(Advice you can take or leave) Don't let women become objects

[bullseyebull]

Hello everyone,

Wow a lot has changed on this website! It has been the best part of a year since I have visited (Which has been incredibly hard believe me I love this place!!). I use to contribute to the site with my ex-girlfriend and I am just making a post because I am getting a lot of in-boxes about her. That relationship is over now so please stop asking me about her – it is over for reasons separate to this site and FA/ Feeding etc.

This post is not about that at all though.

I want people to heed my advice. I have nothing against FA’s, Feeders or anything like that as I admit I am an FA and have been a power user of this website since I was about 11/12 years old and I am now 27 years old.. Loading multi-tabs viewing daily sometimes for hours and hours and the activities that may come with that. It was named Fat Celebs when I found it. I feel with prolonged viewing and use of this and similar sites I conditioned myself to an ‘exclusive fetish’. Now don’t shoot me for saying that as I believe in my case that is true. If you are keeping this just to a preference then that is fine! I just believe that it is healthy to have a range of desires and tastes to choose from on your palette when it comes to the opposite sex.

I say that I have a fetish because this stuff has built up to the point that mostly what gets me aroused is the mental thought and stimulation of girls gaining weight and loving their growing curves. Now that’s amazing yes but in reality that is a very rare thing to find in the real world and you will have difficulty getting even a curvier girl to think that way. I do have limits though like I don’t think I have personally ever liked 400lbs plus girls but I have always liked Plump Princess no matter what size as an exception.

I also know now you should not be trying to get any girl to think that way either at all because it is your kink not theirs, if they happen to share the kink then great! I did not force this on my ex either by the way she went along with it all the way - like I said that is extremely rare to seldom going to happen! I know that now.

Too late in my life I have found myself realising that I should not have thought of women as objects or developed my preference into a fetish. I have multiple cute pretty girls with amazing personalities showing interest in me quite a lot but I now find they do nothing for me (literally). I wish a valued a girls face and personality above the shape and size of her belly.

I have stayed away from this site in a hope to tame my tastes for the fantasy/feeder side of this stuff which being honest has had minimal to limited success. I just wanted to warn people here especially younger people to try and keep this as a preference and don’t let it get out of hand.

Otherwise you might end up like me and actually act on this fetish feed a girl up and when that ends where do you go from there? What are you options? I am alone and lonely.

Please remember I have not come here for an argument with anyone and also please remember contributions I have made in the past I don’t know if they are all still viewable my post count looks to have gone down for some reason - I don’t want to check back too many memories but I have a great fondness for all the things you guys love too on this website.

Also if anyone has any advice for me then great I am open to that. There’s a girl I really like and have a romantic and emotional connection with but she is slim! Now that is what is causing me turmoil right now as she is perfect and her smile touches my heart with excitement.

I'd love to discuss.

[doctorfluff]

Thanks for a very interesting and honest "letter" to the "community".

I can only keep it short right now. Many of us, whether we call it having a fetish or a preference, have to be more careful about what we like and/or find sexually arousing than for example someone who is totally into feet. As our pf (preferencefetish) involves an impact on everyday life and not seldom health, we are in a situation that requests quite some responsibility from us. We, more than many others, must be aware that our pf is able to hurt and that a mutual agreement/sharing of this pf is important. We have to be aware/awake before, and know how far we want to go and which consequences this will have.

Responsibility is the key.

[bullseyebull]

Is there any techniques or ways to broaden the range of attraction though?

I've seen my tastes warp to curvier and curvier.. is there not a way to reverse that?

[67bling2]

So scary. Literally have this same feeling... I'm aroused still to my slim girlfriend but I often worry that my secret fetish would eventually catch up with me and hurt our relationship and physical attraction to her now. Appreciate the post.

[KFD]

It's part of an inherent maturation process, I honestly believe.

I'm seeing that more and more now in myself where I find my parameters for the ideal girl begin to change. Like every furiously masterbating teenager, I was turned on by physical assets.

Now in my thirties the main things that interest me in a girl is her wit and intellect. I honestly believe that if you aren't aroused in a girl, you aren't aroused in a girl, big, small, whatever.

