How can a piece of fabric be so small?

After some bell rubs and ass teasing, I decided to sit down for a talk with you. While I eat  my creamy yogurt and drink some soda, I start talking about those little shorts I've never been truly able to wear because o my size. I start thinking how will they look now on my new expanded fat, so I tried them. Little did I realized I would not be able to make them go higher than my buttock, making me impossible to walk. How did you let yourself go like this, Amanda...?