Relationship Stalemate

[Guest Steepledee]

Hello all.

I'm not sure why I've created an account and decided to post a topic on your forums. I am not a part of this community really at all. I have just kinda been thrown into this.

Here is a little back story:

Boyfriend and I have been together for several years. At the end of our first year together I found out he has a weight gaining fetish. I accepted the challenge and successfully put on about 20lbs in a year. I am very skinny. I am a size 4. I told him recently that I no longer wish to take part in any gaining/stuffing. I had an epiphany and realized that I should change for no one. Now I'm pretty much back to "old" me. I was so happy to see him enjoy my body when I was slightly softer but I felt disgusting. I've always had self esteem issues. So changing for someone else's enjoyment made me feel not so great.

Now I feel great again.. just not in his eyes. I feel I am no longer sexy to him. (He's a member here I believe) I worry and am so insanely jealous that he flocks to images/videos of larger women playing with their bellies.  I feel like I'll never satisfy him as long as I am skinny. I wish I would have never found out about this fetish. God damn it.

It's not like I'm hiding these issues from him either. This issue is brought up every now and then always ending with both of us throwing our hands in the air saying "I don't know what the hell to do."

He is trying to "get rid of the fetish" but I know that is impossible. You can't just get rid of something like this.

We love each other immensely. We are seriously perfect together except for this g'damn problem.

We have a healthy sex life. But there is always the heaviness in my heart that says, "I know he wishes I were bigger"

I know I'm kind of being a crazy girlfriend.. I just need advice.  I just want to feel better.  I'm not even sure what I'm asking. I'm probably in the wrong place.. Even on the wrong website. I think I'm kinda hoping he reads this. There's just some things I can't express verbally to his sweet face.

I need solutions people and am open to all suggestions!

[gricha]

I don't think you're a crazy girlfriend. It's natural to have doubts and express them, and to want to feel good in a relationship. I also don't think you're on the wrong website, it's quite the contrary, we certainly have members here that have lived similar experience, and some that share that fetish but had relationships with skinny girls, that can give advice.

I personally haven't lived that, so I won't say much. But somehow, listening to what you have to say, and while I understand your concern and how it can painfully make you doubt, I have the impression that you have a solid relationship that can survive to that issue. You wouldn't have a healthy sex life otherwise (and the relation would probably have blown up already).

But then, that's just my feeling upon reading you. I'll let those who have real advice speak now.

[Guest Steepledee]

Yes! I definitely need to hear from someone who is a feeder or is a weight gain fetishist with a skinny girlfriend. Thank you for your input and yes, I'm confident that we're gonna put this behind us someday.

[extra_m13]

if its not for you nothing will ever make it work...

[jakemcduck]

Some people have a nurse outfit 'fetish'.  That doesn't mean you're not hot if you're not wearing a nurse outfit.

It sounds to me like you're letting your insecurities interfere with your intimacy.  If you've been together several years it's time to verbally express whatever you're feeling to his sweet face and get it out in the open. 

Also I don't think it's fair to yourself to say you changed for someone else's enjoyment.  Think of it as an experimenting.  You tried on the 'nurse outfit' and it wasn't for you . . . now life goes on.

[Serfontein]

It's late here, so I shall keep this short but may not express all I want to get across.

Sounds like you have a great relationship with only this one little obstacle. As with most things in a relationship a compromise is what's needed. The compromise that I can see at this late hour is to keep it merely as a role play or fantasy for him if that is something you're okay with doing. Obviously don't lie to him and make it very clear from the outset that you have no intention of putting on weight.

It should be enough to keep him happy without actually having to put on weight, heck a lot of the weight gain models that people pay to see are selling a fantasy.

Hopefully that was coherent-I'm about to fall asleep here.

[Guest Phd281]

I wish I would have never found out about this fetish.

Most likely you both are in your early twenties from what I've read.

If you were skinny when he started dating you he probably got hooked on your personality among other things. On the one hand yeah you can't get people to change for you it never ever works, with that being said I wouldn't wait around trying to change your mind about how this isn't a fetish it's a way of perceiving life so frankly I'd end the relationship and move on.  BUT obviously he must love you still or at least wants the relationship to work out. Hence why he hasn't just called it off. 

[somebodyson]

if he is happy with you then congrats because he sees you as more than an object at the end of the day.

However, it's not helping matters for you to be back and forth about your feelings about your size because if he is accepting you and you made a decision to "not change for anyone" then you need to be committed to that decision and accept yourself.

If you can figure out something that can get him excited in the way he was when you were gaining weigh then I think you and him would really be better off in the long run. because it sounds like this will develop into a passive-aggressive insecurity that he will get blamed for and that's not fair since he's being accepting of your decision.

[Guest Steepledee]

Reading these different perspectives is very helpful.

[SayHelloToMyLittleFriend]

I need solutions

There isn't one any better than just putting up with it. He'll always like what he likes, you'll always dislike it. Not every problem has a solution, and this is one such case.

[Brutenga]

Just to chime in with the tone of LittleFriend a little bit, Every guy watches porn of some sort, every guy. Even when in a relationship. It's not that we're dissatisfied it's just what we do. I wouldn't take it personally. Just yesterday a friend of my gf and I was telling my gf what her bf likes to watch. I'm just saying this to try and alleviate a little tension on that concern.

[zomgbbw]

As others have pointed out, it sounds like your relationship is based on more than your body, and he is not so obsessed that it is ruining your sex life. Not all fetishes need to be played out in reality. Sometimes fantasy is enough to satisfy a fetish. In some cases (rape fetishes, for example), it is illegal and horrific to make them reality. I believe it can be healthy to learn to be satisfied with fantasy.

Personally, I find heavier women more attractive, but I would not encourage someone to put their health at risk to satisfy my fetish. My significant other is currently working on losing weight and becoming more fit. I encourage her and join in her efforts. I love her body as it is, but I care more about her health. I also found her quite attractive at a healthier weight.

[Bob7177]

Heh, I think you sound like my girlfriend a little bit.

She understands I like bellies, but she said if she ever got chubby/fat she would feel awful. I'll be honest, her telling me that makes me feel awful, but what would also make me feel awful is if she changed herself for me if she didn't feel the same way, wasn't happy about it and made her insecure.

She has gained some weight, probably gone unoticed to her unless I point it out, she doesn't seem bothered, and generally interested in her belly too, as it's a fair size - but you just hit the nail on the head when you said, "I don't like the fact he comes on this website to look at bigger women playing with their bellies" and thats the problem, he will do that if his fetish/interest/what ever you want to call it is strong enough, and yes you cannot change him and it'd be wrong for him to force himself to change it as it should be what it should be, but that goes for you as well, if your not happy, your not happy and shouldn't make yourself that way. My girlfriend doesn't know I go on these sites, she can tell I watch porn & it's definitely bigger women, I did own up to looking at belly specific stuff, but I didn't go into great detail as seriously, she hates porn and everything to do with it, she thinks it's pointless and being a little unloyal, obviously I object. Every man does it, as mentioned before above in someones post. I can't really describe why we do, its not like we aren't happy with our girlfriends, it's just a kink... even if the girlfriends we have actually were big, and really into it as well, we would still come on here and the internet and watch porn, of course we would, it's human nature.... or men nature, either one lol.

Good luck to both of you I hope we have answered good enough... but I can understand what you are feeling, and definitely what your boyfriend is feeling. It's tough. Wish I could tell my girlfriend that, but she wouldn't understand as anything my eyes lay on that turns me on which isn't her is not her liking..