Does that mean you are damaged because of fifteen years of multiple tabs open on a fat forum? Hardly. With seven billion people on this planet, the odds are stacked in your favor.

Coming out of a relationship, (okay, well within the past year) you see a girl, and she doesn't do it for you? Again this is the opinion of a loud-mouthed A-hole mod, but when I was in this situation, I walked away from it. I focused myself on working on cars, surfing, skating, chilling with my boys. Fun stuff that I enjoyed. My heart wasn't into any girl, and I was able to "reinvent" myself.

You have a long life ahead of you, and I see it time and time again, where people have to find satiety by being in a relationship. A relationship doesn't define you, and if that skinny hot girl doesn't get your pecker hard, then it doesn't get hard. Simple as that. You value her for her intellect and wit? Cool beans. If you aren't sexually attracted to her, there is no amount of lipservice some stranger on an Internet forum can give you to justify attraction.

Go fly a kite, go fishing, do whatever you have to do. Don't think about girls. Get your mind off them, enjoy being you. You have plenty of time before marriage puts you in front of the TV screen with your spouse watching Housewives of Someplace Lame on a Tuesday night...

[bullseyebull]

Thanks for taking the time for that reply and I will heed your advice I am over the relationship now. I feel back to my old self but I just worry about moving forward and my tastes.

I find bellies attractive and it should be more about the whole person really. It's as if I have a type of partialism to that area.

Even if I find a girl who I like if I mention this it's a lead balloon and I can't live a lie.

That's why I want to open my tastes appreciate more of the women's figure, her ass or her chest. Obviously and personality and looks.

[KFD]

Like I say, when you find a girl that is cool as hell, you won't care about her belly, ass, or thighs.

When Melinda and I were first dating, she was by no means my norm. She was tall, athletic, and while she did have curves, she wasn't "curvy". She did have a level lead on her shoulders, and didn't make me want to gouge my eyes out when she opened her mouth. I had dated other girls who couldn't separate the real-world versions of them from the InternetFatGirlWorld version. While these girls were a chubby chaser's wildest dream, they weren't what I wanted long term. You will find that out soon enough man. Give it time, amigo.

[bullseyebull]

Have you always had open tastes though or have you always liked very specific niche from this site?

I do hope you're right and I will have to just see what happens.

[KFD]

From the word "go" I have always loved big women. As a toddler, (This was the early to mid eighties, mind you) my mother would take me with her to the store, or some public place, and if she didn't have eyes on me for a second, I would run off to find to myself in the arms of some plush woman. My grandpa would take me to the mall to "count fat girls". I drew them. So yeah, from an early age I had the wiring for it.

Back when I worked retail, I would see dudebro, dudebro's mom, and dudebro's girlfriend out together. Nine times out of ten, Girlfriend was a younger version of Mom. Time and time again I saw this, and I always had the hypothesis that a some woman of importance has an impact in a young man's formative years. Nobody in my family is big. I had some plush great-aunts, but no woman impacted me sexually at a young age. I can only guess that I was a.) Black in a former life, or b.) black in a former life with a big wife.

I couldn't hide or fight what I liked. One of my friends is gay, and his mother said a description about him that seemed to fit, He Just Is. Well, I just am. I like big girls, and there is no coercing or bending to what society says I should like... Again, why let strangers dictate what I should or shouldn't like? I couldn't change instinct. Anybody thinks I am odd, or have a mental issue about liking what I like can kiss my ass.

High School and puberty was tough for me. Again, as a young man in my late teens, self consciousness was a motherfucker. I liked big chicks, but wasn't confident enough to have a relationship. Plus, high school relationships are pointless anyway. So, I spent high school and the remainder of my late teens under the hood of whatever old bomber I owned. I gradually got that self confidence, and it also helped that I had my "herum" of gal-pals always piled in that big black Dodge of mine. I came to that realization that strangers and peers who berate my choice in the fairer sex don't have an impact on me-strangers are strangers, and if my peers can't accept what I like, I don't need them!

