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Catsftw123

How do you deal with it?

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Ok, this being the lifestyle discussion section, let's discuss. I'm a FA, like many of you here. I'm relatively open about it, and don't feel ashamed about what I'm attracted to. But I still have some issues. I've dated girls that ranged from "chubby" up to about 280 lbs. I find a pretty wide range of women attractive. There's been several girls 300, 350, even close to 400 that I would have LOVED to have a chance with. But I didn't pursue. The reason being that although I'm in love with their size, I would feel terrible for it. I'm loving something that is ridiculously unhealthy for them. And don't try to deny it because we all know it's true. Being that big will not keep you in good health as long as being fit. And although watching my girlfriend get bigger and bigger may turn me on, it hurts me at the same time. Once all the "urges" are dealt with and my hormones have calmed, I find myself wondering if doing this to her makes me a bad person. "Feeding" her bad habits. So my question to anyone in the same situation is this:

Have you dealt with this problem?

If so, how?

And anything else you want to weigh in on. I've come to terms with my preferences. I'm hoping you guys can help me enjoy the full range of them.

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Look, being fat does not cause illness and death. It increases the risk of it. This is a subtle but very important distinction. Since it is a matter of risk, it is simply an issue of mitigating that risk.

Look at it this way. Imagine you were dating a skydiver. That person's lifestyle choices put them at significantly higher risk of dying than somebody else. Every time they jump out of an airplane they risk it all, but there are steps they take to mitigate that risk. They get great satisfaction from doing what they do, and making them stop would be taking away an important part of their life.

Now you, as this person's significant other, are understandably concerned for their health and well being. But if you simply demanded that they stop doing this thing that is enjoyable and deeply satisfying, nobody ends up happy. But it is possible to be supportive while showing that you love and care for them by  helping and encouraging them to take the steps to mitigate the risks as much as possible.

The skydiving analogy can be taken one step further. You have to make sure that the person doing the risky behavior is doing so because they enjoy it first, and you are simply sharing in that enjoyment. The creeper FA who secretly sabotages their girlfriend's diet even though she explicitly says she doesn't want to gain weight is like somebody just pushing another out of an airplane because they think skydivers are hot. Not a good idea at all.

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Look, being fat does not cause illness and death. It increases the risk of it. This is a subtle but very important distinction. Since it is a matter of risk, it is simply an issue of mitigating that risk.

Look at it this way. Imagine you were dating a skydiver. That person's lifestyle choices put them at significantly higher risk of dying than somebody else. Every time they jump out of an airplane they risk it all, but there are steps they take to mitigate that risk. They get great satisfaction from doing what they do, and making them stop would be taking away an important part of their life.

Now you, as this person's significant other, are understandably concerned for their health and well being. But if you simply demanded that they stop doing this thing that is enjoyable and deeply satisfying, nobody ends up happy. But it is possible to be supportive while showing that you love and care for them by  helping and encouraging them to take the steps to mitigate the risks as much as possible.

The skydiving analogy can be taken one step further. You have to make sure that the person doing the risky behavior is doing so because they enjoy it first, and you are simply sharing in that enjoyment. The creeper FA who secretly sabotages their girlfriend's diet even though she explicitly says she doesn't want to gain weight is like somebody just pushing another out of an airplane because they think skydivers are hot. Not a good idea at all.

Totally agree with bluetech.. there's people who die from eating a shrimp and those who spend their lives risking it all and end up dying being 90 years old xD just enjoy your relationship if she enjoys it as well..

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1. Mitigate risk

2. Don't be pushy

3. Remember it's not only you who makes choices

4. Be honest about your desires

5. If your SO takes a risk, make it worth it

6. Take risks for your SO too

That'd be a few ideas put shortly (I had my typical long post ready but my browser hung on me).

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All of the above advice, but you also seem to be deciding they're health/habits and they're stance on it before getting to know them. They could be healthy and active, but they're body tends to be bigger. They could be borderline on some issue and happy and mitigating it themselves. They're full people that you're dismissing because of a societal prejudice that you've bought into. Every body works a little differently and the outside never tells the full story.

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Yeah, I'd say that contrary to myth, feeders as well as feedees are often conflicted about this stuff. All you can do is be open and discuss the risks and various scenarios that could occur.

