clichéd post on telling my girlfriend

[Jtg987]

Hi all,

I dont really post much however I have been having some conflicting thoughts and honestly am not comfortable talking about it with friends.

I have been in a relationship with a girl for almost 3 years - in that period she has probably put on 10kg(22lbs) give or take a few lbs. At first I was a little put off by her inactivity,  it seems like all she does is go out for food with her friends and drink (I rarely drink).

A few months back I noticed she had put on some weight and actually liked the way it looked/felt. I did tell her I liked her tummy (she says she doesnt like it). However, I am curious and turned on by the fact of if she gains more weight.

I do believe it would enrich our lives in the bedroom, recently we went away and had ribs at an amazing resturaunt and she overate, it was at this point the idea was in my head. I had never wanted her more than at this point.

I am hesistant to tell her as I lead a very active lifestyle and compete as a bodybuilder and part of me wishes she lived a similar lifestyle.

However, remembering that night where she overate I find that I want to tell her that I like the weight she has put on and would like her to put more on.

My girlfriend is turning 27 in a few months, I doubt she weighs more than 180lbs at 5'8.

Any advice on how to approach this topic/speak to my girlfriend regarding this?

[Brutenga]

It seems easier to approach in the bedroom but many people will tell you many different things. Realistically, it wouldn't be as nail biting if you just made hints here and there like encourage eating habits or be playful about it like saying to her, "you look like you could use some desert." or something to that effect. Or even when your in the bedroom and things are starting to heat up a little you can pay attention to her belly and grab it along with other parts that have plumped up and just say, "i like your little tummy." especially if she just says how she doesn't like it or whatever. She could be just saying that because shes unsure how you feel about it (since you're very fit) or she actually doesn't like it. Either way, you'll find out when you make your little comments here and there. I would honestly keep it playful and light hearted. I've seen advice given that basically instructs people to sit your significant other down and have this long serious conversation about it like its some kind of intervention or something. I think that puts pressure and gives a negative tone to the whole thing. Your just exploring each others sexual preferences not trying to convince someone they need rehab. Just test the waters and do little things like playful comments or actions during intimate moments like rubbing, caressing, squeezing. Shes not gonna run away screaming, if anything she'll just not be into and let you know just that. Ultimately my advice is: just keep it natural.

[Serfontein]

Question:

And forgive my blunt language; did you like fat girls before going out with her? I mean it's not clear from what I read that you might just have discovered that fact about yourself now that she has put on a little weight.

But yeah, I agree with all of the above. Just be nonchalant about it.

[Jtg987]

Question:

And forgive my blunt language; did you like fat girls before going out with her? I mean it's not clear from what I read that you might just have discovered that fact about yourself now that she has put on a little weight.

But yeah, I agree with all of the above. Just be nonchalant about it.

Id say thick girls with huge boobs i.e leanne crowe but not fat  girls.

I have been subtle with touchy her tummy and such but I may try the desert thing more often.

[Guest Phd281]

At first I thought you may have been a little conflicted from reading what you wrote, but then I realized you probably wrote this from your phone which would explain the gaps.

You really shouldn't be worried at all. If you truly have been dating your significant other for 3 years, you shouldn't feel like you need to hide your feelings about her weight from her. I told my gf within the first 3 months of dating, and the relationship lasted a year (split up for unrelated reasons), however you really should tell her in an intimate setting. In bed would be good, don't do it around other people that's just awkward. 

If you want her to gain more weight mention it depending on her initial reaction.

[Jtg987]

At first I thought you may have been a little conflicted from reading what you wrote, but then I realized you probably wrote this from your phone which would explain the gaps.

You really shouldn't be worried at all. If you truly have been dating your significant other for 3 years, you shouldn't feel like you need to hide your feelings about her weight from her. I told my gf within the first 3 months of dating, and the relationship lasted a year (split up for unrelated reasons), however you really should tell her in an intimate setting. In bed would be good, don't do it around other people that's just awkward. 

If you want her to gain more weight mention it depending on her initial reaction.

Yep caught me typing on my phone. I choose not to use a pc when at home.

[Voluptuouslover]

Brutenga brought up a perfect way to approach your situation.

I think that your girlfriend has been doing a pretty good job gaining weight on her own without even mentioning it (Eating and drinking all the time).  If you want her to gain more then.... just let her know you appreciate her body and it's changes with subtle gestures and affection like Brutenga mentioned previously. The affection part is pretty easy because if your like me you won't be able to stop caressing and softly touching all of her precious new curves and rounded body parts.  Believe me women pick up on the extra attention.  I think she will continue to keep gaining more weight in the near future because it is hard to slow down your eating after you get to a point where you can eat a lot.......you require a lot of food and fattening food at that......and it sound's like your girl is there.  But eventually she will want to diet probably and that's where you will need to decide to figure out the situation whether you want her to keep getting fatter or you don't mind if she loses a little weight.  For me,  once I see all the beautiful weight piling on my wives figure it becomes so intoxicating how damn sexy she feels and looks and I just want her to continue gaining more and the thought of her losing any Lbs. makes me slightly sad.  For me ......the more weight my wife gains she just keeps looking sexier and sexier to me.  Unfortunately she usually gets to a a point with her weight gain where she puts her foot down and diets to lose some weight,  even though I discuss it with her and tell her how much I love all her extra weight, she does not ....mostly because of societal brain warping pressure and how she views she is supposed to look.

Hopefully everything works out exactly how both of you would like it to work out.....keep us posted with the progress with everything.

[Jtg987]

I guess I should update this thread.

Well I never told her my feelings....

She has probably put on another 5lbs since the initial post.

We are about to holiday in the u.s.a for a month so no doubt she will continue to put on weight.

Ive essentially realized if I keep food around she likes i.e peanut butter cups and we go out for dinner a couple times a week she will continue to gain.

