Summer of the Belly

[riptoryx]

This is an excellently-written story!  Shame on you for keeping that talent squirreled away for as long as you have!

The pacing and narrow focus really gives the two characters room to breathe and develop within the span of the short story--it feels just right.  I also enjoyed the physical descriptions of Caroline's disproportionately fattened figure.  They're evocative and tantalizing, without any unnecessary gushing or repetition.  Writing like that requires a good measure of patience and care--perhaps even more so in erotica than elsewhere.  Your effort shows!

The overall tone of the story isn't quite 100% on point for my own peculiar kinks, but that's strictly a subjective criticism, and one I make only because it is in fact so darn close.  In any event, it certainly didn't hinder my appreciation for the appealing mix of bashful insecurity and lusty, wickedly-helpless hedonism you portrayed in Caroline.  I liked how both of these sentiments remained in tension, even while swelling into ever fuller exposure as the story progressed--right along with the captivating, shamefully bulging, fattened belly that has become a literal monument of Caroline's semi-willing surrender to guilty overindulgence.  I think that sort of conflicted, dueling balance between shame and pleasure lies at the heart of what many of us find most arousing about this sort of stuff.  

On a nitpicking level, who is the owner of the house in which Caroline is staying:  "Mrs. Robin"  or "Mrs. Taylor" or both?  You reference these two names in the text, but only once each.  I wasn't sure if that was an error or not.

Again, I think you did a great job, and I guess doubly so for this being a freshman effort.  Our pervy little community can only benefit from having more writers like you, who are willing and able to put such care into making a polished product.  Much respect for your courteous tip-of-the-hat to other writers who have influenced you, too.  It's no real secret that such recognition can be a hugely important motivational reward for the tremendous effort of good creative writing.  I wish more folks did the same.      

If you've got more stories in you like this one, I say bring 'em on!