Jump to content
  • entries
    3
  • comments
    82
  • views
    1,635

The Difference between FAs and Feeders


NocturnalDevotion

2,910 views

I started this as a thread and it wound up being so long it was more like a blog post, I don't know, I've been thinking about this for a long time. I REALLY REALLY encourage comments!!!

 

I have been a FA for as long as I can remember. Weight gain is not anywhere near necessary and I actually really prefer "naturally fat" people who were chubby even as children, it's not a requirement but it is actually a turn off to me if they weren't chubby as children.

Once having a discussion about fetishes a friend said she believed that fetishes were about texture: leather, rubber, she actually wanted to bathe in different kinds of cooked pasta. I found this incredibly interesting! So I had assumed that fat was the texture that FAs fetishized.

I had read weight gain stories about a thin, modelesque girl getting fat and never liked or got turned on by them and considered them "fringe". 

Welcome to quarantine boredom and the completion of my tattoos. I wanted to model but because of my drinking (which has been much more manageable since I decided let it become consistent, a whole different story, I don't want to talk about that, my point is I don't really care about food) I'm too fat to be a regular model. I really wanted to do some type of modeling because I really enjoy it. I started just casually posting on another site and my photos and videos were well  received and I was guided here.

So finding out HOW MANY- it seems the overwhelming majority- of especially men are into weight GAIN was like being thrown into an ice cold swimming pool. I've been reading posts about it and I still don't understand why

***** especially the people who would never date a chubby person they only want to make a thin person fat****

the gaining thing is so important if not necessary to the point it is someone's whole fetish. 

I don't get it -Like at all-

FAs and Feeders are so often lumped together and I think they are a completely different thing. One person can be both, but they are definitely 2 different things.

I pretty much ONLY am attracted to chubby/fat people, when I dated thinner men I would lose interest in sex almost immediately no matter how much I liked them. I consider it a sexuality, like being gay. I hate the idea of thin men gaining or intentional gaining at all.

***To me***  *Pure* Feederism is about power and control. The idea of "ruining" a woman's "perfect" figure. Which I guess is whatever - in the form of fantasy but so many of these guys want to secretly fatten their partners (sick, I'm sorry that is just sick and wrong) in real life. And demand their partners gain for them and it's revolting to me. Like if a thin girl gains weight and gets chubby, especially if you want fast weight gain she will be chubby in a couple months anyway. Meanwhile there are millions of already chubby girls feeling they won't be loved. Why not just date the already chubby girl? I've even seen people say they thought their partner was less attractive after they gained but they were still turned on by the gain. *WHAT?!* 

You must understand how little sense this makes? Maybe it's doesn't even make sense to the people with this fetish, I don't know. I'm just very curious if someone can explain it in a way that it's not about control and ruining a woman, because I really think it's about that. And then I feel insensitive because I'm an FA, I should understand but I have a visceral hatred towards people, especially men trying to change or control my appearance.

That said- In my videos I do like to play a submissive part a do gain fantasies and all that. But it's A FANTASY, my husband is not an FA and I am about 15ish lbs heavier than when we met but he would never tell me he couldn't have sex with me because I'm too fat now. Yet feeders feel perfectly reasonable telling women to change their bodies for them. So they can be LESS attractive to other people.To me it's like "the balls on these guys". All this said the gain fantasies are a turn on for me because I still have control. I can choose to be in that mode or not. It's seems for many men on this site even that idea is like "how dare you suggest I not have my exact fantasy ALL the time" when the WOMAN is the one sacrificing everything for the guy to get off.

If I go on this will just devolve into me going on and on about all the sick things I've seen men write on sites like this. And I'm guessing they are writing about them because they are confused or know what they are thinking is messed up and want to find a like-minded person to tell them they are normal?

