. Was there a lackluster chapter or point where the series floundered and lost its way?
6. What did you think of the ending?
7. What was the worst chapter?
8. What was the best chapter?
9. Do you feel the series ran its course and reached a satisfying conclusion? 

Finally, any other comments?

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First of all, cheers to you (and @berserker1) for sticking with this story and seeing it through in a steady, timely manner.  I know that can be a tremendous challenge.  Many a story has been started with big hopes and lots of potential, only to languish unfinished due to some combination of real life obligations and faded enthusiasm.  But you made it through all that and gave us a substantial, well-polished product. 

I encourage others who have read the story to take up Avacadodo’s solicitation for detailed feedback.  As anyone who’s written a lengthy piece before can attest, writing isn’t easy.  It’s a lot work.  Here, Avacadodo’s done that work for the general benefit of us all.  Giving him some feedback is a great way to reward his effort.  Honest, thoughtful comments from engaged readers can be tremendously valuable for an author.  Even when it’s not all praise. 

To follow my own advice, I’ll start by reiterating what I said above:  this is a technically well-polished story.  From start to finish, your writing is clean and consistently readable.  Already, I think that puts you in a special club amongst the writers of fat fetish fiction.

I think your descriptions of the characters and their respective gains were effective.  You described them with detail at various weights and demonstrated through actions some of the ways those changes affected them.  I also like the way you portrayed the differences among the characters’ physiques, and how those differences grew more pronounced over time.  The Chloe-Lizzie relationship was my favorite aspect of the story, particularly in its early, more awkward and mischievous stages.  

On a purely subjective level—and please, understand I don’t mean any offense—despite being weight gain fiction, this story does not cater to my particular preferences.  It has a light, happy, carefree tone.  Indeed, that tone only seems to build momentum throughout, as the plot marches unflinchingly towards its spotlessly sugar-sweet conclusion.  Because the characters face so very little conflict, either from themselves or anything else, it kinda feels like there’s nothing of much consequence going on.  

To be fair, this is wank fiction.  An “intriguing” plot isn’t necessarily the goal.  But, as an appreciator of the “darker” style of weight gain erotica, the overall course you charted here does very little for me.

I’ll try to answer your specifically suggested questions below.

 

Plot

1. Did the story entertain and engage you beyond the primary focus of weight gain and lesbians in love?

No?  I’m not particularly interested in the amateur modeling stuff, or Daniela’s romance with Jeremey.  But it was written well enough to be effective background decoration and not be irritating. 

2. Did you read entirely or just skim over to the "good parts"?

I read it all, though it’s been months since I read some of it.    

3. Did you like the characters?

Yes.

4. Did the story feel grounded or was it too fantastic?

I’d say it strayed a bit into the more-cartoonish territory as it went on, particularly in terms of how simplistically the consequences of the characters’ gains were dealt with.  Nonetheless, relative to many weight gain stories this would probably be considered among the more “grounded.”

5. Did you feel there were any weak points in the story?

The absence of much conflict for the characters to confront and overcome (or not) is a shortcoming, I think. 

6. Did the sex scenes deliver?

I suppose?  Sex scenes are not a primary point of interest for me in this sort of fiction.  It’s the depiction of weight gain and its myriad attendant consequences that I find arousing.

7. What were the top 5 peak moments for you in this series?

In no particular order:  (1) the initial depictions of the characters; (2) Chloe’s early, guilt-ridden flirtation with diet sabotage and mischievous covert fattening; (3) Chloe and Lizzie’s first, breathless fat-centric makeout; (4) Lizzie’s initial ambivalence about losing her athleticism; (5) the role-reversal of shy, awkward, chubby Chloe progressively taking on the status of slimmest among the trio and comparatively dominant in her capacity as feeder

8. Was there a direction with the plot you wanted me to go that I didn't take?

I enjoy seeing characters struggle with weight gain and its consequences—physically, emotionally, and socially.  I would have enjoyed seeing more of that, perhaps even just from one of the characters.

9. How believable were the character motivations?

Moderately believable?  In general, I think things became more exaggerated and simplified as the story progressed. 

 

Characters

1. Who was your favorite character?

Probably Lizzie, since she more than the others seemed to have a character arc with conflict, resolution, and character development.  Chloe gets honorable mention as a related catalyst for that same character arc.

2. What was your favorite Couple?

Chloe and Lizzie.

3. Was there a coupling you wanted to see happen that didn't happen?

No.

4. How did you feel about your favorite character's relationship with the others?

Well, in general everybody was just good friends without problems and they stayed that way (plus started getting it on), so I don’t think there’s really all that much to discuss.  I guess think Lizzie’s character probably had (or seemed to, in my estimation) the most nuanced relationship with other characters. 

5. How do you feel about the relationships between all the other characters in the story?

See my previous answer.

6. Did the story suffer due to the lack of a good, recognizable antagonist?

I think so—or at least from conflict.  Conflict can take many forms other than some other, separate person.  Characters can be effective antagonists for themselves if they’re struggling against their own competing drives.

