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Sex Without This Fetish (help!)


Guest MasterCheese

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Guest MasterCheese

So for the last six years or so until this year, I've only been with a large lady that was into this fetish. And we had some fun, although overall our sex life was pretty dry. Although we definitely had this in common. Now I'm with a very sexy lady, who while not as large, is still decently sized (maybe 5'7" 235) but is definitely not into the fetish and is losing weight. Which is fine, because as much as I enjoy this whole fetish sexually, I'm sort of ready to try to move on from it, which brings me to my question:

Has anyone here ever moved on from it?

I feel a little messed up in that I think my girlfriend is completely sexy. But I'm having a hard time performing lately, and I sort of worry that part of it is that I'm so far gone into this fetish that I can't even function properly without it.  And I don't want to share this with her, because I think it would be extremely complicated to try to explain: oh yeah, no, I totally have only gotten off on the thought of fat girls for years, but I think you're sexy and I fully support you losing weight....

I really don't know what to do  :-\

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Guest MasterCheese

Well yeah, I don't really look here anymore, but it's still a place I figured I could come to with this sort of question. Yes, feederism is something I enjoy. I wasn't specific, because I wasn't really sure what I was getting at. I mean, I don't really view a love for larger ladies as a fetish, but I guess as a preference, and for me that preference has meant anywhere from 200-500+ pounds. But I've always enjoyed all shapes and sizes of women. And I'm trying to walk back from what feels like an escalation over the years, where oh wow 200 pounds, that's heavy and sexy, to 300, to, etc. if that makes sense.

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Well yeah, I don't really look here anymore, but it's still a place I figured I could come to with this sort of question. Yes, feederism is something I enjoy. I wasn't specific, because I wasn't really sure what I was getting at. I mean, I don't really view a love for larger ladies as a fetish, but I guess as a preference, and for me that preference has meant anywhere from 200-500+ pounds. But I've always enjoyed all shapes and sizes of women. And I'm trying to walk back from what feels like an escalation over the years, where oh wow 200 pounds, that's heavy and sexy, to 300, to, etc. if that makes sense.

I think for a lot of people who have a feederism/gain fetish, a lot of it is based on the numbers moreso than the weight that is visible on the body. I know for some guys, even to hear that a woman has lost a single pound freaks them out where really, it doesn't even look like they lost anything. I think for some, you go so long in a fetish "circle" so to speak and you realize that maybe it hasn't worked for you like you fantasized and this it's kind of scary because it's all you've really known. So perhaps part of the reason why you are anxious is because you're scared to see how you'll react when your current partner grows slimmer.

Something you can do is to perhaps look at porn that may coincide with the body type of your current girlfriend.

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Guest MasterCheese

I think for a lot of people who have a feederism/gain fetish, a lot of it is based on the numbers moreso than the weight that is visible on the body. I know for some guys, even to hear that a woman has lost a single pound freaks them out where really, it doesn't even look like they lost anything. I think for some, you go so long in a fetish "circle" so to speak and you realize that maybe it hasn't worked for you like you fantasized and this it's kind of scary because it's all you've really known. So perhaps part of the reason why you are anxious is because you're scared to see how you'll react when your current partner grows slimmer.

Something you can do is to perhaps look at porn that may coincide with the body type of your current girlfriend.

Thanks, that's really helpful advice. And even before my current partner came along I was beginning to feel like I was in a "circle", as you said.

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Well, I think we also need to clarify something here, as it still seems ambiguous:

Is feederism for you a fetish or a kink?

Fetish - Needed to get off

Kink - Just added fun

It sounds to me like you may have transitioned from feederism as a kink into more a fetish, which will be a bit of a problem given your circumstance because you'll need to re-acclimate to sex without it.

That clarification should help give all of us and yourself some direction here.

Best of luck!

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Guest Atlya

Well, I think we also need to clarify something here, as it still seems ambiguous:

Is feederism for you a fetish or a kink?

Fetish - Needed to get off

Kink - Just added fun

It sounds to me like you may have transitioned from feederism as a kink into more a fetish, which will be a bit of a problem given your circumstance because you'll need to re-acclimate to sex without it.

That clarification should help give all of us and yourself some direction here.

Best of luck!

Not even sure OP meant feederism...
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Has anyone here ever moved on from it?

