Problems with a fetish (and also stuff about a girl I know)

[Miners666]

This is somewhat similar to a thread started the other day but...

I've been thinking recently in general how is it just me or does everyone just make do in relationships? I mean there are like 7 billion people in the world and chances are 1 of them will be the absolute perfect person for you but your chances of meeting them are so small does everyone just settle for 2nd (of 3rd or 10th or 100th etc) best?

In more specific terms if your ideal woman is a very rare body shape, like my ultimate ideal is Mal Malloy (though for me it kinda varies wildly from Sinn Sage and Tessa Fowler to Mal Malloy and London Andrews but whatever), then your chances of being in a relationship with someone like that is incredibly unlikely.

I suppose what I'm getting at is all my other guy friends like skinny women, now when they face rejection or break up the expression 'there's plenty more fish in the sea' is true, it is more than likely they will meet someone else with a personality they love and a body type they desire... but for guys who are into bigger women, especially ones who are more interested in smaller waists and proportionally much larger asses/hips, boobs, thighs or all, that isn't true.

Would you say it therefore means that unless you're lucky you're almost predetermined to either be alone or have to 'settle'?

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I have a cold so I think this all sounded better in my head , anyway, in relation to a girl I know; I've known her for years and liked her since meeting back when she was 126lbs (she also says she's 5'7" but pretty sure she's 5'5½" (I'm a freak, I care about measurements okay )) with a 24" waist and 38" ass, and always embarrassed over her disproportionate butt... I asked her out but lets just say that didn't go well... at all...

We've stayed (not overly close) friends and over the years she's gone up to 161lbs (28"-44") and gave up on wearing trousers after half her ass always being on display when sitting and once tearing off the belt loops trying to pull them on. To recently officially being obese (so around 200lbs for her height) with a ridiculous 50"+ ass, eating 1400ml or Ben & Jerry's a week and never feeling full. From her comments I'd guess her waist is around 33" and despite being obese has only just started getting a belly (she was just getting thick before). She is also very open into talking about her body and her weight, and might actually be into gaining.

Pretty sure everyone will have stopped caring by now, but my point is is that she is the closest thing to a perfect woman I will know (in more than just her body obviously but I've rambled enough) but she will probably never see me in the same way, and there is a permanent queue of guys after her anyway, but I've never been able to get over her and I've sort of come to the conclusion that because of this... niche... preference I may never be happy.

Has anyone else had any thoughts as stupid as insane as these? Or somehow come to similar conclusions? Or am I just over thinking about it too much?

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TL;DR

A couple of candid photos:

Edit: Not sure why one of the photos got attached twice...

[Serfontein]

Yep exactly the same here, maybe without the perfect girl in sight though.

I can't bring myself to settle so have been alone a long time. There are very few overweight girls in my age-range here, almost all of them are more broad shoulders big chested.. the opposite of what I like. Again further divided since most overweight girls here are also smokers, poorly educated, very short, don't make any attempt to look pretty, covered in tattoos/piercings and flat out don't have a pretty faces.

Once you filter through all those personally perceived negatives, finding a really good girl from what's left is very hard.

Anyway two things;

Before the internet it wasn't finding someone in 7billion it was finding one from the few 100 that lived in your town. Things are changing, we are the first generation that will be living in a global civilization thanks to the internet.

You could attempt to ask her out again. I don't how long ago it was or how much contact with her you have now. But you'd have to remove yourself from her life for a while and reintroduce yourself to it as a man she'd want to have a relationship with. It's very possible to pull it off.

[hiro]

A lot of people aren't that picky. They find lots of people attractive, so they go with someone who has a compatible personality and similar life goals. Most people are not having sex with someone who is close to their physical ideal. Most people have sex with someone who has one or more features that disgusts them. Dealing with it and working out problems are the ways to spend most of your life in a secure relationship and successfully raising a family.

Doesn't sound like fun to me. I'd rather be alone than having mediocre sex and constantly dealing with annoyances.

You can find a woman who is awesome and has only a few major flaws. If you want to be able to date a woman like that, you have to make yourself more attractive. Get really good at something, be passionate about things, be confident, present yourself well, and make enough money to be more than comfortable. Otherwise, learn to be less picky.