So now I am a military guy in my thirties, and I get ribbed all the time for liking big girls. I make fun of myself about it, and wear it on my sleeve. Sure that hot little thing at the bar is beautiful, but nine times out of ten, she has her good looks, and doesn't need intellect. She's pretty, but I want to gouge my eyes when she opens her mouth. She has ten guys that want her, and I am not one of them. I can appreciate her, but I prefer someone who has a level head, and is cool as hell. She has big thighs, and plushness? BONUS!

So, I am that guy that will vehemently swear up and down "preference" and not "fetish".

And Tess will agree...

[bullseyebull]

In your case I definitely agree it is a preference then. Especially if you admire slim girls then you have a healthy range of desires and choose to pursue curvier girls.

However this can definitely be a fetish and men can have fetishes about all manner of things and sometimes exclusively, I don't know if this is innate in me but I never feel I had a choice.

I can understand how some bigger girls don't want to become the object of a fetish though and want to be valued as a person instead. That doesn't change the facts though that some men here have a fetish for girls bellies.

I've watched videos or pictures which solely show the tummy hell we have posts all the time where people say 'dude alert' when a video or picture is posted so that proves it's about the object more than the person.

Now that is what would be deemed unusual by society. It's possibly also a little unnatural I don't know really. Let's say that a miracle cure for weight is developed and all women opt to go slim and not stay as BBW. What happens to us in the scheme of reproduction as a species.

In general the species would be fine but us with a possibly innate partialism for a woman's flesh would be victims of natural selection. I cannot help but feel a little cheated and limited sometimes it makes me feel worried and sometimes plain mad!

Again I'm not trying to provoke people I'm just being honest! Now we lucked out in ways because this is better than being attracted to say cars or shemales but *some* of us do show paraphillia behaviour.

[belemnite]

Something provocative: we shouldn't completely cure obesity. For the very reason you cited. If FAism is natural for some of us, that's perhaps because deep in our instincts, we need a woman who could bear a glacial period. To fight frost, you need to store easily belly fat. We were supposed to enter a glacial stage soon, if we hadn't fucked it up with industrialisation.

Something also provocative: we shouldn't let all people becoming fat. The glaciation would have ended one day. Depending on the climate, in some areas you must stay thin.

[spaced21]

great letter.  this is something i learned the hard way too.  in my early college years i chased the gaining "fetish", made it too much a focus of my relationships.  i finally had to just completely separate the two universes and find a woman who matched everything else I needed outside of the gaining realm.  this isn't to say i couldn't still date a woman who fit my physical preferences, but rather I had to put aside any hopes/thoughts of her gaining. 

When I did finally find a woman who fit me and I thought I'd marry I did open up to her about my preferences but i made it clear to her that i didn't want it to be a part of our relationship.  I instead said I would enjoy her for who she is thin or fat and above all else I want her to be healthy and liking of herself.  I have managed to keep it all online now so I have that as my outlet for my gaining "fetish".  its all about control, just like any potential addiction.  drinking, gambling, sex, whatever...you just have to have control.  its good you stepped away.  Now focus on finding women who fit everything else you enjoy in life...the sexual attraction tends to take care of itself in a healthy way if all the other things fall into place.

and fwiw...women tend to gain weight naturally over time anyway esp in a happy relationship...its pretty enjoyable without forcing the issue.  I've been with my wife over 7 years now she was avg size 5'5 135lbs when we met and is about 10lbs heavier now but she put on a lot during our first preg and we had some fun with that before she lost it all (fortunately a bigger belly stayed).  she shares with me her weight and plays up my love of her curves.  all these things developed over a long time and happened because we had a strong relationship outside of it.  sexual preferences and enjoyment has to be a byproduct of what else brought you together for it to last.

hope that makes sense.  You'll be better off for realizing all this now.  I'm 33 and I was about your age when I came to the realization you have.  It gets better believe me.

[KFD]

Bingo. You nailed it. I see more times on this particular board more than anything is "how can I get my fucktoy/girlfriend I'm not really into to gain weight"?

Commit to her, you non-committal little fucker!