Nope. Not in my case (note: and this is with regards to being an FA. Feederism/weight gain, for most of us, is an unrealistic fantasy, or something that happens naturally with our partners [as opposed to us actively stuffing them. Not saying it doesn't happen for some couples, but for most of us, it isn't something that composes a major aspect of our relationships]. Feeding can easily be relegated to the sidelines; being a fat admirer cannot).

And, honestly, I think if you are a true FA (IE, not one of these middling douchers who will fuck anything with a vagina), you're never going to be able to move on. While it's a bit shallow to compare what we're into to being gay, the one truth of that analogy is this: I cannot get it up for thin women. And, at this point, I'm fairly certain I never will be able to. It's just how I am wired.

My wife is currently losing weight so we can have children. While she has no plans to be truly thin, at the conclusion she will be a lot smaller than she is now (or was when we met). She'd prefer to stay her current weight, but for the sake of our unborn, we both know she needs to be smaller. Thus, my attraction to her must be forfeit for the good of our overall lives. But, since I love her and am committed to her, it's a sacrifice I am willing to make (and one I would not be willing to make for an average girlfriend).

because as much as I enjoy this whole fetish sexually, I'm sort of ready to try to move on from it

This is where you lost me.

A) What is a fetish if not sexual?

B) Why do you want to move on?

C) If you're already having troubles in the sack, you're not going to be able to move on.

Frankly, depending on how she carries it, 5'7" and 235 barely registers as fat for me. Unless you're hell bent on marrying this girl, my advice to you would be to find someone more comfortable with her body. Because when I hear about someone who is barely heavy and is with an FA and still trying to lose weight, what I'm actually hearing is that she's possesses an ugly combination of narcissism and indifference towards your needs. And that's not a keeper.

Don't change yourself to suit someone; find someone that suits who you really are.

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... Thus, my attraction to her must be forfeit for the good of our overall lives. But, since I love her and am committed to her, it's a sacrifice I am willing to make (and one I would not be willing to make for an average girlfriend).

I'm not sure how many men would be prepared to make such a sacrifice, but it's certainly not an easy thing to do.

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I'm not sure how many men would be prepared to make such a sacrifice, but it's certainly not an easy thing to do.

I want babies very, very desperately. I'm not ashamed to admit that, when it comes to fawning over kids, I'm almost a woman with the numbers of 'awwwwwing' and 'oh, how cutes!' I spout. Plus, my wife has PCOS, and it's a disease that's been pretty definitively linked to weight. For both her health, and our collective sanity, she must get down to like 170. I don't want it, as she is just a lovely pear-shaped beauty, but I love her and want her to be able to be a mother.

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Guest MasterCheese

Well, I think we also need to clarify something here, as it still seems ambiguous:

Is feederism for you a fetish or a kink?

Fetish - Needed to get off

Kink - Just added fun

It sounds to me like you may have transitioned from feederism as a kink into more a fetish, which will be a bit of a problem given your circumstance because you'll need to re-acclimate to sex without it.

That clarification should help give all of us and yourself some direction here.

Best of luck!

That may have happened, but I don't think so. I don't need feederism to be a part of it (even if I enjoy it) but even just the aspect of enjoying someone's weight and all that entails and sharing that with them sexually is something I became used to.

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Guest MasterCheese

This is where you lost me.

A) What is a fetish if not sexual?

B) Why do you want to move on?

C) If you're already having troubles in the sack, you're not going to be able to move on.

Frankly, depending on how she carries it, 5'7" and 235 barely registers as fat for me. Unless you're hell bent on marrying this girl, my advice to you would be to find someone more comfortable with her body. Because when I hear about someone who is barely heavy and is with an FA and still trying to lose weight, what I'm actually hearing is that she's possesses an ugly combination of narcissism and indifference towards your needs. And that's not a keeper.

Don't change yourself to suit someone; find someone that suits who you really are.

You've shared a lot of good stuff, thanks.

I want to move on, because I don't think it's healthy for me. And I don't mean that as a judgment on anyone or a moral whatever... it's just not for me. I'm a heavy guy. I'm 5'9" and I'm down to 319 from 349 this year so far, and I'd like to keep losing. The more I lost myself in this culture, the more I, well lost myself, if that makes any sense.

She carries her weight well, and is in great shape. And I'm not changing myself for her, this is a change I feel I've needed to make for myself.