I had a gf who didn't want to gain but knew how I felt. Plus she liked to eat anyway. She gained over 20 lbs while we were together. I even felt a bit guilty about that. Sure was fun though...

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Guest justvisiting

You're shunning girls based upon their appearance.  Unless you have in fact ascertained that they're diseased or sickly, you can't actually know the status of their health.  Every person is different.  From the way things sound, it seems as if you've fallen into the misconception that all very fat women are self-destructive persons who have given up on live a good, healthy life and would rather gorge themselves to an early grave.  Don't oversimplify a person.

It's not an especially difficult problem.  Either don't date very big women or do.  If you do and find that they're health is faltering, be honest and communicate your concern.  Generally speaking, most people don't want to be sick or die, so chances are they'll feel the same concern as you.

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@OP

I have no solution, but I just wanted to say that I share this conflict. I disagree with people comparing it to skydiving etc. because in essence, being turned on by WG means that you are turned on by something your significant other cannot sustain. You (and I) put our partners under the crazy pressure that we want something they (even if they gave it everything) could never offer us (in a sustainable manner).

And its not just "oh, she gained 20lbs. and it was fun." she is under the pressure to change her appearance, to satisfy us.  Imagine if you were turned on by weight loss. I think most of us would be disgusted by a person asking their partner to loose weight, because we'd find that more attractive. I really have trouble seeing where we (I) are any better.

I don't really think there is a solution (though shunning fat chicks most certainly is not the right solution :-D...)

How I deal with it? I talk about it with my gf. Have we figured out the perfect way to do things? No.

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@OP

I have no solution, but I just wanted to say that I share this conflict. I disagree with people comparing it to skydiving etc. because in essence, being turned on by WG means that you are turned on by something your significant other cannot sustain. You (and I) put our partners under the crazy pressure that we want something they (even if they gave it everything) could never offer us (in a sustainable manner).

And its not just "oh, she gained 20lbs. and it was fun." she is under the pressure to change her appearance, to satisfy us.  Imagine if you were turned on by weight loss. I think most of us would be disgusted by a person asking their partner to loose weight, because we'd find that more attractive. I really have trouble seeing where we (I) are any better.

Well, as much as I understand the reasoning behind the above, I wouldn't say it applies universally. Many of us here don't force or ask our partners to gain weight, unless you count a sort of unsaid pressure consisting in them knowing what we like (if they do). Not sure about others, but I am quite satisfied with how my wife is now. I mean, I don't feel a lack of any kind, so to say. I do fantasize about her getting bigger, but it's not a goal or something and I don't do much to further it. I suppose things might be more problematic for guys for are more about the weight gain as a process - since that simply can't go on indefinitely and constant yoyoing is not the best idea either.

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Fat shaming and fat hate is something very common in our society. It's perfectly ok to make fun of fat people and blame all kinds of things in excess weight. Doctors aren't immune to it, they're same people as you and me and they have their biases and judge just like anyone else, except their wear a lab coat and so whatever they say is somehow perceived as official. Just remember, over the years doctors were sayin all kinds of things that were flat out wrong, at one point radiation was thought to be good for you... So ....

Being overweight might put you at an increased risk for whatever, but most of the time it's a very small percentage, like if you're fat you have a 3% higher chance of whatever, but then people make it a correlation  and assume that if you're fat you get whatever 100% of the time. And then doctors perpetuate that view because they are trying to combat the "obesity" epidemic. Everyone's got their their own anterior motives. The fact is there's a lot more to it than weight alone, and in my experience the most unhealthy people I know are all skinny. All the fat girls I've known were always told that they are unhealthy slobs while they were actually totally fine, good blood pressure, cholesterol, they were like models of health.

What you SHOULD worry about more is her mental health. Being fat is hard. People WILL be mean to her. They will assume her weight is somehow their business, they will assume she is stupid, ugly and lazy. It will be IMPOSSIBLE to find good looking clothes that fit, which will further undermine her self esteem. She will be bombarded with all kinds of bullshit and assholes trying to tell her she is inferior. That's going to be the hard part, not some imaginary made up health concerns or whatever that may or may not affect her. This shit is going to be real and in your face and part of your every day. In my opinion THAT is what's hard about dating a BBw and especially an ssbbw. Being a woman is hard, and being a woman who defies societal norms is even harder.

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