[Miners666]

You can find a woman who is awesome and has only a few major flaws. If you want to be able to date a woman like that, you have to make yourself more attractive. Get really good at something, be passionate about things, be confident, present yourself well, and make enough money to be more than comfortable. Otherwise, learn to be less picky.

Slightly off topic but that's something else I've been thinking about... why is it guys have to prove their worth? Not to get too progressive

I mean I agree with you, but I'm an attractive but not at all confidant guy which has held me back in pretty much every aspect of life and various crap over the years has only made is worse...

Either way it's something I'm trying to work on and starting my own business, but at the moment I'm an:

Attractive, intelligent, thoughtful, un-confident, unambitious guy with no money whom women avoid.

Yet if I was an:

Attractive, intelligent, thoughtful, un-confident, unambitious guy with amazing financial security whom women suddenly love... then do I want women like that?

It's a catch-22 problem, I keep telling myself when I get my own place and therefore the money required that goes with all that I will be in a better position to ask someone out; but if that person wouldn't go out with me despite the only difference being my bank balance then that's... bullshit.

Yet a quick Google search immediately shows that's the world we live in... loving this 'Patriarchy' :-X

But I get what your saying, if you want somebody you believe to be flawless you have to be flawless to them... especially if they also believe themselves to be flawless...

[Ryan Lochete]

I assume you live in the Uk from the way everyone is dressed at a bar or if you live in united states a northern state. Anyways this is a lifestyle choice, but then again personality can be just as attractive I prefer chubby/fat girls with specific races and necessary features, but I also like personality so I can also be attracted to skinnier ladies who are nice and I can click with.

If you like this girl, just ask her out or slyly be like 'why didn't we ever date?' make her ask herself why she isn't with you. Whatever she says just rebuff it playfully or hell just ask her out jokingly/seriously out on a date upfront. I mean if you're chasing the booty you need to take some risks. Just don't come off creepy lol

[mrgosh]

First of all, Birdzero, that's a fine lady.

As for Miners' comments, I can sympathize.  But keep in mind that you're probably joined by the majority of the male population (and probably the female population for that matter).  Most of what everybody wants is a somewhat unattainable body type (Curvage members' version of that just happens to be different from mainstream).  Maybe you've had a lot of girlfriends, but I'm guessing maybe not based on your comments about confidence.  It's funny how when a woman is an abstract thing, you tend to be picky.  Maybe you're even using your preference to keep you in a comfortable place and use it as an excuse not to seek out other women.  I'll tell you, when you're with someone that you care for you will tend to find their body type more attractive.  For example, I was never much of an ass guy until I started dating my wife who had a relatively bigger one for her size.  And that person might help you out too.  I'm turned on by weight gain and my wife doesn't really want to go very far down that road, but she does compromise by not getting super skinny and when we're getting frisky she'll usually create a good illusion that she has gained or is gaining weight.

I'm not trying to brag, but I'm telling you it's never perfect and it doesn't truly need to be to have a good relationship and be happy.  Don't let that be an impediment, and put yourself out there.  You'll get more confident with time because you'll realize you have nothing to be timid about.  Also, don't put too much mental effort into one woman unless she starts to put some mental effort into you!

Just my thoughts.

[hiro]

why is it guys have to prove their worth? ...

Guys don't always have to prove it with money. That is just a common thing women respond to, in the way that men respond to looks. If you have a great personality or are super funny or are a talented artist, there are physically ideal women who would want to be with you, even if you have roommates and no car. But dating is a numbers game, and it is easier to get lucky with money.

It is better to be less picky than to be with a woman who likes you for your money, imo.

In terms of the Patriarchy, think of it this way. Men have the option of becoming more confident, impressive, and rich. If a woman wants to have more success in dating, she pretty much has to become better looking, which is not an option for everyone.

[Guest An Optimist]

Pretty sure everyone will have stopped caring by now, but my point is is that she is the closest thing to a perfect woman I will know (in more than just her body obviously but I've rambled enough) but she will probably never see me in the same way, and there is a permanent queue of guys after her anyway, but I've never been able to get over her and I've sort of come to the conclusion that because of this... niche... preference I may never be happy.