7. Was there a character archetype you missed?

Maybe?  There are archetypes that I enjoy, but I’m not sure such things could simply be dropped into this story without changing it quite a bit.  I don’t expect such things to be shoehorned into each and every story just to get me to read and enjoy it. 

 

Structure

1. Were the chapters too long or too short?

The chapters were definitely longer than is typical for this sort of fiction, but I think that’s a strength here.  You write well, and giving the story room to breathe in a narrative sense opens up a lot of possibilities for good story-telling even within the limits of erotica.  I would like to see more folks write their weight gain fiction as you have—giving the story room to stretch out, but without losing sight of the fact that this is erotica and therefore must remain disciplined in its commitment to that function. 

2. Was there enough time spent with your favorite characters?

Relative to the overall length of the story, I guess so. 

3. Was there enough description of weight gain and fats?

Yes.

4. Did you want to keep reading at the end of each chapter or were you pretty satisfied with each chapter conclusion?

I think the chapters were long enough to be satisfying.   One thing I noticed in my own habit for reading this stuff was that, because the chapters are relatively long and dense, I would tend to delay reading them until I knew I would have a large block of uninterrupted time.  I didn’t want to try to read them in dribs and drabs.  I can imagine that for some folks this may have been an impediment, resulting in them finding this all just too much work to consume.  I.e., TL;DR.  But you can’t please everyone, and there’s lots of much shorter, less demanding stuff out there, so I don’t think you ought to be overly troubled by that.

5. Was there a lackluster chapter or point where the series floundered and lost its way?

The final chapter didn’t do much for me. 

6. What did you think of the ending?

Meh.  Yet another vanilla sunshine-and-rainbows happy ending.  Every bit as implausible as it is predictable in these sorts of stories.

7. What was the worst chapter?

They’re all well-written, but I’ll say it’s the conclusion for all the reasons mentioned above.

8. What was the best chapter?

Chapter 3 had the most payoff for me.

9. Do you feel the series ran its course and reached a satisfying conclusion?

I think the story did effectively run its course, but, as I’ve described above, that course is not one I find particularly satisfying. 

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THANKS buddy! I'm thankful that you read it. I responded in full over in my deviant art journal, since you posted there as well (Thanks) Really taking to heart what you said about inserting a darker tone. Something I've realized as I've started writing myself is that as long as it isn't overboard -- like the character explodes or is murdered or dies under the weight of their own fat or something awful like that -- then darker makes for much more interesting reading.

Some of my favorite books series that I read in the last decade were the Simon Green Nightside series and the Anita Blake series (the first 2/3 of the series at least) and in both cases the heroes also had incredibly dark halves... like so dark that they were close to being the villain. The only saving grace was the villains were darker by far than they were. It made them all interesting as characters. It made for interesting stories. as i said over in deviant art, I'm a glass half full type of dude, so that realization didn't come to me right away but after writing this series I can see how a little higher stakes and a dark side to the events could have made the story better as a whole. Thanks for the commentary and the review. 

Doesnt look like too many people have read through to the end though. If you drop by to read, please speak up, at least for Berserker1133's incredible illustrations. That last one is absolutely amazing!!!!

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6 hours ago, Avacadodo said:

THANKS buddy! I'm thankful that you read it.

My pleasure!  Looking back at what I wrote, I hope I didn't come across as too harsh.  I did enjoy reading the story, and I really do think you have a lot of talent for this.  It's my enthusiasm for it that makes me interested enough to comment in the first place.  And yeah, regarding the tone and conflict and such, while he might have oversold it just a bit, I do think William Faulkner was on to something when said "the only thing worth writing about is the human heart in conflict with itself."  

I'll bet a lot more folks have read the entirety of the story than are responding either here or on DeviantArt.  It might also take a few weeks to catch the stragglers who perhaps would be very inclined to read and comment but just haven't yet found the time. 

 

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I really just go with my gut when it comes to names. What sounds and feels right for the character. The naming is something of an extension of the character creation itself. In this case every character changed names at least once. I remember coming across a first draft of chapter 1 where every character had a name that Didn't "fit". It made me chuckle. 

And no, you did not come across too harsh. I sincerely appreciate the feed back! 

All that being said, the Spanish nickname I gave Daniela and thereafter abandoned, meant "little bird." The caged bird she was drawing at the beginning of the tale reflected herself and her feelings about her own state of being. 

I don't imagine these feelings were conscious but they were true. Her tattoo also reflected this aspect of herself and as her arms got fatter and the tattoo expanded the small sparrow grew into a fatter looking bird as well. This also reflected the growth of Daniela.

Initially I planned on there being a Spanish nick name of "little bird" and change that to "chubby bird" or something along those lines. I abandoned those ideas because I'm not a native Spanish speaker and I felt the point was being communicated well enough without the additional metaphor and imagery.

The disadvantage of posting chapters while you write, can't redact something once it's up.

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