A little piece of jewelery is the biggest way to fatten a girl up, better than any story you will read on Deviant Art. A girl in happy stable relationship almost always gains. If you guys remember my old Avatar of my wife in the "Holly Homewrecker" costume years ago from when we were dating, her waist then was as big around as one of her thighs now. It just happens! Remember, happy wife = lots of masturbation in the shower and spending Tuesday nights watching boring sitcoms...

[bullseyebull]

Haha maybe I should enjoy my freedom a little longer then ha!

[vennie]

Bingo. You nailed it. I see more times on this particular board more than anything is "how can I get my fucktoy/girlfriend I'm not really into to gain weight"?

Commit to her, you non-committal little fucker!

A little piece of jewelery is the biggest way to fatten a girl up, better than any story you will read on Deviant Art. A girl in happy stable relationship almost always gains. If you guys remember my old Avatar of my wife in the "Holly Homewrecker" costume years ago from when we were dating, her waist then was as big around as one of her thighs now. It just happens! Remember, happy wife = lots of masturbation in the shower and spending Tuesday nights watching boring sitcoms...

Thanks for the advice!! *goes out and buys multiple rings* .. this ought to work

[Oldar]

Is there any techniques or ways to broaden the range of attraction though?

I've seen my tastes warp to curvier and curvier.. is there not a way to reverse that?

I read a study once that had people spend about five minutes looking at a certain type of person--skin color, weight, etc. all the same--in sexually suggestive poses or whatever, and when the people were later asked to rate a group of people with different attributes, they would most often rate the people who shared the traits of the people in the previous group of photos as more attractive. Basically, if you want to change what you find attractive, all you have to do is start training yourself to be attracted to it.

[Guest myownway]

When my fantasies about girls gaining started I was still in middle teens and the funniest thing is I fantasized about something that I had little idea about. I mean, I knew how fat girls look but I did not know how does it feel to hold a fat girl by her soft hip or how it feels to grab a decent belly roll. Also, I had little idea how fat girls look naked.

That obviously changed when I finally went online but what I was seeing was mostly perfected pictures of very pretty fat women and I knew that reality might not be as ideal once I meet a fat girl and get intimate with her. At that point my focus was mostly on the idea of gaining itself - on a lady moving from chubby to downright fat territory, her outgrowing her clothes, numbers on her scale crossing certain limits - basically the whole "transformation" and sort of boundary crossing aspect of the whole thing. I was more focused on the process than the effect, I think.

I think the turning point came when I got close with one plump (but not really fat) girl in my early college days and I got to feel her softer arms and belly. And the best part of it was that it was not arousing in a kind of fetishistic way. It was like, for lack of better comparison, feeling the soft fur when playing with a kitten - adorable and sweet. Obviously, it was a bit objectifying in itself, but it did raise really quite positive feelings in me, ones that actually strengthened the non-objectifying ones, so to speak. Things did not work out with that girl, mostly due to me being a complete dating n00b at the time, but it was the moment that turned me from a weight gain crazy theorist into a true FA.

Obviously, today I also have gaining fantasies focused on my wife (which got realized to quite significant extent), but I find her personality and her body so interrelated that I don't feel like objectifying her even when I do focus on how I love her body. For some reason that led me to not being afraid of her losing weight. I mean, I would probably miss many of the features that come with her being the size she is now (240 lbs at 5'7"), but it would not be a deal-breaker.

I think it is not necessary to separate the two things, I mean FA fantasies and real life, but I will work only with a girls who does not desire to be skinny (this includes fat girls who either want to be less fat or go into chubby territory, but not get skinny). She does not have to be fat, but she needs to have some of that softness about her because that is basically what makes us FAs tick on the purely carnal level. Fat and very fat girls just have more of it, but for me there is less difference between a chubby and very fat girl than between a skinny and chubby girl, if you know what I mean.

And last but not least, I actually find a bit of mutual objectification in a relationship to be positive for marital sex life, as long as it is kept in check. I think in most people there is a bit of that need to objectify your sexual partner and if someone tries to take it out of his long-term relationship totally this might lead to him or her wanting to objectify SOMEONE ELSE. I guess that's how the whole madonna-whore complex works.