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I'm a heavy guy. I'm 5'9" and I'm down to 319 from 349 this year so far, and I'd like to keep losing. The more I lost myself in this culture, the more I, well lost myself, if that makes any sense.

I don't see what your own body has to do with the body of the person you're trying to fuck. I can testify to the fact that you can be in this community and stay fit and healthy. Come to think of it, I'd absolutely hate to be fat.

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Guest MasterCheese

I don't see what your own body has to do with the body of the person you're trying to fuck. I can testify to the fact that you can be in this community and stay fit and healthy. Come to think of it, I'd absolutely hate to be fat.

Totally agreed. I'm not suggesting that. What's going on here is I'm making a lot of top-level changes all at once, so to me they're all related, but I'm obviously not doing a great job of explaining here. I think that for my own personal health and happiness I need to focus away from my attraction to larger ladies. And I say that as someone that regularly does find thinner girls attractive. It's just that all my sexual experiences have been with larger ladies. But I mean look, I've never been a closeted FA, or anything like that, what I'm basically wondering here is there anyone around here (and this is probably unlikely) that might be like me, that finds a wide range of girls attractive, but has had narrow sexual experiences, and is now moving out beyond that, yet is struggling to adapt to that, even though it's ultimately what I want, and what I think will be a positive change for me.

I also realize this just sounds like total BS, and I'm not explaining myself well, but... you'll have that.

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Totally agreed. I'm not suggesting that. What's going on here is I'm making a lot of top-level changes all at once, so to me they're all related, but I'm obviously not doing a great job of explaining here. I think that for my own personal health and happiness I need to focus away from my attraction to larger ladies. And I say that as someone that regularly does find thinner girls attractive. It's just that all my sexual experiences have been with larger ladies. But I mean look, I've never been a closeted FA, or anything like that, what I'm basically wondering here is there anyone around here (and this is probably unlikely) that might be like me, that finds a wide range of girls attractive, but has had narrow sexual experiences, and is now moving out beyond that, yet is struggling to adapt to that, even though it's ultimately what I want, and what I think will be a positive change for me.

I also realize this just sounds like total BS, and I'm not explaining myself well, but... you'll have that.

I think, ultimately, this is the wrong forum in which to seek encouragement to go fuck thin chicks. I'm not trying to be mean, but most of us like this fetish and aren't interested in changing. In many ways, Curvage is a venue for us to celebrate what we are, not take an active hand in talking ourselves or others out of it.

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I think this is exactly the right place to have that conversation.  He's definitely not the only one here who had a thought like "man, I wish I could somehow just shake this thing off" at some point during life.  It might not be possible to actually do that, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth talking about, or that this isn't the best place to do it.  I can't think of a better place, honestly.

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I think this is exactly the right place to have that conversation.

You would.

He's definitely not the only one here who had a thought like "man, I wish I could somehow just shake this thing off" at some point during life.
 

And he's received a pretty definitive answer from a number of people here that it isn't something you can just shake. What's more, he's now seeking an endorsement of his decision and encouragement on his new course, neither of which I am prepared to offer (though I certainly can't speak for everyone else).

This is a curves and fat-admiring website. If people want to get off the boat, they're free to do so. It sounds like he knows what he wants to do. And that's his call.

But people shouldn't be expected to go the extra distance and pat him on the butt and tell him that we understand, or even that we wish him well. Fear is motivating his decision making, and I don't praise fear.

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It's a complicated problem.  To paraphrase a poet I like, things are not all so comprehensible and expressible as one would mostly have us believe.  Part of the experience of any fetish for many people is trying to imagine life without it.  No response from any individual is "definitive" on this topic, and there is no point where it seems appropriate to just shut down the OP.  I think his posts have been valuable to think about, personally, and I'm glad he came here, even though I don't think my experience would be of much help. 

Moreover, I think fear is one of many perfectly legitimate motivations for decision-making.  And validation means a lot to people.  Not everyone is as self-assured as you, and probably not everyone would want to be.

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  • 3 weeks later...

If you are not attracted to thin women or are more attracted to curvy girls, it is going to cause problems in the long run. I was married to a fairly thin model for years. By most people's standards I was a lucky man. But my preferences caused problems in our sex life after a while. And frankly....from that stand point I was being selfish. You will be happier if you are true to your self.

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