***Disclaimer*** I am speaking about people who believe it is their right to expect their partner to gain weight. If you are turned on by weight gain whatever. I don't give a shit. But there are enough guys who have asked about pushing it on their partner in threads and stuff. One of whom I wrote a whole essay to, stupidly without checking to see when they were last on and they haven't been on since April ugghhh!  And enough people that have tried to push it on me that I'm curious how other people felt about it. 

Thoughts?

43 Comments


Recommended Comments



I really like what you wrote. Of course my first distraction was your amazing pics. Aside from all FAs, feeders/feedees, even gainers are not necessarily the same it boils down to 2 things to me. Not forcing your own fetishes onto someone else and being open with your partner about what you're into.

Link to comment

Yeah, I find it all gets really complicated haha

I took a few courses around sexuality and sexual behaviour, especially those that are 'deviant' while in post-secondary. And you can often find that two people might have similar sexuality or sexual behaviours, but the intent or experience can be different from one another (like FAs/Feeders like you mentioned, look similar at a glance, but different motivations/interest when understood)

One concept that might help sort of understand these complications a bit more is "ETLEs"(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotic_target_location_error)

With Fat and Feedism, you sort of unbottle a can of worms with all the differences that can emerge. 

Not all Feeders have similar motivations/interest, same with all FAs, or gainers, feedees, inflation, etc.

There is a lot of crossover, but it doesn't always happen consistently.

That's why consent, and communication are always the most important tools in our toolbelts when it comes to sexuality, sexual interests, sexual behaviours, sexual relationships, etc. Try to learn more about your body, how it functions, what it needs, and communicate that. Be okay with it not always connecting or working too, that's natural. 

Link to comment

Oh, and a bit more of an approachable entry point into a lot of this stuff is the movie "Professor Marston and the Wonder Women". 

Though it's not directly related to Fat or Feedism, it helps unpack and explore sexuality, behaviours, and relationship too. Which then, can often be reapplied to fat and feedism too. 

Link to comment

Idk if any of this is what you’re looking for as feedback, but I agree (I think): the more I’m on this site and going deeper in the rabbit hole the more I’m disturbed by some people’s comments about ‘her getting bigger...so much bigger that she’s immobile’, makes no sense to me. I guess thats how and why I see myself (after a google search bc I’m naive to all these abbreviations) as a FA.

I found this site from some models who consistently look gorgeous doing what they like to do (👀), not who can stuff and gain 5lbs in a week and smear food on themselves every other pic. Not saying I don’t like that to an extent, but all good things have limits.
What really turns me on (not that anyone cares but me)- as simple as you can condense it is confidence. The women who do what they want and know they’re the baddest bitch in the room no matter where they are and who else is watching is what makes me go crazy. ‘Average weight’ out at the bar staring you down, ‘50lbs overweight’ with that look of confidence that says they can make any guy do anything, or feedee that gets off from adding the lbs but knows to their core that they’re the epitome of the female figure. I’m not a submissive kind of guy, but I like a woman who knows that she has power too.

Link to comment

I also just want to clarify too, not all Feeders are bad, or motivated poorly. 

Some feedees genuinely wish for immobility, and that's their right to pick, and it's okay for them to have a partner into that, and supportive of that.

When it's wrong, is when a Feeder ignores the interest of their partner, seeks only their own pleasure, and uses a partner as a means to sexual gratification, with no care of their own interest or consent. 

Feeder/Feedee relationships exist in many different ways, and they are valid.

What's not valid, is not communicating with a partner, or ignoring their consent. 


Don't force your partner into being something they aren't, learn to be compromising with your interest or needs, or search for partners who share your interests and needs. 

Link to comment
  • Curvage Model

@ursamajor- I'm so jealous!!! A class like that is obviously what is missing in my life and why I try to "study" people on here!!! Thank you so much for your feedback and the link!!! That had to be so interesting to study!!!

I'm also curious if there is a way to "cure" someone of their fetish especially if it's like smut porn or something else really not able to be applied to real life. That's got to suck to be into those type of things.  I also feel bad for child molesters, and I know there is no real cure for that which is interesting and so incredibly sad.