Everyone has a set point of happiness. which can't be shifted. Even if you managed to snag her, you'd probably not get to be significantly happier afterwards. (Unless you are unhappy now about being single)

However, if you're unhappy you are not going to snag any woman, because no one likes unhappy people. And if you are happy, snagging one won't make you happier. It'll make your life better, more complicated but you'll be more content, as long as it lasts.

[Miners666]

Well thanks for the comments guys, I feel a lot better actually just writing it and putting it out there somehow

It's been years since I asked her out the first time, so no reason to not ask her straight again rather than tying myself in knots. I suppose it's somewhat difficult being around someone who is playing into your exact fantasy fetish fuel... but whatever the outcome at least I can say I tried, and actually move on with my life.

As An Optimist implied, in a less cliché way, you have to love yourself for anyone to love you, trying to fill that void with someone else's energy isn't going to work (easier said than done I suppose)... though I guess it could work if 2 people fed off each other, like an emotional symbiotic relationship I suppose, hypothetically.

Anyway, I guess I'll just see what happens

[SRS1998]

As for the whole confidence and money thing... It just takes the right girl, and a specific man's personality.... If you're "broken" dont go searching for a girl who is confident... search for a chubby little cutie with confidence issues. I swear to you, if you show an insecure girl you care once? She'll care forever. ESPECIALLY if she's had her heart played with one too many times. They of course have to find you attractive to, but as long as you're nice? they could care less about confidence and will do ANYTHING u ask (In my experience, at least.)

Current girl AND now feedee (they'll do anything for you) is short, shy, chubby, MASSIVE ass, and has been played too many times to count. She met me, told her she was cute, she told me I was cute too, and once I gave her the love and affection and good attention to her body and weight, and soft spots, she was head over damn heals. She has trust issues, but she's the most faithful thing ive ever come across. They don't care about if you hate yourself and want to die- hell, they'll build up your confidence all day! - they are the most reliable type women i've ever come across. So if this doesn't work out, that's my suggestion for you; get an emotionally broken girl and nurture her. She will love you forever and let you do ANYTHING you want to them. There are real women out here - they're the ones that havent been put on a pedastle all day.

[Miners666]

Just to update this.

I got shot down again a couple of months back, she seems more interested in getting back with her ex; and fucking every random guy who isn't me.

Either way we hung out last night and she not so subtlety made sure I knew we were "only friends" and "that ship has sailed a long time ago", and the idea "is a joke". So... feel pretty shit this morning.

I don't know how I'm meant to not be obsessed with and get over someone who has gone from Sinn Sage>London Andrews>Randalin. I think it's essentially when she gains weight it goes to her ass first then everywhere else, then she'll lose weight when it starts going to her belly but nothing comes of her butt so her yoyo/fad dieting has basically constantly increased the size of her ass.

I guess I got to see her and another girl compare ass sizes, bearing in mind one of her cheeks is bigger than average women's whole ass, and that she wants to get fitter as getting out of breath and sweating during sex from the efforts of shifting her lower half isn't a good look.

I figured, since my chances are dead, I had nothing to lose so tried to take a couple more candids:

 

 

[Guest]

Do you have female friends?

Because women usually have female friends... Thus being friends with women will open up the number of women uou know...

[extra_m13]

it happens... we can only try and try until it goes our way someday

[Guest An Optimist]

Stop giving a fuck about her without being actively nasty towards her, and who knows. Maybe pigs will fly and you'll get to pork the slut and also get herpes like everyone who does.

 

[Guest MUSEic]

Maybe the fact that you're actively taking sneaky candids of her and uploading them to this site has something to do with the why she isn't romantically interested in you. Seriously, even if she hasn't noticed, chances are unless you're really a great actor (which I assume you're not based on your lack of success so far) you probably come off as either shifty or just not quite dating material to her. Believe it or not, girls tend to know somethings up even when they don't know what's up.

Anyways, lesson's learned. You got desperate, you blew it, move on. Life is a lot better when you don't wager your happiness on getting with someone who is transiently your dream girl.