When we used to sleep she would flinch when id put my hand on her stomach now she puts it there if im not tpuching her vs her boobs.

She doesnt flinch when I touch her stomach during sex either.

Another benefit is her boobs have gone from a small e to almost an f cup, being a boob guy this has bettered our sex life.

I do feel like at times I should tell her but she hasnt given me a reason to mention anything. She quickly brought up she should diet before going to America but it was a fleeting 5 second thought.

[Ellie01]

I think maybe you should tell her? Let her in a bit, the girl is your girlfriend remember?

There's definitely more fun to be had if she actually knows what turns you on...way more fun than leaving peanut butter cups lying around and hoping for the best, anyway.

My boyfriend told me about his feeder thing and I totally got onboard.

Not trying to gain hundreds of pounds, but definitely playing up to it more than I would if I didn't know anything.

[Jtg987]

I think maybe you should tell her? Let her in a bit, the girl is your girlfriend remember?

There's definitely more fun to be had if she actually knows what turns you on...way more fun than leaving peanut butter cups lying around and hoping for the best, anyway.

My boyfriend told me about his feeder thing and I totally got onboard.

Not trying to gain hundreds of pounds, but definitely playing up to it more than I would if I didn't know anything.

While I do agree with you, I am not sure she would share my feelings on it.

[lostonline040]

I was just thinking about this this morning. My wife wife hasn't had any weight gain related freakouts, fatshaming depressions in a while. Wanna guess since when? Since I stopped telling her what I thought she wanted to hear (I love your body no matter what) and finally admitted what I was feeling: That I actually *wanted* her to gain

Every persons different, but in our case that admission was enough to tip her back over in to "body positive" territory. For the business savvy, she's back in the black.

Come on Quaid, open your mind -- and your heart

[Ellie01]

Have you never had one of those discussions where you ask each other, "What kind of kink stuff are you into that we've not done before? Is there anything new you want to try?"

There's no harm in trying new stuff.

If she doesn't like it, she doesn't like it.

You won't know unless you ask though..

[sirfeedulots]

I think VoluptuousLover nailed it.  :thumbsup:

[Whiskey Icarus]

It honestly sounds like you guys have done a rather good job of communicating this to each other physically (which CAN be surprisingly easy to do, even during the course of a casual encounter). If you feel a need to talk about it, it probably wont come as a shock as long as you are tactful. 

[Voluptuouslover]

Rarely will you meet a women that gains a bunch of weight and actually loves it and will get turned on by it like we all do.  The best is to hope for what I think you have going with your woman....she is eating and gaining....her appetite is clearly bigger and it will be harder for her to even try to slow down her eating....so treat her to great big fattening meals and offer deserts after every meal.  It may have "you" gaining some Lbs. with her but what I have found is that usually puts your woman at ease a bit and allows for them to relax and gain even more.

[Serfontein]

peanut butter cups

Wait! Stop everything! ... What the heck is a peanut buttercup?

[Jtg987]

An update,  I told my girlfriend about this a few nights ago. 

The talk was interesting but she doesnt seem thrilled at the idea of gaining weight however we are currently on holidays and I assume it will be discussed once we return in more detail.

[Guest An Optimist]

An update,  I told my girlfriend about this a few nights ago. 

The talk was interesting but she doesnt seem thrilled at the idea of gaining weight however we are currently on holidays and I assume it will be discussed once we return in more detail.

She's already pretty big, and you seem to like her  softer body. Why does she need to?

[Jtg987]

She's already pretty big, and you seem to like her  softer body. Why does she need to?

I wouldnt say need too, I just told her my body type preference would be 10lbs heavier

[Jtg987]

I guess I should provide an update.

She has told me she doesnt want to intentionally gain weight and she had concerns in the way people would view us me being a bodybuilder and her being fat.

She has mentioned she wants to lose weight but I dont see that happening and when I told her that(in a respectful way) she agreed.

Whilst she has been eating in our room she has been receptive of me playing with her whilst she eats but it quickly ends up in sex.

She is more open to me playing with her tummy more and talking about it.

Some stats on her 5'7 180lbs(before our holiday,  I wouldnt be surpised if she was heavier) and she recently got a new bra whilst in America 34DDD.

[scissortooth]

Nothing bad about unintentional weight gain if she won't lose sleep about it... And from what you've written it sounds like she won't.

[Guest An Optimist]

She has told me she doesnt want to intentionally gain weight and she had concerns in the way people would view us me being a bodybuilder and her being fat.

Weird.

I think they'd have to assume she has to be really awesome* if a very physically attractive men likes her so much..

*great cook, good sense of humor, can suck-start a leaf blower.. etc.

IMO, get her to do resistance training with you. If she keeps it up, she can be bulkier than a normal woman, eat more while simultaneously not being 'fat'. Plus it's good for one's health I believe, unless one is really dumb.

[Jtg987]

Thought this thread deserved an update.

We have been experimenting with feeding before sex and id say both of us have been enjoying it.

Id say we are closer in our relationship now than before.

While she isnt intentionally gaining it seems like she has softened a little and she likes me playing with her belly.

Should be interesting to see how this develops,

[le_gone]

We have been experimenting with feeding before sex and id say both of us have been enjoying it.

That's great, believe my experience, with my wife as well as with an ex girl friend. If you already started stuffing before sex and if she appreciates that, it may become an habit, even stuffing more and more before sexe to get more sexual pleasure, an of course gain more weight ! She may become fat quicker than expected !

[Jtg987]

I sometimes wish I never said anything.

I know she is taking part to humour me but i feel guilty but also like i need to beg (not literally) to do anything related to food.

I know if i never said anything i would be living with a what if but at least i would not be feeling dissapointed and like i put myself out there to be shot down.