Link to comment
  • Curvage Model
5 minutes ago, ursamajor said:

Also, we live in such a sex regressive, repressive, and oppressive culture, that often we create toxic sex expectations and experiences, by not providing good education and openness to these conversations. 

I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH THAT!!!

Link to comment

You end up on thin ice really quick with "cures", as they often quickly become a tool of eugenics and hate. For example, forced castration and conversion therapy. 

Plus, the problem isn't the sexuality, the problem is the behaviour, or inability to feel fulfilled. We can offer people with obscure/deviant sexualities often manageable ways to reach orgasm, and safe ways too. For example, fantasy pornography, virtual reality, fetish tools and clothing, etc

Link to comment
  • Curvage Model
6 minutes ago, ursamajor said:

You end up on thin ice really quick with "cures", as they often quickly become a tool of eugenics and hate. For example, forced castration and conversion therapy. 

Plus, the problem isn't the sexuality, the problem is the behaviour, or inability to feel fulfilled. We can offer people with obscure/deviant sexualities often manageable ways to reach orgasm, and safe ways too. For example, fantasy pornography, virtual reality, fetish tools and clothing, etc

That makes sense, that's part of what I don't get about some feeders, they seem to think it all has to actually be real. I'm curious about the immobility thing too, why would anyone ever actually want that and what does that mean about them?

Edited by NogutNoglory
Link to comment

I can only speak from experience.

Here are some things about me:
I am a very fat man that weighs over 375 pounds, and I'd personally consider myself a feedee, feeder, FA, gainer, etc.
Pretty much anything related to fat/feedism, I find sexual gratification from, it often depends on my partner, and my personal mood what side comes out that day.

I do have the immobility fantasy, but I'd never want to be immobile in real life, unless it was somehow reversible. But personally, it's a fantasy for me, but it's not high on the list. Oddly enough, a comparable fantasy; blueberry inflation, is much higher on the list for whatever weird reason haha 

For me, the appeal of those fantasies are the consequence of actions/choice, the power of another person over me. 

But that's just my reason/rationale behind them, other people who share the interest, might rank it higher, and have different motivations.  

Link to comment

One thing those course I took also talked about; was how our social experience often reflect our sexual desires. People with authority in the social realm, often want to be submissive in the sexual realm, or vice verse. Of course, that's not always the case, but a general phenomena observed. 

For myself, I think that's true, since I think we often use sexual interactions as a way to achieve 'balance'. And even personally, I find my submissive side comes out more often when I feel like I have authority socially, or vice versa. 

And other social factors play a part too; gender, race, etc. Often male feeders are much more predatory, whereas female feeders are more nurturing, and non-binary or gender queer feeders are also different. In general of course, these rules aren't set in stone, just observed trends. 

Link to comment
  • Curvage Model

Was watching Willy Wonka one of the first times you realized that you were into the fetish, maybe it was introduced to you earlier than the concept of immobility, therefore more engrained?

Link to comment

Absolutely, I do think that's the case. Was my first exposure to the concept, and it was exposed at a young age.

Plus, the type of immobility is different. It's rapid, pressured, panicked, spherical. Like immobility is; got really fat over a long period of time. Blueberry inflation is more than immobility, it's size, shape, context, contents.

I also have similar fantasies of being tube/hose fed/bloated, that I find more appealing than immobility alone. 

Link to comment
  • Curvage Model

@ursamajor

*If you could expand on the male feeders being more predatory I would love that because that is what I'm particularly interested in.*

For me personally I believe I am an FA because fat was such a point of shame for people around me growimg up and I read a million Woman's World magazines which have the "Lose 20 lbs in one week with this miracle diet" and next line on the cover- "How to bake the perfect cake".  Which is just a weird mind fuck. I think part of me feels a fat man can't be as demanding or controlling about me staying thin (which I obviously haven't, which has been well received, yet thankfully not encouraged by my husband, he is 300 lbs🔥🔥🔥)but also I feel very secure and protected being enveloped in soft flesh. I hate when I've been with smaller guys and there is space between us when we hug, it feels empty. Also the taboo of fat I love, I LOVE taboo stuff, my biggest inspiration growing up was Marilyn Manson. From what Dita Von Tease has said fetishes usually come from something taboo. Even as a kid I would fantasize about and man or woman eating a whole table full of food and their belly growing under the table as they ate. Also I love the idea of not just accepting but loving something about someone that they always felt was a shamful thing. Like fixing their self esteem in a way I guess? But then I ask myself is it a power thing? Do I need to feel like I'm the only one who can love them so intensly in that way? Do I love the deep rooted childhood insecurity? Is it because I can relate or do I feel it gives me power?

I do enjoy (orgasm) having humiliation fantasies of my husband but any time he has not fit into a booth or amusement park ride it just breaks my heart that he's embarrassed and I just want to protect him from that -very big departure from my fantasies-.

Since posting on here and another site 7 months ago I started getting turned on by being teased by fit guys and my husband was kind of upset, but it was more the contrast and the feeling of light humilation that turned me on. I still don't think I could ever actually have sex with a fit guy, (also I would NEVER cheat on my husband) but thinking about the humiliation is a HUGE turn on. So that was an interesting twist but I think it's easy to flip. I started to really enjoy my unintentional weight gain, though I hate my very recent slight weight gain. I can get turned on by my fat but be %100 sure I don't want to gain more and definitely want to lose the recent weight. I know that is completely mind blowing to everyone on this site but I know what I want and how I want to look, there is definitely a non sexy very bad terrifying feeling I get when I feel like my weight is out of control, I like that I can still hide it and know how I look in my clothes and lingerie.  

Sorry, I know that's like a whole blog in its self but you sharing about yourself made me want to also share more in-depth.

 

Link to comment
  • Curvage Model

@ursamajor- this is SO EXCITING for me!!! The only person I've ever talked to on here that thought as in-depth about this stuff is the most horrifyingly evil person I have ever messaged with and their entire purpose in life is to degrade other people, so yeah, that wasn't so fun, lol!

So this is like Christmas and my Birthday together!!

Link to comment

I also have those interests haha

My top fantasy/sexual interest is being ruthlessly humiliated and teased for my size + shape, most of the porn I purchase is weight humiliation. But, I also agree, social weight humiliation is incredibly malice and wrong. I would chew someone out if I heard them humiliating someone over their weight, or me. However, in a sexual context? Hell yeah, yes please haha And though I have been turned on by social humiliation, I am able to separate the experience, and understand it wouldn't be a positive thing to pursue. Genuine, consenting weight/fat/size/shape humiliation is better. 

It can be motivated in either way to be honest. I think shame/humiliation fantasies do have layers to them. Like you mentioned, there is an element of power/authority, and also as well as you mentioned; a component of 'sincere' love. Making a deep part of someone's social pain/insecurity, into the focus and love of a sexual interaction. 

I think with men culturally/socially, we've been told to be predatory sexually. Like we are taught to make advances, 'dominate', 'colonize', etc. So just by general toxic masculinity, you see similar expectations and behaviours also occur in feedism/fat realms. 

 

Link to comment

   This a much needed  discussion I believe, I’m so glad you began it with your first post @NogutNoglory! Thanks to the others who have weighed in also.

   It is apparent from the follow up replies that there are some defined psychological reasons for fetishes, including the ones demonstrated on this site. Although I worked as an RN in a major medical center for over 30 years, my didactic training in psychology was relatively minimal (general psych and developmental psych).  I am finding this blog fascinating, and I hope more members with experience and formal education will find it and “weigh in”!

   I also have a personal story to relate (which I will attempt to keep brief). My wife and I have been married for over 35 years and both of us have had weight fluctuations and moderate unhappiness at being overweight. Before marriage, I revealed to my wife that I preferred “larger” women, in fact it was one of the reasons I had asked her out on our first date! She was 5’ 6” tall, muscular and a very talented multi-sport athlete, but always carried some extra pounds (and had big boobs btw) 😉! I had recently taken my Basic Training in the US Army, and was in good physical condition, and my wife revealed to me that she preferred “fit guys”, and I had been kinda fat in high school. She was envious of my trim, fit body, went on a diet and lost 30 lbs (I don’t wanna be a FAT bride!)

   Fast forward to a year ago! After a severe knee injury/ replacement and 2 pregnancies, my wife’s weight had settled around 185 to 188! Needless to say I was delighted, but my wife was always self- conscious about her extra lbs. I am 6’ 2”, had  begun serious cycling about 5 years previously, and was around 203 lbs. We were now empty nesters and our sex life had become almost non- existent. At the beginning of COVID 19 quarantine in April, we had a talk about  what to make of all the “together time”, and I mentioned that I was going to “hit the stationary bike really hard” and get my weight below 200 lbs ! My wife smiled and said “ Well, at least one of us will be in good shape. I’ve already gained 5 lbs” ! A week later I guess she noticed a difference in me, and she (surprisingly) initiated a very enjoyable sexual experience !!! Jump ahead to this past July 4th, and we had another long talk, during which I told her how much I was enjoying the resumption of sex, and how much I enjoyed holding her soft, fleshy body. At the advice of NgNg, I additionally made a point of saying often how “sexy” I found her body!

   Long story short, a couple of days later, (rather out of left field) she asked me if I would mind if she started “enjoying food again” and gained some weight. It was thrilling to say the least!!! 😮   She added “I weighed myself tonite and I am up to 203 !” By the time the end of September came, she was well over 250 lbs! I really think she gained because she was turned on by my campaign to lose (I am now 194 lbs), and that her Italian family had always celebrated life with food. She had always cooked fabulous meals for her family, but limited her own enjoyment. She now has let go and is letting herself enjoy what she had held herself back from, and partially because she knows I enjoy her extra pounds! Our sex life is through the roof !! 😁 💕.

   To add to the discussion at hand, I am tired of hearing “entitled men” complain about their wives/girlfriends not willing to essentially obliterate the body shape they are comfortable with, and embrace morbid obesity. I see that a few of the replies in this blog are from members who have some “credentials” in psychology. I look forward to more members leaving content and enlightenment !

Link to comment
  • Curvage Model

@cycling1951- Thank you so much for that post!!! It was so detailed and in-depth!!! And as I've said many times before, I am SO GLAD that you are getting to "live the dream"!!! Also VERY COOL that you told your wife BEFORE you were married!!!!!! I don't get why anyone wouldn't do that, most women will be more pissed at the fact that you didn't tell them than at the thing you didn't tell them. I feel like there must have been a better way to say that, but you get what I mean. I think your approach to the whole thing is different because you enjoy a woman being a little dominant as opposed to the approach of "I want to feel like she is beneath me thing"!!! Which I absolutely love and you are a great example of a different and in my opinion very positive approach to feederism and fat admiration!!! And I love that you love her new found confidence so much!!!! That makes me so happy!!!

And I think there are many people that think the "confidence being sexy" thing is a myth  buuuut if you look at really anything revolving around sales or marketing yourself in any way confidence is super important.

Just the fact that anyone would suggest that confidence is unattractive to men blows my mind, like, no that's YOU not "most men", -you know what I'm talking about. Let me shut up now before I go on and on about what I think making that statement means about the person who made it, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say most men are attracted to confidence.

I really really appreciate all that you shared with us!!!

Edited by NogutNoglory
Link to comment

   Just a quick response - yes I think men have to give up the opinion that ALL women LIKE - and SHOULD be- dominated by men. It works best when dominance can be shared, depending on the situation and the 2 people involved !

   Just my personal opinion, not based on any research or principle.

Edited by cycling1951
Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.